Neediness and bouncing back after a set back

[Hendo]

Hi All,
This is my very personal first post, but I feel like I need to tell the story.

I discovered girls chase in 2014 after five years of stumbling around in the dark going no where with women. I improved my fundamentals drastically and started going out regularly talking to lots of girls and moving fast with them and learning a lot about myself in the process. There were a lot of times where I would go home miserable and beat myself up for not bringing anyone home, but in mid 2015 things started falling into place for me and I finally started to see some success by bringing girls home consistently.

Last year I met a girl who I was really into, we spent a lot of time together but I never slept with her. One of my close friends died at the same time through suicide, which was something I struggled to handle at the time. I became increasingly more needy and she was scared off and is with another guy now. I then met a new girl a few months later, this time I told myself that I will try to restrain my neediness and just play it cool. I wasn't really into her as much as I was with the previous girl, she couldn't really talk about much other than work and had no real opinion on anything important But she just got out of a relationship and we were sleeping together regularly for a good four months. As time went on we started doing more "coupley" type things together like going on hikes together and weekends away. I started to feel what it would be like to be in a relationship again for the first time in 8 years, and I enjoyed it. I also found that I was again getting more and more needy, it was like it kept coming back. I kept pushing her to hang out and to see her, but she then started making excuses not to see me, and me being in the needy state that I was, kept overthinking everything. It got to the point where I asked her straight up if she wanted something a bit more serious, to which she replied that she was extremely busy and wouldn't be able to commit to anything. That is where things ended.

I have gone through all the girls I've been with over the last three years and it seems that there is a common trend to all of this: neediness.

I'd like to ask everyone this:

1. How did you overcome your neediness and stop yourself from getting too attached too early on with a girl that you are really into?
2. How do you get yourself back into the game after a set back like this? I keep trying to approach women like I used to, but now something just feels off and I can't pinpoint what it is.

Thanks

Hendo

 

[Blonde]

I've struggled with neediness also way more than I thought I would, even after reading lot of articles on this site.

My advice then would be (besides constantly meeting new women) committing to the higher goal. Whether it's your professional career, sport or both - you need to put that as the highest priority and depending on what's your current situation, live for it. No need to say, that it will be always about you, there is no universal piece of advice. But we've all been there, somebody for a longer period of time and somebody just for a while.

For me personally, I still encounter neediness in some ways, but thanks to my ultimate life/career/body vision, I can realize it quickly and move on. Women are very sensitive and they will always see where you are standing - whether you are obsessing about them or if you have more options to choose from (and that doesn't necessarily mean women).

This is also the article you can use: https://www.girlschase.com/content/absolute-abundance

Good luck!

 

[Hendo]

Thanks for the comments Blonde.

I've been thinking a lot about a higher goal lately and finding something greater to put my time into. I was super committed to my career for a good 3 years and didn't really take the time to approach many girls. Then I tried to find a balance by approaching more girls and while I did see some success, I wasn't really sure what I was after. I'm going to shift my focus to work out what I am after, career wise and especially in regards to women and also sharpen my fundamentals even more.

 

[Bboy100]

Hey dude,

This is kind of a loaded question with a lot of possible answers. In general, there are only two things I can say without knowing more about you

1. Try to create more abundance. The more girls available to you, the less needy you will be towards any particular one.
2. Try to figure out where this neediness stems from. Sounds like you attach to girls exceptionally quickly. Why is this? I don't know your life story, but it could very possibly be because of something completely unrelated which happened in the distant past (e.g. maybe you didn't get a lot of attention from early caregivers, so on a subconscious level, you fear abandonment. Or maybe you have a history of being dumped after dating a girl for a while. So the longer you're with her, the higher your anxiety). Once you figure out where this drastic increase in neediness comes from, you'll be much better equipped to handle it.

One last note...I was the same way as you except worse. I used to get super attached to girls not after already sleeping with them for a while...but after ONE DATE. How did I get over this? Well, part of it is #1. Increase in abundance. But also...I had a meaningful relationship with a girl. After my relationship with my ex ended, I no longer attached to new girls I met as quickly (I still attach to them too fast and its a problem. But its not nearly as bad as it was before) something like this could help you too.

 

[Hendo]

Thanks for the advise man, appreciate it.
I grew up in a very loving family, so I don't really think its related to that. I was quite shy growing up, and was in a bit of a rut when I broke up with my first girlfriend of 2 years (she was super needy and I felt like I could do better at the time) when I was 21, I've been single ever since and I'm 27 now. Like I described above, I had a phase there for a few years where I had no success with women what so ever. I would go out night after night and not talk to anyone, then I went travelling by myself and I was forced to talk to strangers. When I came back home, I then went through a period where I was totally killing it, and I still have those skills. I don't really have a lot of issues with bringing girls home and sleeping with them, it's always been getting the second date/meet up. I started managing that problem early last year, but my problem now is that the more I see/sleep with them the more attached I become. I guess when you've been single for that long, you start to look for some certainty in things.

I had a taste of absolute abundance early this year, where I was seeing two girls at once. I wrote down a lot of my thoughts at the time, so I could revisit them in times like now. What I found was that during that time, my neediness did reduce somewhat. I was less attached to the outcome and more in the moment, it's amazing really. I think the next step now is to truly work towards absolute abundance as described in the above article. Approach girls like I used to, rebuild and generally get more women in my life again, like earlier this year before I got all hooked on this girl.

Ultimately, I feel like what I am going through is all part of the process of getting good at this stuff. The more you learn from your experiences the better you will be next time around.