Not sure how to approach or what to do. Help and advice needed

[primogennn]

Hello everyone. I've started to obsess about this girl in my class since last week. I've never talked to her but in the first day of classes she was sitting beside me and while she was leaving the class with me following behind, she smiled at me. I don't know if that's going to make any difference but I just wanted to let you guys know. Ok, I found her facebook and looked at her photos and started to obsess about her and want her because she seems to have the things I want. So for the first time I truly want to be in someone's life and really want to be with her and I don't wanna mess this up. This is why I need some advice and a proper way to go about this.

I've decided to ask her whether she has a research report partner for the second half of the course and if she doesn't, I'll ask her if she would like to write the reports together and hopefully try to get her to like me but I don't know how. Also, what if she already has a partner? That'll ruin my chances, if there any, with her. So this approach does not guarantee success. What do you guys think I should do? Fyi, she also has a class after one of my classes in the same classroom.

I also suspect she might have a boyfriend but I don't care. There is a photo of her with him and that guy's both sister and mother are her facebook friends. I suppose this reduces my chances to none but I don't care. It might be a dick move and unfair for me to intervene but what is fair in life anyways. I'm not going to throw a possible good future for the sake of morality. So I'm awaiting your advice people. Thanks in advance.

 

[Inbocca]

Been down that road many a time, friend. If you haven't talked to her yet, definitely make that happen sooner than later. But more importantly, lose the obsession asap. There's nothing wrong with liking a girl for her character or interests, but when you fixate you almost inevitably chase. Whatever you gotta do - find flaws to focus on, find other girls, even a hobby or something - just find something else to occupy your mind.

Best of luck, hope this works out.

 

[primogennn]

Ok. But I don't know how much I should invest in her though. I recently bought Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction and I can definitely read the book and apply the things on the book because I really desire her. But I don't know whether it'll worth it or not since I believe she is close to the guy in the photo I saw in her facebook. That guy's family members are her friends also. So I don't think expressing how I feel any time soon is the right way to go about this. I can take the longer path but I can't say I'm too handsome. I consider myself to be slightly less than average or below average. So I don't know. I'll talk to her about research partner business this week but what if she has a partner already? If she does should I let her go?..

 

[primogennn]

Ok I have decided not to give up so early and I won't give up because I realized that she is just too valuable for me to let go. I'll give my 100% to this matter. But I could use some help. I'll ask her if she has a research partner but what the heck am I suppose to do if she has one? I don't want her to know my intentions so I'll apply the things I'll learn from the book I mentioned above slowly. Can anybody please give me ideas on how to approach her?

 

[gumchewer]

Man, I just messed up a relation like that big time!
And from all of my looking back on that disaster, I can tell you the following: if you keep looking at her facebook etc the obsession will get worse!
This was fine for my first 4 dates with the girl which were fine although I couldn't move as fast as I wanted to because this was her first relation. (perhaps I should have)
But halfway date 3 we kiss and she says it's official (she came with it not me, because I was too scared to read her due to my obsession)
And while I have her in my arms (with her blushing etc) I blurt out that I just can't believe a girl like her wanted to be with me.

And from there on out it went to shit I think.
It was completely obvious to her that I was chasing super hard and whilst I probably never got to her lover category I probably dropped out of boyfriend category at that moment exactly.

Date 4 comes around and it goes fine although there was barely any progress in comparison to date 3 but due to my obsession I can't think it through properly and my last chance at rectification whooshes by.
And then a couple days later I get the text something to the degree of, man you are awesome and all our shared interests are amazing and I really enjoyed all our dates, but I realized last evening that what I feel for you is more like a friendship. And I wanted to be fair and tell you.

That fucked me up really bad because I had invested in her so much.
Like not being able to sleep for 2 nights now bad.
So don't obsess, talk to other girls NOW and once you get her number you are only allowed to check her on Whatsapp once a day!
Anytime she enters your mind focus on anything about her that is suboptimal otherwise, you will chase hard and become an orbital like what happened to me.
And then all you get to do is not be with her for a long time and maybe just maybe get a second shot.

 

[primogennn]

Ok tomorrow is the big day guys. I prepared a list of questions to ask her for our conversation but I need some help to decide where to talk to her.
I could either talk to her in the class or after the class.

If I talk to her after the class I'll be a lot more relaxed while talking to her and therefore leave a better impression on her. But the talk won't last for too long as she and I go different ways.
If I talk to her in the class the talk will last longer but I'm not going to be comfortable with people listening to our conversation as the class is small. So that will impact my first impression on her.

For your information this will be the last opportunity for me to talk to her this term as the term is about to end.

So... in your opinion should I talk to her in the class or outside the class??
Also I'm still not sure what to do if she has a research partner already...

 

[Smurf]

Hey man!

Been there, dawg, not a fun place to be.

First off, don't let her be your end all be all. Don't let this become "I NEED her." She'll smell it from a mile away and run or friendzone you.

I say go for it. Talk to her either inside or outside of class but you gotta get the initial approach out of the way. Otherwise you spend the rest of the semester fantasizing about her in and out of class when you could be devoting that valuable energy to something or someone else. Bite the bullet and go for it, it'll feel so much better.

Awesome to see you getting ready to take action! Let us know how it goes

Jake.

 

[primogennn]

Jake thanks very much man. Taking your advice and talking to her made me feel much much better. I feel more like myself now. Ok I couldn't talk to her inside the class with full of people but as a starter I touched her back and asked "excuse me, do you know the name of ... by any chance" and after she told me what the name was she smiled.
After the class she sticked around and I suspect she wanted to leave after me. I don't know man. I didn't wanna f it up so I started drinking water from a fountain then went right after her. Again I thought I was gonna f up but I was able pluck up the courage to talk to her and asked her if the course X she is taking is hard or not and whether I should review its prerequisite course. Then I asked her if she had a research partner or not and she said yes. And then I asked her if she has one for the second half of the course. She said no but I think I scared her. Then I said "would you be interested in writing the reports with me". She then said "I don't know ask me next term" while waving her hand and left. Guess she was in a hurry she was walking somewhat fast. Bloody hell. So, what do you guys think? Did I mess up??...

Damn. I feel like I don't have any chance with her.
I also sort of swallowed my own words while saying Would you be interested... and I think she figured it out.

i guess i shouldnt talk to her until next semester. but i just know she'll say no. maybe i shouldn't get my hopes up(?)
I feel so disappointed...Don't know what to expect

 

[WayOfHand]

Hey, you took action! Thats awesome. You even analyzed it a bit yourself and came to the conclusion that there might be some things to improve. Thats also nice because now you have something to work on.

Now it has been said here already multiple times but I think you havent quite catched it yet so I will say this much. There are other girls out there. You just can not keep obsessing about one. I know its hard but even if you cannot internalize it just trust us when we say it. The sooner you embrace this the less suffering there will be and progress is made. No one can force it upon you. This is something You have to accept by yourself. All we can do is point the direction. I have my trust on you. You sound like a reasonable dude.

 

[primogennn]

Now I have started to blame myself. I feel like she's just gonna come tomorrow and say she is not interested in writing the reports with me. Maybe impatience got the better of me.
But I'm actually glad I did this. I've learned valuable lessons which will be quite useful for me in the future. I can't help but think what would've happened if I had been more patient. Maybe I should've tried to know her better before choosing a way of approach. Unfortunately, I'll never know the answer... If the parallel universes do exist, knowing that another version of me succeeded is my only solace. lol

 

[primogennn]

Hey man!

Been there, dawg, not a fun place to be.

First off, don't let her be your end all be all. Don't let this become "I NEED her." She'll smell it from a mile away and run or friendzone you.

I say go for it. Talk to her either inside or outside of class but you gotta get the initial approach out of the way. Otherwise you spend the rest of the semester fantasizing about her in and out of class when you could be devoting that valuable energy to something or someone else. Bite the bullet and go for it, it'll feel so much better.

Awesome to see you getting ready to take action! Let us know how it goes

Jake.

Well although I talked to her last week I still fantasize about her every day. And as a consequence of our conversation my feelings for her increased quite a bit. I desire her more than ever now. So, not sure whether talking was a good idea or not :/

 

[Smith]

Well although I talked to her last week I still fantasize about her every day. And as a consequence of our conversation my feelings for her increased quite a bit. I desire her more than ever now. So, not sure whether talking was a good idea or not :/

U need to talk to more girls in general mate. You don't know her that well. Stop fantasizing about her

 

[Smurf]

Smith's spot on here.

Don't let her be your soul focus or you're in a for a world of hurt and dissapointment

 

[DonAngelo]

Hey there!! There is tone of women out there, in class you have to be more dominant and wanted among your classmates. You do that by being interesting have really success in your personal life, dressing fashion, working on your fitness and talking to a lot of women in general (that's how you become popular) I believe you are young and new to all of this but remember one thing: You are freaking amazing!! and just by that you don't need a woman, you need yourself buddy. Don't obsess since no one will love you if you don't love yourself first. Work on yourself and make that your no.1 priority.

You might want to change mindset and read this and become more like this.

Be suave,
Keep relaxed,
Stay awesome

DonAngelo.

 

[primogennn]

Hey there!! There is tone of women out there, in class you have to be more dominant and wanted among your classmates. You do that by being interesting have really success in your personal life, dressing fashion, working on your fitness and talking to a lot of women in general (that's how you become popular) I believe you are young and new to all of this but remember one thing: You are freaking amazing!! and just by that you don't need a woman, you need yourself buddy. Don't obsess since no one will love you if you don't love yourself first. Work on yourself and make that your no.1 priority.

You might want to change mindset and read this and become more like this.

Be suave,
Keep relaxed,
Stay awesome

DonAngelo.

Thanks for the reply. I'll improve many of my related skills this term break to leave a better impression her in our next conversation.
It is true that there are other women as well but for the first time in my life I'm this interested in a girl. I mean even the sight of her makes me happy. So, I just can't give up on this unless she basically tells me to piss off. Will let you guys know about the progress after a month

 

[DonAngelo]

Thanks for the reply. I'll improve many of my related skills this term break to leave a better impression her in our next conversation.
It is true that there are other women as well but for the first time in my life I'm this interested in a girl. I mean even the sight of her makes me happy. So, I just can't give up on this unless she basically tells me to piss off. Will let you guys know about the progress after a month

You are welcome, let us know and try talking not just to her but any woman that you can talk to. Practicing with less atractive women is very favorable to build up your social skills

 

[primogennn]

I'll see her either this Wednesday or Thursday. I've read several books. So now I know do's and don'ts and I'll prepare a game plan in the following four days. But I'm not sure on one thing tho. Should I approach her by saying "do you mind if I sit here? and then how are you? and how was your holiday and so on. I'm asking because I don't want to make her defensive. I'm open for ideas.

 

[primogennn]

Just learned that the lecture is not this thursday but next thursday. Unfuckingbelievable.I was longing to get this whole thing out of my system tomorrow because I'm sick of waiting...I feel like I'm on a fool's errand now, chasing ghosts. When I first talked to her she was neutral but almost two months has passed since. So she probably shifted to unreceptive. Can somebody experienced please tell me what to do?? I barely see her and when I do our conversation is not gonna be a long one. Couple of minutes at best...

 

[primogennn]

I couldn't wait any longer and sent her an email because I was barely seeing her. It wasn't too emotional and I asked her out on a date. She said she was flattered but apparently she is seeing some guy already. It just feels so sad knowing she will be someone else's and I'll fucking live with it. It's just so fucking sad. for the first time i felt this strong for someone...it just feels so fucking unfair. so fucking pissed at myself for being so fucking stupid. What the FUCK I WAS THINKING. Looking for happiness in fucking people? Fuck all that. They can't give me what i want can they? What a fucking nightmare. Anyways, thanks all for the help