- Joined
- Nov 23, 2013
- Messages
- 3
Hi everyone,
I've just gone through a break-up. Not that this is the first time, but I wanted to understand where I went wrong and how to get her back if possible (really hope it's possible!)
I've already read the appropriate sections of the website, and have already formed some plans but I thought I could really do with some customized help which is why I'm posting here.
So I met this girl some 8-9 months ago through some common friends, and we sort of clicked and exchanged numbers. We lived in different cities, so when I got back I called her one night and spoke for a long time. The next night she called me back, and it became a habit in no time to have a long chat with her in the night just before going to bed. Do note, it was she who was calling me most of the time. Also do note, I was casually dating other girls at the time. I was seeing two or three girls simultaneously (they all knew I wasn't exclusive with them) and was generally having a lot of fun. One day the girl in question suddenly texts me during the day that she was "missing me", and that was when I knew that she had started liking me.
The phone conversations continued, and we got closer and closer to each other till one day she decided to visit me in my city just for a day. She stayed with me that night, and we slept together for the first time. Even after she went back we continued talking, and she asked me once or twice why I hadn't asked her to be exclusive with me. The reason was that I wasn't sure about her then, and I was seeing a few other interesting girls at the time. I told her I had only met her once or twice, so I was just giving it time.
The next time I went to her city (5 months after we first started talking), I asked her to be my girlfriend (by then I had started liking this girl a lot). I was very creative about it and she immediately said yes. We had sex that night and the next day we met my friends and I made it official. We were not in love with each other, but we were happy. What I didn't know at the time was that she never told any of her friends that she was seeing me. I know, weird, right? The reason I came to learn later: There was this guy in her life who was a very close friend of hers, whom she had feelings for (she had told me about the friend, but she had never told me that she had ever had feelings for him). She never got romantically involved with him somehow and she knew he wasn't right for her, but she just had feelings for him. Apparently she wanted to keep it a secret from him that she was dating me, so she never told him or anyone else in their common friend circle.
Still, everything was going fine between the two of us. We used to meet once or twice a month, and we used to talk on the phone everyday. Just like a regular long-distance couple. I was getting more and more attached to her and was starting to have feelings for her. Suddenly one day this guy asks her out. He tells her he's been in love with her all along and just wants to be with her and nothing else. She didn't immediately give him an answer, and she discussed this with me. That's the day when she cried and told me that she had always loved him but didn't think she could be with him because she knew she wouldn't be happy with him. Now that he had proposed, she was in two minds. It broke my heart. Without giving it too much thought, I made a trip to visit her immediately. I met with her and told her that I really liked her and didn't want to lose her (Mistake? I don't know - but it felt right at the time). She said she needed time to think about it. I said fine.
Even when I got back home, we never stopped talking. She kept calling me ten times a day and told me she loved talking to me. I was going through hell, not knowing whether she would choose to be with me but trying to remain as normal as possible. And then one day she called me in the night and told me that she wanted to remain with me. I was really elated, but also confused because why the hell did I like this girl so much and why the hell am I with someone who is in love with someone else and is with me for only practical reasons??
I don't know. Maybe I should have ended it when I came to know she had feelings for someone else, but I didn't. I just kept falling more and more for her. The whole "I-don't-know-whom-to-be-with" episode over, things were just getting back to normal between us when this guy goes and gets engaged to some other girl a month later. Don't ask - I don't know who, why, or how on earth! My girl is again heartbroken, cries over the phone and tells me that maybe we shouldn't be together because she's putting me through a lot of complications and being really really unfair to me. She was right, of course, but the only thing I felt like doing at the time was to hold her closer and comfort her. I told her I'll see her through this and be with her. Am I stupid? Maybe very. But I had such strong feelings for her by then and could't bear to leave her. The thought in my mind was, that she would get over this guy soon and fall in love with me. So I endured and persisted.
A month passed, and she told me again that it wasn't working out. It had been dragging on now, and even I thought that maybe it was time to bite the bullet and end things. I said why don't you come here and talk to me face to face and let's end this properly. She agreed, and came to visit me.
That was the point of the complete turnaround. She stayed for the weekend, and believe me when I tell you that it was the most amazing weekend of our lives. We had such amazing sex and so much fun, that before she went she told me that she couldn't get over this weekend and that we should not break up but just be on a break till she got things figured out. Even though we were technically on a break, we were talking every day and I was literally jumping with joy. Things were getting better and we even had phone sex pretty much every night. A whole month passed and it really felt like she was getting over that guy quickly. He did come up in conversations, but it was just for discussion and I thought to myself, "this is really going to work out".
Until last week. I was on my monthly visit to her city to see her, and we had great sex and fun again. But she just broke my heart out of the blue. Just the day before I was to return, she told me that "I could never fall in love with you" and that "we are two very different people" and "we are not each others' types".
I said "but we're having so much fun together!"
She said "it feels like I'm meeting you for casual sex whenever we meet" and "I want to be in love with someone - experience butterflies in my stomach and everything. I feel like I am not giving my 100% to you and can never give you.." and "I am really really fond of you and like you a lot but I don't love you".. If we remain with each other I won't be able to find anyone else and neither can you, so we should just break up."
So with a heavy heart I said ok and left. But not before having sex one last time - she insisted. It was clear that she didn't have any feelings for me but did enjoy having sex with me. I also got the feeling that I was the best in bed for her out of all her previous experiences. That was the last time I spoke to her. Now it's been only 4 days since the break-up but after spending 9 months of talking to her practically everyday, it feels like some important slice of my life is gone. Moreover, I had begun to think of her in the really long term and had imagined living my life with her. It would have worked.
So can you please help me in getting her back? How do I reverse whatever mistakes I made and how do I make her fall in love with me?
One mistake that I can see I made was that I also insisted on speaking to her daily. I used to get annoyed when she didn't call me sometimes. She often said that she never liked talking on the phone much, she only used to do it because I liked it. At the time I thought it was good because she was giving me investment. Maybe I came across as too clingy and needy? Maybe it seemed to her that I didn't have a life of my own? Maybe she didn't think I was dominant or powerful or sexy enough? I'm sure she would have seen me in a better light when we started off though, considering that she couldn't wait for me to ask her out.
What do I do? Please help. I can't bear the thought of her going out with other guys. I'm holding back my instinct to call her up and tell that I miss her.
Much obliged for any help, thanks.
I've just gone through a break-up. Not that this is the first time, but I wanted to understand where I went wrong and how to get her back if possible (really hope it's possible!)
I've already read the appropriate sections of the website, and have already formed some plans but I thought I could really do with some customized help which is why I'm posting here.
So I met this girl some 8-9 months ago through some common friends, and we sort of clicked and exchanged numbers. We lived in different cities, so when I got back I called her one night and spoke for a long time. The next night she called me back, and it became a habit in no time to have a long chat with her in the night just before going to bed. Do note, it was she who was calling me most of the time. Also do note, I was casually dating other girls at the time. I was seeing two or three girls simultaneously (they all knew I wasn't exclusive with them) and was generally having a lot of fun. One day the girl in question suddenly texts me during the day that she was "missing me", and that was when I knew that she had started liking me.
The phone conversations continued, and we got closer and closer to each other till one day she decided to visit me in my city just for a day. She stayed with me that night, and we slept together for the first time. Even after she went back we continued talking, and she asked me once or twice why I hadn't asked her to be exclusive with me. The reason was that I wasn't sure about her then, and I was seeing a few other interesting girls at the time. I told her I had only met her once or twice, so I was just giving it time.
The next time I went to her city (5 months after we first started talking), I asked her to be my girlfriend (by then I had started liking this girl a lot). I was very creative about it and she immediately said yes. We had sex that night and the next day we met my friends and I made it official. We were not in love with each other, but we were happy. What I didn't know at the time was that she never told any of her friends that she was seeing me. I know, weird, right? The reason I came to learn later: There was this guy in her life who was a very close friend of hers, whom she had feelings for (she had told me about the friend, but she had never told me that she had ever had feelings for him). She never got romantically involved with him somehow and she knew he wasn't right for her, but she just had feelings for him. Apparently she wanted to keep it a secret from him that she was dating me, so she never told him or anyone else in their common friend circle.
Still, everything was going fine between the two of us. We used to meet once or twice a month, and we used to talk on the phone everyday. Just like a regular long-distance couple. I was getting more and more attached to her and was starting to have feelings for her. Suddenly one day this guy asks her out. He tells her he's been in love with her all along and just wants to be with her and nothing else. She didn't immediately give him an answer, and she discussed this with me. That's the day when she cried and told me that she had always loved him but didn't think she could be with him because she knew she wouldn't be happy with him. Now that he had proposed, she was in two minds. It broke my heart. Without giving it too much thought, I made a trip to visit her immediately. I met with her and told her that I really liked her and didn't want to lose her (Mistake? I don't know - but it felt right at the time). She said she needed time to think about it. I said fine.
Even when I got back home, we never stopped talking. She kept calling me ten times a day and told me she loved talking to me. I was going through hell, not knowing whether she would choose to be with me but trying to remain as normal as possible. And then one day she called me in the night and told me that she wanted to remain with me. I was really elated, but also confused because why the hell did I like this girl so much and why the hell am I with someone who is in love with someone else and is with me for only practical reasons??
I don't know. Maybe I should have ended it when I came to know she had feelings for someone else, but I didn't. I just kept falling more and more for her. The whole "I-don't-know-whom-to-be-with" episode over, things were just getting back to normal between us when this guy goes and gets engaged to some other girl a month later. Don't ask - I don't know who, why, or how on earth! My girl is again heartbroken, cries over the phone and tells me that maybe we shouldn't be together because she's putting me through a lot of complications and being really really unfair to me. She was right, of course, but the only thing I felt like doing at the time was to hold her closer and comfort her. I told her I'll see her through this and be with her. Am I stupid? Maybe very. But I had such strong feelings for her by then and could't bear to leave her. The thought in my mind was, that she would get over this guy soon and fall in love with me. So I endured and persisted.
A month passed, and she told me again that it wasn't working out. It had been dragging on now, and even I thought that maybe it was time to bite the bullet and end things. I said why don't you come here and talk to me face to face and let's end this properly. She agreed, and came to visit me.
That was the point of the complete turnaround. She stayed for the weekend, and believe me when I tell you that it was the most amazing weekend of our lives. We had such amazing sex and so much fun, that before she went she told me that she couldn't get over this weekend and that we should not break up but just be on a break till she got things figured out. Even though we were technically on a break, we were talking every day and I was literally jumping with joy. Things were getting better and we even had phone sex pretty much every night. A whole month passed and it really felt like she was getting over that guy quickly. He did come up in conversations, but it was just for discussion and I thought to myself, "this is really going to work out".
Until last week. I was on my monthly visit to her city to see her, and we had great sex and fun again. But she just broke my heart out of the blue. Just the day before I was to return, she told me that "I could never fall in love with you" and that "we are two very different people" and "we are not each others' types".
I said "but we're having so much fun together!"
She said "it feels like I'm meeting you for casual sex whenever we meet" and "I want to be in love with someone - experience butterflies in my stomach and everything. I feel like I am not giving my 100% to you and can never give you.." and "I am really really fond of you and like you a lot but I don't love you".. If we remain with each other I won't be able to find anyone else and neither can you, so we should just break up."
So with a heavy heart I said ok and left. But not before having sex one last time - she insisted. It was clear that she didn't have any feelings for me but did enjoy having sex with me. I also got the feeling that I was the best in bed for her out of all her previous experiences. That was the last time I spoke to her. Now it's been only 4 days since the break-up but after spending 9 months of talking to her practically everyday, it feels like some important slice of my life is gone. Moreover, I had begun to think of her in the really long term and had imagined living my life with her. It would have worked.
So can you please help me in getting her back? How do I reverse whatever mistakes I made and how do I make her fall in love with me?
One mistake that I can see I made was that I also insisted on speaking to her daily. I used to get annoyed when she didn't call me sometimes. She often said that she never liked talking on the phone much, she only used to do it because I liked it. At the time I thought it was good because she was giving me investment. Maybe I came across as too clingy and needy? Maybe it seemed to her that I didn't have a life of my own? Maybe she didn't think I was dominant or powerful or sexy enough? I'm sure she would have seen me in a better light when we started off though, considering that she couldn't wait for me to ask her out.
What do I do? Please help. I can't bear the thought of her going out with other guys. I'm holding back my instinct to call her up and tell that I miss her.
Much obliged for any help, thanks.
