Newbie Assignment: Journal

[SlyGuy]

Hello, want to get better at expressing my interest in girls. Going to start with Newbie assignment.

Already did days 1-3, "Observation, Posture, Eyecontact", but over the past couple weeks.

Soon I will do the day 4 challenge,
"Today's assignment is for you to walk up to at least six (6) attractive women whom you do not already know and say "Hi."

I was wondering if saying Hi to attractive women walking past me, or let's say we're at the bar and we make eye contact and I say Hi, but then I look away and ignore her or whatever, if that counts.

The thing that trips me up is "walk up to", so it's like you're approaching them, but then I get in my head about it because you can't just say "hi" to someone. It just seems so weird.

 

[SlyGuy]

So been busy with family this week, so haven't made any progress on this.

Tomorrow I plan to attend a salsa class downtown, and then go to this bar I've wanted to check out. This will basically be my first time going out alone, so I'm not going to put to much pressure on myself to say hi to women. My main goal is to start building the habit of consistently going out, alone or with friends, at least 3 days a week.

If I talk to any women tomorrow night, that will be icing on the cake. As I build the habit of going out 3 nights a week, I will increase the pressure for getting more experience in the actual process of meeting and talking to girls.

My BIGGEST issue right now, is getting anxious/nervous/depressed even before going out by picturing a terrible night, and then staying home and playing video games instead. So my goal now is to just push passed that, and get out of my damn house.

I KNOW I'm attractive. I know women love me. And ALL I HAVE TO DO is talk to them. I've spent most of my adult life in long term relationships, I'm 29 BTW, and these girls always chased me. As a result, I felt I was always dating down. It is time I start dating up. Funny enough, throughout my whole life, I've had attractive women show interest in me, but I was always just too timid to even say HI, and never would I be able to escalate.

IM GETTING OLD. Time to take control of my dating life.

Wish me luck brothers.

 

[SlyGuy]

ALSO - I've been to a Salsa class before. You basically dance with a girl for about a minute, then switch partners. How does one escalate with women here? Approach after class, and talk to them?

One time I tried to deep dive some girls during our dancing, but it got weird because I was deep diving like 3 girls at the same time, only for a minute, and it wasn't sustainable lol. And they all could hear me. So I'm wondering how I should talk to them while dancing, and if I should approach after class.

One fear of mine is being labeled as a guy that just came to salsa class to pick up women, and maybe scaring some women off because I put them in an uncomfortable position

 

[SlyGuy]

Ok so tonight didn't go quite as planned. Goal was to go to the salsa class they do downtown, and then hit a bar. Solo.

Found out the salsa class was actually during my gym time, but they offer a bachata class afterwards. I've never done bachata, so I almost talked myself out of going, but decided to go out anyways. I've never been to this class before, it's in the middle of downtown in a courtyard-like area. Actually pretty cool. Found out that they want you to check-in ahead of time so ended up not participating, but got some intel.

There were SO many super attractive women there. If I had any game, I would have talked to some of them that were standing in between classes. However, I decided to leave instead. Baby steps! I almost did not even go out, so this is still progress. I did see some girls check me out, I caught them looking at me and they quickly looked away. This would probably be considered an approach invitation? IDK

One issue I have is people often say I look sad. Some homeless man walked by me while I was watching everyone dance and said to me "It will be alright buddy". And honestly usually I am in my head feeling a little down about something, so it makes sense. This is something I need to work on. I want to exude a better vibe.

Positives:

• Scoped out the area
• Learned the schedule
• Saw tons of cuties

Negatives:

• Did not talk to anyone
• Saw a friend actually but I had no social momentum going so I didn't even say hi. I don't think they saw me. This friend I know from my pool league, and he was headed to one of our pool halls. I think it would have been smart for me to shout to get his attention, and potentially join him for an hour or two. I need to work on just socializing more in general, not just with girls.
• Did not hit a bar after as planned

Takeaways/Next steps

• I'm going to rearrange my gym schedule so I can show up earlier and go to the Salsa class.
• There's also a Monday salsa class I've been to before, I'm going to start going to this again as well. More time around cute girls, touching, leading, dancing, has to be good for my social anxiety I think. Plus just being around more cuties = more opportunities = more learning
• Ultimately, I want to go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday for at least a few hours. Tonight I went out for only 45 minutes, and just people watched and didn't talk to anybody. For now, I think I'm going to start with at least an hour every night, and push that more and more.
• I want to go to bars that have more women, but I think I might spend some time at the pool halls while I get used to just going out more. If I'm going out solo, I feel more comfortable at the pool halls because I can do something (play pool) and I'm likely to run into friends. When going to just bars, especially solo, I just picture me not talking to anybody. I need to get used to being social in an environment I'm more comfortable in first.

Thoughts

I think tonight was a success still, because I got out of my house. Could've been better, but I like to think it's progress. Sure I could push myself harder and make more progress, but I don't want to be to hard on myself..

 

[SlyGuy]

I think I may also decide to quit video games for awhile... because that's always my alternative. For example, tonight, I chose to go home, smoke weed, and game over forcing myself to stay out longer.

If I remove video games as an alternative, I think I will have more incentive to stay out.

 

[Gram]

Good journal and keep up the good work.

I've read some posts that dancing classes can better for social circle than game, for the reason you mention, hard to deep dive and gives you a reputation.

One thought - why not use just use the dance classes for what they are...classes. You learn, you get better and it gives you a badass skill for later.. like perhaps one on one lessons with the hot new dance student. Imagine yourself a lion in a room full of tigresses... you move easy, learn the moves, don't chase anyone but friendly to all (cuz you don't need them right?), and come across as the chill powerful dude. You can practice your flirting and attraction in a non threatening way...but never let yourself get friend zoned.

Either way, nice work!

 

[SlyGuy]

Ok here's my update from Thursday.

Friday I was supposed to go out alone, but my brother hit me up to play video games and I was unable to get in the proper mental state afterwards to go out. Lesson learned: Do not play video games BEFORE going out.

Saturday - went out with a couple friends. Did NOT talk to any girls, but still had a good time. As of now, I am such a homebody, I think any positive experiences going out where girls hang is progress. At some point in the night I took a hit off of some guys blunt that we ran into and then my night was over. So lesson learned: Do not smoke weed while out.

Sunday - break from socializing, play video games all day.

Monday - went to salsa class! Had a blast. I think most girls there brought their boyfriend, but I still got to dance with a bunch of cuties, and I think it is GREAT experience. I am leading girls, touching girls, getting out of my comfort zone. I was smiling, talking, having a good time, will be going back again.

Tuesday (tonight) - Went out for pool league. This typically is not conducive to meeting chicks, but it gets me out of the house and socializing. There's this one girl on my team I usually chat up, she's cute but has a boyfriend, who is also on the team. Tonight, due to logistics, I didn't try to talk to her at all but she actually came up to me and initiated a conversation. Which was actually kinda random because she asked me "What have you been up to lately?", but she was in the middle of a match so could not have a conversation.

I think I answered too detailed, "Working, chilling, went to a salsa class recently! That was fun" and she responded with "Oh wow I bet", I asked "How's school?", she said "Same old" and then she had to go play her game. I didn't reinitiate conversation with her because she wasn't able to have a conversation really, but I found it odd that she even tried to have a conversation with me while she was busy. It was nice though because I think I've always initiated with her. However, when she left, she said bye to everyone but me. Usually I say bye to her when she's leaving, and wondered if she would say it to me this time. Anyways, this is probably all frivolous and not worth overthinking - these are just some random observations.

But! Tonight we have a new girl on our team. Super cute! I think she's single? I didn't actually ask. I did ask her some questions, mostly pool related. How long she's been doing it, how'd she get into it, etc. And I asked some follow up questions based on her answers. I typically leave pretty early but decided to stay later tonight (A) because I want to push myself out later and (B) to spend more time around the new cutie.

I think I may have stayed a little too long though because I was just watching and in my head I feel like I look like I got nothing better to do. But this might be me over thinking again. IDK. She left immediately after her game too, and also didn't say bye to me! But I said bye to her when I realized she wasn't going to and she smiled and said bye.

Also I scoped out some areas around town, and basically everything seemed dead at 10pm on a Tuesday. But I did show up early and walked around at like ~6:30ish, and counted 4 attractive women walking around alone. One of them looked like she was on a mission, and she was dolled up, so I think she was on her way to a date. And another one was on the phone. But 2 of them, if I had more experience/confidence/mental state, I could've potentially opened.

Future plans for this week -
Wednesday (tomorrow) - I have pool league again. Afterwards I am going to scope out some venues and see what the crowd is like on a Wednesday night.

Thursday - Salsa downtown. Then I think I'm going to a pool hall and hang out for a bit. I want to start trying to actually try gaming (women in this sense, not video games..) every Thursday, Friday, Saturday night.
Thursday plans for now will be Salsa -> Pool hall -> another bar more conducive to gaming.
Friday will be Pool hall -> Arcade bar -> and then there's two other places I want to check out.
Saturday will be with my boys, we usually also hit the pool hall, and then hit random bars.

I honestly think I hold myself back more around my boys cause I'm more afraid of being rejected in front of them, so hopefully I can start getting some rejections under my belt while going out solo and internalize that they are not a big deal, and feel more confident while out with my boys.

My main focus point ATM:
Go out more consistently and be comfortable being out, socializing for the sake of socializing. One thing that holds me back is I always feel like I need a purpose to socialize, aka pool, salsa. There's purpose, there's a shared activity. Being out just drinking, shooting the shit, socializing, is honestly foreign to me so I'm trying to normalize that by putting myself in that situation more.

Anyways, there's probably a ton more I could say but it'd mostly just be rambling so I'm going to end it here for now.

 

[Gram]

Nice update, and good work getting out. No worries about them leaving without saying bye.

Thinking about the dolled up girl you saw.

Quick cold approach idea: "Wow, I just had to stop and say hi. Can I compliment you on your style? <She smiles and says sure.> You look dynamite. Your outfit looks so put together. You must be going on a date. If it doesn't work out I'd like to grab a coffee with you. Lete get your number <chit chat chit chat while she enters her digits and you text her with "Good looking guy who thought you had great style" ."

If she says no... well then you were just like when you started.

How great would you feel if some girl did that to you as you walked to a date? You'd feel like a million bucks.

 

[gameboy]

I've started doing the newbie challenge a couple of days ago, and having a blast. Yes it does feel weird saying "hello" to random people, but it's really really fun! I've been doing it for the last 3 days, and the reactions from the girls are getting better and better. I can really recommend it!

 

[SlyGuy]

Update!

So I've mostly been focusing on just consistently getting out of the house socially. I have a lot of general social anxiety that I've been working through and it's getting a lot better.

Basically Monday and Thursday I have salsa class, Tuesday and Wednesday I have pool league, Friday I have a poker thing I go to downtown and then go to bars solo after, Saturday I hang with some of my boys and we go downtown and play pool and have a good time, and Sunday I have a poker thing I go to.

So basically every night I'm doing something social, and I've been noticing more and more opportunities with women, but I haven't asked any out. Most of my opportunities are naturally through my social setting, I haven't approached any random women at bars yet.

One thing I'd like advice on... a cute girl joined my pool team about a month ago. I didn't talk to her too much the first time we met, and tonight was the second time we met at the pool league. She and I were kinda hanging out solo before the rest of the team showed up, and I got to know her a bit. Attempted some deep-diving and some teasing. I felt like things were lightly flirty.

This whole evening spanned probably 3 hours, and we had conversations on and off between pool matches and such. Anyways, at the end of the night, she asked me to walk her to her car. So I did, then wished her a good night and left. Anyways, afterwards, I was kicking myself for not asking if she wanted to go out sometime.

I'm wondering if I should have? I feel like I need to just start asking girls out more. Like yeah, I'm going to see this girl again, so if she said no things could've maybe gotten weird, but I think I could've played it cool enough. And honestly our 'social circle' is only like 7 people and I really don't care what these people think of me. I plan on leaving in a couple months anyways.

So, what do you guys think. Should I have asked her out? Should I ask her out next time? Should I just let this be a social thing of mine, and focus on cold approach more?

Any articles or advice are appreciated, thanks.

 

[Will_V]

Update!

So I've mostly been focusing on just consistently getting out of the house socially. I have a lot of general social anxiety that I've been working through and it's getting a lot better.

Basically Monday and Thursday I have salsa class, Tuesday and Wednesday I have pool league, Friday I have a poker thing I go to downtown and then go to bars solo after, Saturday I hang with some of my boys and we go downtown and play pool and have a good time, and Sunday I have a poker thing I go to.

So basically every night I'm doing something social, and I've been noticing more and more opportunities with women, but I haven't asked any out. Most of my opportunities are naturally through my social setting, I haven't approached any random women at bars yet.

One thing I'd like advice on... a cute girl joined my pool team about a month ago. I didn't talk to her too much the first time we met, and tonight was the second time we met at the pool league. She and I were kinda hanging out solo before the rest of the team showed up, and I got to know her a bit. Attempted some deep-diving and some teasing. I felt like things were lightly flirty.

This whole evening spanned probably 3 hours, and we had conversations on and off between pool matches and such. Anyways, at the end of the night, she asked me to walk her to her car. So I did, then wished her a good night and left. Anyways, afterwards, I was kicking myself for not asking if she wanted to go out sometime.

I'm wondering if I should have? I feel like I need to just start asking girls out more. Like yeah, I'm going to see this girl again, so if she said no things could've maybe gotten weird, but I think I could've played it cool enough. And honestly our 'social circle' is only like 7 people and I really don't care what these people think of me. I plan on leaving in a couple months anyways.

So, what do you guys think. Should I have asked her out? Should I ask her out next time? Should I just let this be a social thing of mine, and focus on cold approach more?

Any articles or advice are appreciated, thanks.

Just be very casual 'hey we should grab a coffee sometime', if she doesn't want to it's no big deal. Asking a girl out doesn't need to be a make or break social move.

 

[Black-eyed]

Good stuff.
Shit!, that feels like me. You are on the right path. I went through that myself couple years ago. Still on that path but figured tons of things out myself and got great success

 

[SlyGuy]

Update.
Downtown has been dead, so haven't had much success with meeting women. I live in a college town and between exams/holidays there is just barely anyone out. My new year resolution will be to finish the Newbie Challenge. That's the only one I got, the only area seriosuly lacking in my life. My #1 priority of 2024 will be improving my ability to meet and move things forward with women.

I did ask out 2 girls in my social circles. This is huge for me, basically the first women I've asked out outside of dating apps since my 5 year relationship ended a year and a half ago. One of them I asked in person, I ran into her randomly while out with some friends and I told her we should hang out sometime. She kinda jokingly said "Should we?" and I kind of aborted.. I was like "Yeah, lets play some pool!" and she's like "You know where to find me!" (at the pool hall I always see her at). I wanted to get her number but I chickened out. Anyways, still forward motion for me.

The second girl I talked about in my previous comment. I had pool league on Tuesday night, and she was there again. I like to think there was some light flirting going on, she definitely seemed interested in having conversation with me. I'm actually moving in a month, so I am leaving the team, and she overheard me tell our captain and she said "Oh I guess I should cancel my Facebook friend request". I didn't even know she sent me one, and said something like "Oh you sent me a friend Request? I never go on there. we can still be FB friends".

Anyways, at the end of our matches I usually leave, but she was sticking around and wanted to play pool with me! So obviously I did, and then eventually she had to go with her friend. Who BTW was a guy, and may have been a romantic interest, but she introduced him as a friend so I'm going to just assume they are in fact friends.

At last, that same night, I decided to send her a message on FB, it was just an emoji because I added her earlier when she mentioned it, and sent a wave, and she sent a middle finger as a joke, and then I responded with an emoji 3 hours later when we were all home.

Anyways she said "Good playing tonight *laughing emoji*

we played like 5 games and she only won the last one.
I said "Yeah I had to let you win one *tounge wink face* We should hang before I leave. Grab a drink on the weekend or something"

Next morning she replies
"For sure! Sad you're leaving though"
Me: "Yeah I'm going to miss it here. Excited for a new adventure though"

And it says she never read it. But I'm sure she read it from her notifications and just swiped it.

My insecurities tell me she's just being nice because we're on the same team, and now she feels like she's in an awkward position with me. My attempt at being confident tells me, "bro she added you on facebook, has shown interest in person, obviously there's some potential there. you won't know unless you try."

With holidays, I'm going to be out of town for a week, and then I will probably see her again the following week for pool. I will definitely see her eventually for pool, if not that week. Now I'm just debating if I actually follow through with a date. I don't know, I'm overthinking it.

 

[SlyGuy]

So update on the previous girl. I feel liked I might've messed things up.

So I've been out of town for the holidays, and last night she messaged me around midnight "How was your Christmas pool team traitor"

I was out partying with some old friends and didn't see the message until like 3 in the morning. But since I opened it I didn't want to leave her on read so I tried to think of a good response.

My first reaction was something like "It was good, hbu?" but that just seemed so lame and I wanted to say something clever. But I think it came off to try-hard. I mean, she already likes me giving the fact that she knows I'm moving in a few weeks and she's still engaging with me. I ended up responding with "Well luckily my treason didn't get me a stocking full of coal *wink face* hbu, were you naughty or nice this year?"

My drunk 4am self thought it was a really clever response, but she opened it in the morning and left me on read, and hasn't responded all day. My buddy said it was "too thought out" of a response.

I feel like the mindset I should have is "This is all just practice. Talk to more girls. It's no big deal.", but I wonder if anyone has any advice on my response. Was it too try hard?

 

[gameboy]

I would have waited till the next morning or afternoon to reply, no big deal.

 

[SlyGuy]

Now I'm debating with myself if I should try to send a more normal response now, or if I should just stick it out and if she doesn't respond oh well. Still hit her up in a few days to see if she wants to get together on the weekend.

I'm leaning towards sticking it out

 

[gameboy]

Patience man, you didn't fuck anything up. I think your reply was OK but it might have felt weird to her that you texted her at 3am.

I know how it feels when you're waiting for a girl to reply. Give her a couple of days... if she still doesn't say anything then it's kind of weird that she texted you in the first place. Maybe she was drunk or something.

 

[SlyGuy]

Hey everybody! I'm back. Today was my first day ever doing cold approaches! Kinda..

Update since my last post:
Moved to a new a city, in the middle of a downtown area so it's very busy all the time. Walking distance to many bars/clubs and day gameable areas.
Joined a Salsa club and an Improv class here to help with social anxiety and just socialization in general.

Today I finally decided to talk to some women. I want to do the Newbie challenge, but honestly just saying "Hi" or "Hi, how are you?" to a woman intimidates me. I think the reason is it feels like it lacks purpose. I have really bad social anxiety, so talking to someone for the sake of socializing makes me really anxious. It's easier when I'm at parties with friends and I can introduce myself to everyone, but if I'm out alone I have no momentum and it feels bizarre talking to anybody.

Also - I have a huge fear of showing interest to somebody in my social circles. I have actually been going out with friends anytime I am invited, and have received lots of positive interest from women in my groups. Just the other day, I was in a conversation and one was touching my arma lot and implied we should hang out sometime. It was obvious I should ask for her number, but I was too chicken.

So anyways, today I decided to do some cold approaches for the first time. But still, approaching for the sake of socializing or expressing interest felt too high pressure for me, so I couldn't just say "Hi". So I decided to ask pretty women for directions.

I approached 4 different women, and asked each one if they knew where something nearby was. Obviously I knew where it was but I just needed an excuse to talk to them. Asking for directions feels natural to me, it has obvious purpose, but I was still super anxious just breaking the ice to ask for directions. Immediately after they answered, I would say thanks and basically run away lol. One of the women actually seemed like she wanted to keep talking, she seemed super sociable, but I was satisfied with what I had done and just walked away from her lol.

However, after the 4th approach, I was feeling significantly more comfortable approaching them, but my goal was 4 and I had some other plans so I ended it then. I feel like to some this may seem kind of lame, but for me it felt like a huge step forward.

I think I may try to approach at least 4 women every day, and ask for directions. Maybe even increase it to 7 or 10 women, because what I'm doing is so low risk, I should at least make it challenging by increasing the number. I suspect I will quickly bored of this, and start leading into an indirect opener, where I follow up with "Actually I knew where it was, I just thought you were cute and wanted to say hi". Hopefully, at least.

If anyone has other ideas, that are low risk like this, especially for night game, let me know!

Anyways, just wanted to update.

Namaste