need help with a beginner, as a beginner

[gonzy]

hey, im new around the forum because im mostly reading the articles so please forgive me if it is not the place for what i am about to talk about..

so im 18 and theres a girl that i know since 9th grade and we have been the best friends since then. in our first years when we got to know each other, i noticed she is attracted to me and is interested in me but the problem was that i wasnt... i always pushed her aside and never let her fully express her love because i just wanted us to remain good friends so i kept on like that until the 12th grade. at the start of the 12th grade i noticed a change in her, we were not talking like before(and we talked like every day for hours about anything), she gave me less attention and less affection. at this point i realized that i made a mistake. something changed in me and i understood that were perfect for each other but of course after all this time she thought otherwise and i saw that in her. i never had any relationships and so did she, were both beginners but im more matured and ready for a relationship and she is less. now everytime i try to touch her or hug her or just show my love for her, i get nothing in return.. kinda like what i did to her a few years ago, now she always takes my hand away when i try to touch her or something like that which didnt happen before. i want her back and im willing to do anything, im afraid it will be too late because it is my last chance now. i thought about talking to her best girlfriend which is also a close friend of mine and consult her but im afraid she will tell her everything. i want to take it a lever higher but im afraid of rejection and that things wont be the same..

i need your advice guys, thanks a lot for helping.

 

[Richard]

Sup Gonzy,

And welcome to the boards! I hope you enjoy your stay, and I hope you learn a lot

Now, it sounds like the problem you're having is getting a girl to change her preconceived ideas about who you are. This means she seems to have a pretty concrete idea of who you are or were, and that's stopping her from getting involved. A couple other things are at work here, but this is one of the biggest.

So, you've got to get her to see you in a different light. For that to work, you've got to show her that you're different than that guy who rejected her, and you've got to show her that you've changed. How do you do that though?

* You talk to her, and mention things that are exotic yet still cool and sexy, and tangential to what she thinks is usual for you. Things that are borderline you basically. <-- That'll get her thinking to herself "Wow, what happened to Gonzy?"

There are other ways as well, but the one above is one of the best, and probably the most applicable to your situation.

Cheers,

-Richard

 

[gonzy]

Sup Gonzy,

And welcome to the boards! I hope you enjoy your stay, and I hope you learn a lot

Now, it sounds like the problem you're having is getting a girl to change her preconceived ideas about who you are. This means she seems to have a pretty concrete idea of who you are or were, and that's stopping her from getting involved. A couple other things are at work here, but this is one of the biggest.

So, you've got to get her to see you in a different light. For that to work, you've got to show her that you're different than that guy who rejected her, and you've got to show her that you've changed. How do you do that though?

* You talk to her, and mention things that are exotic yet still cool and sexy, and tangential to what she thinks is usual for you. Things that are borderline you basically. <-- That'll get her thinking to herself "Wow, what happened to Gonzy?"

There are other ways as well, but the one above is one of the best, and probably the most applicable to your situation.

Cheers,

-Richard

hey Richard, first of all thanks for replying and helping me out here.

i understand what your saying and you are right but, for example when we text or talk i try to, as you said, mention exotic yet still cool and sexy things to her but she always seems to pass a subject/ say a basic thing like oh thanks and stuff. im trying to show her ive changed but she seems to be on her own and not accept that. by the way what do you say about talking to her best girlfriend who is a close friend of mine as well and ask her what she thinks? is it a too big move?

thanks again Richard, other comments are welcome.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Howdy gonzy,

Like Rich said, welcome to the boards!

The story you mentioned sounds like a case of 'wanting what you can't have'. The issue being if you succeed in pulling her back, you're likely to lose your feelings for her. And that's good for nobody - especially for the gal.

I actually joined the boards for the exact reason you have - to finally get that gal who I'd been too slow/apathetic to reel in before. It was my single biggest motivator behind learning seduction, because I realized I wouldn't succeed with this particular girl if I wasn't skilled with women in general. Use this as an emotional platform with which to drive yourself forward with Pickup and Seduction.

It's really a win-win for you, brother. Either you succeed in getting the experience with your current gal, or you dig deeper and attain your dream woman/women.

Either way, hope to see your success as you cross through the boards!

~Nick

 

[gonzy]

Howdy gonzy,

Like Rich said, welcome to the boards!

The story you mentioned sounds like a case of 'wanting what you can't have'. The issue being if you succeed in pulling her back, you're likely to lose your feelings for her. And that's good for nobody - especially for the gal.

I actually joined the boards for the exact reason you have - to finally get that gal who I'd been too slow/apathetic to reel in before. It was my single biggest motivator behind learning seduction, because I realized I wouldn't succeed with this particular girl if I wasn't skilled with women in general. Use this as an emotional platform with which to drive yourself forward with Pickup and Seduction.

It's really a win-win for you, brother. Either you succeed in getting the experience with your current gal, or you dig deeper and attain your dream woman/women.

Either way, hope to see your success as you cross through the boards!

~Nick

hey Nick, thanks for replying. so what you're saying is that i need to get more skilled with women and the art of pickup and seduction before i try to get her back to me? i just dont want to lose my feelings for her with another woman.

but anyway thanks alot for helping Nick i appreciate it. comments and help are more than welcome.

-Tom

 

[PrettyDecent]

hey Nick, thanks for replying. so what you're saying is that i need to get more skilled with women and the art of pickup and seduction before i try to get her back to me? i just dont want to lose my feelings for her with another woman.

No worries, man. That last sentence is interesting to note: you're describing an emotional feedback loop. Here's a website with a great explanation (albeit, a pretty new-agey, hippy sort of layout) of that - http://www.livingwellfeelinggood.com/20 ... ack-loops/. The only thing you can do about that is to be completely rational and look at the situation objectively (which is that there are other women of high quality and beauty you can attain). Easier said than done, though; takes willpower and a disconnect from your current feelings.

That part before it, getting more skilled with women in general...yeah, it'd help a lot, brother. Reason being is if you accidentally come across as needy or pushy now, you're going to have a difficult time reversing that view of you later. In my opinion, and as someone who attempted what you're doing, you're best bet is to gradually drop off the radar and learn more about seducing women so that when your time comes to rekindle the flame, there's no accidental, fatal botch. And when you come back transformed, suave and charming, she'll ask herself how she ever decided to pass you up.

~Nick

 

[gonzy]

hey Nick, thanks for replying. so what you're saying is that i need to get more skilled with women and the art of pickup and seduction before i try to get her back to me? i just dont want to lose my feelings for her with another woman.

No worries, man. That last sentence is interesting to note: you're describing an emotional feedback loop. Here's a website with a great explanation (albeit, a pretty new-agey, hippy sort of layout) of that - http://www.livingwellfeelinggood.com/20 ... ack-loops/. The only thing you can do about that is to be completely rational and look at the situation objectively (which is that there are other women of high quality and beauty you can attain). Easier said than done, though; takes willpower and a disconnect from your current feelings.

That part before it, getting more skilled with women in general...yeah, it'd help a lot, brother. Reason being is if you accidentally come across as needy or pushy now, you're going to have a difficult time reversing that view of you later. In my opinion, and as someone who attempted what you're doing, you're best bet is to gradually drop off the radar and learn more about seducing women so that when your time comes to rekindle the flame, there's no accidental, fatal botch. And when you come back transformed, suave and charming, she'll ask herself how she ever decided to pass you up.

~Nick

ok i understand what you are saying. but wont getting more skilled with women take time? and in that time maybe someone else will take my place? im confused and afraid at the same time. and by the way, what do you think about what i said with her best girlfriend(which is close to me as well)? should i try and consult her,since she knows her from the bottom to the top, or its a too big and not smart step?
thanks a lot man

-Tom

 

[Richard]

ok i understand what you are saying. but wont getting more skilled with women take time? and in that time maybe someone else will take my place? im confused and afraid at the same time. and by the way, what do you think about what i said with her best girlfriend(which is close to me as well)? should i try and consult her,since she knows her from the bottom to the top, or its a too big and not smart step?
thanks a lot man

Alright Tom,

Until you truly dive into this stuff you won't properly understand how life changing it is. Both Nick and I could explain how learning to pick-up women will benefit you greatly as time goes on, but that'd be a waste of our time and our breath.

Only you can tell yourself what your life will be like if you don't learn this stuff, and only you can think of the possibilities you are missing out on if you don't try this stuff...

Maybe a story will help you though:

There once was a king who sat on his throne. He was respected and acknowledged by all his kingdom, and the king also dabbled in real estate. He'd travel around to other areas of population, find the nicest houses and the nicest properties, the most gorgeous land; all for the sake of his kingdom and himself. He excelled at his work, and one day traveled upon a land, and noticed an impeccable palace encrusted with gems and it just seemed to resonate peace within it. The king obviously wanted it for himself, and made an offer to buy it. The king's offer was rejected. The bartering persisted, but the king eventually left... without the palace. For the next few years of his reign, the king thought only of that palace, and rejected the offers of other palaces.

Several other kingdoms new of the conquest of our king and wanted to offer their palaces to him. Each time the king traveled to those other palaces and rejected them, never making an offer, and never acquiring new territory.

However, the king frequently went back to make an offer on that first palace; every time facing rejection. All this time his kingdom had weakened because his ruling power was focused elsewhere, and so in a last ditch effort, the king commanded his army to seize the jewel encrusted palace.

His guards, and his army swiftly follow the king's orders, and the palace is seized. The king at long last finally has the palace he had thirsted over for the last ten years. The king steps into what he considered his manifested dream, and sullenly the king's face changes. His excited expression falls into a depressed one. His walk slows, his shoulders hunch, his head tilts, and the king returns to his kingdom. Sitting on his throne he looks around and realizes that his kingdom had fallen, his health has started to fail; and for what? All for the price of an ordinary palace; one of the millions that existed.

 

[gonzy]

Richard and Nick i want to thank you so much for helping a dude out. i will try my best to improve in seduction and pick up, and i hope she will see the new me and i'll get her back

-Tom

 

[Richard]

By the way,

Don't be discouraged if you fall for another girl, bro. I know you want this girl now, but as you advance you'll find that your taste in women changes, and that your standards change.

The girl who is a 10 now, will become a 7 when you've got experience.

Tastes change, times change, you change, and she changes. Don't be afraid to change with it.

 

[Verisimilitude]

I think every one of us had that "perfect girl" who we never got. I know I did. Today, I just saw a picture of her on facebook, going out on new years. She was definitely looking good, and she had really tried. Heels, makeup, hair curled, sexy outfit, everything. And I saw her and I thought, "Man, the last girl who I had sex was just as good looking as her". It was a pretty big breakthrough. I realized that there are plenty of girls who look just as good as her, and they're everywhere. Its funny really. In four years I went to being too scared to ask her to a dance to "ehhh she's ok. I might approach her if she gave me the right signals"

There's a lot of good advice above me from a lot of experienced guys. They know what they're doing. I wanted to share my story with you too.

 

[Doctor]

Just wanted to say welcome to the boards Tom, you came to the right place!

I was in the same situation as you before I discovered pick up and, long story short, the girl I was obsessing over for years turned out to be a lesbian! She is even getting married soon. Boy am I glad I decided to focus my attention on the millions of other amazing women out there now!

Anyway not saying that will happen to you but, like the other guys said, learning to be good with women in general is definitely a skill you want to have in your arsenal. It's probably even the best way to get the girl you want back, when she sees loads of women lusting after you she is bound to notice, it's just a question of whether you will even care by then.

It's a hard slog, and trust me, I know how hard it is to shift focus from that 'one' girl. And just a quick word of caution; it took me a LOT longer than I thought it would to see results. It's been a year and a half for me now and things are only just starting to all come together for me. It's worth it though, it's such a freeing feeling when you start to get super hot women actively chasing YOU, and that feeling spreads into all parts of your life.

Anyway, good luck, and remember we are all here to help you any way we can!

-Doctor

EDIT: I forgot to say if you want to speak to her girlfriend or make your feelings known to her direct then definitely do that. I did (before I knew of her sexual preference!) and she (of course) rejected me. But it was still probably one of the best things I have ever done as it effectively ended that chapter of my life and allowed me to move on to much greener pastures, so to speak. So yes, do it, but be ready to handle that rejection. It hits hard but soon after you will be so glad you did it.

 

[gonzy]

thanks you xcrunner and Doctor, appreciate your comments, you're awesome.