Newbie moral dilemma

[Reese]

Hi,

I'm having some sort of a dilemma here.

Quick intro: I've only been in 2 LTRs my whole life. Im single now and it's been a while since the last time I've been with a woman. I don't live in North America by the way, I live in a semi conservative, semi liberal country.

Since it's been a while since the last time I had sex and there's nobody that Im interested in, in my small conservative shitty social circle. I recently started searching the web about how to talk and flirt with girls you meet on the street or in a grocery store or in a coffee shop, and I came across GC and discovered pickup, read a lot, and it changed all my perspective towards women, dating, attraction and sex. I got excited and felt like I discovered something I've been looking for my whole life and that pickup is for me. So I started working on my fundamentals. I worked on my style, grooming, walk, eye contact ...

Now when I go out shopping or go out for a walk or whatever, I get approach invitations. and it's a good confidence booster. At first, when a girl give me an AI, I often do not realize it or do not believe it until she is gone. cuz I'll be like "really? is this an AI? does she want me to go talk to her..??" and my brain goes "Naah man, she just stopped walking and kept glancing towards you by accident." "she just smiled at you cuz she's polite." "she just bumped into you or stood near you by accident." "held eye contact for more than 2 seconds by accident." or "asked you for directions because she REALLY wants to know the directions."

But now, even though I know that these are AIs, I'm still having difficulty approaching. Not because I didn't hit on or flirt with a stranger before in my life, or I don't know what to say next, or afraid of messing it up or because of AA (although it might be all that too), but mostly because I don't want to break anybody's heart, and I know that if I start in this path Im not backing down, and when you're a player like that, you could break a few hearts even if you try hard not to. And I don't wanna be that guy.

Am I the only one that had this sort of dilemma before he started? and how do you get past it and start approaching?

 

[ulrich]

I had a phase like that.

Truth is you are not going to really hurt a woman unless you actively want to.
Women are not as fragile as you think, they can take some hits and write them off as learning, misunderstanding or compatibility.

If you’re not an asshole there is always going to be the chance to at least talk stuff through and have her realize you didn’t mean bad.
This will happen from time to time when you are a newbie. It’s part of learning.

But to really really hurt a woman you would need to lie to her and promise to cherish her while you have no intention of doing it.
That lying will not happen unless you decide to do it.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Am I the only one that had this sort of dilemma before he started? and how do you get past it and start approaching?

Looking for AI's and then second guessing yourself is pretty normal for newbies.
'
Guys want certainty. They don't want to risk anything.
If the guy say something, it has to be received positively and enthusiastically.

So Guys focus on AI's and generating them because they're afraid of truly cold approaching in the first place.


The frame (mental frame of mind) I used (and still use from time to time) is "I'm a scientist doing an social experiment"

That's what I say in my mind, and that gives me permission to talk to a stranger.

I needed that reasoning because for the longest time I was ashamed of talking to a girl specifically because I found her attractive.

To get good at this - you need to stop looking for AI's, even better is stop noticing them at all.

You need to see a sexy chick and talk to her, regardless of your initial assessment of her attraction towards you.

That will take some time, but looking for AI's, trying to generate them, making yourself more physically attractive (so as to generate AIs) - may get you more notches and results - but it won't get you AGENCY - I.E. the ability to make things happen.

A lot of guys don't take care of themselves and don't go out in public a lot - they get the placebo success of game. They were rough diamonds that decided to polish themselves.

What you want is a skill set. Not a state of being, but the act of doing. Where you can do something, not just look pretty like women do.

Where you can talk to strangers, generate a wide range of emotions with anyone, and feel entitled enough to ask them to do things for you. That skill set is much more powerful than merely picking up chicks.

WIA

 

[Souverain]

Looking for AI's and then second guessing yourself is pretty normal for newbies.
'
Guys want certainty. They don't want to risk anything.
If the guy say something, it has to be received positively and enthusiastically.

So Guys focus on AI's and generating them because they're afraid of truly cold approaching in the first place.


The frame (mental frame of mind) I used (and still use from time to time) is "I'm a scientist doing an social experiment"

That's what I say in my mind, and that gives me permission to talk to a stranger.

I needed that reasoning because for the longest time I was ashamed of talking to a girl specifically because I found her attractive.

To get good at this - you need to stop looking for AI's, even better is stop noticing them at all.

You need to see a sexy chick and talk to her, regardless of your initial assessment of her attraction towards you.

That will take some time, but looking for AI's, trying to generate them, making yourself more physically attractive (so as to generate AIs) - may get you more notches and results - but it won't get you AGENCY - I.E. the ability to make things happen.

A lot of guys don't take care of themselves and don't go out in public a lot - they get the placebo success of game. They were rough diamonds that decided to polish themselves.

What you want is a skill set. Not a state of being, but the act of doing. Where you can do something, not just look pretty like women do.

Where you can talk to strangers, generate a wide range of emotions with anyone, and feel entitled enough to ask them to do things for you. That skill set is much more powerful than merely picking up chicks.

WIA

Love the point about agency man. I far too often look for AIs, looking for signals to fuck (and that's cool imo) but ultimately I think most of on here are looking to build a skill set, and outcome independence / taking action are far more important while on that pursuit. Thanks for the refocus.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Love the point about agency man. I far too often look for AIs, looking for signals to fuck (and that's cool imo) but ultimately I think most of on here are looking to build a skill set, and outcome independence / taking action are far more important while on that pursuit. Thanks for the refocus.

My impression is that guys come to these spaces because they just want the sex, and doesn't matter how they get it.

They don't care about how anything works, they just want the results.

Not just results, Results they can live with, as they don't want to bang fatties, ugmo's, or fly over to South East Asia to bang a hot chick for 20 bucks.

If dudes really wanted porn stars, they can do that with a Craig's list Ad, AirBnb, and 200 dollar camera from Best Buy. You pay the girl 500 bucks, and then sell her video to the amateur porn crowd. The quality and quantity and ease will be far higher than going out to clubs.

That doesn't stroke the ego, no matter if the man makes a profit. No matter what he does to the girl, and how good she is as an actress - he knows it's fake.

Constant fight...

 

[Skills]

The op has aa, and is looking for rationalizations not to approach, that happens due to aa...... You need to do the aa drills, and go through a period (it is really brief, couple of months) of kind of mass approaching, to get rid of aa (do the aa drills in newbie assignment)..... Once you go through that period you will start noticing the micro reactions of people/women the body language, then after that is when you kind of naturally will know how to calibrate more and learn how to force reactions (verbally or body language), and not look for ais, but absence of "fuck off get away from me" body language/verbal reaction, any absent of "clear/obvious fuck off get away body language/verbal reaction" treat it is as an approach invite.... But you do not even going to understand that unless you go through the mass approach period... The hurting women is just another excuse (it is very unlikely to happen even with sex involve)...