FR Nada

[AsianPersuasion]

So my date was cancelled today, and we had things that needed to be bought at my house. I used that as my opportunity to go out and cut my teeth.

Woman #1: She was a gorgeous black woman that looked about my age when I saw her pass by as I paid for cherries and water at Cub. She looked about my age and had one of the prettiest faces I've seen in a good while and her boobs were sticking out with her bra from under her shirt. We both smiled at each other, so when I got my stuff, I put the change back into my pocket and walked up to her.
"I saw you there, and I had to say that you were far too cute for me not to say hi to you! I'm AP!"
"Oh my god thank you!" she said,
"Are you single at all?"
"No.. Actually, I'm married and I'm the mother of six kids."
Big surprise. She looked as if she was my age, and I figured the little girl with her was just a sibling she was babysitting. Still she was flattered by the compliment and thanked me when I wished her a nice day.. Still, she was so sexy that when I walked out, I didn't at least get to know her a little better and try to persist a bit.

Girl #1: I went to a nearby JC Penny's to check things out there and found a girl working. I love talking to hired guns, so I walked up and said,
"I saw you there, and I had to say that you were incredibly cute, and I wanted to say hi! I'm AP!"
"Oh *giggle* thank you!"
"What's your name?"
"*name*"
"Are you single by any chance?"
"I am, but I'm not currently looking, sorry... I'm working two jobs, part time and full time"
From the last interaction I had, I was determined to persist despite this. We started talking about what she had for her career plans, but I felt like I would run out of things to say after the thread ended, so I said,
"Listen.. I know you said you weren't currently looking, but would you be interested in maybe meeting up for some coffee at some point?"
"Mmmmmm.... not right now.. sorry." she said.
I wished her a good day, and went to find another hunting ground since the store was scarce.

Girl #2: This one worked at Trader Joe's where I exchanged some shampoo. I saw her working, opened her from the side, and said,
"Hey, I saw you standing there, and I had to say that I thought you were super cute and I wanted to come say hi!"
"Oh *giggle* thank you! My name's *name*"
"I'm AP! ..Are you single at all?"
"I'm not, sorry, I've got a boyfriend."
"Oh, I'm so sorry. And how long have you had that problem?"
"*Laughs* 3 years, and it's not really a problem. It's actually going really well!"
"Wow, 3 years. How old are you?"
"I'm 22."
"So your still in school then right? *She nods* What are you majoring in?"
"Asian studies!"
"Reaaallly... That's really interesting, I didn't know there were Asian studies! Haha, what have you learned about my culture?"
"Um, not a whole lot, just a little culture and some language classes."
"Languages huh... Ni hao, nin gui xin? (That means hello, what's your name?)"
"Haha, I'm not terrible good at it yet!"
"Haha, that's okay. Well, I know you said you've got a boyfriend, but I was wondering if you were interested in grabbing some coffee sometime and meeting up anyway.. You seem like a really cool person and you're the first person I've met that studies Asians and I think that's really interesting."
She thought for a while, but declined, telling me that she was really committed and would have felt bad, so I wished her a good day, and said that I hoped to see her again because I'm a regular at the store. Probably the smoothest interaction I've had in a good while though.
Perhaps I should have offered to let her "study" me along with the coffee, or at least asked for the number and told her to think about it. Maybe I'll try that next time I see her.

Girl #3: Same opener, but she said she wasn't single, and I wasn't terribly interested in her, so I bid her a good day and left.

Girl #4: I saw her sitting down, smoking a cigarette, so I sat down next to her and opened in the same way. She thanked me, told me she was single, but said she doesn't date.
Me: "So, if you don't date, how do you meet boyfriend candidates?"
Her: "I don't."
Me: "Why not? Bad break-up?"
Her: "No, it's not that. I'm just working 70 hours a week, and I'm really busy."
Me: "Oh, gotcha. Well, I'm really busy too. I just got back into music this year and have had my fair share of late nights. (Bad response)"
Her: "Oh, cool."
The conversation went onto how old she was and what her career plans were. She had none, and told me she was still in school, so I asked what she was majoring in. She told me psychology, but when I asked if she was planning on becoming a psychologist, she said no. I told her that I was interested in doing the same thing because I loved to talk to people and get to know them, to which she commented that it was noticable. She told me that she used to think so too, but said you can't really figure out why people do the things that they do. I argued that you can, but you can't make them stop.
When she gave me a brief, "that's a fair argument", I tried to open my heart to her a bit, seeing that she was down. I told her of my past with depression and all the destructive habits I used to be into, and we agreed that even though you're never the only one depressed, it still feels like you're alone.
She ended the conversation and told me she was just on break, but said it was nice meeting me. Poor girl, she seemed like she was having a really difficult day.

Girl #5: This one was with a friend in a nearby DSW, so I walked up and said,
"Hey, I saw you there, and had to come tell you that I thought you were super cute. Hi, I'm AP!"
"*Giggles* Um.. Hi, I'm *name*!"
"Are you single at all?"
"*Laughs* No, I have a boyfriend, and he's right over there! *Points in a direction behind me*"
"Oh shit. Sorry, I should probably leave then before I get you in trouble! Have a nice day though!"
"Thanks though!"

Girl #6: This one was with her mom as I was passing a store with an intent to get back to my car, but she seemed really cute, so I walked in, and opened to her.
Me: "Hi, I saw you standing there, and I had to come say that I thought you were really cute and I wanted to come say hi! I'm AP!"
Her: "Um.. Hiii, I'm *name*"
Her mother said hi to me and let me know that she was her mother, so I greeted her and introduced myself. Should have asked her name too though.
Me: "Are you single at all?"
Her: "Haha, I am."
I felt awkward tension building, so I sought a way out.
Me: "I know this is a bit random, but I don't have a whole lot of time and I'm about to head out. Would you be interested in grabbing coffee and meeting up sometime?"
Her: "Um.. No, I'm good."
Her mom then let me know that she was just 16, and I said, "Oh, that's cool! I'm 17." The mom let me know that she had just turned 16 that day, so I wished her a happy birthday, and headed out.

Lessons learned:

1) Next time I see a girl with her mom, I need to ask the mom permission to have a conversation alone with the girl so she doesn't feel awkward.

2) I still need to work on conversation after direct opening... I may shift my focus away from getting numbers and instead focusing on having a good conversation.. Might be harder, but it'll be more useful in the future.

3) Next time such a maddeningly gorgeous woman tells me she isn't single or anything like that, I won't back down without at least trying something.

4) I'm starting to feel bad for opening each girl in almost the exact same fashion. Since I can't stare her in the face, wait until I think of an opener, and then open, I need to learn to observe and think fast so I can give her a more genuine and personal compliment.

5) What I do flatters girls and makes their day. Even if I get no number or date, this is still very fun. I'm beginning to feel as though it'd be rude not to compliment the girls for the effort they put in each morning to look good.

6) The prettier girls are MUCH more easygoing than the okay ones.

 

[Brentwoodbam]

I think asking a girl if she is single so early in a cold approach is very counter-productive. She is inclined to drop the boyfriend line in most cases regardless because she is startled and has no reason to give you the benefit of the doubt, as she would probably feel more comfortable.

 

[Laowai]

You're doing excellent. I can see that you're learning and heeding my advice. That makes it pleasurable for me to give you advice because it's clear that I'm not wasting my time.

You write down in greater details what's going on in the set, like I suggested. I especially like that you've started writing down the things you learned. Continue this. This is an excellent way for you to sit down and think through in a systematic way what you learned, and you got it there in front of you to review later. Also, write down five things you did well, and five things to improve.

Yeah, immediately asking them if they are single or not makes it very easy for them to reject you immediately. Don't give them that chance. Sometimes I've banged girls from daytime approaches and only learned later that they had BFs. When you get better, you'll be amazed and shocked at how many girls will readily give you their numbers from direct approaches. Statistically, it can't be true that that many hot girls are single. Food for thoughts about women and their emotions.

So, a few changes to implement. Now you're not getting results with the "are you single line", so leave it out. Again, refer to the step-by-step layout I gave you a few days ago. You're doing way great with conversation, relating naturally as you go along and having a normal conversation with them. This is something I still struggle with at times since I'm not a natural talker.

This:

Me: "Are you single at all?"
Her: "Haha, I am."
I felt awkward tension building, so I sought a way out.
Me: "I know this is a bit random, but I don't have a whole lot of time and I'm about to head out. Would you be interested in grabbing coffee and meeting up sometime?"
Her: "Um.. No, I'm good."

... was your best shot at instant-dating a girl then and there.

I felt awkward tension building, so I sought a way out.

Next time when you get this nervous you will address it this way: "Ah, it seems like I've finally met a girl who can make me nervous. That's awesome. What are you out doing?". Verbalizing your tension this way will make it go away. It's completely acceptable for you to be nervous and the girl will be cool with it.

She doesn't know you at all and you're asking too much compliance too soon, that's why she says no.

About the mothers-and-daughters sets. Massive respect for opening these sets. I never had the balls to do that. However, as the theory goes (smth I read once), you should open the mother indirectly, then when you've won her over you should tell her that: "wow, I just noticed, your daughter is really pretty. What's her name?", and then talk to the mother about the daughter a bit before you talk a bit to the daughter.

Again, refer to the list I sent you. When you hook your girls, you must ideally try to bounce them on instant dates. Youø're doing excellent. Keep it up.

你的父母来自中国的什么地方?

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Wow, how did you get the keyboard to write in Chinese??? Haha, my parents are actually being from Vietnam, my dad being the son of a man from Hong Kong I think. They spoke Cantonese, but I ended up learning Mandarin a long time ago. I can still remember some things, but I've forgotten a lot since I had to stop going.

Wow, verbalizing my nervousness to make it go away actually sounds like a really good idea since I could probably frame it as a compliment. I might say something along the lines of "Wow, you're so beautiful that I'm actually speechless and shaking in my boots... That really doesn't happen a whole lot!"

Your advice never goes to waste brother. It feels as though every time you say something, you give a little piece of a puzzle that helps me get a large chunk of it solved each time. I seriously appreciate all the advice and look forward to testing it in the field.

Are you Chinese too?

 

[Richard]

Asian, nice to see your progress man! Good job taking Light's advice with a small group, and great job approaching the girl with her mom. Things like this really inspire me to get out there and meet women, keep up the great work buddy! BUT! I wanna see some LRs instead of FRs soon!

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Thanks Richard! I hope to write a LR soon too! With this sudden influx of options, I'm hoping it comes around the corner.

Good success to you!