Need help with this one. Should I keep at it?

[Maxxz]

Hey folks. Long time reader of the site and lurker on the forum who decided to ask for help on a unique situation to me that I recently ran into.

So here goes, I work at an office site and we recently hired this hottie at the office place. I've not being one who pursues office romance as I feel they'll eventually blow up in one's face. But I wanted to make an exception for this woman, because she was super hot.

And going by the site's motto of moving fast I approached Kate (not her real name) and got to talking to her, didn't do much deep diving as I kept the conversation light but fun. Not wasting time I asked if she was seeing anyone and she said NO, but responded that she had a two year old son and her son was her only focus. She stated she wasn't interested in dating or seeing anyone at the moment. I took that to mean she wasn't interested in dating me, because we already know if the right guy comes along she'll acquiesce quickly.

Anyhow I pushed ahead and got her number, still stating my intention of going out with her. I sent her an icy breaker text the night of and she warmly responds saying she'd save my number. Took that as minimal good sign. So I let a day pass, and sent an ice breaker text the next night asking her "What kinda trouble she got herself into after work?" She responds about an hour later apologizing for replying so late, she states she was putting her son to bed, and then ask what I mean by "TROUBLE"? I ignored her apology and respond by saying she's a "charming woman who must have some good troubles out there which must make her adventurous"? She responds flatly and I felt coldly by saying she's "not adventurous and she had to go to bed and goodnight".

I was gonna ask her out on my reply text to her, but I felt her response was so cold as I stated, that I just did't respond to her telling me she was going to bed and goodnight. I saw her at the office the next day and played it cool by saying "hi" but not really engaging with her as she sought of seemed aloof and distant.

So my question to the experienced guys here is how do I follow up here? Should I just fire off a text asking her out to see if she bites? Or should I just walk away as she already seemed to state she wasn't looking to date anyone with the whole baby thing being her current focus. Would love some responses on how to proceed.

 

[luego]

What's unique about this?

You likely correctly interpreted that she's giving you a polite "not interested", with the 'not ready to date anyone' type line.
You pursued, and got a number.
You used a fairly good opening line, friendly yet flirty... and she tried to clarify what you meant, before completely blowing you out.

This sounds dead in the water.

 

[Maxxz]

Thanks Luego, for the reply. I meant Unique in the sense I've never really pursued office romance.

But yeah, this does seem dead. Never really had a chance I guess. If others wanna chime in I'd love to get their response. Franco? Et al?

 

[Franco]

Maxxz,

As luego already mentioned, she may just not be interested; you need to keep in mind that she's a mom with a kid, and maybe she doesn't want to risk her new job by getting into anything with a co-worker. She needs the money.

Now, with that being said, if it were me, I probably would have been a little less flirtatious with my opener. Generally with moms, it's pretty clear whether or not they want something with you (which is why this might have been dead to begin with), but you also don't want to try to get too "player-ish" with them because they've learned to avoid that type of stuff once they've had a kid. They actually seem to be more interested in a "genuine" guy for the most part, so all you have to do is move things forward.

So instead of this:

You: What kinda trouble did you get yourself into after work?

...which is something you might send a single girl who is going out on the weekends, you instead send her something warm and direct:

You: Hey Kate, I was thinking we should grab a drink this week if you're not too busy with the little guy(/gal). Are you down?

This is probably more of an advanced way of approaching a woman because it takes into account her situation (and it's kind of a sixth sense you develop with time and experience). With most girls, the "getting into trouble" line is probably fine, but my general experience would probably indicate to me that this woman is focused on two things: her kid(s) and her career. She's only interested in men that are also going to take those two things into account. =)

This still may not have changed the outcome had you used a different opener, but it's worth noting for future mom/milfs you might encounter!

- Franco

 

[Maxxz]

Thanks Franco, valuable information as usual. Lessons learned. On to the next one.