Need some advice (actually quite a lot)

[Scrub]

Hi, I'm new to these forums.

I read some of the articles and they make sense and they are all interesting, however, I can't really achieve even a fraction of the results. I just moved to London (UK) from another city. Nowadays there are so many guys who are aged 40+ and they don't shit about chasing women and they continue throughout their lives as such, always wanting but never really achieving - they just go for the straight-up HAVE A SEX? approach like Borat. It just gets more and more wierd as you get older and still look at 20 year old girls. I don't want to become one of those guys... I really want to make the change but I just don't know how exactly. I am really old (aged 29), and for someone my age, I should have a hell of a lot more experience than I do. I don't want to end up with nothing for the rest of my life.

I'm going to break down a few things that I can help myself to get the most accurate advice that I need:

Social Circle - Basically 0, near non-existant, recently just moved and I don't really know anyone. I have a few gym friends and a couple of guys to have a drink with but that's about it.

My style/clothes - I'd say I dress pretty well and my closet has decent shirts/trousers/jackets although I can do with a few more up-to-date clothes, I know how to keep my hair so that it looks good and I'm generally quite clean. I'm very short for a guy (only 5ft8).

Weight - I'm fat at the moment (82kg) but I have a solid gym program that I have started working on this week and in about 3 month, I should be back to my normal weight.

Experience with girls - I did diagnostics report on this website 3x and I had journeyman each time, I'm not sure if that's entirely correct, because in some areas I have 0 experience and in others I have a fair amount. I have always been the type of guy who gets a girlfriend through either a friend or someone participating in a common interest of mine to be able to have sex. I've had about 6 relationships altogether. I was lucky last year and took a girl home from a night club, and maybe 2 other lucky hookups here and there.



I don't want to be the girlfriend guy... I'm sick of "getting lucky"... it's just shit. I don't want to have to be in a relationship to have sex. I don't want to be 38 years old and settle for some crap. I am not in the best position to go and approach girls right now because I'm overweight but even in 3 months time, 1) I don't know where to approach girls, I absolutely deteste night clubs 2) I don't know how to approach a whole group of girls and zone in on one 3) Even if I do speak to girls, I don't know what to say... I have nothing to talk about and I have no personality so conversations are short-lived and never get me anywhere. I used to approach girls a lot but I never built up the rapport properly, so whenever I asked for a number, they would reject me with "Sorry I don't have a phone".

I tried pof but my pictures were always bad so I got rid of the profile each time when I realised. I can't take a good photo right now because I am fat but I will when I reduce my weight. My standards for girls are so incredibly low at the moment, I'd gladly hook up with a 4/10.

I know you guys have all been through this before, so do you reckon you can help me out?

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This is an old pic of me with an ex from about 1 year ago. I am showing you the image so that you can see that my potential to look good isn't a problem. I know for a fact that some guys just look below-average so they have to work harder.

Thanks for reading

 

[tvktvk]

Bro, you're a good looking guy. If you put in the effort I believe you can do twice as good as what you refer to as a "4". But remember self improvement is a grind, and will take you many months of hard work, maybe even a few years.

Advice:
1. Keep working out.
2. Upgrade your wardrobe. Look, looking sexy is very simple. Just buy slim fitted stuff in mostly black and white or other boring colors (tees, jeans, socks, underwear) and spend your money buying quality jackets and shoes.
3. Work on your non verbals. Check out the articles on this matter.
3. Become a better conversationalist. Just simply talk to as many people as you can both guys and girls and practice your conversation skills. If you don't have anything to talk about thats fine! You just let the other person talk for 80% of the time anyways. Lot of articles on this on girlschase.
4. Start with online game and day game. For online game you need professional/really good photos for your profile, so you need to contact a photographer.
5. Learn the process. Learn the steps and always move the interaction wth the girl forward. Gazillions of articles on this as well.
6. If you don't have anything to talk about, well go do something exciting! Go on an adventure or something you always wanted to do. The only thing holding you back is you.
7. Did I say this is a fucking grind?
8. Smile, live your life and enjoy the process. A smile can really do wonders man, I mean really I walk into a club nowadays with a big fat smile on my face and 9 out of 10 people smile back and wants to have as much fun as I'm having. Then I make eye contact with some cute girl who stares down and smiles shyly. I look to my side, grinning while I give her a couple of seconds to collect herself. Then I walk over and introduce myself as her date for the night

tvktvk

 

[Seppuku]

Man,

I myself did the change you want to achieve, at age 45, so it's never too late, and no doubt at 29 you can achieve even better given the will to do so.

I would say, first prioritize improving your fundamentals. Drop ten kgs and start paying attention to yourself and how you dress. You will notice a change in how girls (and people) look at you. Focus on this exclusively for now, with full commitment. I did the Dukan diet, and dropped 18kgs in 3 months back in the time. There is also an article on weight loss in GC which is very good. Working out alone won't be enough to get you there.

Second, you need a process to get lots of new phone numbers. It doesn't really matters what the process is. This site mainly advocates direct approach and daygame, and if you can master it, it is clearly the best way. But it's not the only way, you also have night game, social circle game, online game, etc... See what fits you best and stick to it. I went early on into online game here, somehow accidentally, and it worked well for me so I went on that road.

Third, you will need to gain experience in dating, pulling, going for faster sex, designing your process, thinking your logistics. It really works as advertised here, if you move faster you get better results. It's a learning curve, but it's worth the trip.

Step by step. But first, fundamentals.

I hope this helps.
Cheers man!
Seppuku

 

[Improvementalist]

Hi, I'm new to these forums.

I read some of the articles and they make sense and they are all interesting, however, I can't really achieve even a fraction of the results. I just moved to London (UK) from another city. Nowadays there are so many guys who are aged 40+ and they don't shit about chasing women and they continue throughout their lives as such, always wanting but never really achieving - they just go for the straight-up HAVE A SEX? approach like Borat. It just gets more and more wierd as you get older and still look at 20 year old girls. I don't want to become one of those guys... I really want to make the change but I just don't know how exactly. I am really old (aged 29), and for someone my age, I should have a hell of a lot more experience than I do. I don't want to end up with nothing for the rest of my life.

I'm going to break down a few things that I can help myself to get the most accurate advice that I need:

Social Circle - Basically 0, near non-existant, recently just moved and I don't really know anyone. I have a few gym friends and a couple of guys to have a drink with but that's about it.

My style/clothes - I'd say I dress pretty well and my closet has decent shirts/trousers/jackets although I can do with a few more up-to-date clothes, I know how to keep my hair so that it looks good and I'm generally quite clean. I'm very short for a guy (only 5ft8).

Weight - I'm fat at the moment (82kg) but I have a solid gym program that I have started working on this week and in about 3 month, I should be back to my normal weight.

Experience with girls - I did diagnostics report on this website 3x and I had journeyman each time, I'm not sure if that's entirely correct, because in some areas I have 0 experience and in others I have a fair amount. I have always been the type of guy who gets a girlfriend through either a friend or someone participating in a common interest of mine to be able to have sex. I've had about 6 relationships altogether. I was lucky last year and took a girl home from a night club, and maybe 2 other lucky hookups here and there.



I don't want to be the girlfriend guy... I'm sick of "getting lucky"... it's just shit. I don't want to have to be in a relationship to have sex. I don't want to be 38 years old and settle for some crap. I am not in the best position to go and approach girls right now because I'm overweight but even in 3 months time, 1) I don't know where to approach girls, I absolutely deteste night clubs 2) I don't know how to approach a whole group of girls and zone in on one 3) Even if I do speak to girls, I don't know what to say... I have nothing to talk about and I have no personality so conversations are short-lived and never get me anywhere. I used to approach girls a lot but I never built up the rapport properly, so whenever I asked for a number, they would reject me with "Sorry I don't have a phone".

I tried pof but my pictures were always bad so I got rid of the profile each time when I realised. I can't take a good photo right now because I am fat but I will when I reduce my weight. My standards for girls are so incredibly low at the moment, I'd gladly hook up with a 4/10.

I know you guys have all been through this before, so do you reckon you can help me out?

[/url][/img]

This is an old pic of me with an ex from about 1 year ago. I am showing you the image so that you can see that my potential to look good isn't a problem. I know for a fact that some guys just look below-average so they have to work harder.

Thanks for reading

Dude, you look like a movie star. I'm somewhat younger than you, less masculine looking than you and more inexperienced when it comes to sex and relationships, but I've still managed to become a technician. If I've managed to do it, so can you! And hey, being 29.. It's really not that old. It only is if you make yourself feel like it. And believe me, I've been im that mentality. It's not a good place to be in.

I read some of the articles and they make sense and they are all interesting, however, I can't really achieve even a fraction of the results. I just moved to London (UK) from another city. Nowadays there are so many guys who are aged 40+ and they don't shit about chasing women and they continue throughout their lives as such, always wanting but never really achieving - they just go for the straight-up HAVE A SEX? approach like Borat. It just gets more and more wierd as you get older and still look at 20 year old girls. I don't want to become one of those guys... I really want to make the change but I just don't know how exactly. I am really old (aged 29), and for someone my age, I should have a hell of a lot more experience than I do. I don't want to end up with nothing for the rest of my life.

Woah, London must be like a treasure trove! I wish I woud live there.

You don't want to end up with nothing. That's already an intention from you, and intention leads to leads to action. This is a good thing. You're also not a person who drools mindlessly for sex everywhere he goes. That's also a good thing. Suave and coolness.

Social Circle - Basically 0, near non-existant, recently just moved and I don't really know anyone. I have a few gym friends and a couple of guys to have a drink with but that's about it.

It's okay, you don't need to have social circles if you cold approach, both in day and night game. Social circles don't equal laids, though with the right cards it can help you.

My style/clothes - I'd say I dress pretty well and my closet has decent shirts/trousers/jackets although I can do with a few more up-to-date clothes, I know how to keep my hair so that it looks good and I'm generally quite clean. I'm very short for a guy (only 5ft8).

If your clothes are old and worn out, you may get new ones. But remember that vintage is fashionable too these days. What's important in the end is that you achieve a personal and stylish look.

Weight - I'm fat at the moment (82kg) but I have a solid gym program that I have started working on this week and in about 3 month, I should be back to my normal weight.

Good for you. Keep up with the program.

I have always been the type of guy who gets a girlfriend through either a friend or someone participating in a common interest of mine to be able to have sex. I've had about 6 relationships altogether. I was lucky last year and took a girl home from a night club, and maybe 2 other lucky hookups here and there.

So you rely on social circles to get girls? That's a problem you need to address. As I mentioned, social circles can help you get in touch with women and can in some cases help you get laid, but it's not worth putting all your eggs in one basket. You need to up your cold approach game. I'm at a high place in my social circle and have reputation, but since most of the girls in my social circle are in a relationship I can get hook ups but don't end up getting laid. Plus, having focused on social circle game I've created an extremely small and difficult dating pool for myself. I just realized recenty that I need to focus on other prospects - and that is cold approach. I think you should focus on this too.

I don't want to be the girlfriend guy... I'm sick of "getting lucky"... it's just shit.

I get you. Be stuck up like me in a friend zone with a girl for two years and you're totally fed up with it. It's not "getting lucky", on the contrary.

I don't want to be 38 years old and settle for some crap.

My standards for girls are so incredibly low at the moment, I'd gladly hook up with a 4/10.

See what I did there? You're in a scarcity mentality. Remember, you attract what you radiate. Back in the autumn when I was burn out and was totally beaten down by my situation with the girl, you know what I started to attract?

Flies.

Everywhere I were, be it a diner, a corridor or a computer room, I would notice a small fly accompanying me. Perhaps it was just a coincidence but I like to think sometimes things happen for a reason. So I started slowly to try and regain my energy, started taking care of myself, started reading self-help books and videos. And before long the flies were gone.

Start to take in the abundance mentality and you start a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself.

I am not in the best position to go and approach girls right now because I'm overweight but even in 3 months time, 1) I don't know where to approach girls, I absolutely deteste night clubs 2) I don't know how to approach a whole group of girls and zone in on one 3) Even if I do speak to girls, I don't know what to say... I have nothing to talk about and I have no personality so conversations are short-lived and never get me anywhere. I used to approach girls a lot but I never built up the rapport properly, so whenever I asked for a number, they would reject me with "Sorry I don't have a phone".

It's good that you're working on losing weight, but it's all about the attitude really. A few years ago I was thinner than now, but suffered from low self-esteem. I was being a beta. These days I've unfortunately gained a bit weight. When I look down on my shoes a double jaw appears. I don't like it but that's the current reality. Luckily, I can try and fix it if I have the motivation for it. What is good though is that these days I have confidence and loads of it. That more than makes up for these pound or two that I've gained.

I'm not saying you should quit the weight losing program, definitely continue on with it. But when you also take in a positive attitude about yourself, it's a win-win situation really.


1) Try to practise day game. Go to a local mall or a café. Just a few days ago I visited a mall and a chick with a similar style than me was walking up from downstairs. I noticed her, but I made a mistake. I didn't keep up the eye contact too long and turned my head away just when she was about to smile to me lol. Talk about a mistaken, nonverbal rejection! When I realized what I had just done I looked again, but by now she had shut in to her shell and was looking compeletely neutral, slightly cold even. And this all happened in a matter of seconds! I let her go - another mistake from my part. I I could've fixed my error by just going forward and talk to her. That should've probably brought that smile back to her face.

Just try it. Be vigilant and aware, but without looking like you're at a hunt for something. Just act cool and aloof and be on the lookout for approach invitations, just like that smile I mentioned here. With your looks there's bound to be women who are interested in you.


2) If so, then start by approaching girls who are alone. Day game is a good place for this, as the environment is not that of a night game and there's more women alone out there. When you feel comfortable approaching women who are alone, you can start trying group approaches.


3) You do have a personality. We all have one. What you're talking about is that you have low self-esteem, you see yourself as a low value man. You need to work on this, start reading the articles here at the site. There's many articles about having conversations and starting/pick up lines with a girl. I've stumbled upon them. But you need to also read articles which focus on improving yourself as a man.

There's also videos on Youtube by Coach Corey Wayne. Those are great ones too, just have a look at them.

Improve yourself and you will eventually evolve into a 2.0 version of you.

 

[Scrub]

Hey thanks for the replies. It really helps a lot. I didn't think I would get much from here. I have had no net for about a month or so + been busy with job/classes/gym etc. I had to find a new hairdresser, found a waxer (unwanted hair removal), also in the process of changing jobs, new doctor - lots of shit that needs to be done.

So I've adjusted my diet to eat less crap and more fish/beef/veg and it feels much better, lost a couple of kg (80kg now).

Recently recovered from a back injury due to squats. Gym is going well. Have to say, what is happening to the world these days?! There are girls in that gym who lift more than me?! I don't exactly lift light weights either. I mostly do clean and jerk.

I have been saving for my wardrobe, but it costs actually quite a lot. So with a couple of nice jackets, a shirt or 2, several jeans, etc all quality of course we are talking like £800 roughly? + Photographer

As for speaking to people, I don't find myself in enough social situations (work and classes don't count) to be able to just randomly strike a conversation with someone. I do talk, but most of the time when I get talking to girls who seem interested, they are actually just being friendly because they have a boyfriend already. Then on the few occasions when the rapport goes well and I ask the girl to go for a drink I get an ambiguous response like "We'll talk about it later" - I had that last week. Not really sure what to do with that? I'm guessing to just move on and keep trying?

So you rely on social circles to get girls? That's a problem you need to address. As I mentioned, social circles can help you get in touch with women and can in some cases help you get laid, but it's not worth putting all your eggs in one basket. You need to up your cold approach game. I'm at a high place in my social circle and have reputation, but since most of the girls in my social circle are in a relationship I can get hook ups but don't end up getting laid. Plus, having focused on social circle game I've created an extremely small and difficult dating pool for myself. I just realized recenty that I need to focus on other prospects - and that is cold approach. I think you should focus on this too.

To some extent yes, but also rely on social circle to be in social situations to be able to meet girls.

See what I did there? You're in a scarcity mentality. Remember, you attract what you radiate. Back in the autumn when I was burn out and was totally beaten down by my situation with the girl, you know what I started to attract?

Flies.

Everywhere I were, be it a diner, a corridor or a computer room, I would notice a small fly accompanying me. Perhaps it was just a coincidence but I like to think sometimes things happen for a reason. So I started slowly to try and regain my energy, started taking care of myself, started reading self-help books and videos. And before long the flies were gone.

Start to take in the abundance mentality and you start a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself.

Hahaha, I'll remember that whenever I talk shit about myself again! Thanks for that!


Thanks for the time on your replies, all 3 of you, especially the last one, because you really broke it down. Things are going well generally and I'm doing what I have to do, just that actually getting any girl seems so far away right now - kinda demoralising.

7. Did I say this is a fucking grind?

Damn... yeh it really is