Need advice on this situation

VinM

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Jan 23, 2023
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3
So, long story short:
I'm working at the reception in my local gym, and one evening some girl came to get a monthly membership. I promptly asked her if she is on a college (since we have membership for students/elderly that is cheaper than normal one, and also because she looked young). She took it as a compliment, but said she isn't a student anymore. Made a membership, gave her a key and she went to change into gym clothes.
After she came out she asked me about which times during the day is the gym least crowded. I countered that first, she should give me an IG, and then I will tell her. She said if I will tell her the times, she will give me her IG. Yet, as far as I was surprised, I persisted and asked her to tell me first. It worked! She caved in. So I honored my part, and told her the times.
After a few days, and a few goofy message exchanges (which she initiated), she asked me if I could coach her in the gym, and help her get into the habit. So I accepted.
Since my style of training was only based on a experience of training my guy friends, I was kinda harsh at her in the beginning, making sure that she didn't quit and keeping the track of her completing everything in her training regimen. She used to be quite angry and pissed many times, that I would be so harsh on her, but it didn't move me. She even complimented me on my veins since she works as a nurse, and said I look better than her (yes, she had low self confidence, we will get to that later). She completed her first day and after being sad during the process, she was actually happy at the end of it, thanked me, and texted me afterwards that she was sorry for being mean.
We grabbed a coffee later, and I discovered she takes pills for depression, has BPD, low self esteem, and considers herself a quitter. Also a red flag for me was that she likes to go partying. After that I believed I moved her in my mind her from potential GF to maybe FWB.
To be honest, one part of me wanted to help her lose weight, and see if I can become a good training coach, and the other was more pessimistic, believing that I was wasting my time if she would go for some guy, that wasn't even involved in this process.
I think that at our third day of training, she was very pissed, because she couldn't sleep, and was telling me if I won't stop training her so hard, she will leave. Before that I of course realized, that I can't be too harsh on her, but after that, I started to be more soft, so she wouldn't quit.
She also had a tendency to always write me after our training to tell me she was sorry for being mean to me. I considered it something that I didn't care about, so I haven't responded, and she assumed I must be mad at her.
The training became more fun for her, but I sensed something was wrong. She wasn't even giving me compliments anymore like she used to. I believe that around the fifth day, she gave me a call, and asked me if we would not cancel it, and I said that I don't care if she doesn't want to go, but I will go do my training. Five minutes after that she tells me she quits, but it was nice knowing me.
What do you guys think was the problem?
 

HoofHearted

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Joined
Sep 10, 2022
Messages
224
I probably wouldve used the insta to get her out on a date, rather than to kick her ass in the gym.

Also, she doesn't seem alright...
 

Warped Mindless

Tribal Elder
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Joined
Nov 20, 2012
Messages
254
At no point during any of that did you mention ever trying to actually close.

Can’t get laid if you dont move things forward.

Also, I used to tell guys to run away from women who claim to have multiple mental disorders but since EVERY women under the age of 30 seems to be competing with one another to see who can be more mentally and emotionally fucked up, just use them as fuck buddies.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
3,272
Location
South Florida
So, long story short:
I'm working at the reception in my local gym, and one evening some girl came to get a monthly membership. I promptly asked her if she is on a college (since we have membership for students/elderly that is cheaper than normal one, and also because she looked young). She took it as a compliment, but said she isn't a student anymore. Made a membership, gave her a key and she went to change into gym clothes.
After she came out she asked me about which times during the day is the gym least crowded. I countered that first, she should give me an IG, and then I will tell her. She said if I will tell her the times, she will give me her IG. Yet, as far as I was surprised, I persisted and asked her to tell me first. It worked! She caved in. So I honored my part, and told her the times.
After a few days, and a few goofy message exchanges (which she initiated), she asked me if I could coach her in the gym, and help her get into the habit. So I accepted.
Since my style of training was only based on a experience of training my guy friends, I was kinda harsh at her in the beginning, making sure that she didn't quit and keeping the track of her completing everything in her training regimen. She used to be quite angry and pissed many times, that I would be so harsh on her, but it didn't move me. She even complimented me on my veins since she works as a nurse, and said I look better than her (yes, she had low self confidence, we will get to that later). She completed her first day and after being sad during the process, she was actually happy at the end of it, thanked me, and texted me afterwards that she was sorry for being mean.
We grabbed a coffee later, and I discovered she takes pills for depression, has BPD, low self esteem, and considers herself a quitter. Also a red flag for me was that she likes to go partying. After that I believed I moved her in my mind her from potential GF to maybe FWB.
To be honest, one part of me wanted to help her lose weight, and see if I can become a good training coach, and the other was more pessimistic, believing that I was wasting my time if she would go for some guy, that wasn't even involved in this process.
I think that at our third day of training, she was very pissed, because she couldn't sleep, and was telling me if I won't stop training her so hard, she will leave. Before that I of course realized, that I can't be too harsh on her, but after that, I started to be more soft, so she wouldn't quit.
She also had a tendency to always write me after our training to tell me she was sorry for being mean to me. I considered it something that I didn't care about, so I haven't responded, and she assumed I must be mad at her.
The training became more fun for her, but I sensed something was wrong. She wasn't even giving me compliments anymore like she used to. I believe that around the fifth day, she gave me a call, and asked me if we would not cancel it, and I said that I don't care if she doesn't want to go, but I will go do my training. Five minutes after that she tells me she quits, but it was nice knowing me.
What do you guys think was the problem?

well another typical don't shit were you eat scenario at simple as that... you are actually lucky..... @TomInHo is also a trainer, he messed around with a client, she gaslighted him cost him tons of money (thousands of dollars in clients he lost).... After that he understood why people say, don't shit were you eat...At least you got out ok....


P.s. The training was a plausible deniability that chick liked you and basically pay to fuck you, you miss the signs...
 
Last edited:

Brazerprime

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 20, 2023
Messages
42
well another typical don't shit were you eat scenario at simple as that... you are actually lucky..... @TomInHo is also a trainer, he messed around with a client, she gaslighted him cost him tons of money (thousands of dollars in clients he lost).... After that he understood why people say, don't shit were you eat...At least you got out ok....


P.s. The training was a plausible deniability that chick liked you and basically pay to fuck you, you miss the signs...
what happened with the gaslighting?
 

Derek da man

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jan 24, 2020
Messages
233
Agree with the comments so far concerning this girl, but on the wider front of women in general - you often find women using the "Will you help me to get fit/loose weight or with mental health issues or what ever" as an attention seeking behavior. By all means help them but when they don't succeed you mustn't take it personally as most of the time it was a means of keeping your attention. You need to keep a balance.

Remember YOU can't fix someone who is broken - you can only help by putting them on a path to sort themselves out.

I used to be really nice and helpful and really go out of my way to help people but it just brings you down when they keep repeating the same mistakes that got them in that situation in the first place. Some people are quite toxic and you can see it a mile off, others are far more subtle but they are, in effect, broken. There's plenty of people out there that aren't like that so just keep them at arms length, enjoy them in the moment, but only keep people in your life that work well with you. Personally I wish I'd learnt this lesson earlier but it's taken a few knocks to work this out.

Sounds like this girl has issues she needs to resolve for herself and as you weren't going to bend to her will she's moved on. She's probably not aware of it but she probably gets the same thing happen repeatedly. Her good looks and fun demeanor mean she has guys tripping over themselves to help but it's her behavior that then drives them away, although she will just blame "men" in general. Take it on the chin, learn from it and move on. Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, just the way life is sometimes :)
 

VinM

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Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
3
I probably wouldve used the insta to get her out on a date, rather than to kick her ass in the gym.

Also, she doesn't seem alright...
Well, as I said, it was a different scenario that I'm used to, because most of the time, I have to initiate dates and stuff, but this particular girl literally reached out to me first after three hours of last seeing each other and exchanging contacts, asking for a favour.
And yes, date was on my mind. Yet it was a new experience for me to try training her, and kind of a challenge I wanted to try out.
At no point during any of that did you mention ever trying to actually close.

Can’t get laid if you dont move things forward.

Also, I used to tell guys to run away from women who claim to have multiple mental disorders but since EVERY women under the age of 30 seems to be competing with one another to see who can be more mentally and emotionally fucked up, just use them as fuck buddies.
Have to read more articles on closing, since that thing makes me nervous if I do it right.
One time I had a date with girl that was not showing any signs of interest for me to move things to the next level during the entire time. Yet after we ended our stay at the bar, she would be standing so close near me, awaiting for me to do something, and I was so confused about her behaving not interested before, I didn't do anything, which makes me think that I should have at least kissed her. The attraction died after that.
I also have to me an unknown tendency to attract broken women with disorders, I was prepared for her change of moods to not let me shake my frame, the thing that I have problem is with BPDs it's hard to know when they genuinely feel happy, or sad, since they also shittest so often.
Haha, true that. It's like they run a marathon or something. My ex would be depressed alot, but out of all the broken ones I knew, she would actually be the one with least amount of red flags. Kinda miss her. Other ones are at most FWB in my mind.
well another typical don't shit were you eat scenario at simple as that... you are actually lucky..... @TomInHo is also a trainer, he messed around with a client, she gaslighted him cost him tons of money (thousands of dollars in clients he lost).... After that he understood why people say, don't shit were you eat...At least you got out ok....


P.s. The training was a plausible deniability that chick liked you and basically pay to fuck you, you miss the signs...
Yes, that's what I thought, but couldn't grasp it, since she would be contradicting her behaviour (once being happy, reaching out of blue, giving me compliments, other times being angry, not wanting to do anything). I also believe that me being really mysterious and not telling her everything about myself could have sparked her curiosity, and kept her chasing me.
 

VinM

Rookie
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Joined
Jan 23, 2023
Messages
3
Agree with the comments so far concerning this girl, but on the wider front of women in general - you often find women using the "Will you help me to get fit/loose weight or with mental health issues or what ever" as an attention seeking behavior. By all means help them but when they don't succeed you mustn't take it personally as most of the time it was a means of keeping your attention. You need to keep a balance.

Remember YOU can't fix someone who is broken - you can only help by putting them on a path to sort themselves out.

I used to be really nice and helpful and really go out of my way to help people but it just brings you down when they keep repeating the same mistakes that got them in that situation in the first place. Some people are quite toxic and you can see it a mile off, others are far more subtle but they are, in effect, broken. There's plenty of people out there that aren't like that so just keep them at arms length, enjoy them in the moment, but only keep people in your life that work well with you. Personally I wish I'd learnt this lesson earlier but it's taken a few knocks to work this out.

Sounds like this girl has issues she needs to resolve for herself and as you weren't going to bend to her will she's moved on. She's probably not aware of it but she probably gets the same thing happen repeatedly. Her good looks and fun demeanor mean she has guys tripping over themselves to help but it's her behavior that then drives them away, although she will just blame "men" in general. Take it on the chin, learn from it and move on. Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, just the way life is sometimes :)
Yes, that is exactly what she told me, that people usually don't stay long with her, which sounded like a huge red flag.
No problem buddy, after a few years I'm beginning to accept that sometimes failure can happen as a part of learning process, so we can be more experienced in the long run.
 
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