New challenge of victim-thinking

[Orelfius]

I have worked a lot to fight off my victim mentality in the last few years. fighting it hard whenever it shows its ugly head.

However, recently, a new form of victim mentality shows up in my life. Instead of being envious of what other got, or feeling entitled about what other don't want to give me (whatever I truly deserve it or not), I recently start to be envious of others for what they like.

When you catch yourself thinking:
"Not fair! this guy/gal got XYZ and I don't!"
It's rather easy to stop yourself and have a second look at all the efforts that person had done to get those results. Then, my mentality change.

But now, I catch myself thinking:
"Not fair! this guy/gal like to do XYZ and this is stuff high valued by people. So they can both be successful while doing what they like and what people value. Me on the other hand, don't like to do this stuff, so I'm in a catch-22 situation: If I do it, I'm unhappy and successful, if I don't, I'm happier but unsuccessful. Damn! Mother Nature suck for giving me the wrong mix of likes and dislikes."

And then, I'm a bit lost about how I could overcome that.

Example:
Interacting with people. That's something very rewarded by our societies.
Thus liking to interact with people (being an extrovert), allow to do both what you like and what is rewarded, killing two birds with a stone.
But not liking it very much (being a solitary creature or an introvert) put you in a catch-22 situation where you have either to overcome your natural tendencies or forget about success (more or so).

… and yes, my liking tend to be on the wrong side of most of the stuff that bring success.

Suggestions anyone?
(and yes, I have already read the article about victim mentality, no need to send me there again)

 

[Lover]

To me it sounds more like an inferiority complex rather than victim mentality. From both examples you provided, you compared yourself to others and degraded yourself (made yourself inferior in other words), but for what possible reason? You can't go around saying "Chase gets all the women he wants, I don't, that's not fair!" Yes, he might get all the women he wants, but he might suck in another possible skill (no offense Chase) where you are king.

You should get inspired by other people, and this is different from what you're doing now. When inspired, your mindset won't be like "That's not fair" but it's more like "He does XYZ and gets a successful outcome. What if I tried that particular thing that he is doing?"

Stop comparing yourself to others and get inspired by them instead.

And if you find it too hard to not compare yourself to others, for now think "He does XYZ and gets a succesful outcome, but I want to do better".

 

[Edd--19]

Hey Orelfius,

Sounds a bit like a catch 22 but if I'm to weigh in I'll give you a different opinion than you'll be expecting.

See, I know where you're coming from. This same thing haunted me and still does a little but I believe it has more to do with us not knowing our value. This Ambiguous Value means we don't know what we really bring to the table. It's much easier to look at the guy across the room and say he's good looking or the guy talking to you and think "this guys a real laugh". It's much easier to see this as we're on the outside looking in.

With ourselves it's more difficult to objectively figure out what we give to others and it seems to affect many new to seduction, considering the article linked above.

I used to have the same issues most of the time, but now as I'm progressing I know what I bring to the table:
- I'm a skilled listener
Mostly learnt from my mother as she's a therapist, but whenever I get into rapport people can talk forever to me and eventually I know a lot about them. It's not the deepest of stuff but I know its one of the things that I'm better at than most guys.
- I am very good with one liners.
Thanks to me being able to see things differently than others, I can quickly deliver them and BAM, tension erased... Only when I'm relaxed though.

So even though you don't know what assets you've got yet, you do have them. It'll take a little while to figure out what they are, but as you keep meeting women and getting better you'll figure them out and slowly this catch 22 situation you're in will fade. It isn't a quick fix, you just have to go out and slog through all of the rejections and once you get to connecting with women you'll be figuring it out. This is what's happening to me right now.

Stay positive

Edd

 

[Orelfius]

To me it sounds more like an inferiority complex rather than victim mentality.

A bit true yes. Though it's not just that.

First, any given environnement will favor some traits or some skills over others:
Exemple: Liking to dance and to draw are cool and fine, but my friends who are good at that tend to not do as well as my friends who just got the knack to be a ruthless lawyer or another friend who is a surgeon. The former have to spend plenty of time and energy to make a living outside of what he like to do, while the latters can make great money while doing what they love.

Same thing also for personnality traits:
Liberal is usually harder than conservative
Rule breaker harder than rule follower
Hierarchy minded easier than unable to tolerate hierarchy
etc.

It's not that I feel inferior for having traits or liking that are differents.
It's not that I cannot do what they do (I truly beleive that with hardwork everything is possible)

It's more a vicitm mentality about the fact that following my heart lead to a harder path than many who just seem to fit in when they follow their heart. My victim mentality is about beeing unconventional and having to struggle with the challenges of the unconventional life.

See, I know where you're coming from. This same thing haunted me and still does a little but I believe it has more to do with us not knowing our value. This Ambiguous Value means we don't know what we really bring to the table.
[...]
With ourselves it's more difficult to objectively figure out what we give to others and it seems to affect many new to seduction, considering the article linked above.
[...]
So even though you don't know what assets you've got yet, you do have them.

Thanks man.

You're probably right. It's all about figuring out how to use your assets when you are of the unconventional type I guess.

I guess, even if it still victim mentality, it takes a bit more than just some mental aî-kido to fix it. Some real research to know myself and test how to use what I found seem required here. (I sometime feel like I only do this anyway!)