- Joined
- Jul 17, 2013
- Messages
- 1,539
Hey fellas,
Although I don't normally do social circle, I want to see whether I can pursue matters further with a woman at the office. Let's call her "Nancy". There are enough ambiguous signs that I want to see how far I can push it, mainly because I hate to leave a girl disappointed
The background is that when Nancy started at our organization a week ago, I desisted from eye contact, basically ignored her, played the calm, powerful guy in our departmental meeting that day, lots of very relaxed and in-control body language, when I spoke I did so with an air of authority and command, very slowly, laid back and unconcerned with reactions. I monitored Nancy's behavior through my peripheral vision and seemed to be getting some attention, though I don't know of what nature. I did not introduce myself nor was I introduced by anyone else.
Next day, I accidentally opened Nancy, very direct, on the street, thinking I was doing a cold approach and momentarily forgetting what she looked like, you can read my account of the event here! viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2782 After explaining that I hadn't recognized her, I accompanied her back to the office and had her tell me briefly more about herself and her aspirations. She was left in no doubt that I was into her, as well as generally confident enough to express interest in women directly, although I wouldn't have done it if I'd realized it was a colleague.
For the rest of the week I played it cool, just once brushing past her and saying "Hey Nancy" without stopping, hearing her turn and say "Oh hi...!" in my wake. No further contact. She did walk past my office a few times that day on the way to the kitchen, but I desisted from chasing after her.
So yesterday she went to the kitchen and this time I did follow, as she was shutting the fridge door I said "I need to get in there" and moved to the far side, effectively "locking in". As I was looking in the fridge I asked "How d'your first week go?" and listened to her detailed response, nodding approval and expending no further effort, making her invest time to answer my question before leaving. Body language is directed into the fridge, turning my head to the side to look at her, peeking through the corners of my eyes. Hope I got that right.
So far so good. This morning as she walks past my office she gives a little wave. Right, we're getting somewhere... maybe. Reactions vs. results, I know. I need to test for compliance. I do not pursue and over the next 30 minutes she makes a big show of walking to and from the copying room which coincidentally takes her right past my office door again. I decide I can't risk leaving her signs unanswered, if that is indeed what they are, and while she is back at her desk I get up and walk slowly and obviously to the copying room carrying some newspaper clippings that I need to scan.
Sure enough, she follows right behind. "Hey Nancy", I say. I turn to arrange my documents at a cabinet while she uses the copier, so that I am effectively speaking over my shoulder... casual body language again. "Your boss is off, huh? Does that mean a lot more freedom for you, or a lot more work?" (Laughs, responds predictably) "Good thing you got that PR degree, right?" (teasing, indicating the copier machine... laughs)
This is starting to seem like fun. So when I finish my lunch today, I take my dishes to the kitchen to rinse out, and what do you know, Nancy is in there a moment later to get a piece of kitchen towel. Bet she needed that. Body language directed toward the sink, I give her the corner-of-the-eye gaze and ask, with a smile: "So do you manage to get in and out of [name of office complex] these days without getting hit on by some crazy guy?" Her reaction is noteworthy: "Yes ha HA! NO no no..." and walks out.
Great. Mid-afternoon today I go get a can of water from the fridge and I'm not in the kitchen any length of time, straight in and out. On the way back, rounding the corner I almost bump into Nancy and stop, indicating with a "gallant" gesture for her to go ahead. I'm starting to hope this might be more than coincidence.
Hard to know: she has also followed me down the corridor once... basically, I am responding to less than 50% of any potential signals if that's what they are. Maintaining a chase frame is all very well, but as I said at the start I do not want to let her get cold if she is indeed putting herself to the trouble of creating opportunities for me.
So I am going to assume attraction and try to move things forward in a manner appropriate to the environment, which is going to take some ingenuity and that's why I'm asking for your help. Here's what I plan:
1. Minimize contact time inside the office (as I have been doing), no long chats, subtle body language cues
2. Get her OUT of the office as soon as possible
3. Once things are rolling move FAST to gauge her interest and proceed
#2 is going to be tricky... not logistically, but to create an opportunity to propose it. Any tips will be appreciated. Setting up by email will be fine but I HAVE to get a verbal yes first. Similarly I will be grateful for any suggestions as to teasing, innuendo I can use etc. I'm worried about how much longer this can continue before either I escalate or things start to get weird. I'd certainly rather get rejected than disappoint her. Having said that, chasing after her, while inadvisable anyway, is a complete no-no here as I am two full steps above her in the hierarchy (her boss REPORTS TO my colleague and peer) and around 15 years older... I've got to maintain a cool, powerful vibe or I will look like a complete fool.
Thanks guys.
Although I don't normally do social circle, I want to see whether I can pursue matters further with a woman at the office. Let's call her "Nancy". There are enough ambiguous signs that I want to see how far I can push it, mainly because I hate to leave a girl disappointed
The background is that when Nancy started at our organization a week ago, I desisted from eye contact, basically ignored her, played the calm, powerful guy in our departmental meeting that day, lots of very relaxed and in-control body language, when I spoke I did so with an air of authority and command, very slowly, laid back and unconcerned with reactions. I monitored Nancy's behavior through my peripheral vision and seemed to be getting some attention, though I don't know of what nature. I did not introduce myself nor was I introduced by anyone else.
Next day, I accidentally opened Nancy, very direct, on the street, thinking I was doing a cold approach and momentarily forgetting what she looked like, you can read my account of the event here! viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2782 After explaining that I hadn't recognized her, I accompanied her back to the office and had her tell me briefly more about herself and her aspirations. She was left in no doubt that I was into her, as well as generally confident enough to express interest in women directly, although I wouldn't have done it if I'd realized it was a colleague.
For the rest of the week I played it cool, just once brushing past her and saying "Hey Nancy" without stopping, hearing her turn and say "Oh hi...!" in my wake. No further contact. She did walk past my office a few times that day on the way to the kitchen, but I desisted from chasing after her.
So yesterday she went to the kitchen and this time I did follow, as she was shutting the fridge door I said "I need to get in there" and moved to the far side, effectively "locking in". As I was looking in the fridge I asked "How d'your first week go?" and listened to her detailed response, nodding approval and expending no further effort, making her invest time to answer my question before leaving. Body language is directed into the fridge, turning my head to the side to look at her, peeking through the corners of my eyes. Hope I got that right.
So far so good. This morning as she walks past my office she gives a little wave. Right, we're getting somewhere... maybe. Reactions vs. results, I know. I need to test for compliance. I do not pursue and over the next 30 minutes she makes a big show of walking to and from the copying room which coincidentally takes her right past my office door again. I decide I can't risk leaving her signs unanswered, if that is indeed what they are, and while she is back at her desk I get up and walk slowly and obviously to the copying room carrying some newspaper clippings that I need to scan.
Sure enough, she follows right behind. "Hey Nancy", I say. I turn to arrange my documents at a cabinet while she uses the copier, so that I am effectively speaking over my shoulder... casual body language again. "Your boss is off, huh? Does that mean a lot more freedom for you, or a lot more work?" (Laughs, responds predictably) "Good thing you got that PR degree, right?" (teasing, indicating the copier machine... laughs)
This is starting to seem like fun. So when I finish my lunch today, I take my dishes to the kitchen to rinse out, and what do you know, Nancy is in there a moment later to get a piece of kitchen towel. Bet she needed that. Body language directed toward the sink, I give her the corner-of-the-eye gaze and ask, with a smile: "So do you manage to get in and out of [name of office complex] these days without getting hit on by some crazy guy?" Her reaction is noteworthy: "Yes ha HA! NO no no..." and walks out.
Great. Mid-afternoon today I go get a can of water from the fridge and I'm not in the kitchen any length of time, straight in and out. On the way back, rounding the corner I almost bump into Nancy and stop, indicating with a "gallant" gesture for her to go ahead. I'm starting to hope this might be more than coincidence.
Hard to know: she has also followed me down the corridor once... basically, I am responding to less than 50% of any potential signals if that's what they are. Maintaining a chase frame is all very well, but as I said at the start I do not want to let her get cold if she is indeed putting herself to the trouble of creating opportunities for me.
So I am going to assume attraction and try to move things forward in a manner appropriate to the environment, which is going to take some ingenuity and that's why I'm asking for your help. Here's what I plan:
1. Minimize contact time inside the office (as I have been doing), no long chats, subtle body language cues
2. Get her OUT of the office as soon as possible
3. Once things are rolling move FAST to gauge her interest and proceed
#2 is going to be tricky... not logistically, but to create an opportunity to propose it. Any tips will be appreciated. Setting up by email will be fine but I HAVE to get a verbal yes first. Similarly I will be grateful for any suggestions as to teasing, innuendo I can use etc. I'm worried about how much longer this can continue before either I escalate or things start to get weird. I'd certainly rather get rejected than disappoint her. Having said that, chasing after her, while inadvisable anyway, is a complete no-no here as I am two full steps above her in the hierarchy (her boss REPORTS TO my colleague and peer) and around 15 years older... I've got to maintain a cool, powerful vibe or I will look like a complete fool.
Thanks guys.
