- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 315
The other day I did an approach, and I'm not quite sure what to make of the girl's response. I did learn a bit, though.
It began when I spotted a pretty black girl working on the floor of a department store. Maybe early 20s, 5'7" or so with nice curves, wearing cornrows. She looked west African. I managed to stay probably out of her sight while maneuvering my way to wind up just behind her as she was walking between some clothes racks. In a moment of intentional-deprivation-induced courage, I leaned forwards to touch her elbow, which caused her to stop and turn around.
I figured I'd be clever and take her out of autopilot by exercising what little French I knew, much of west Africa being Francophone. So it turns out she's Nigerian - <palm-slap to the forehead>. She kind of seemed unimpressed, which really threw me off my game. One of my present sticking points is that hiccups like this shred my confidence and I turn beta, get more nervous and fumble the rest of the interaction.
Strategy went out the window and I was now more or less in default mode (harmless guy.)
I at some point told her she's cute, to which she said, "thank you."
In the moment I felt she was being standoffish. She never smiled, and her responses were terse. Although she complied when I asked, "Tell me your name," when I introduced myself and gestured for her hand, she just stood looking at me without doing or saying anything. She made me feel extremely awkward. (It wouldn't surprise me if I did the same.)
Actually, some of her responses led me to suspect that she didn't fully understand me, and I'm not sure if I was just doing a terrible job of communicating or if she didn't know English very well, or both. She spoke with a rather thick accent (kinda cute) and simple sentences. I had been somewhat under the impression Nigeria is English-speaking and other Nigerians I've met spoke perfect English, but this reminded me it's more complex since English is more of a lingua franca there. On further research it looks like the English there is often pidgin, and one Quora writer summed it up:
"Semblance of a conversation" pretty much describes what happened. It doesn't help that I rely too heavily on verbal communication - another thing I have to fix.
Eventually after some simple exchanges, I just wound up looking at her not knowing what to do or say next, and then after a few seconds she literally just walked off without saying another word.
Although it felt like it at the time, in retrospect I'm not entirely sure she was being standoffish. She didn't do most of the things I'm used to standoffish girls doing, like breaking eye contact a lot, getting distracted by anything else in the environment, being dismissive, mentioning a boyfriend, or excusing themselves to go do something more important. Her tone and expressions were never angry, impatient, or condescending - just really, really neutral.
Was she being shy? In my somewhat limited experience I have no reference points at all with shy girls, being that they generally don't interest me. (My ideal woman is cocky and extroverted.) Just about every woman I've ever interacted with has been a good bit less shy than me.
I'm also wondering if there are some cultural nuances I'm missing. I mean, I've been close friends with a number of Africans. Most African women I've hit on have been friendly - sometimes super friendly. (I actually had one tell me her and I would have beautiful babies.) But they've generally lived in the West since late childhood, and weren't Nigerian.
In writing this I've actually started to realize something. If a girl is anything other than overtly friendly, I seem to fairly easily jump to the conclusion that she's mad or standoffish, almost as if I'm halfways expecting women to be bothered by my approaching them - even though most often they're not. I really need to fix that!
Unless anyone wiser thinks it's a bad idea, I think I'm going to go back, call her by name, ask her how she is, try to physically guide her to step a few feet, and just tell her in straight and simple terms that I'd like to get to know her and ask if she'd like to grab juice. Because as I think about it afterwards, I think I just assumed the worst. I'd hate to pass up a potential success just because my relatively inexperienced judgement called failure. More importantly, I'd hate for that judgement to stay skewed in favour of giving up easily - it's hard to know where limits are if you never push them.
I'm debating whether to try a little conversation first or just ask her out.
Comments, suggestions, or insights welcome.
It began when I spotted a pretty black girl working on the floor of a department store. Maybe early 20s, 5'7" or so with nice curves, wearing cornrows. She looked west African. I managed to stay probably out of her sight while maneuvering my way to wind up just behind her as she was walking between some clothes racks. In a moment of intentional-deprivation-induced courage, I leaned forwards to touch her elbow, which caused her to stop and turn around.
I figured I'd be clever and take her out of autopilot by exercising what little French I knew, much of west Africa being Francophone. So it turns out she's Nigerian - <palm-slap to the forehead>. She kind of seemed unimpressed, which really threw me off my game. One of my present sticking points is that hiccups like this shred my confidence and I turn beta, get more nervous and fumble the rest of the interaction.
Strategy went out the window and I was now more or less in default mode (harmless guy.)
I at some point told her she's cute, to which she said, "thank you."
In the moment I felt she was being standoffish. She never smiled, and her responses were terse. Although she complied when I asked, "Tell me your name," when I introduced myself and gestured for her hand, she just stood looking at me without doing or saying anything. She made me feel extremely awkward. (It wouldn't surprise me if I did the same.)
Actually, some of her responses led me to suspect that she didn't fully understand me, and I'm not sure if I was just doing a terrible job of communicating or if she didn't know English very well, or both. She spoke with a rather thick accent (kinda cute) and simple sentences. I had been somewhat under the impression Nigeria is English-speaking and other Nigerians I've met spoke perfect English, but this reminded me it's more complex since English is more of a lingua franca there. On further research it looks like the English there is often pidgin, and one Quora writer summed it up:
"Semblance of a conversation" pretty much describes what happened. It doesn't help that I rely too heavily on verbal communication - another thing I have to fix.
Eventually after some simple exchanges, I just wound up looking at her not knowing what to do or say next, and then after a few seconds she literally just walked off without saying another word.
Although it felt like it at the time, in retrospect I'm not entirely sure she was being standoffish. She didn't do most of the things I'm used to standoffish girls doing, like breaking eye contact a lot, getting distracted by anything else in the environment, being dismissive, mentioning a boyfriend, or excusing themselves to go do something more important. Her tone and expressions were never angry, impatient, or condescending - just really, really neutral.
Was she being shy? In my somewhat limited experience I have no reference points at all with shy girls, being that they generally don't interest me. (My ideal woman is cocky and extroverted.) Just about every woman I've ever interacted with has been a good bit less shy than me.
I'm also wondering if there are some cultural nuances I'm missing. I mean, I've been close friends with a number of Africans. Most African women I've hit on have been friendly - sometimes super friendly. (I actually had one tell me her and I would have beautiful babies.) But they've generally lived in the West since late childhood, and weren't Nigerian.
In writing this I've actually started to realize something. If a girl is anything other than overtly friendly, I seem to fairly easily jump to the conclusion that she's mad or standoffish, almost as if I'm halfways expecting women to be bothered by my approaching them - even though most often they're not. I really need to fix that!
Unless anyone wiser thinks it's a bad idea, I think I'm going to go back, call her by name, ask her how she is, try to physically guide her to step a few feet, and just tell her in straight and simple terms that I'd like to get to know her and ask if she'd like to grab juice. Because as I think about it afterwards, I think I just assumed the worst. I'd hate to pass up a potential success just because my relatively inexperienced judgement called failure. More importantly, I'd hate for that judgement to stay skewed in favour of giving up easily - it's hard to know where limits are if you never push them.
I'm debating whether to try a little conversation first or just ask her out.
Comments, suggestions, or insights welcome.
