New Language and Running Out of Things to Say

[Frost]

Hey guys.

2 weeks ago I moved from Lebanon to Paris where I will be studying for the next 2 years, and as a Lebanese person I have a very good french, can understand virtually everything but my speaking is a bit rusty from lack of practice (and french people are telling me that my french is very good).

The problem I'm facing now is one that I haven't encountered for a while, and that is running out of things to say. Back in Lebanon where I speak my native language, I used to sometimes run out of things to say, but since I'm used to the language and culture I could always say something, or twist something a girl said in a funny way... But in France, since I still haven't got a very tight grip over the language (but I'm able to express myself) I'm finding myself back in the same situation as before, and I can't find a way out. It's usually in the repartee or banter part of the conversation. I throw out a couple of good lines but after that I've got nothing.

Any ideas?

 

[Ergon]

Sup Frost.

This is something I still struggle with (in any language really haha), so I'd be interested to hear some tips as well. I don't think there's one silver bullet, though. I mean, the most direct way, I think, would be to talk with as many people as you can, and listen to others talk with girls or being witty in general.

I was actually pretty bad with English at the beginning so I resorted to different strategies to refine it, like:

-Reading difficult novels, such as the classics, looking up each unfamiliar word.
-Record myself talking about a topic or telling a story 15 or 20 mins.
-Translate a passage from my first language to English (not word by word of course, but the general meaning of each sentence). It helps finding the precise words for something faster.
-Collect quotes, funny lines, sayings in the new language. “Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”
-Imagine and write down conversations, as generic as possible also. I think Richard actually said he did this, before.

This is more or less based on the Greek's exercises to learn rhetoric. You might not need to do this; I did because, unlike you, I couldn't even express myself very well.

Em, but still, what do I do to compensate my sometimes poor grasp of the language?

-Longer pauses and silence while holding intense eye contact. This help you maintain the attention of your interlocutor while you have more time to think on what to say next.

-More non-verbals and playfulness. Stuff like Chase advice on eye contact and how to touch a girl. For example, a girl would say "I play guitar and ukulele" so I take her hand and feel it, saying "Yeah, guitar fingers" or just take her hand to examine a bracelet or piece of jewelry. Depending on rapport you can playfully pinch her, poke her, pull her into you, send a wink or make silly face at her, without having to say much.

-Fillers, grunts, exclamations, they're all handy. Gracefully showing it's not your first language. Pausing to remember a word "Comment dit-on?..." ah yes this and that. Some parroting and paraphrasing to make the girl know you’re listening and give you more time to think. Doing gestures as if you're thinking about what she said or what to answer.

-Bantering less, asking more question and listening more. I think this is for the better since I try to impress less and be more intriguing instead. I try asking questions and making girls talk and then responding to whatever they ask with a witty or intriguing answer when possible. I've collected a list of interesting questions and my answer if she ask back, e.g. Do you consider yourself creative? How do you keep life from getting too stale? Have you traveled much or do you want to? I am from [long ass name of my city], do you think you can spell that?, etc.

This is all I can think of right now, hope you find something new or not too obvious here. Good luck in your new location man!

 

[Frost]

Thank you Ergon for your thorough reply! I found that I'm already doing some of the things you suggested but eventually it's gonna take some time and practice before I get very fluent and eloquent in my french speaking.

Sometimes I drop words and expressions in english, but the french have their own english accent so most of the time they don't get it right away that I'm speaking proper english with a proper accent.
I also use the grunts and fillers thing, especially when I can't find the proper french word to respond to something (things like pfft, wtf...).
And the one I use most of the time is asking the person I'm talking to "how do i say ... In french" and I think that this, combined with my foreign accent gives it a vibe that I think actually helps with girls who speak french really well.

I was talking about this to my friend from Lebanon. The guy is a natural, and he's so good and fast at building rapport with women it's unbelievable. And he told me to cut down on the banter a bit and ask the right questions so I can get her talking almost all the time (which is essentially what you said also).