There is a pervasive message among pickup artists that, if you want any sort of non-monogamous relationship with a woman, you need to imply that you might be open to an exclusive relationship with her. They tell you to say things like, “I really like you, but I’m just not ready to be exclusive right now. I might be ready in the future, though.” They assume that the women in this scenario always want exclusivity or monogamy, and that you need to dangle the possibility of exclusivity in front her face like a carrot on a stick, without having the intention of ever giving her that carrot. They say you need to do this because being upfront about your desire for non-monogamy will scare her off, and they justify their carrot-dangling by saying that they’re not directly lying with their implications of misdirection, even when they fully intend to avoid exclusivity altogether.
Those are the actions of a scared little boy in denial of his masculine essence. That sort of behavior certainly doesn’t align with my core values, and it shouldn’t align with yours, either. No matter how you try to dress it up, it’s deception. It’s intentionally giving a false expectation. The implication of you possibly being open to exclusivity in the future when you’re actually seeking a non-monogamous arrangement is cowardly and dishonest. It doesn’t matter that it’s technically true that you could very well change your mind in the future; the fact that you have no solid intentions of future exclusivity right now defines the deception.
I do not respect such displays of cowardice in men. Moreover, women will not respect you or be attracted to you if you become a coward through practicing such cowardly tactics. It’s cowardice because the one and only motivation behind using such a tactic is fear. It’s fear of losing the girl. It’s fear born out of a scarcity mentality. It’s an insecurity of being disliked for expressing your honest desires. Therefore, it’s diametrically opposite to manhood.
Regardless of whether you’re trying to be non-monogamous, to enter a monogamous relationship, or even to just hook up with women, you should never fear losing a girl as a result of your authentic expression. If you speak your truth, and she leaves, it’s better that she left sooner than later.
Yes, there are ways to be less overwhelming in your authentic expressions in the initial stages of a seduction so that women don’t get scared off by your true inner intensity. However, misrepresentation or deception should never be one of the tools you use to ease a woman into your truth. Yes, a lot of women have rejected me because I am polyamorous, but I don’t need to compromise. There have still been tons of women I met who already figured out that they’re polyamorous themselves, who were open minded enough to try polyamory with me, or liked me enough to have some kind of non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships with me even when they identified as monogamous.
Always maintain an abundance mentality. You do not want women in your life who outright reject a part of who you are. You can afford to let go of these women because there are always more women.
If you want to ask a woman if she ever considered non-monogamous thoughts, or if you want to ask your current partner if she would ever consider a non-monogamous relationship, just ask. There’s no need to hide or obfuscate your intentions or desires. Be unapologetically authentic. Having an apologetic attitude, or acting like non-monogamy is a bad thing, will only make your chances worse.
I and many other polyamorists believe that the vast majority of human beings are not naturally monogamous. There is a non-monogamous side in the hearts of most women. Society may have brainwashed us into thinking that these natural urges are bad, but it is the job of a seducer to show others that these urges are beautiful and good, as long as they do not harm others.
Every woman I have dated during these years of polyamory knew upfront what I was all about. Do not rob women of the chance to see the real you in some misguided attempt to sneak non-monogamy into the picture when she isn’t looking. Just represent it well enough so that she can identify with the parts that she can resonate with. Educate yourself about it. Connect the concepts with what she might want in a relationship. If she says no, let her go and go find the right women for you.
