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Negative Vibes

Doncorleone

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2014
Messages
22
GC Community- For several years now I've struggled with getting girls. Throughout high school I never dated despite knowing all the "hot girls" pretty well. Since I always dress pretty well the combo of not dating + clothes made people mistake me for being gay. (Not hating on those who are, just not who I am) I lack the confidence and knowledge to "lead girls" as chase likes to say. In high school I would always get friend zoned by the girls i would ask out. Now that I'm in college I'd like to redirect to a path that allows me to date and hook up with girls. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
 

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
What do you mean by Negative Vibes?

There is a difference:

1. You might be negative person, pessimistic, depressive, too serious and so on. You spread around negative energy. Girls usually want to be around positive and light energy. These are true Negative Vibes

2. You might be a positive person but you are talking mainly about negative things. For example, say that you go for a trip with a girl. You have a great time, you like what you see, there is great lake, beautiful mountains, whatever, and you like the trip 90% of the time. However, there are some negative things that you don't like. Big crowds, waiting long time, unpleasant waitress, bad food... Well if you ONLY talk about those negatives while you never talk about positive things, you will be easily perceived as negative person. All the girl hears from you is negative things. So these are not real Negative Vibes, you are just unintentionally projecting them by not talking about more positive things. This is actually bigger issue than it seems, I'm still having lots of issues with it, you simply have to be quite careful what you say and how you say it

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There is also other issues you should focus on:

* Confidence is big, if not the biggest. You have to work on confidence. Definitely work on confidence. Believe yourself, trust yourself. Do things that YOU like, find some passion in Life. You have to know where you are going in Life. There is no need to go nuts but learn to be motivated, goal oriented, achieve different things... Don't just sit home and play games with "who cares, it doesn't really matter". True, it doesn't, but what matters is you will not find good girls with this attitude. Girls want to explore, experience, see things, go different places...

1. Well, I don't really have to go there, all I have to do is google it up and I will see the same, it's already all on the internet... True, but will she go, will she be excited to go with you where you lead her? What are you projecting, that you will be sitting on the rest of your life on couch, play games and watch TV? Where are you leading her? What she sees is BORING
2. Yes, going to see that X place is very important to me, come with me, we will have a great time... And she will go, you will lead her, she will get excited... You are projecting that you are active person, aLive, with lots of good emotions, that you Love your Life... All she sees is EXCITING

* Knowledge is big. Well, you have GC, so read as much as you can. Then read some more

* Read about Nice Guys. In my opinion, you are too Nice, thus girls don't take you too seriously as a potential mate. Girls wants to have Nice Guys around as friends, but they don't want to date them
 

Doncorleone

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 30, 2014
Messages
22
Drck,

Thanks for your reply man! I really appreciate it. You're right about being too nice I definitely agree I need to work on that. Do you have any tips in that area?

Your comments about leading and being adventurous are great as well
 

Frost

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 27, 2015
Messages
182
Doncorleone said:
Drck,

Thanks for your reply man! I really appreciate it. You're right about being too nice I definitely agree I need to work on that. Do you have any tips in that area?

Your comments about leading and being adventurous are great as well

I used to be quite the nice guy, and only recently I started to change things, and it's a pretty big change considering the way I was. Here are a few pointers, hope they help:

-Don't give a shit about what women think of you. You need this attitude, at least at the beginning, so you can overcome your instinct to be nice to the girl. But don't be an asshole. Sometimes you have to go to the other extreme so you can eventually calibrate (in this case potential asshole territory) but don't overdo it.

-Women hate men who always do what they ask (by hate I don’t mean actual hate but more like the opposite of liking in a sexual way). All women, especially the attractive ones, have an army of nice guys trailing behind them and doing what they ask, and you don't see these guys get laid. When you challenge her and show her that you're not a wuss like the other guys it will create a spark inside her (like wow this is a dominant man) and put you on the right track.

-Be cocky and funny at the same time, tease her a lot, never give in easily or give her a straight answer right away. This is building up on the previous point. When you do this you come across as a dominant man who doesn't need her approval, which will drive her crazy. About the teasing, if you had a female sibling or relative around your age when you were growing up I'm sure you used to tease her and make fun of her and this kind of stuff. That's the attitude you want. But make sure you do it in a fun and playful way, and don't be mean or arrogant.

-Pass the damn tests. When a girl likes you, she will test you to confirm that you are an attractive guy who she wants to sleep with. I'm not going to get into too many details concerning tests, but when she does throw you one (usually in the form of making you quaify yourself to her, or do something for her) you need to dismiss it, or answer it in a cocky funny way, or with sarcasm (you get the point hopefully, there is a lot of material around about the tests).


When you do this stuff, especially the last 2 points, you will start to notice a very different reaction from women towards you. They will usually be trying to hide their smile while pretending to be angry at you, but in the end you can see the look on their face, and how they are lighting up from what you're doing, and that my friend is priceless XD

Note: when they pretend they are angry or offended or whatever don't give succumb to the pressure. Maintain your frame and keep teasing further and you will notice it all go away, but eventually change the subject and don't keep pushing the same thing too much. Except in the case where you actually offended her by saying something inappropriate or touched a nerve (you will know in this case). In this case just apologize lightly and change the subject.

Hope it helps :)
 
a good date brings a smile to your lips... and hers

Drck

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Feb 14, 2013
Messages
1,488
Yes, good reply. There is a book that has been mentioned here several times: No more Mr. Nice Guy. Good read. There is also already lots of material here on GC referring to Nice Guys, so everything is more or less just repeating.

Nice Guy is a weak person, too compliant with girls, not enough spine. She tells him to bring her stuff, so he brings her stuff. She tells him to wait for him, so he waits for her. She tells him to jump, so he jumps. He waits by the phone for her replies, he texts her back immediately. He waits for her when she is late for a date, and when she finally shows up one hour later he says no problem.

He is always waiting for her decisions, for her approval. He worries too much about what she thinks and says about him. He always tries to prove himself to her. He never decides where to go, what to do, he never leads.

He always smiles, he is apologetic, he never fights. He doesn't take any personal space, he always backs away. He is no treat to anyone.

He is always there for her (and she is never there for her), he has very low value. He puts girls on pedestal. In relationship, she is the boss, she is the one who is making decisions, she is the one in charge of the relationship - he is only doing things that she wants.

He is investing too much into the relationship, while she usually does nothing. He is buying her meals, coffee, tickets - yet she never buys anything for him. He is always doing stuff for her, but she rarely do anything for him.

He is begging her not to leave him, he is supplicating, he feels sorry for himself. He is manipulative, he is dramatic, he is emotionally unstable, he is co-dependent. He is needy and clingy, he just can't be happy without a girl, he always needs someone to attach himself to.

He is always the one who is dumped, he never has the heart to dump the girl. He always feels sorry for the girls, he tries to save them, provide for them, protect them (especially from all the bad guys that fuck her).

This guy never gets laid, he always gets dumped, and he never understands why. It is because of all of the above, duh.

---------------------------------------------

Nice Guy is like a plague of this society, it is a disaster. The whole society is saturated with Nice Guys. Because of Nice Guys we have huge problems in society, men in general are being disrespected, there is lots of entitlement (people think they deserve stuff for nothing) and so forth.

So when a guy realizes that his behavior is incorrect, what he usually does is that he tries to turn it 180 degree around, he starts doing the exact opposite. Which is logical but it is not optimal approach. You don't need to turn 180 degree around - you just need 90, if that makes sense. There is lots of behavior of Nice Guys that can be utilized in seduction. So some general guidance for correcting this behavior:

* You want to be more leading, more dominating. You want to have more assertiveness. You want to be making more decisions, especially the major ones. So that basically means that you should be in charge of that relationship from day 1. You don't have to be in charge 100% of the time, that is an incorrect misinterpretation. Just keep it around 55-65%, that is good enough. Ideally, once you show that you are a dominant guy who knows what he wants she will by default fall into more submissive position.

* Similarly, don't leave the decision on having sex on her. It rarely happens. Simply see it as your responsibility, you chose where and when, and you are the one who has to push for it. If she wants to contribute, great, but again it doesn't happen often.

* Watch your investing into her, financial, emotional, behavioral,... What do you do to keep her around vs what does she do to keep you? Many guys do 80% and she does 20%, or nothing. That needs to change. She needs to be doing at least 55%, she needs to be investing more than you. REWARD her for doing good things for you, don't ignore it, show appreciation. Ideally you will reward her with good sex for whatever she'll do for you...

* You want to say NO once in a while. You don't have to be an asshole about it but no is no
You: Hey, I got to go to see my friends next Wednesday
She: But I was thinking we can go do XYZ, I really want to do XYZ, please please
You: Yea, but I'm going to see to see my friends
She: Let's go do XYZ, puppy eyes
You: No, we'll do XYZ week later, I'm going to see my friends
.... Once you decide on something you cannot back down. This is important, this is your decision, your leading, this is your spine. She WILL test you on this, so make sure you don't fail. You will do this and there is no other way, there is no compromise, there is no negotiation about it. She might get mad, upset, pissed at you (and she WILL), but it doesn't matter. At the same time, you don't have to do this every day, nor every week, simply once in a while is good enough...

* Don't be needy and clingy. Sure you want that pussy, there is nothing wrong with it. But you don't need her, you can be happy without her. Show her that you can walk away from her and be happy on your own, at least at the beginning. Show her that you will not chase her, but you will reward her for good behavior

* Don't show any fucking drama. I mean, it is just disgusting when a guy shows drama. Avoid all passive-aggressive behavior. Avoid being overly emotional

* Know what you want. Find some purpose in your life for God's sake. Have some goals, things to achieve, hobbies to live for, find some passion, something to be excited about... I know you don't give a damn, but learn to give a damn. Show that you really want something in your life, show that something really matters to you, and go for it. That's a winner attitude, struggle and achievement, desire to conquer, overcome obstacles no matter how long it takes... It doesn't last just one day or one week, this is for years. Don't just sit home, watch tv or play games... If you don't know what, well, stick with the basic stuff, do some sport, get some college degree or advanced degree... I know it is difficult - and that's exactly why you should be doing it...
 
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