FU Number close a super sexy blonde before Christmas. Texting fails and poor timing over Christmas kill it.

[Beam]

Another embarrassing fail. Yay. Interaction was ok, but failed at texting. I'm going to try pinpoint where I went wrong, but feedback from others is appreciated.

Backstory:

Was out with two wings on Saturday night around a month ago, around 8pm. Walking out of a bar, I see a tall blonde with a cheetah jacket on having a smoke with a friend of hers. Pass and then loop back, complementing her on her jacket. I don't remember exactly what was said, but we got into quite a long interaction. Good lord this girl was hot. She looked exactly like a type I had fantasized about for a long time, tall, busty, sort of like a young Denise Van Outen but hotter. I was getting hard just talking to her. I could sense she was attracted.

In the meantime, my wings were keeping her friend busy. During the interaction, couple minutes in, this asian dude came up and starts complementing my girl, repeatedly telling her how gorgeous and hot she was. And I mean repeatedly. It must have gone on for like 2 minutes with him just saying that and nothing else except asking how old we were (which is how I found out she was 24). I was getting a bit annoyed and wanted him to leave but was polite. He said I was hot too and that he was gay, but kept complementing her. I kept my body faced towards her in an attempt to nonverbally tell him to buzz off, and he eventually got the hint.

Found out she was learning how to pole dance (fuck, could she get any sexier?). I lost frame here and acted a bit impressed, instead of being non-reactive. Told her I had taken up dancing before lockdown and that if she taught me some pole dance moves, I would teach her some dance moves. I took her at this point and demonstrated. She was a bit shocked.

Found out she was at her work christmas party, and they were deciding on whether to go into the bar they were standing outside off. It had a pole dance bar. In my mind I was thinking "lead her inside, let's go" but I hesitated. Mind was churning with thoughts such as:

"Ah, my wings won't want to come inside since it's a small bar"
"They're at their work christmas party, SNL unlikely"

For this reason I number closed instead of pushing further (but that was partly due to fear and number closing being more comfortable for me..), after suggesting drinks at the bar near mine. The interaction was ok, but not solid solid. She excused herself saying she should probably get back to her work colleagues around 10 minutes in.

Since it was Saturday night I decided to send the icebreaker the next morning instead of that night, with a follow up question. Usually don't send a question but in this instance felt like the right thing to do, considering it was the next day.

Saturday, Dec 11, 2021

B (8:51 am): Hey H with the striking jacket, it's B! Great meeting you last night

B (8:51 am): How'd the pole dance bar with no one in it end up? Lol

H (10:48 am): Hey B! Was nice meeting you too

It was fun seeing my colleagues give it a go haha. How was the rest of your evening?

B (12:27 pm): Guessing you picked up some revolutionary new moves watching them, haha. It was good.. Until I smashed my knee and had to limp home in agonizing pain, yikes

B (12:27 pm): Hey let me know what your schedules looking like and let's find time to grab that drink

Didn't get a response for a while and thought that was it, but the next day she got back to me. I waited until the evening to respond given the time she took to respond.

Sunday, Dec 12, 2021

H (10:19 am): Oh no! How did you manage that one?

H (10:20 am): Schedules tight this close to chrissy but might have some time closer too Are you working through the holiday period?

Ok, seems good so far. Was not sure how to push for a sooner meet so played it safe.

B (6:35 pm): Smashed it against a table! My own fault for being clumsy..

B (6:35 pm): Yeah it is hectic this time of year. I've taken time off from christmas eve to the 3rd. What about you?

Monday, Dec 13, 2021

H (8:50 am): How annoying! Easy enough to do though, hope the walk home wasn't too painful

H (8:51 am): That works out well with all the public holidays!

I'm working though, but working from home so can hopefully do that from families home.

B (12:50 pm): Yeah it works well! Get to save more leave for travel

B (12:50 pm): Easy! If you've got a night this side of Christmas let me know and we'll try work it out. Otherwise could try between that and NY. If your family isn't hours away that is

H (4:05 pm): Of course, can't wait to get out of the country again!

H (4:06 pm): They're in MY CITY I'll let you know how I go, think it'll have to be a post Chrissy thing at this stage.

A lot of texting but again, felt pretty natural. At this point, when she mentioned working from the families home I was curious if she lived far away, so for logistics asked where she lived now. Turns out it was only 25 minutes away, not too far but still not ideal. If she was staying with family over the break it would have been a good opportunity to get her out.

B (9:26 pm): After Christmas works. Gives time to brush up the dance/pole dancing moves to teach each other, lol

B (9:26 pm): Where are you living now if you're staying with family in MY CITY?

H (9:43 pm): Haha we'll see. Not sure I'm quite at any level to teach, but will take dancing tips any day!

H (9:44 pm): I'm in MY CITY, just in LOCATION and fam are on other side of city.

Where are you based?

B (10:01 pm): The minimum level to teach is at least one step ahead of the student, you'll be fine

B (10:01 pm): I'm in MY SUBURB, close to everything which is great.

Tuesday, Dec 14, 2021

H (11:04 am): Laughed at “The minimum level to teach is at least one step ahead of the student, you'll be fine ”

H (11:05 am): Oh great location, close to all the good food and pubs!

And this is where I fucked it. Should have just left the conversation at this point. Ended it by not responding. However, I responded:

B (1:41 pm): Terrible for the bank account though, haha

And after sending it I knew it was a dumb idea. I got caught up with all the texting that it felt alright to send at the time. But, gave her a reason not to fuck me. 1. Was overeager in responding to a natural ending to the convo. 2. Implied I was not financially responsible. Which, I know we want to come across as lovers, but my lover value might not have been high enough and she might have been looking for more provider cues given the interaction was ok, not electric.

Ok, now what. I sensed things would go south because of this last text. Should have asked the forum for advice at this point. But I left it. Planned to ping her a couple days after Christmas. Sent the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl Happy Monday" meme on the 27th. This was also kinda dumb, thinking I should have wished her a merry christmas instead or something . I don't know:

Monday, Dec 27, 2021

B (11:06 am): image000000.jpg 12.8 kB

No response. Was bummed. My last attempt to engage - I sent a 33 second voice message on Wednesday, while out walking, wishing her a merry christmas and new year, and implying that it was quite hectic and that now we finally had time to have that catchup, not acknowledging her lack of response to my previous text at all. I rehearsed it a couple of times to try to make sure my vibe was nice, chill, and not needy.

Wednesday, Jan 5, 2022

B (6:16 pm): recording000000.wav 00:33

Got a response the next day, with a rejection.

Thursday, Jan 6, 2022

H (9:25 am): Hey B! I hope you had a great silly season. Was lovely to meet you but I’m not really looking for anything at the moment. Hope you have a fantastic new year!

Total bs, as well all know.

I'd received a similar text once and had turned it around with another girl, so I decided to send a variation of it. Knew the chances were almost 0, but had nothing to lose. Waited til the afternoon to send it (she sent her message in the morning) but maybe I should have waited longer, until the next day? I'm not sure.

B (4:14 pm): I appreciate the honesty. To be honest I'm not really looking for anything serious except a genuine connection. Given how enjoyable that short interaction was, I think we'll have a great time anyway (and I have no expectations). It'll be worth it

No response, and that was two days ago.

RIP. Would be curious to know if my self analysis seems accurate.

 

[Alpha13SC]

Another embarrassing fail. Yay. Interaction was ok, but failed at texting. I'm going to try pinpoint where I went wrong, but feedback from others is appreciated.

I don't think you should see it this way. More like "good this happened now, so when I ll meet another girl, better than her, I ll know what to do".

Found out she was learning how to pole dance (fuck, could she get any sexier?). I lost frame here and acted a bit impressed, instead of being non-reactive. Told her I had taken up dancing before lockdown and that if she taught me some pole dance moves, I would teach her some dance moves. I took her at this point and demonstrated. She was a bit shocked.

I think you're little bit too investing in her with lines like that. She's still just a girl. She could be a princess, she s still just a girl.

Since it was Saturday night I decided to send the icebreaker the next morning instead of that night, with a follow up question. Usually don't send a question but in this instance felt like the right thing to do, considering it was the next day.

Regarding the messages, I think you should apply more the Law of Least Effort. Also, try some of @Skills texting guides on soft close/hard close on text.

And this is where I fucked it. Should have just left the conversation at this point. Ended it by not responding. However, I responded:

Now, this is a trick I use with my sets. Whenever a conversation ends, or something, I just follow up with the question: "So, what killed the vibe? )" just this, or something similar. Maybe with "Be honest, what killed the vibe?". So you can get a feedback. Maybe it really was something that bothered her. Or if she says it's not, I go with "in this case, it would be nice to have a drink two of us" or something. So I m going in that frame with soft close. No need double/triple text with nonsense. I got some lays just from this line.

Got a response the next day, with a rejection.

I think it just passed too much time. You can still persist here, with some jokes, or something, just for the sake of it.

RIP. Would be curious to know if my self analysis seems accurate.

It seems you're like a bit in your head. Like it was the rest of your posts. I mean, you're in a better place than you think.

Alpha13SC,

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Beam dude! The issue here is you persisted when she started playing games and acting aloof. She shown very little interest in the meet and you kept pushing it, you made 3 attempts at soft closes when she wasn't contemplating it.

You said you got the number close but didn't say if you proposed a date first and what the buying temperature was. This affects your text, it looked like you jumped to asking for her schedule to soon for where the text thread was, it seemed very random and uncalibrated but depending on the interaction this might not be to bad.

She shrugged this off and pushed the meet back until after Christmas. I find if you don't meet within a week - 10 days it usually doesn't happen, the odds drop significantly. FSC or meeting someone else, life gets in the way. You also gave away to much availability, the sub communication is I'm free between the 13th December and the 3rd of Jan to go out with you.

You definitely should have ended the text conversation when you thought to rather than the bank balance joke. You could have smoothly started a new conversation after this or kept in the conversation, there were better options to play with.

The meme was horrible :') buying temperature was too low for this. A greeting, consideration, value would have been a better message to revive this or a I seen this and thought of you message.

The voice message was a step to far, again you mentioned about meeting up after very little investment from her, it communicates you've got very little going on.

Read your post, look at the messages. You're investing a lot more than she is. Persistence is cool, but don't persist if she's playing games.

 

[Will_V]

Couldn't agree more with @Fluxcapacitor . My sense is that she is a rather worldly girl and you felt a bit out of your depth and let her feel way too much in control from the get go, giving her nothing to feel butterflies about.

On that note in my opinion the conversation suffered from lack of emotional impact, the only thing that sort of connected you two emotionally (dancing) ended up turning into a sort of exchange tool (I give you X and you give me Y) rather than being fully explored first for its emotional/rapport value. This 'exchange offer' thing can be good if she's already invested but she was not so it might have come across as a little needy and chasing.

Another thing I think didn't work out is too much self deprecation (oops I banged knee, oops I spend too much too fast). I've noticed I tend to do a bit of this reflexively when I a) feel too comfortable because she is worldly and smooth and puts me at ease and b) I'm floundering for a personal connection of any kind even though I like her. It increases attainability (a lot) which, when starting from equal or lower 'value' is just shooting yourself in the foot.

Overall in my opinion the problem was that she never got really interested, because you didn't make her feel like you had something she wanted. If she is the kind of girl I think she is, stimulating her emotionally (pushing the seductive vibe, teasing her, deep diving (if she's into it) or making her laugh a lot) would have been better. These kind of girls tend to be around guys often who are socially adept and 'high value' but who don't have mastery of the side of life that lies outside of social and financial status.

 

[trashKENNUT]

The guys are correct.

I really believe that they gave you great advices. I have a differing opinion. I do think that despite the overtext, she actually still wanted to go out with you.

Below, I show you where you just died

So get ready to load up the save point. Just that unfortunately, the girl will be different.
I'm pretty confident that this is similar to a sales person's mistake. This is deeply tie to human nature fear of the unknown.

The secret & manipulation is in the ambiguity.

Unless you are a sociopath, psychopath, or just in tune with your internal peace, most of guys, will suffer this from time to time and lose girls. Just how it is.

Kind of like when you are walking in a dark tunnel and you feel anxiety and you want to scream but yet you have to walk thru it because people will think you are nuts if you shout.

Here's where u died, figuratively in her brain.

H (10:20 am): Schedules tight this close to chrissy but might have some time closer too Are you working through the holiday period?

*This guy overthinks a lot (text a lot meaning) but I kinda like him. So let's give him a smile emoji. He might get it*

B (6:35 pm): Smashed it against a table! My own fault for being clumsy..

B (6:35 pm): Yeah it is hectic this time of year. I've taken time off from christmas eve to the 3rd. What about you?

*Oh my gawd. Not only that he doesn't get my emoji. He talks about himself. And he validates further more how it's hectic time of the year. I'm like who cares. I know why men text. Common now. Gosh, that's like 10 guys texting me*

Okay, this is Zac now, talking. Did you see what just happened?
How dare you destroy her Christmas in just two text?

z@c+

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@ZacAdam dude! Very valid point but the structure could have been improved to avoid this. @Beam gave intrigue bait about his knee followed immediately by asking for her schedule.... if he didn't do this and wait for her to ask how it happened - "funny story, I'll have to tell you it when we grab those drinks" makes a smooth transition to a soft close.

Then he gives away to much availability, it would have been more cohesive to say "I've got some time off over new year" even allude to being busy. Another point is what @Will_V mentioned, there was a lot of self depreciation, and not even depreciation humour. Self depreciation humour I'm a fan of, this was mostly "I'm a little clumsy".

Her message just before "might" is horrible, it frames him as lower value even if it's unintentional. I hate "might" and at this point I'd even consider a take away - though in this context might isn't necessarily that horrible and more "not yet" (more comfort needed), a take away forces reconsideration but doesn't work if they want comfort.

Alternatively it's got to be handled better and nonchalant, either dismiss and ignore (like beam did until he soft closed again a message later, sub communication "I don't get it, but I really want this to work" sorry dude! or briefly acknowledge and drop it until further investment "cool, it's always hectic this time of year, I've got a bit of time off over new year and still going to busy!"

(You could ask about her at this point or leave it, you've paced her reality, shown you understand and aren't asking for anything, if this baits her to reply then she's investing in the interaction, if not you can reengage later)

 

[trashKENNUT]

Time to combine this notes together.

Only total compliance... from 2022 & beyond.

p.s: CNN, this is a joke. Kinda. Don't blast this post and take my post out of context. In real life, I still have hair.

 

[Skills]

good responses, the lack of flirtiness on the post (stimulation stuff) as the other dudes say was apparent... Everyone had great responses....

i will add something i call texting onitis, that happens to all of us with women of choice, were we need the feel to "open up" via texting and let go.... Is a hard issue to deal with at times, to keep the control on structure/and strategy when you get this type of texting onitis that cause to cause simple mistakes....

-drop the memes, i know pwf uses them, and other guys but for me to be used as ping, meh! unless is holidays (you ping correctly with the merry Christmas stuff)

 

[Fuck This]

Flux gave good advice. When texting pictures, my usual strategy is to send a picture of something I'm doing, that she would say "I want to do that " (with him). Since I'm after active outdoorsy girls, me doing something outdoors will usually hook them.

I recall in an early texting exchange, I was being pretty aggressive and send a video of me driving rebar stakes with a sledge hammer as I was building concrete forms for my house remodel.

She replied "STOOOOPPPP"

I immediately apologized for oversharing and was feeling like I really screwed up . She called me later and said that she meant it was really turning her on... I really dodged a bullet on that one. Texting really lacks the tone voice has so irony and sarcasm seldom have the intended effect...

 

[Skills]

Flux gave good advice. When texting pictures, my usual strategy is to send a picture of something I'm doing, that she would say "I want to do that " (with him). Since I'm after active outdoorsy girls, me doing something outdoors will usually hook them.

I recall in an early texting exchange, I was being pretty aggressive and send a video of me driving rebar stakes with a sledge hammer as I was building concrete forms for my house remodel.

She replied "STOOOOPPPP"

I immediately apologized for oversharing and was feeling like I really screwed up . She called me later and said that she meant it was really turning her on... I really dodged a bullet on that one. Texting really lacks the tone voice has so irony and sarcasm seldom have the intended effect...

The reason it worked is cause anything handyman construction in your home as you witness turn women on...aka make sure if doing this is some type dhv picture

 

[Beam]

I don't think you should see it this way. More like "good this happened now, so when I ll meet another girl, better than her, I ll know what to do".

I beat myself up over texting a lot. I find it very difficult to increase my skill in this area. But true, it is not a helpful mindset to have.

I think you're little bit too investing in her with lines like that. She's still just a girl. She could be a princess, she s still just a girl.

You mean the line about her pole dancing?

Regarding the messages, I think you should apply more the Law of Least Effort. Also, try some of @Skills texting guides on soft close/hard close on text.

Will do.

Now, this is a trick I use with my sets. Whenever a conversation ends, or something, I just follow up with the question: "So, what killed the vibe? )" just this, or something similar. Maybe with "Be honest, what killed the vibe?". So you can get a feedback. Maybe it really was something that bothered her. Or if she says it's not, I go with "in this case, it would be nice to have a drink two of us" or something. So I m going in that frame with soft close. No need double/triple text with nonsense. I got some lays just from this line.

Hmm, everything that I've heard has been to not acknowledge the lack of response in a serious way. Some have suggested joking responses such as "uh oh. Radio silence. Stranded on an island? Abducted by aliens? Blink twice if you need help" or the PWF Ryan Gosling ping (which Skills has recommended not using. Gah! So much conflicting info haha. Interesting that this has worked for you and that you've gotten lays from it. Will note this down to try.

I think it just passed too much time. You can still persist here, with some jokes, or something, just for the sake of it.

Yeah, it was a long time. I knew it was too much - Zac brought up a really really good point below

It seems you're like a bit in your head. Like it was the rest of your posts. I mean, you're in a better place than you think.

It's my number one struggle in this game...

 

[Beam]

@Beam dude! The issue here is you persisted when she started playing games and acting aloof. She shown very little interest in the meet and you kept pushing it, you made 3 attempts at soft closes when she wasn't contemplating it.

You said you got the number close but didn't say if you proposed a date first and what the buying temperature was. This affects your text, it looked like you jumped to asking for her schedule to soon for where the text thread was, it seemed very random and uncalibrated but depending on the interaction this might not be to bad.

Thanks for the response man! I did actually propose a date in person - drinks at a bar near my place. She knew the place and agreed to it. I'll admit her buying temperature probably wasn't too high since she ejected to go back to her coworkers, however I still sensed attraction and that she was somewhat interested. Which I think Zac made a good point about.

She shrugged this off and pushed the meet back until after Christmas. I find if you don't meet within a week - 10 days it usually doesn't happen, the odds drop significantly. FSC or meeting someone else, life gets in the way. You also gave away to much availability, the sub communication is I'm free between the 13th December and the 3rd of Jan to go out with you.

Agreed it was too long and I know you gotta move fast. I fell into her frame too easily of it being busy as Zac mentioned. Interesting point on coming across too available - I hadn't considered that I was coming across that way.

You definitely should have ended the text conversation when you thought to rather than the bank balance joke. You could have smoothly started a new conversation after this or kept in the conversation, there were better options to play with.

Agreed. Facepalm, haha.

The meme was horrible :') buying temperature was too low for this. A greeting, consideration, value would have been a better message to revive this or a I seen this and thought of you message.

Good points, will keep that in mind. That was a PWF suggestion, however since it was just after christmas wishing her a good christmas would have been better, or one of your options..

The voice message was a step to far, again you mentioned about meeting up after very little investment from her, it communicates you've got very little going on.

I tried to make it come across like I was busy over the period - in the message I said something along the lines of "hope you had a good christmas and new years. Mine was quite busy, but now things have settled down a bit, we finally might have time to grab that drink" in order to convey that I actually had a bit going on and wasn't just waiting for her to be available. But true, in light of her previous lack of investment, probably not the best idea.

Read your post, look at the messages. You're investing a lot more than she is. Persistence is cool, but don't persist if she's playing games.

Will do.

 

[Beam]

Couldn't agree more with @Fluxcapacitor . My sense is that she is a rather worldly girl and you felt a bit out of your depth and let her feel way too much in control from the get go, giving her nothing to feel butterflies about.

Definitely felt out of my depth in the interaction even. Was not flirty or in control, a bit needy I'll admit because of how attractive I found her.

On that note in my opinion the conversation suffered from lack of emotional impact, the only thing that sort of connected you two emotionally (dancing) ended up turning into a sort of exchange tool (I give you X and you give me Y) rather than being fully explored first for its emotional/rapport value. This 'exchange offer' thing can be good if she's already invested but she was not so it might have come across as a little needy and chasing.

Very very very interesting... I hadn't even considered that. Could have framed it as us going on an adventure together exploring as opposed to simple mechanical teaching - which is not seductive at all.

Another thing I think didn't work out is too much self deprecation (oops I banged knee, oops I spend too much too fast). I've noticed I tend to do a bit of this reflexively when I a) feel too comfortable because she is worldly and smooth and puts me at ease and b) I'm floundering for a personal connection of any kind even though I like her. It increases attainability (a lot) which, when starting from equal or lower 'value' is just shooting yourself in the foot.

The banged knee comment I felt was a little off after I sent it, this is true. Could have probably done without the "my own fault for being clumsy" and just laughed about it instead. And yes, the money comment was definitely a result of feeling too comfortable. In this instance, I wasn't really floundering for a personal connection, though I see how that could happen too - will watch for this going forward.

Overall in my opinion the problem was that she never got really interested, because you didn't make her feel like you had something she wanted. If she is the kind of girl I think she is, stimulating her emotionally (pushing the seductive vibe, teasing her, deep diving (if she's into it) or making her laugh a lot) would have been better. These kind of girls tend to be around guys often who are socially adept and 'high value' but who don't have mastery of the side of life that lies outside of social and financial status.

The in person interaction definitely needed work that is for sure...

 

[Beam]

The guys are correct.

I really believe that they gave you great advices. I have a differing opinion. I do think that despite the overtext, she actually still wanted to go out with you.

Below, I show you where you just died

So get ready to load up the save point. Just that unfortunately, the girl will be different.
I'm pretty confident that this is similar to a sales person's mistake. This is deeply tie to human nature fear of the unknown.

The secret & manipulation is in the ambiguity.

Unless you are a sociopath, psychopath, or just in tune with your internal peace, most of guys, will suffer this from time to time and lose girls. Just how it is.

Kind of like when you are walking in a dark tunnel and you feel anxiety and you want to scream but yet you have to walk thru it because people will think you are nuts if you shout.

Here's where u died, figuratively in her brain.

*This guy overthinks a lot (text a lot meaning) but I kinda like him. So let's give him a smile emoji. He might get it*

*Oh my gawd. Not only that he doesn't get my emoji. He talks about himself. And he validates further more how it's hectic time of the year. I'm like who cares. I know why men text. Common now. Gosh, that's like 10 guys texting me*

Okay, this is Zac now, talking. Did you see what just happened?
How dare you destroy her Christmas in just two text?

z@c+

I think I understand, please correct me if I'm wrong. Do you mean she was giving me a hint to push for a sooner meet in a seductive way? Didn't even realize this is where I might have gone wrong. I had felt like something changed after I sent that - she went from "might have time closer too " meaning she was willing to make something work to "it's going to be a post christmas thing", ruling it out after I sent that. I knew something had changed. And obviously getting her out sooner would have been more ideal.

Hmm, but I'm not sure on what an appropriate response would have been without coming across too eager. Should I have said I was quiet busy over the break, and that I'm sure she'd be able to find a couple of hours for me, perhaps something like:

HB: Schedules tight this close to chrissy but might have some time closer too Are you working through the holiday period?
B: It is, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a couple of hours for an incredibly handsome and charming dancer . I have a little bit of time off.

Or too much?

 

[Beam]

@ZacAdam dude! Very valid point but the structure could have been improved to avoid this. @Beam gave intrigue bait about his knee followed immediately by asking for her schedule.... if he didn't do this and wait for her to ask how it happened - "funny story, I'll have to tell you it when we grab those drinks" makes a smooth transition to a soft close.

Good point. Didn't even realize I was using intrigue bait. I need to get more into the habit of not responding in text and instead saying I'll save it for the date.

Then he gives away to much availability, it would have been more cohesive to say "I've got some time off over new year" even allude to being busy. Another point is what @Will_V mentioned, there was a lot of self depreciation, and not even depreciation humour. Self depreciation humour I'm a fan of, this was mostly "I'm a little clumsy".

Noted.

Her message just before "might" is horrible, it frames him as lower value even if it's unintentional. I hate "might" and at this point I'd even consider a take away - though in this context might isn't necessarily that horrible and more "not yet" (more comfort needed), a take away forces reconsideration but doesn't work if they want comfort.

Just before "might". Do you mean the "Schedules tight this close to chrissy but" part?

Alternatively it's got to be handled better and nonchalant, either dismiss and ignore (like beam did until he soft closed again a message later, sub communication "I don't get it, but I really want this to work" sorry dude! or briefly acknowledge and drop it until further investment "cool, it's always hectic this time of year, I've got a bit of time off over new year and still going to busy!"

Noted.

(You could ask about her at this point or leave it, you've paced her reality, shown you understand and aren't asking for anything, if this baits her to reply then she's investing in the interaction, if not you can reengage later)

Ask about her as in start asking for more personal info and leaving the soft closing for later?

 

[Will_V]

In this instance, I wasn't really floundering for a personal connection, though I see how that could happen too - will watch for this going forward.

I misworded that, I mean to say floundering for rapport. In the sense of not feeling commonality, like her world and yours are not the same. It's an attempt to bridge the gap at the lowest level of human experience - mundane everyday things - when it's not clear what she would be interested in.

Not sure if that's what happened in your case, but I find experienced women are sometimes so easy to talk to I forget to apply pressure of any kind to get her investing. They sometimes even start deep diving me.

 

[Alpha13SC]

I beat myself up over texting a lot. I find it very difficult to increase my skill in this area. But true, it is not a helpful mindset to have.

So I'm more of a mindset/inner game guy. And I tent to analyze my thoughts and my inner self talk carefully. And what I m saying here I think it could make a big difference in your game.

The language u're using with yourself will say much more about your results than you think. I would suggest changing your vocabulary, and using words like "challenging" or even "easy" instead of "very difficult", even if you didn't achieve that level. Because if others are doing a thing easily, for sure you can do it too. Using words so harsh could mean going into action with handbrake on.

You mean the line about her pole dancing?

Yeah. You're too investing in her. Even your thoughts and emotion towards her, unspoken, are an investment. Apply Law of Least Effort.

Hmm, everything that I've heard has been to not acknowledge the lack of response in a serious way. Some have suggested joking responses such as "uh oh. Radio silence. Stranded on an island? Abducted by aliens? Blink twice if you need help" or the PWF Ryan Gosling ping (which Skills has recommended not using. Gah! So much conflicting info haha. Interesting that this has worked for you and that you've gotten lays from it. Will note this down to try.

The beauty of game is that everybody has some own tech they're using and they can share with others. That works with me, didn't read it anywhere. You can try it, or you can come with your own. Gather as much experience as you can.

It's my number one struggle in this game...

For sure, sometimes there are moment of frustration that it can make wanna punch a wall, or even asking too many questions. Just accept them. Frustration is good. It means you're about to learn something that will make you better. But just accept it, not hanging on it.

Everybody here analyzed your text very good and I still learn something from there. I would advice focusing also on what you want to achieve, not only what went bad. Because if you're focusing on what you don't want to happen, guess what? You know the answer.

I suppose that in person you want to transmit something, you have a masculine presence, you generate attraction. Think about text game the same. You want that women to feel you masculine. How do you do that if you're naming yourself clumsy?

@Lofty was saying in chat the other day something about "the frame you want to set". So maybe try thinking in this way, and words will come easier in text.

 

[Beam]

Not sure if that's what happened in your case, but I find experienced women are sometimes so easy to talk to I forget to apply pressure of any kind to get her investing. They sometimes even start deep diving me.

This happens to me quite frequently actually. Let my guard down because they are so easy and enjoyable to talk to, end result being I forget to actually game them. Probably why I seem to do better with women who are more reserved/shy - naturally brings out the part of me that wants to lead and therefore, the rest of my game follows suit.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Beam dude! Memes aren't horrible and can be very effective, the meme you sent was horrible. If she was fully interested this would have been fine as a ping, due to low interest and low investment this was disastrous.

If I recall correctly there's a post by @DML about reviving dead leads where he uses memes as one option, but it's a better more relevant meme. Alternatively @Fuck This suggested a photo as @Skills identifies as a DHV would be more applicable. Reading your text thread this wouldn't be the best option in this situation.

Your voice message fell into her frame and put her in the one up position (she already was). "Now we're less busy we might have time to meet up" again proposing a meet while she's showing no investment. You seem unsure yourself with falling into her "might" frame. If you're using "might", you use it on your terms not hers. The message should have been more "let's grab those drinks" where you're implying she's already agreed, because in this event she actually did. This is somewhat redundant because it was over before this message but it's still a learning point, props for trying absolutely everything.

The message "might" I was referring to was the "might have time" - I didn't explain it well. I first mentioned the message after this and then jumped back to that message. Quotations would have helped but I was using my phone and I end up quoting the wrong part when scrolling back :')

The ask about her part, in your original message when you said you've got time off you then asked her if she did. Where I re worded this message I cut the part where you asked. You could keep this part in to screen for her availability/keep the conversation going.

I dropped asking this because she previously said she's busy up until Christmas but might have some time. She responded again stating she was working. Knowing she previously said she was busy means you can give her room to invest by not asking but prompting a response or changing the conversation topic because she's implied she needs more comfort. She was still mostly on board at this stage but the interest was about to drop.

 

[Skills]

This happens to me quite frequently actually. Let my guard down because they are so easy and enjoyable to talk to, end result being I forget to actually game them. Probably why I seem to do better with women who are more reserved/shy - naturally brings out the part of me that wants to lead and therefore, the rest of my game follows suit.

this is normal and it happens and will cont. happening to everybody... I call it texting onitis...