Need help with this classic auto-rejection case

[LoneWolf14]

Hey there guys

I'll try to be as brief as possible. I am 21 year old college student and as part of a project I am a part of, about a month ago I became the instructor of a team. Among the team members was this girl. We always flirted and there has always been tension between the two of us. At the end of the two weeks we had a team building session. At some point during the two week period she wanted to give up because she thought I was too harsh. However, I called her and told her that she had no reason to give up and that I won't change my ways in order to please anybody. So when we were at this team building session she asked me to go to the beach with her and she told me she wanted to thank me for not letting her give up. Yeah right... She was cold so I kept pulling her closer and closer until she was on top of me. She then asked me how discreet I am and I told her that she's gonna have to find out and we started making out. For the remainder of the two days we stayed there we had multiple make out sessions but we had to keep it low key because we could have had trouble. We stayed in different rooms and sex was out of the question because it would've been too risky.

When we returned, 2 nights later we went out with the rest of the team and celebrated. After a while she invited us to her place to have some drinks. After some more drinking the rest of the team left and we remained alone. She resisted having sex even though she would let me do pretty much anything else like sucking on her tits, stimulating her pussy with my hand and so on. The prelude was ok and she was really enjoying it but each time I tried to pull her panties down, she wouldn't let me. She told me some stories about guys who broke her heart before and she was basically telling me that she wanted to see whether I was a player or not. After a while I called it a night and went home.

So here's where it went downhill. We had a meeting two days later. By this time she had become very concerned with the fact that people were talking about us as being thing. By this time I have accepted that people figured out what was going on but she didn't and was acting weird and treating me badly when others were around in order to make it seem like there was nothing. She was saying dumb stuff and in response I was jokingly pulling out my phone and showing her that I would block her on whatsapp or whatever whenever she says something stupid. I realize that I sound like a jerk, but it was just a joke. So she said something silly, I did that and she got upset. We haven't spoken for 5 days and I decided to text her and invite her on a date. It turns out that she was extremely pissed with the fact that we haven't spoken in 5 days and that I blocked her, even though I did it in a joking manner. She was saying stuff like 'I'm not like your other girls who go out with you whenever you please' and that I didn't care about her. Note that I never hinted at talking or going out with other girls besides her but it turns out that she thinks I'm a fuckboy. We had a meeting the other day and I told her that I wanted to talk to her afterwards. So when we remained alone she kept telling me that I only cared about me, that she felt really bad and so on. She barely let me give her a peck on her lips. She kept telling me that she wanted to see if I would text her more often. I told her that I won't be her pen friend but I will try. So we had another party where we talked on two occasions. There I asked her out again and she kept saying that she wanted me to text her the other day and that she won't give me an answer at the party. So I texted her the other day and she got pissed that I asked her out. She got mad and said that she doesn't see where this goes and that she doesn't like the fact that I only want to take her out in order to tease her and make out with her. I told her that I just wanted to talk to her and clear things out. She remained pissed so I called her. When she picked up the phone she told me that she had a deja-vu and I told her that it wasn't the first time we were solving problems this way. So she calmed down over the phone and kept telling me that she felt really bad.

By now, I am aware that logic doesn't matter to women and all that matters is the fact that she felt bad. I don't want to lose her and I am ware that she's in a state of auto-rejection because she will resist going out with me. She will simply avoid giving me an answer. So I pulled back my invitation and told her that I will give her a few days break. What was confusing to me was that she said that I was pressuring her by approaching her at social circle events and she wanted me to leave her a couple of days so that she would no longer be upset but at the same time she said she wanted me to text her more and she got upset that I didn't text her for 5 days. So basically she said I was being a bit pushy but at the same time she became clingy herself. She said that she wanted things to evolve naturally, I told her that this is what I also wanted and it's odd because she says this then gets pissed that I'm not texting her. She said that she would text me but she hasn't. It's been two days since we last spoke.

I read the turning around a girl into auto-rejection article and my question is the following:
I think that the best suited turnaround would be the turnaround formula. Should I wait more to do it? I'm planning to text her about some random shit, ask her if she's busy then call her and do the 4 step method. I know the articles says that I should do it right away but given the dynamic of this situation I think that I still have to wait before I'm doing it. Should I let her cool down a couple of days more? Should I text her asap? What do you guys think?

TL;DR: been an ass to a girl, she got mad, she will resist seeing me, she said she wanted it - classic auto-rejection. I'm thinking of doing the turnaround formula in chase's article on auto-rejection. Should I wait a couple more days or should I do it asap?

 

[Mr.Rob]

Damn there's a lot to unpack here...

Someone else will probably have a better read on this but I'll give you my thoughts.

Well a few things.
1. You need more abundance of women in your life, it seems your getting a bit hung up on this one girl
2. The 1st mistake was giving her all that validation making out with her but being unable to fuck her... Probably would've been best to tell her she has nothing to worry about being discreet and then you get a hotel somewhere else that night and hookup then OR not make out with her till you were both alone at her place for the party.
3. You should've handled the situation better so that no one at work had an inclination you two were up to something, that threw a whole new wrench in her reputation potentially being at risk which is why she sorta threw you under the bus in front of everyone
4. Probably should've been more attainable with her as she clearly thinks your a player the way you came off

Basically a leadership problem. Your responsible for making sure things go smooth for both of you and no one catches on and things remain discreet so in the future you'll want to lead stronger and tell how both of you are going to act publicly moving forward so no one catches on.

Moving forward you could try the 4 step method (I think thats something along the lines of admitting you were too cold with her and then offering to make it up to her or something?) but I'd probably keep it on the outcome independence side and talk as if your not expecting her to come running back to you but sort of warmly wrapping it all up with her but its your fault things didn't work out. Take the pressure off her to accept your offer to reconcile or whatever the last step is.

Ya I wouldn't expect this to pan out at this point (and the precedent set already isn't great by any means) but see what she says and be willing to walk away.

 

[LoneWolf14]

Thanks a lot for your answer.

There's a few things that I need to point out.

1. I actually have a lot of options, that's part of the reason why she has been so harsh. And this ties to our problem regarding people sensing there's something between the two of us. She actually came up to me once and told me that she thought a girl was particularly harsh to her because that girl liked me. Yes, I am a bit hung up on her because I really enjoy her company and we seem to have great chemistry. She was actually very affectionate with me, really quickly and to me it does seem like since she got so butthurt about so many things, I guess she developed an emotional tie to me. She once told me that I was like a father and she liked it.

2. We couldn't have sex during the team building session. No other hotels in the area and our room mates would've found out. It was clear to both of us that it couldn't happen there. What matters to me is the fact that she resisted when we were alone at her place even though she allowed me to do anything else beside actually penetrating her. And this definitely happened because she was unsure at the time whether I was a player or not.

3. The funny thing is that people sniffed something was up due to her behavior. And I told her as well that she was obvious as fuck but she never listened. I was just acting casually and as I said in my OP she was acting sketchy af. Someone even told her up front that she should stop acting like nothing's up because it was silly. I wish I could've done more but her actions were fucking my efforts up and there was nothing I could do at that point since I couldn't control her actions.

4. I definitely consider this to be my biggest fuck up and that's why I've actually been putting a little bit more effort into this lately, while being careful not to chase.

As far as leadership goes I actually had a conversation with her on this topic right after we first made out. I kept telling her that she shouldn't care about what others think and that she should just keep acting normal like nothing's happened. People simply sniffed it and she became very worried about it and yet again it was her actions that gave it all away. At this point my leadership was rendered useless since I couldn't control her actions.

I was actually thinking to tell her that I acknowledged her concerns (I will obviously be more specific), to tell her I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, to compliment her and to ask her out on a dinner to revamp our thing. However, I actually like what you're proposing regarding the more or less fake wrap up and I'm definitely considering it.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply!

Cheers!

 

[LoneWolf14]

Thought I'd update.

Texted her a meme, she didn't answer. I waited one day then I texted her something like 'I hope you didn't get so excited that I finally texted you and you passed out'. Still no answer. Some might say that double texting is needy. I personally believe that not the act itself is needy as much as what you're actually saying.

Then something strange happened. This weekend I went out in town with some friends. As I was walking down a street towards a place with food I saw her and passed her by but I don't think that she saw me. I went ahead, and got myself something to eat. She was going the opposite direction and I was about to leave the area so I thought I wouldn't run into her again. I left the food place and saw her in front of a club on the opposite side. Our path out of the area took us right by the place she was standing. I went by acting as if I hadn't noticed her. Then she went after me, grabbed my ass and by the time I had turned, she turned herself and was going back to her friends. I wasn't gonna stop or go after her or anything so I went on.

After a while I arrived at a club elsewhere. I posted a story on instagram and she viewed right away, One strange thing is that she always views my stories right away. This actually starting happening more as we grew apart from each other.

The fuck is up... Not gonna text her or anything, at least not for a couple of weeks unless she does it.