New Guy - Late Bloomer

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Hi I have been reading articles from this site since April and finally decided to join! I tend to observe and sit on the sidelines of life (yes I know that's bad) and am quite the lone wolf. At this point I think it would be a good idea to interact with other people developing their game. Kind of a little embarrassed since I am starting so late compared to many of the beginners here in high school or starting college. I feel like I have wasted my 20s being alone and unsatisfied with life. Hopefully I will get to enjoy my last year being a 20-something and view my 30s as being a new start. I never reached a pinnacle or anything since I never built up my body and pretty much had the physique of a high school freshman for the majority of my 20s. I have built up a good amount of lean muscle the last 2 years which has helped my confidence. In addition I got Lasik eye surgery earlier this year and don't have to wear my nerdy glasses anymore. I guess as a guy I can look forward to my 30s since I look young (half Asian blood! haha women usually think I'm in my early-mid 20s) and am only just starting to develop my physique.

About Me:

-28 years old (about to turn 29 in September)
-Never have had a girlfriend
-Never have had a female friend
-Most likely have Asperger's Syndrome and am a definite introvert (INTP, Myers Briggs)
-Only started dating since early 2012
-All dates setup via whatsyourprice.com (had to pay the ladies for the date) & 1 date from Okcupid
-Not a virgin but have only hooked up with escorts (again paying!)

Beginner Goals:

-Approach women and start working on day game
-Make my first non-online date (all dates have been made online!)
-Lose my non-escort virginity! I have yet to bed a women that is not in the sex industry
-Detach myself from the mindset that I always have to pay women for their company
-If I continue paying for dates with attractive women on whatsyourprice, at least have the encounter go in a direction that is positive/beneficial for me
-Continue to work out and improve my nutrition
-Make some female friends at the very least
-Improve social skills and make more friends (both male and female) and distance myself from my friends that are emotional vampires or have victim mentalities.
-Work on posture and body language


Hope to gain a lot of insightful information from these boards and hopefully I may run into others with similar stories to my own. Look forward to using the field reports to analyze my interactions and learn from my mistakes. Glad to be here!

 

[mkivtt]

Welcome.

Your goals look good and I am sure you can manage. The only drawback I see is that you're half asian, and most asians tend to lean toward being short and having a slender physique which most western women are not that attracted to. I am slender too, even though I'm super fit from running, so I recently started eating more and drinking 1/2 gallon of milk a day along with bodybuilding to gain mass. After just 22 days, I can already see results. Do something similar. I have an asian acquaintance who works out and he gets a lot of girls (he's a really smooth talker too).

Online dating doesn't really work unless you are handsome, is my experience. I tried it, believe me, and after 6 months on various sites I gave up. Girls just get so many messages each day it's not possible to stand out unless you are a very good looking guy. In real life, I have actually managed to attracted hot women in the past year and gone on a few dates, just by talking to them. On an online dating site, those same women would not even click on my messages. So personal interactions are very important... women like confident, interesting guys, but you can't show that online unless you pass their first screen which is just your profile photo. So work on talking to girls in real life... I fail a lot, and it sucks, but when you do succeed and go out with a pretty woman, even for one date that goes somewhat OK, it makes it all worth it.

Finally, I wouldn't call you a late bloomer. You are still in your 20s. If you are a late bloomer, then I am a VERY late. I am almost 38... and threw away my 20s and 30s. In my 20s, I moved to another country for college, and never really fit in. Plus, I was into metal and dressed accordingly, which of course didn't help attracting girls. Neither did studying computer science where there were a grand total of 2 girls for 300 guys. Then in my 30s I moved to another country again, and I never really fit in there either, and ended up playing a lot of computer games. I'm a bit of a loner too so while I enjoy meeting people, I just don't head out to clubs and stuff on my own. I never really hit on girls... I didn't care much. Then when you hit mid 30s, suddenly everyone you know and work with is married and having kids, and they just stop inviting single friends / acquaintances because it's awkward, and you realize it's harder to easily meet new people because you are no longer in college and the singles pool dries up past 30. I'm at that point where I have a very limited social circle (no more than a handful of acquaintances, really) and do everything by myself. Which makes it hard to meet girls... very annoying. I keep telling myself to go to yoga classes or something but have not made that step. Maybe when I get more desperate... but for now I am working my day game, talking to any nice girl I run into.

Good luck man.

 

[PinotNoir]

Dude, awesome. Welcome to the forums and best of luck!

I think it's ridiculous when people say that you can't learn something once you're passed a certain age. All my life, I've heard this about learning a new language, learning a new skill, etc. The right time is always the present, don't let a late start get you down.

Fuck 'em, enjoy your life. Approach women. Date them. Just have a good time.

-PN

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Your goals look good and I am sure you can manage. The only drawback I see is that you're half asian, and most asians tend to lean toward being short and having a slender physique which most western women are not that attracted to. I am slender too, even though I'm super fit from running, so I recently started eating more and drinking 1/2 gallon of milk a day along with bodybuilding to gain mass. After just 22 days, I can already see results. Do something similar. I have an asian acquaintance who works out and he gets a lot of girls (he's a really smooth talker too).

Thanks for the welcome! You nailed it. I am short (5'5") and slender. I got down to 113 lbs. earlier this year due to the flu and IBS. I am usually around 120-125 lb though and have little body fat and a modest amount of lean muscle. My body seems to reject protein and it hurts my stomach when I drink protein shakes and I have gotten more sensitive to milk the past few years (typical of Asians). I have been using the kettlebell and that seems to be working for me since I am usually a hard gainer and see no results from going to the gym. My goal is to model myself after a body type like Manny Pacquiao and Bruce Lee who have/had similar body types. But yeah the unfortunate reality is that the majority of women won't be in to me unless I make a lot of money or have high social status. Though I have seen a lot more Asian male/White female couples the last few years.

Online dating doesn't really work unless you are handsome, is my experience. I tried it, believe me, and after 6 months on various sites I gave up. Girls just get so many messages each day it's not possible to stand out unless you are a very good looking guy. In real life, I have actually managed to attracted hot women in the past year and gone on a few dates, just by talking to them. On an online dating site, those same women would not even click on my messages. So personal interactions are very important... women like confident, interesting guys, but you can't show that online unless you pass their first screen which is just your profile photo. So work on talking to girls in real life... I fail a lot, and it sucks, but when you do succeed and go out with a pretty woman, even for one date that goes somewhat OK, it makes it all worth it.

Exactly, that's why I had to use whatsyouprice. It is super easy to setup a date with hot women there but the drawback of course is that you have to PAY them for their company. Many girls go there that are sick of the regular sites where they receive hundreds of messages per day. Of course a site of that nature will attract the gold diggers looking for a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship. I know I am not meeting quality women there but it is an easy way to meet hot women that are way out of my league. You are basically paying for the "chance" to meet them. However I know I really need to get out there and just meet people in real life to improve my social skills and lower my anxiety. I have become to dependent on paying women for their company versus meeting ones that would hang out with me for free or for a cup of coffee or something.

Finally, I wouldn't call you a late bloomer. You are still in your 20s. If you are a late bloomer, then I am a VERY late. I am almost 38... and threw away my 20s and 30s. In my 20s, I moved to another country for college, and never really fit in. Plus, I was into metal and dressed accordingly, which of course didn't help attracting girls. Neither did studying computer science where there were a grand total of 2 girls for 300 guys. Then in my 30s I moved to another country again, and I never really fit in there either, and ended up playing a lot of computer games. I'm a bit of a loner too so while I enjoy meeting people, I just don't head out to clubs and stuff on my own. I never really hit on girls... I didn't care much. Then when you hit mid 30s, suddenly everyone you know and work with is married and having kids, and they just stop inviting single friends / acquaintances because it's awkward, and you realize it's harder to easily meet new people because you are no longer in college and the singles pool dries up past 30. I'm at that point where I have a very limited social circle (no more than a handful of acquaintances, really) and do everything by myself. Which makes it hard to meet girls... very annoying. I keep telling myself to go to yoga classes or something but have not made that step. Maybe when I get more desperate... but for now I am working my day game, talking to any nice girl I run into.

Interesting background story. I guess it is never too late and it is great that you have been able to turn things around and talk to women you run into. I have a mental block with that that I can't seem to get over. It would be hard enough for me to even start a conversation with a random guy let alone a pretty woman. Where do you normally do this?

Yeah with metal it is a niche group (mostly male) who enjoy it so it is hard to find like-minded women. You could probably get away with dressing the part if you are in a band, but being a lone wolf metalhead won't help much. Do you still listen to metal? I myself just cherry pick the metal bands I like which metal purists would probably think are not metal at all, hahah. I like Opeth, Electric Wizard (not really metal, more sludge), a few Gorgoroth tracks, atmospheric Black Metal in general, old Metallica, Ahab (funeral doom), Isis, and Deathspell Omega. I am mostly into indie rock and other niche genres like shoegaze, neo-psychedelia, noise rock, post-punk, and atmospheric electronica. But I still like certain heavy music that I find extreme and innovative in some way.

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Dude, awesome. Welcome to the forums and best of luck!

I think it's ridiculous when people say that you can't learn something once you're passed a certain age. All my life, I've heard this about learning a new language, learning a new skill, etc. The right time is always the present, don't let a late start get you down.

Fuck 'em, enjoy your life. Approach women. Date them. Just have a good time.

-PN

Thanks man! Yeah I'm ready for self-improvement in many different areas not just seduction. Most of the polymaths of the Renaissance era were mastering new skills all throughout their lives. Someone like Benjamin Franklin is also a great role model. He was smooth with the ladies even in old age, a scientist, inventor, politician, diplomat, etc.

 

[carpedm]

Welcome--I'm new to these forums as well, and I'm also in my late twenties. I had one serious girlfriend for two years, but prior to that never had any success with women. I have also dealt with many personal issues that caused me to let my twenties pass me by, but I want to share a few things I've heard that might encourage you.

Albeit a short article/factoid on CNN or some other similar news site, I did read that a survey revealed that the happiest age for most people is 33. In addition to that, I recall reading in either a GC article or on one of Chase's forum posts that the prime time for attracting women is the age range from approximately 34-42 (going off of memory here.) Maintain a positive mentality and embrace a hopeful mindset. Keep in mind that (according to another GC article) you should conservatively expect to spend about 6 months on social skills improvement following the GC methodology before seeing a significant improvement in results with woman.

Lastly, one concerning part (not to be overly dramatic) about your background is you penchant for pay-to-play action. I would think this would be detrimental to achieving any social skills improvement. Might I direct you back to girlschase.com and suggest you do a search for the article on porn addiction--you didn't mention your habits in that arena, but the article is otherwise relevant in that it addresses a sexual deviancy that detracts from your skills. Be sure to click all of the links within this article that point to other articles that relate to, ahem, "personal needs fulfillment" and how it can actually be a part of your regimen for improving your mindset towards attracting women. And a serious word of caution--I have seen Chase's instruction to "glove up", and I highly suggest you do so especially with escorts. Before you have sex with any women you take home, get an STD test... this out of a fundamental respect for your fellow human beings, especially women who are physiologically more susceptible to contracting STDs. Think ahead, too, to the potential of you meeting a girl you decide to be monogamous or otherwise serious with--if she goes for her regular appointment with her gyno and tests positive for an STD, that will basically ruin your relationship, and there is a high probability she'll dump you. I have heard of this happening. In fact, if it does happen, you might as well call it quits on that relationship, as you'll have ruined any foundation of trust and respect for your girl.

Peace and glove.

 

[Witcher]

HI all
I'm someone should definitevely write about that.
Im a late bloomer too even if:
-I have a great boday , but i'm short.
-I have good lige style and activties: Im Karate black, belt , capoeirstas and a diver!
-I speak 3 languages
-I can approcahe girls.(Direct and indirect)
-I'm not the nice typcilally guy.
-I have a norma social life, girls and guys as friends
-No one evene attend to bust my balls in my social groupe.
-I can tease and veen make girls chase me!! Even make some one who were totally ice queen toward me , pursuing me!

But still can't have a girlfriend, like a dry spell, or perhaps because of some inner block or somethung like that. Ican do all the shit in the newbee mission witout too much trouble!!

 

[PinotNoir]

HI all
I'm someone should definitevely write about that.
Im a late bloomer too even if:
-I have a great boday , but i'm short.
-I have good lige style and activties: Im Karate black, belt , capoeirstas and a diver!
-I speak 3 languages
-I can approcahe girls.(Direct and indirect)
-I'm not the nice typcilally guy.
-I have a norma social life, girls and guys as friends
-No one evene attend to bust my balls in my social groupe.
-I can tease and veen make girls chase me!! Even make some one who were totally ice queen toward me , pursuing me!

But still can't have a girlfriend, like a dry spell, or perhaps because of some inner block or somethung like that. Ican do all the shit in the newbee mission witout too much trouble!!

Then I think your only problem is not approaching *enough* girls or not going on *enough* dates. Unless you are, in which case it may actually just be a dry spell of finding good quality women to match you.

If you ever feel this way though, ask yourself, "How many girls did I ask out this week/month?" "How many girls did I take out on a date this week/month?"

These are things you can change. You can always increase the number of girls that you ask out.

I know because I have the same problem. I may think, "Man, I'm going through a dry spell." But then I realistically ask myself, "Yeah, but how many girls did I ask out this week? Only 1."

Ask out more girls.
Get more dates.
Get a girlfriend.
Simple.

Work on the things you can first. If you're asking out 15 girls and going on 5 dates/week, then you know it's something else you have to work on. Go back to fundamentals. What went wrong in my date? Was I sexy and dominant enough? How can I screen for a better girl or a girl more like myself? Etc.

 

[Witcher]

HI all
I'm someone should definitevely write about that.
Im a late bloomer too even if:
-I have a great boday , but i'm short.
-I have good lige style and activties: Im Karate black, belt , capoeirstas and a diver!
-I speak 3 languages
-I can approcahe girls.(Direct and indirect)
-I'm not the nice typcilally guy.
-I have a norma social life, girls and guys as friends
-No one evene attend to bust my balls in my social groupe.
-I can tease and veen make girls chase me!! Even make some one who were totally ice queen toward me , pursuing me!

But still can't have a girlfriend, like a dry spell, or perhaps because of some inner block or somethung like that. Ican do all the shit in the newbee mission witout too much trouble!!

Then I think your only problem is not approaching *enough* girls or not going on *enough* dates. Unless you are, in which case it may actually just be a dry spell of finding good quality women to match you.

If you ever feel this way though, ask yourself, "How many girls did I ask out this week/month?" "How many girls did I take out on a date this week/month?"

These are things you can change. You can always increase the number of girls that you ask out.

I know because I have the same problem. I may think, "Man, I'm going through a dry spell." But then I realistically ask myself, "Yeah, but how many girls did I ask out this week? Only 1."

Ask out more girls.
Get more dates.
Get a girlfriend.
Simple.

Work on the things you can first. If you're asking out 15 girls and going on 5 dates/week, then you know it's something else you have to work on. Go back to fundamentals. What went wrong in my date? Was I sexy and dominant enough? How can I screen for a better girl or a girl more like myself? Etc.

Not enough girls. Because after some flakes , i gotten lazy.

And i always thought: Why i cann't get a girlfriend in a normal way ? Thus was my question to my self in high school!!
In that time, this was my dominance now its my Attainability!

 

[mkivtt]

Interesting background story. I guess it is never too late and it is great that you have been able to turn things around and talk to women you run into. I have a mental block with that that I can't seem to get over. It would be hard enough for me to even start a conversation with a random guy let alone a pretty woman. Where do you normally do this?

Anywhere I can! I am not great by any means and most of the time I still don't approach the ones I really like. They look too busy, are in a hurry, are with one or more friends, or I spend a minute worrying about it and the opportunity is gone... all that makes it so much harder. I am more comfortable when I have some excuse to talk to them... the girl at the bank... a girl at work... etc. With a "warm opening" like that, sometimes I mess up but other times it works out very well. That's how I went on my last date... a girl I chatted to in the bank.

Yeah with metal it is a niche group (mostly male) who enjoy it so it is hard to find like-minded women. You could probably get away with dressing the part if you are in a band, but being a lone wolf metalhead won't help much. Do you still listen to metal? I myself just cherry pick the metal bands I like which metal purists would probably think are not metal at all, hahah. I like Opeth, Electric Wizard (not really metal, more sludge), a few Gorgoroth tracks, atmospheric Black Metal in general, old Metallica, Ahab (funeral doom), Isis, and Deathspell Omega. I am mostly into indie rock and other niche genres like shoegaze, neo-psychedelia, noise rock, post-punk, and atmospheric electronica. But I still like certain heavy music that I find extreme and innovative in some way.

Yup. I do. I've mellowed a lot over time and listen to a lot of regular pop, classical, world music and soundtracks these days, but still have all the metal. Some bands I really dig are Gorefest, Incantation, Dekadent, so much more... old Metallica is awesome too. One non-metal band I really love now is M83, and the Devin Townsend Project is awesome too (pop metal). I just don't recommend telling girls you like metal, because it's not a big selling point. Once they like you they won't care but before that you risk them stereotyping you.

 

[Witcher]

Why i don't do much cold appraoche is : i always asked mly self , why i just can't get girlfirend from my social cricle, like other perons so. That why !

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Thanks for the welcome.

Albeit a short article/factoid on CNN or some other similar news site, I did read that a survey revealed that the happiest age for most people is 33. In addition to that, I recall reading in either a GC article or on one of Chase's forum posts that the prime time for attracting women is the age range from approximately 34-42 (going off of memory here.) Maintain a positive mentality and embrace a hopeful mindset. Keep in mind that (according to another GC article) you should conservatively expect to spend about 6 months on social skills improvement following the GC methodology before seeing a significant improvement in results with woman.

I think you may be referencing Chase's article about older men dating younger women. It does seem true that many women in their early-mid 20s are naturally attracted to guys in their late 20s/early 30s. I recall that when I was younger I mostly hated women that were my own age and always preferred older ones. Now that I myself am getting older it seems that the younger ones are getting more appealing since I am not as intimidated by them and it is easier to see them as "silly girls." Chase also mentioned something about younger men viewing the opposite sex as adversaries and taking everything they say seriously. He said most men get out of this by age 26 or 27 (I think) but as I said I'm a late bloomer in all regards and can admit that I am emotionally immature compared to many of male counterparts. This is partly due to the fact that I have never been in a romantic relationship. Women that are 25+ have had tons of experience with boyfriends and hookups and are typically comfortable with their sexuality.

Lastly, one concerning part (not to be overly dramatic) about your background is you penchant for pay-to-play action. I would think this would be detrimental to achieving any social skills improvement. Might I direct you back to girlschase.com and suggest you do a search for the article on porn addiction--you didn't mention your habits in that arena, but the article is otherwise relevant in that it addresses a sexual deviancy that detracts from your skills. Be sure to click all of the links within this article that point to other articles that relate to, ahem, "personal needs fulfillment" and how it can actually be a part of your regimen for improving your mindset towards attracting women. And a serious word of caution--I have seen Chase's instruction to "glove up", and I highly suggest you do so especially with escorts. Before you have sex with any women you take home, get an STD test... this out of a fundamental respect for your fellow human beings, especially women who are physiologically more susceptible to contracting STDs. Think ahead, too, to the potential of you meeting a girl you decide to be monogamous or otherwise serious with--if she goes for her regular appointment with her gyno and tests positive for an STD, that will basically ruin your relationship, and there is a high probability she'll dump you. I have heard of this happening. In fact, if it does happen, you might as well call it quits on that relationship, as you'll have ruined any foundation of trust and respect for your girl.

Peace and glove.

I agree with you that using the services of escorts does not help with social skills improvement which is why I quit the hobby for a while. Dating is the best way to refine your skills but it seems like I kept failing and failing over and over again. I would often revert back to seeing escorts when I was depressed and sexually frustrated due to never having any sort of success with women in the real world. I also definitely have time periods when I get addicted to porn. I did read Chase's article on that and have cut back on excessive masturbation and watching too much porn. I think watching porn itself brings a lot of negative thoughts into my mind and conjures up misogynist thoughts as well.

Oh and I do "glove up." I spent much of my life being a hypochondriac and it took me 2 years of contemplation to finally see an escort. I had a mental block that I needed to lose my virginity to a good girl and didn't want my first to be with an escort. After it happened it was really no big deal and I kind of wish I would have done it sooner. Anyway yes I plan on getting STD every 3 months or so to make sure I'm clean before getting into a relationship. However on the flip side of that, we as males are always taking a chance when we try to hook up with new women. There are escorts that are lifers and that is all they do as a a career but I have met a few that have separate jobs and do it occasionally on the side. You would never know if you saw them and they could be one of the girls the pickup artists try to bed, not knowing she has provided escort services. I believe many women have HPV without knowing it and pretty much any guy that performs oral sex on her can be at risk of developing throat cancer like good ol' Michael Douglas.

I still see what you mean though. I would personally feel horrible if I knew I passed something on to the very first girl that gave me a shot (being my girlfriend, lover, whatever).

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Anywhere I can! I am not great by any means and most of the time I still don't approach the ones I really like. They look too busy, are in a hurry, are with one or more friends, or I spend a minute worrying about it and the opportunity is gone... all that makes it so much harder. I am more comfortable when I have some excuse to talk to them... the girl at the bank... a girl at work... etc. With a "warm opening" like that, sometimes I mess up but other times it works out very well. That's how I went on my last date... a girl I chatted to in the bank.

Good job man! I only hope I can get to that point someday when I can just start conversations with women anywhere. I recently had to start making cold calls at work and it terrified me at first. For some reason I have this huge fear of the phone and would even prefer talking to someone face to face versus making a cold call. I held of making the calls for a couple of hours and kept trying to find other things to do but had to do them since we had to provide a daily update to management. I stumbled so bad on the first few and just had to write a script but even that came off as forced and insincere. I also worried about what my co-workers thought when they overhead me because not all of them were given this assignment. Well after 2-3 weeks of doing these daily calls things have gotten a lot easier. I am even getting a better response from the people I am calling and some have really enjoyed talking with me. I also don't really care so much what my co-workers think when they overhear me on the phone.

So if it took me just 2-3 weeks to get over this, I'm sure cold approaching women in public will become easier over time. The problem is I haven't even started yet. I'm still in the equivalent phase as when I was waiting around for a a couple of hours acting like I had work to do to put off the cold calls. The only thing that forced me to start making calls is that I had to provide an update on my progress everyday by 3:30 pm and did not want to be scolded by my superiors. I only wish I had something that "forced" me to approach women on the street. Losing one's job can be a big motivator but you really don't lose anything from not approaching women in public (well besides getting laid, having dates, possibly being slapped, etc. LOL).

Yup. I do. I've mellowed a lot over time and listen to a lot of regular pop, classical, world music and soundtracks these days, but still have all the metal. Some bands I really dig are Gorefest, Incantation, Dekadent, so much more... old Metallica is awesome too. One non-metal band I really love now is M83, and the Devin Townsend Project is awesome too (pop metal). I just don't recommend telling girls you like metal, because it's not a big selling point. Once they like you they won't care but before that you risk them stereotyping you.

[/quote]

I like M83 too! I really like the tracks "Couleurs" and "You Appearing" from their Saturdays = Youth album. My music taste changes all the time too. I started off with alternative/grunge music, then went to Indie Rock/Pop and Electronica/downtempo/Trip-hop, then moved towards shoegaze, post-punk, noise rock/pop, dream pop, alternative metal and black metal, and currently I have been listening to a lot of German DJs and electronic artists (DJ Koze, Ulrich Schnauss [you may like them since you like M83], Markus Guentner). Royksopp (Norwegian electronic artists) is an artist you may like too if you like M83. Haha here I am trying to mimic a music predictor system like Pandora.

 

[Witcher]

For me is also about Approache laziness !!
I can do cold approache , idon't have really a problem with that. But since the girls is not in my strandars i simply don't do it !!
And i always have this fuking idea in my mind "why i just don't get girls from my social circle like normal persons!", and have a little clue to approache jusy for approaching cause i hate using poeple as subject of experiments.

So this also why i do'nt approache too much even if i can!!

 

[SteelbookCollector]

old post, but your autism is sadly, no doubt, likely has had an effect on why you are still a virgin, still single, or at least, lots of men with autism feel that autism means its hopeless.