NEED FEEDBACK, how to approach often and naturally

[benjisea]

Hey guys, so I've been following 'pick up' (such a tacky term) for almost 2-3 years and currently, I'm 19 years old. This post is about MASS APPROACHING CHICKS. Or in the rudimentary stages, getting your ass moving so you can talk to people naturally. Notice how I say people and not 'women' exclusively.

And nah, this post won't be about approaching 50 chicks a day kind of deal. This is about being completely natural with yourself, but making part of talking to people a very easy habit. With PUA websites, meeting people (or WOMEN) felt very unnatural. What natural dude would say, "Hey, how do I sexually escalate so she has sex with me???" type of nerdy voice. It's an essential component but I think PUA in general makes beginners overthink the game too much.

In reference to sticking points: https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... king-point

I have no trouble finding a witty comment or something clever to say, but I am not getting laid AT ALL. I'm barely getting any numbers, I'm not bringing a girl home, nothing. I've had this problem for almost a whole fucking year and I'm pretty much stuck. Any advice? What should I do? Is this a good stepping point? I appreciate any feedback!

Right now I am thinking of these small everyday milestones:
Talk/banter to 5 women for 15 seconds for 1 week (X)
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds for 1 week ( )
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds to 3 minutes, build comfort and compliance? ( )
Talk to 5 women, go on instant dates, get numbers if possible ( )
...
and so forth!

It doesn't matter if they're hot, fat, skinny, bald, black, ugly, etc. I need to be comfortable talking to women and understanding and appreciating them for how they are. From there, my walk will become confident. I will make mistakes but it's all part of learning. One thing I notice is I usually only make observational approaches or saying hello, and that's all. If I see a girl in a long line, a girl with a few friends, I will not be inclined to talk to her. I will notice her but I'd lack the balls to talk to her.

I plan to go on my day-to-day life, doing errands, and meeting people along the way. I'm pretty much broke and very busy so I can't actively go out unless I want to lose focus. I go to the gym 2-4x, grocery store 2-3x, airport 3x (I talk to customers all the time, but talking to people outside of my work area is a bit odd. When I walk to the train I usually keep to myself and keep only to small, witty comments)

 

[benjisea]

Hey,

First of, stop trying to be funny. Humor doesn't get you laid. Humor's only good for relieving tension.

I'd PM Anatman if I were you. He probably has done the most cold approaches in the world. No joke.

No amount of anyone telling you how to get laid is going to do anything because you need to experience it for yourself and not get overwhelmed.

You're not going to want to hear this but you just gotta approach bro & work on your fundamentals.

Slay

What's up. Nah dude, I ain't trying to be funny. I'm no attention whore seeker. Sometimes if I don't have anything clever to say I just say hi and ask general questions. I've been approaching, got some big 'rejections', I just haven't been doing this consistently. That's pretty much my main problem, I need to get in the process/habit of approaching. Right now I'm slowly inching my way towards that goal, and once that's down...I can stay longer in sets and pull.

 

[benjisea]

Talk/banter to 5 women for 15 seconds for 1 week (X)
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds for 1 week ( )
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds to 3 minutes, build comfort and compliance? ( )
Talk to 5 women, go on instant dates, get numbers if possible ( )

Looks like I'm still stuck on the second goal, I completed about 2 days out of 7. Not good enough. Gotta keep at it.

 

[Smith]

Talk/banter to 5 women for 15 seconds for 1 week (X)
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds for 1 week ( )
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds to 3 minutes, build comfort and compliance? ( )
Talk to 5 women, go on instant dates, get numbers if possible ( )

Looks like I'm still stuck on the second goal, I completed about 2 days out of 7. Not good enough. Gotta keep at it.

Mate, speed this up. This is how I warm up everyday. Talk to the first few girls for a few seconds, the next couple of girls for a couple of mins, the next one for five mins, then the next one if we both like each other, we'll go on an instant date. Your goal is to make yourself feel good by socializing as much as you can.

 

[benjisea]

Talk/banter to 5 women for 15 seconds for 1 week (X)
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds for 1 week ( )
Talk to 5 women for 30 seconds to 3 minutes, build comfort and compliance? ( )
Talk to 5 women, go on instant dates, get numbers if possible ( )

Looks like I'm still stuck on the second goal, I completed about 2 days out of 7. Not good enough. Gotta keep at it.

Mate, speed this up. This is how I warm up everyday. Talk to the first few girls for a few seconds, the next couple of girls for a couple of mins, the next one for five mins, then the next one if we both like each other, we'll go on an instant date. Your goal is to make yourself feel good by socializing as much as you can.

Yup. Right now, life's giving me a lot of shit on my plate. Mom nearly died recently. Gonna keep at it, build quick initial momentum

 

[benjisea]

Damn, life's been sucking ass right now. Might be forced to move to shitty Vegas, might not.

So far so good, been practically talking to 50-75% of woman I come across with. One thing I've noticed is that when I have little sleep, my day started off shitty, or my blood sugar has been low overnight, I really really don't want to talk to people. This has made it hard to cement this into a good habit. I'm going to keep at this habit of talking to a person I see, and at least maintain things for 45 seconds - minute. This method works great because it is flexible to ones every day schedule, and it doesn't force you to ALWAYS go out. You can do this on a day-to-day basis. Now unless you're a truck driver (not impossible to improve with girls still!) then this method works well with those slowly inching to becoming better with girls.

This girl at work who is 27 has admitted to me she liked me. Our chemistry is pretty solid. The one flawed thing is that she is from Haiti and I think she is quite more traditional and reserved than someone who would say, would be okay with being friends with benefits. She has admitted loving me (personality wise) and the attraction is still quite intense even after months on end. She flaked one time on one date a long time ago. I admitted wanting her strongly as a man should, but she said that she will hit me up sometime when she is not busy (I assumed it was because she has a ring) But it turned out, she pretty much finds me as a flirt and only wants something serious. I'm not saying I don't want a serious relationship, but at the same time I have not even come close to building abundance with women. And I don't even know how a 19 year old is supposed to be in a serious relationship with a 27-year old LOL. I framed the interactions as not serious and non-chalant, but quite sexual. I don't know exactly how to proceed this.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

My boy what's up.

Way to keep improving bro.

On the topic with the Haiti chica,

Don't worry about what she's saying. Girls lie. Not on purpose or to hurt you, but because they do it to protect their reputation and look like good girls.

Use the same process we'd teach here. She flaked on you once? Doesn't matter.

Ask her again and see if she bites.

Btw, next time, in person better if you can, ask her when she is free whenever you're free, and plan something out.

She's probably not going to initiate and ask you out when she's free. That's not her job as a woman. She might, maybe 1/100 chance but I wouldn't bet on it.

You're the man, you're the initiator. You ask, and you plan.

Whatever happens don't give in to her frame bro. You'll end up getting NO pussy.

Slay

Hey bro, thanks for the reply. Is her wanting only a serious relationship a frame of hers? Or is this an actual legitimate concern. I wanted a casual thing, a serious is fine too. When I see her at work I asked her to chill once more. But she replied saying like the reason she hasn't want to spend time with me because she doesn't think I'm serious. I think she is saying that because she's been too lazy to set up a time. I've asked her directly to set one! But she kinda dodges the question saying she only wants serious. I don't know if this is a polite way of saying no, even though I can feel the chemistry. She's also been not replying to any texts, it's kind of weird. A mixed signal? I'm thinking of just going with the frame of her being into me that's it.

Edit: I talked to her and made it more obvious I do want her. I don't know if this is a way of her thinking I want to be her boyfriend, but I could see it being a fling or something serious, could go both ways if I lead it. It would only go serious if she leads it (lmao what girl leads). Do you think I need to man up and tell her I only go for flings, and I gotta treat her like the dirty girl she is? Or would that risk screwing things up?

 

[benjisea]

Yo,

Idk this girl so I can say if she's shit testing you or is being for real.

When she talks that serious crap, just say something like, "well we can hang out and whatever happens, happens. We don't gotta force anything"

Don't tell he yes but don't straight up tell her NO either.

But whatever she makes herself believe in her little head won't matter when she's at your house and she's wet and horny as fuck at that point her primitive brain kicks in.

So if you can handle LMR smoothly and get there, you'll bang her.

She's probably liking the attention she's getting from you and nothing more. Shit testing you.

I'd ignore her for a while and stop giving her the attention she wants, if you do it correctly, she'll start trying to get your attention hard then you can ask for a hang out again.

Otherwise she's just gonna keep leading you towards her web.

Gl,

Slay

Yeah, I pretty much cut off my affection to her to get her attracted again, gotta do it again haha. I will assume it's a shit test but it's much more subtle than the ones I get from younger girls. She doesn't reply to my texts at the moment so I know I'm fucking up a bit. She's got a ring so this shit is harder to crack. Gonna see where it goes and flirt with more chicks, can't obsess over one girl. I even stopped approaching/talking to people because I 'wanted to make things serious' with me and her, bad mistake.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

Another insight with this journey. When I got with my ex a year back, it was pretty much 2-3 months of sex every day. It turns out that wasn't the healthiest decision since shit didn't work out, and simply put, it was hard moving on. The neurons and associations I made with her (with all the physical touching and specific/special moments) made it hard to replace those feelings with positive feelings. Because the breakup was absolute shit, anything that triggered me back to my ex makes me and has made me very upset. Kind of like how former soldiers can have sudden PTSD triggers or breakdowns. You need to input positive feelings with those specific triggers if you're ever to become free. For me, I mostly stopped thinking of my ex once I created strong sexual tension with other women. There's so many low key techniques with harnessing your emotions, I think western culture has a major blind side to health and other issues.

Anyways, fuck other women if you're getting over an ex. And if you connected with your ex well and it's hard to move on, connect with the women you sleep with. Even if they might not be at the same level as your ex. Also, if the sex is great, porn is easy to quit. Every ambitious goal a guy has, let's be honest. It's for fucking pussy. Cultivate your sexual energy, and once you have healthy habits built up, funnel that time and shit so you can build up your empire.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

Benjisea,

I recommend you start up a Journal so you can document and see all your progress there. I'd love to check it out sometime.

You have potential

Slay

I'm contemplating! Right now it's not very beneficial for everyone since I am pretty much a noob at game. Once I get some consistent success I'll try some of that.

 

[benjisea]

Ah it's lame oh Monday...

I swear to fucking god, approaching women constantly takes quite a bit of conscious effort. For the past 5 days, I have consistently avoided talking to women at the train, getting off work, etc. I'm going to keep at it until I know I approach/talk/offer conversation value to ANYONE, EVERY time I am out.

I use an phone application called Habita, and it's probably THE most solid app for building habits. I have weekly goals for instance that say something like: "Approach 5 women, and have a 30 seconds+ conversation with them" and when I do complete those goals, I mark a checkmark/X/smiley face on the calendar.

The Habita app is great because even if the conversation turned out bland, I reward myself with positive feedback. When you completed that goal on the app, it gives you experience/points for doing so! This is great for positive reinforcement so it makes sure you keep pushing forward.

So in terms of sticking point...I'm still struggling with constantly conversing with people.

I don't talk when...

• - The person looks closed off or pissed off
  - She is far away and I would have to run after her to approach (never do this often, perhaps once or twice in my lifetime no joke LOL)
  - My mood is shitty
  - I'm a little pussy at that moment
  - I have nothing interesting to say! Well, saying hi is better than saying jack shit guys.

Habits I need to Complete to Fix this:

• 
  Get in a good mood:
  Wake up immediately, don't turn on snooze button
  2500-3000 calories, always be in calorie surplus for testosterone
  Eat 2 cups of vegetables a day (change number however needed once you pass this goal)
  Drink 2 liters of water
  Get 7-8 hours of sleep, for me that means sleeping by 9:15
  Wake up at 7am or before
  Jog 5 minutes 3 days a week
  Chill with friends 1-3 days a week, anymore and I get annoyed by people, any less and I get depressed
  Lift 3 to 5 days a week
  Multivitamin/Fish Oil (this shit works really well!)
  1-6 raw eggs a day, extremely good if before 3 hours of sleep
  Get a new fucking job (doing at the moment)

Approaching women far away - just keep approaching, it will take much more will power to run after her but start doing this
Mood is shitty - sometimes you can change it, sometimes it's a health/emotional problem. Most of the time, your mood will improve when you talk to people, your state will eventually pick up

To Do Later:
Write/envision the type of man I want to be, and how women want to feel around me

In summary, I think for ANY noob to get good with women. You should rely on state for a bit. It's kind of like practicing a sport, you don't start playing to become better than LeBron James. You play it because you have fun and it shouldn't be a chore! Once you've cemented stronger neural plasticity in your brain, you don't need to rely on your mood to approach women.

Old ladies are great for conversations, they have very interesting things to talk about, and most of the time, they have good energy!

Kick yourself in the ass, but not so much where you become demoralized and discouraged. Treat yourself with respect. And change your negative thoughts into slightly more positive thoughts e.g. "Wow I'm a wimp, why the fuck didn't I talk to her. I'm a damn loser" to "It's okay, there are more women out there. I just gotta react faster"

 

[benjisea]

I can almost say I am developing depression and anxiety at the same time. Maybe this is too personal for a forum post...but fuck it why not.

I don't feel safe in my household, I have this feeling that my parent will pull a gun on me at some point. He threatened to kick me out of the house and my fear kicked in. Fear's irrational but I don't know, is it irrational right now?

I'm going to put off this goal (ONCE AGAIN, fuck man) and keep socializing here and there. I'll put this on brief hold until I am at the right state of mind. I'll always try and talk to people, but I don't think I can put 100% into this yet.

Pretty much going through a mental breakdown.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

Getting back into the scarcity mindset, this is not good. I don't know why, but I always tend to gravitate towards connecting and being serious with a girl. Even if it means a fling, I always crave connecting with that person.

Things to work on:

• - Get rid of recent negative recurring thoughts with positive ones:
  "I'm lonely and no one appreciates me for who I am" to "I have many people who hit me up, just because I am lonely at the moment, doesn't mean I can't bring my personality out"
  - Approach 5 women for 45 seconds+
  Stay committed in interaction until you feel comfortable moving into instant date or asking for a number

I'm fucking things up with this Haiti girl, kind of got a little too attached. She mentioned wanting things to be serious, saying "this isn't love" so I took it as developing feelings for her (noob mistake). She asks me about my work schedule and where I live, which is code red for let me bang you sometime.

(which I also found kind of strange, shouldn't most older women be down for flings with younger guys?? guess she's making bullshit excuses to not hooking up with me. I think they make random excuses for not liking you when things don't seem to work out even though it can)

She's quitting and I won't see her physically anymore, thank Jesus Crust. She promised she will keep in touch with me but the chances of hooking up with her texting me to 'hang out' is pretty slim (considering she doesn't even text me back). She might get bored being jobless so she might hit me up later and things will happen. It's strange, she'd slap my ass in front of the customers and touch me subtly here and there, but she does not text back. Lmao.

I was straight up with her and talked to her about this, and she replied saying dating me is like dating a baby. I laughed it off and said none of it matters, and what happens between her and me will be a secret. No one will know and no one cares.

Her giving me attention made me satisfied in shitty mediocrity, to not approaching or talking to other people. I guess I've been craving that nostalgic feeling with my ex girlfriend, instead of broadening my horizon. Or maybe I'm just inexperienced as fuck.

Regardless, go find other chicks to click with.

Everything is in your brain, the limitations you put. Keep pushing on.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

Some days after work, I don't go outside of the house so I don't approach anyone. I honestly have no reason to, I got food stocked up at home, etc. I want to be the kind of dude that goes to the mall with no intent to shop, to have fun and meet people. I'm just not that guy somehow. I don't know how to develop that either. If I go shopping and happen to meet some people, I can do that well. I feel awkward just going out just for the sake of meeting people. I went to a night club doing that and I had all this monkey chatter in my head. Not a fun night.

For whatever reason, it's very hard for me to go out to a grocery store and JUST talk to people. I feel like I'm wearing binoculars to find someone who looks like they want to have a nice conversation. How to bypass this?

Been feeling depressed. I don't know if it's the seasonal depression that comes in the summer, or something's wrong with my life or body. Been wallowing in pitiful pity about that Haiti chick. Maybe she doesn't want this right now, maybe she's looking for some guy to settle down with, I don't freaking know. If I did go on an instant date, things would have went well but I don't clock out when she clocks out. I'm actually pretty sad since our personalities seem to mix in well with each other, I don't find that very often with people.

I also don't understand women who are SO attracted to you but when you text or message them, they freeze up and don't want to do shit with you. I have no real answer to it and I'm sure it would drive me nuts figuring it out. I think instant dates are pretty much the best thing. Honestly, I've been feeling lost in this process. I hate and love girls.

 

[lao che]

how to approach often and naturally?

stop writing. go outside. approach

 

[benjisea]

how to approach often and naturally?

stop writing. go outside. approach

10/10

 

[benjisea]

What's up y'all. Haven't updated in a long time, mainly because I haven't progressed and had a lot of trouble approaching more often.

Haven't spilled my load in almost a week. It has made it much easier to approach. I did this by cutting off every electronic in my bedroom. Having to buy an alarm clock instead of using my phone because I kept jacking off sucks but hey, it will be worth it.

Also forcing myself to go to the library even when I'm dead exhausted from work has helped. My brain worsens as time passes by. I feel like my productivity shoots way up in the morning. Learning is fast, doing stuff is easy, etc. also having a morning routine works wonders.

Haiti chick hit me up to chill, flaked once. Asked to chill again and we went on a cool date. Felt very hard to seduce. I think my high blood sugar made it hard to feel my boner to keep going. This has happened to me before, I don't have much experience with getting laid on the first date, if at all. I got laid on the third/fourth date with another chick, but I felt like I could have pulled her on the first date.

I brought the Haiti girl to my place, even for her to take off her shoes and convince her to stay an extra 15 minutes at my place. She wanted to leave right away but I got her to the house. She's 27 and I don't know if she was playing hard to get. It felt unnatural or even weird to even try and escalate. Not sure if Diabetes or amateur or both. I was not calibrated at that point. Lol.

Also got more prospects coming in. It feels good because I really don't give a fuck about girls that flake, I just meet more that come my way. Ignore the initial excuse you make when you see a girl, approach, and fuck the perfect scenarios you make in your head.

Ben

 

[benjisea]

Not gonna analyze too much into this. I did have the logistical, logical, and I BELIEVE. Emotional part of the set. I don't really know what I fucked up on. I got her to take off her shoes. She seemed skeptical asking where everyone in my family was. Only my brother was home I told her.

We watched a little Netflix, showed her around the house, gave her water. I just couldn't get a first date to bang and I'm not sure what could be done. Could it just be based on her mood?

 

[benjisea]

This is probably gonna be my last reply to this thread.

So far, been kinda complacent, lazy, or not really sure what I'm doing with my life. My career isn't going anywhere...I'm starting a different avenue in freelancing so hopefully I can make 20+ dollars an hour doing web design/wordpress/computer shit.

As for picking up chicks. It feels like I'm going nowhere with this. I'm not giving up, I got about 10 numbers, about 6 quality numbers. All flakes except 1, even then it was very unlikely that we would have hung out in the first place. I'm going to keep at it and continue talking to people, it's become kinda fun for me. I know my game REALLY sucks at the mall, I will just meander around and not approach one girl. Maybe talk to 1-3 girls max but I just feel weird at the mall for some reason, despite having a plethora of beautiful girls.

Also, I can't seem to wrap my head around guys on Girlschase that get numbers like nothing in day game. Like do these guys actually get numbers from ladies 10+ years older or even 10 years younger? Do you get tons of numbers to get laid? Do get dates/lays even if you get a number that doesn't feel right? To find a girl my age that is ALSO attractive, it would be a 1/30 chance or so. I don't see how guys can get great exposure to a lot of dates/sex in a quick span of time. I don't see THAT many beautiful young girls grocery shopping or at the gym.

It blows my mind how there are guys who are phenomenal with women, I know I need to keep approaching. Been passive for a few months. The best success I've had was getting laid from an instant date, it's easy to get a girl more invested in you and shit.

I usually take numbers when it feels very right and natural, not out of the blue or to close. I usually end the conversations on a good note, that the girls who see me weeks/months later would like to get to know me more. I'm not really needy on this. I am kinda irked because I've finally got a date, but it never really solidified to a good friendship or sex.

Ben