Newbie in need of advice

[4days]

Hi. I am 23 years old and a complete newbie in dating arena. I came here to learn from people more experienced than me. I will soon be doing 14 day "Newbie Assignment"
to get me started but before that I could use some advice about a girl I know.

English is not my first language so I will try to keep this short. Hope I don't bore you to death.

I first met her at work about a year ago. I guess she is what you would call a "cool girl". She is more comfortable talking to men than women and is very open about sex. It's
quite fun to talk to her.

At the time I knew nothing about what women want and was avoiding her. However for some reason she was very interested in me. Guess I unconsciously made her chase me.
I never met that kind of girl before so she confused the hell out of me. Took me a few months to figure out that she just wants sex.
So finally we get together...and I can't get it up. I was pissed for days but it was the best thing that ever happened to me because I made a decision that I will
never let that happen again. I learned a lot since then.

Any way soon after that she understandably lost interest. It got so cold that when she quit her job she behaved like I don't exist. At that point I accepted the fact that
it's over and I will probably never see her again. However several months after that I accidentally met her in town. We decided to go get something to drink and had a fun
conversation. She started to warm up to me again. Not as much as before but it seems that she trusts me. Since then we go out on drinks every month or so. It seems
that she considers me a friend or something like that. I can live with that since I will be dating other women soon and she is fun to talk to but I was wondering would it be possible to turn this
into friends with benefits relationship. I was thinking about being upfront about it since she is that kind of girl but considering our history I am not so sure.
I don't want her to go cold again.

I will be meeting her in a few days (morning coffee) and I would like to make my move then if you guys think it's a good idea. I am still not that good at this so I have no idea
what approach should I use. I didn't do anything till now because I didn't want to mess it up. I still don't understand what is going on in that cute head of hers.

Oh and it is worth mentioning that I do come off as a "nice guy" too much. I am still working on that.

So what do you think? Do I stand a chance or should I juts forget about it? If I do stand a chance what approach should I use?

 

[Glitch]

4D,

You can turn it but you need to work quickly.

To remove the nice guy and implant the FWB, use sexual undertones. Having a mental thought of I just want to lay her was a good mindset for me when starting out. With this mindset pretty much every action was directed at sex.

Work on voice, touch, sexual jokes/undertones. If you have reasonable fundementals it shouldn't be too difficult.

The key is too move fast and with directness. Once you get her comfortable move her to your place when you get signs of her being more comfortable with you. Once at your I normally just go direct no, messing about. Touch, grab, caress. You name it, the works.

You'll most likely experience last minute resistance (LMR) with this you need to diffuse her. She is thinking about the social consquences about what she's getting into. For this use non-judgemental attitude and that it will be kept secret.

Along the lines of:

No-one will find out
I won't tell if you, don't

Playful: I'm pretty curious, you are too

Act sexual. Move fast. Your place. Diffuse LMR. Lay.

Once you get the lay it's pretty easy to suggest a FWB. When you have the cuddling down time, just mention that you'd like to see her more often.

Good luck,

Glitch

 

[4days]

4D,

You can turn it but you need to work quickly.

To remove the nice guy and implant the FWB, use sexual undertones. Having a mental thought of I just want to lay her was a good mindset for me when starting out. With this mindset pretty much every action was directed at sex.

Work on voice, touch, sexual jokes/undertones. If you have reasonable fundementals it shouldn't be too difficult.

The key is too move fast and with directness. Once you get her comfortable move her to your place when you get signs of her being more comfortable with you. Once at your I normally just go direct no, messing about. Touch, grab, caress. You name it, the works.

You'll most likely experience last minute resistance (LMR) with this you need to diffuse her. She is thinking about the social consquences about what she's getting into. For this use non-judgemental attitude and that it will be kept secret.

Along the lines of:

No-one will find out
I won't tell if you, don't

Playful: I'm pretty curious, you are too

Act sexual. Move fast. Your place. Diffuse LMR. Lay.

Once you get the lay it's pretty easy to suggest a FWB. When you have the cuddling down time, just mention that you'd like to see her more often.

Good luck,

Glitch

Thanks for the advice. I am not worried about LMR with her. We know each other for some time now and she does seem to trust me. She is also very comfortable about sex. We talked a lot about sex before I messed everything up. What bothers me is getting her alone in the same room again. If I do that again it should be easy sailing from there.

The thing you said about having a mindset of "I just want to lay her" is a good idea thanks. I seems that the most important thing I have to do is to get her thinking of me in a sexual way again. Any tips and tricks on how to bring sex into conversation or even better on how to turn her on during conversation.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

If you want to do it you need to be confident you may not feel like it but if you feel like you can't do it subconsciously or your worried etc it will come off in your body language etc.

This is a sticky situation you can either risk it and then let her go cold on you and lose your friendship or you can keep her around for abundance mentality plus you enjoy hanging with her anyways

I feel like you have left bits out of the stories its fine to do so but i don't think just not being able to get it up is going to cause a girl to quit her job (but you never know)

 

[4days]

If you want to do it you need to be confident you may not feel like it but if you feel like you can't do it subconsciously or your worried etc it will come off in your body language etc.

This is a sticky situation you can either risk it and then let her go cold on you and lose your friendship or you can keep her around for abundance mentality plus you enjoy hanging with her anyways

I feel like you have left bits out of the stories its fine to do so but i don't think just not being able to get it up is going to cause a girl to quit her job (but you never know)

Oh, no she didn't quit her job because of me. There were other reasons unrelated to me. I just mentioned that so that you know that even though she was leaving and we wouldn't see each other as often she was still cold. We did hug and say goodbye but that was it. I guess I should have made that more clear. English is not my first language so sorry about that.

Any way if I decide to risk it how do you think I should approach the situation? Should I be more direct or indirect? Any advice would be appreciated.