Need help with possible friend zone situation

[Dumdum1]

Hey guys, I'm on another similar forum but getting tired of the simplistic advice there that doesn't take circumstances into account. Hoping this forum is a little better for advice on this kinda thing. If your advice is to just make a move to find out, that's really not what I'm looking for even though I know that is what will solve this.

To start, this girl dated my buddy for about 8 months. Ended when a girl he was fvcking got pissed and messaged her to let her know what was going on. She kicked him out of the apt about a week later. Since then we just naturally started texting more and more, hanging out here and there. She let me store my car in her garage for a few months after they broke up so I offered to take her out for dinner for her bday. As we pulled up to the restaurant there is a few hotels around and she says "no dinner first? Just taking me to a hotel?" Afterwards I realized I should have told her "you wish" but her saying that really caught me off guard so I just laughed it off. Night went great, went back to her place and had a couple beers and watched a movie. Nothing happened though, she fell asleep before it was over. I left at like 4 AM and in the morning she texts saying she loved everything about the night before, and that she was all ready to make us breakfast.

She wasn't born in the US so has a very friendly personality. She tells me about guys she hangs out with and they get the wrong idea. She has also brought up another date she went on but said there was no chemistry. She has tried to set me up with a friend of hers (pretty hot).

Went out to dinner with her last night, we both smoked MJ before eating and she started talking about how I am considering moving to another state in a few months to a year. She seemed to get kinda emotional and when I said I'm not sure because it makes more sense financially to stay here because right now I'm very close to the port, and I'd be doing importing. Usually she makes it obvious that she doesn't want me to move, but she started telling me how to make it easier. Just struck me as pretty weird that she'd be encouraging me to move after all this time acting like she really doesn't want me to leave. Feels almost like shes resisting getting too involved with me because she is a LTR type, never has a ONS from what she told me which I believe because of her upbringing.

She initiates texts most of the time, and did text me a week ago "I feel like we haven't hung out in a really long time", which is why we went out last night. One thing brought up on the other forum I'm on that most guys there said was a good sign was that she wanted to come to my place to use the jacuzzi. Don't wanna be just another guy that's taking her friendliness for more than it is. But getting lots of signs both ways.

What do you guys think?

 

[Lover]

I'm not sure what kind of advice you want because I can't assess what it is you want from her. But I'll just say what's on my mind in random order and assume you want to bed her.

1. You believe her words way too much, and you misjudge her because of it.

She tells me about guys she hangs out with and they get the wrong idea. She has also brought up another date she went on but said there was no chemistry.

The latter is okay, that happens. But that is only half the story.. who knows what happened in the other, untold half?

The former, though... come on, guys get the wrong idea? Either she is not aware of the signals she sends, or she knows exactly what she's doing.

I'd interpret both statements as "Guys want me. You better move fast, big boy"

Feels almost like shes resisting getting too involved with me because she is a LTR type, never has a ONS from what she told me which I believe because of her upbringing.

Girls doing this much to present themselves like pure angels are very likely the dirtiest devils you can imagine. But they sound convincing because what they say makes sense.

2. You have been moving slow.

Since then we just naturally started texting more and more, hanging out here and there. She let me store my car in her garage for a few months after they broke up so I offered to take her out for dinner for her bday. As we pulled up to the restaurant there is a few hotels around and she says "no dinner first? Just taking me to a hotel?" Afterwards I realized I should have told her "you wish" but her saying that really caught me off guard so I just laughed it off. Night went great, went back to her place and had a couple beers and watched a movie. Nothing happened though, she fell asleep before it was over. I left at like 4 AM and in the morning she texts saying she loved everything about the night before, and that she was all ready to make us breakfast.

"You wish" would have been a great respons!

But you took her out for dinner and end up doing nothing at her place even though you were all alone. I mean... what is she supposed to think afterwards? She was ready to get laid on her bday.

Don't wanna be just another guy that's taking her friendliness for more than it is.

That's not the nice thing to do here. I hardly know any woman who are friendly to everybody unconditionally. If you make her feel good, and she wants you sexually, she'll return the favor. You should take her friendliness for more than it is. She's putting herself out there to make you aware of her. "How?", I can hear you ask. Well...

3. Moniter her actions. They tell the whole story.

"No dinner first, just taking me to a hotel?" = sex, sex, sex, sex, sex

She gets emotional because you're moving soon? = She hasn't had you yet, and that's frustrating

She wants to come to your place to use your jacuzzi = Showing off her HOT body in a bikini ?? And it's SO close to your bedroom??? Just how far is she willing to go to get in bed with you??

4. Make your move, SOON!

Invite her over to the tub and make a move on her.

You could also wait for her to make things happen again, but who knows when and if she will go cold.

 

[Dumdum1]

You could also wait for her to make things happen again, but who knows when and if she will go cold.

Thanks for the reply. Basically sums up what I've been thinking in my head. I have been trying to get her back over for the jacuzzi but she got a pretty big tattoo a few weeks ago so have to wait for that to be all healed up. From what she said it's usually 3 weeks which it has probably been at this point but it's pretty big so I could see it taking longer. I'll bring it up soon and see where that goes. We'll probably smoke when she does come over and I told her after the last time that it made my sense of touch go crazy while we were at the restaurant. Said "now I see why people like to smoke and fvck, must feel insane." And she said "it's the best " I told her "damn I've been missing out" then she says "better fire up tinder" lol but seems like this is probably just another instance of her resisting and not trying to get involved with me.

 

[Dumdum1]

Still havent figured things out with this chick yet but I have decided that next time I see her I gotta bring it up to her and find out if she is happy just being friends or if she wants more than that. Looking for ways to bring it up to her without making it a big deal. Since the last post there have been a few things that might display more of what shes thinking.

-Invited me out with her friends for one of their bdays at dave and busters. Got drinks and the game card, she paid for both and didn't want me to pay her back, total came out to about $80 for us both. One of her friends came along with us to play the games but later on we went just us two. On the ride home though she brought up the friend that played with us, saying I should slide in her DMs lol the friend is honestly very pretty but not really interested in her like I am with this one. She has done this type of thing before, trying to set me up with another one of her friends, and telling me to fire up tinder during a convo before. This could just all be sh1t tests to see if I will just go for any good looking girl like her ex. But could also be that she is trying to put my focus on other girls instead of on her. Anyways, after d&b its about 12:30 shes driving and asks if I want to go home or if I wanna hang out at her place for a little while. Watch a movie and I sleep on the couch again. She drops me off in the morning and says something like "thanks for being a homie and hanging out"

-I had a sample of a shirt that she wanted made, brought two sizes for her to try on. She takes her shirt off and is wearing a sports bra underneath. Puts on the sample and says its good then takes it off and then asks if I like the shirt she was originally wearing. Seemed like she was trying to get my attention on to her (her dog was jumping up on me trying to play).

-Not 100% sure on this but I think she said I am basically the dogs daddy lol

-This one sounds retarded to type out but seems worth mentioning. She thanked me for something and hugged me and when the hug ended she kinda ran her hand down my arm. Just felt like she prolonged contact on purpose but could also just be nothing.

So a-jay or anyone else that can read into this and give any opinions one way or the other Im happy to hear anyones take on this before I possibly look like an idiot that read into stuff way too much and tell her that I want her as more than a friend. Saw her last night to help her load her truck and she was telling me she was just in a weird mood, seemed really off for her, shes usually a very stable person mentally. The night before was when the whole shirt changing thing happened. Don't know if shes just getting frustrated that I am not making a move or what.

 

[Lover]

Dumdum. I'll make this short to focus on what matters now.

What's stopping you from making a move?

Do you really want to bed this girl?

And why do you want to ask her whether she's satisfied being friends or wanting more?

Never tell her how you feel about her. And never ask her what she wants from or with you. When you have asked a girl these sentences once, maybe twice, you'll never ask about them again. Why? Because they are both your one-way ticket to the dreaded friendzone. But it pretty much sounds like you are there now. You have met way too many times without any sexual fun. You don't have to make it worse for yourself by telling her anything..

 

[Dumdum1]

Dumdum. I'll make this short to focus on what matters now.

What's stopping you from making a move?

Do you really want to bed this girl?

And why do you want to ask her whether she's satisfied being friends or wanting more?

Never tell her how you feel about her. And never ask her what she wants from or with you. When you have asked a girl these sentences once, maybe twice, you'll never ask about them again. Why? Because they are both your one-way ticket to the dreaded friendzone. But it pretty much sounds like you are there now. You have met way too many times without any sexual fun. You don't have to make it worse for yourself by telling her anything..

What's stopping me is that I just really can't read one way or the other what it is she wants. I mean most girls after going out to the bday thing I doubt they would be asking if I wanna go back to their place at 1 am if we are just friends. But then in the same trip she's telling me I should hit on her friend. If it was all positive signals I'd have no problem but the negative signals are what's got me second guessing her intentions.

I don't mind just being her friend, she's super cool and is constantly paying or helping me with stuff. It's just driving me crazy not knowing because if she does/did want to be more than friends and I missed the opportunity then that'd be pretty sh1tty.

 

[Yhaceed]

Dumdum

I hate to say this but she might think of you like one of her girlfriends. Have you read the sad tale of shoppping guy : https://www.girlschase.com/content/sad-tale-shopping-guy ? You should be communicating clearly through non verbals at least to just about every girl whether you want to be friends or not. I guess your issue right now is you're scared to lose her and if that's the case I don't think I can help you. It's like you're on a diving board scared to jump in the water and maybe you want someone to push you in. If you dive in at least know you're not gonna drown. If she's as cool as you say she is she can handle your attraction for her. Anyway good luck.

~Yhaceed

 

[Lover]

Okay, so here's a crazy thought... has she seen you hook up with any girl... at all? That might also explain why she's suggesting Tinder and her other friends: she's unsure if you experience attraction at all LOL.

Anyway, you should stop worrying about what she wants with you, and ask yourself what you want from her. You say you don't mind her being your friend, then fine. Don't do anything. Don't bring it up in front of her, never talk about it. Meet new girls instead of knocking your head in the wall because of one missed opportunity =) Let her be her silly self, trying to hook you up with her girlfriends and suggesting you go to Tinder.

I mean most girls after going out to the bday thing I doubt they would be asking if I wanna go back to their place at 1 am if we are just friends.

You're right. She most likely would not be asking a "just friend" back to her place at 1 am on her bday. BUT... were you expecting her to make a move once you got there? :'D Let this be a learning experience for the girls you meet in the future: make the move if you want them.

 

[Dumdum1]

~Yhaceed

.

thanks for the straight talk guys.

I was at her place Friday with a few samples of shirts for her to try on the sizing. She didn't hesitate to take her shirt off and change right in front of me, but she had a sports bra on though so it might not be a big deal. Only thing is that the next day I saw her and she said she was in a weird mood. Tuesday I asked if she was all good since she was acting different and posted on IG with the cation "music on, BS off". She told me that she was stressed from work and that she was also feeling pretty lonely lately.

I know I gotta just go for it and see what happens so I texted her about an hour ago and asked if she had anything going on later. She said no so I told her I wanted to see her if she wants some company. She said "oh haha ya sure. Ive been trying to go to sleep earlier but we can hang out for a bit"

Doesnt sound too great but we'll see how it goes when I get there. Shes definitely been different through text but I think in person I will be able to read what is actually going on and finally tell her whats been going through my head. Pretty anxious about it but its gotta be done.