Old friendships vs new ones

[Verisimilitude]

I'm sorta at a crossroads of my life. I've been friends with people for four years. And they still treat me as the person I was four years ago. They make fun of me. They shame me into silence and they push me down. They cockblock me and and tell me I just jerk off alone. But I also have met people on spring break. They've known me for four days. But they treat me great. They treat me like I'm the best. They introduce me to girls and tell me I can get with any girl. They build me up.

I've known the old friends for longer. They've helped me through a lot of shit. But I also feel like they treat me like the person from four years ago. They break me down. The people who I've known for a couple days treat me like a king. They treat me like the person who I am now. They build me up.

It might seem obvious, but who do I believe? The people who have known me longer make me unhappy (During spring break I ditched them for the people who I just met) but the people who I've known for longer may actually know me.

Who do I believe? (I'm posting this because I believe its a common problem with people who find this site. They grow as a person and then their old friends can't see past the old them. I want this to motivate people to move on to better people (which I know is what I should do).

Anyways, please give your thoughts about this transition. It would help me and those who see this later after me.

 

[Aries]

V,

Let me start by saying that I am in a similar kind of situation as yours, so this topic might come in handy for the both of us.
I'm not an expert in this particular field, so I can only give you my point of view of this situation.

They make fun of me. They shame me into silence and they push me down. They cockblock me and and tell me I just jerk off alone.

First of all, is this something that happens between all of your friends, or is it just aimed against you? If this happens among all your friends then it may just be something like mocking each other / testing each other to see who's the "pack leader". In this case you could do two things:

• a) If it's a relaxing, playful outing than just join the mocking. But make sure it is not going to escalate into something where you're all going to scold at each other.
  
  Or
  
  b) As soon as the mocking starts act bored, uninterested and slightly irritated. Just play it like it is some stupid childish game where you're standing above. Let them know through your behavior (non verbals) that you're not going to participate in this stupid social ladder climbing.
  Note: If you do this right you automatically seem like the (although I hate this phrase) alpha male of the group because you refuse to bring down your group members.

In my opinion, B is the best choice.

If the mocking is only aimed against you for the sole purpose of making you feel bad, I should let them know how this affects you and how you're trying to make some major life improvements and that their constant mocking isn't really helpful. Just explain what you're trying to accomplish and how you would like their support, and maybe you can find a way to let them join you with your life improvements. If the above doesn't help you might want to start hanging around with them less and less, up to a point where they haven't heard or seen you for weeks. Once they realize how much your absence matters to them they might contact you and treat you better (also they might realize how much you've changed over the last couple of weeks and threat you better/with more respect). Otherwise, I guess you didn't matter that much to them and your better off without them anyway (OUCH! Though pill to swallow)..

They've known me for four days. But they treat me great. They treat me like I'm the best. They introduce me to girls and tell me I can get with any girl. They build me up.

Passing on what I have just discussed, during your absence from your old friends you can start hanging out with these folks. Get to know them better and start making friendships with them. Once (or, if) your old friends realize your absence matters to them and they contact you, you can introduce your new and old friends to each other. When your old friends see you with your new friends, who treat you with respect and adore you like you're a LEGEND they might realize your change and start treating you with more respect. (Some sort of friendship pre-selection )

If your old friends don't mind your absence en wont even contact you even more I guess the message is clear and you should move on. On the bright side, you have an amazing new group of friends who treat you with respect and adore you like a LEGEND.

It might seem obvious, but who do I believe? The people who have known me longer make me unhappy (During spring break I ditched them for the people who I just met) but the people who I've known for longer may actually know me.

I understand that this is a f*cking hard decision to make, but you have to realize that you're only living once. Do you want to spend your precious time on this planet feeling miserable because your 'friends' are mocking you and you're staying with them because of some sort of guilt feeling..
Or do you wanna live a amazing life with the people who respect you, adore you and make you feel like you could conquer the world all by yourself!

This is my humble point of view, you should always do what feels right for you.
But if I was you I choice an amazing life with amazing people

Comments, support, constructive criticism, compliments and such are always welcome and I look forward to it.

Pax Vobiscum,

Ares

 

[Rage]

Hey Verisimilitude,

I think a lot of the guys on this site have or will find themselves at a similar point like this at some time or another (often many times) in their life. Time tends to move more slowly for those who are improvement-oriented: you'll have learned more, and experienced more and thought about more and done more in a span of a few months (where-as your everyday buddy may have just gone to work everyday and had nothing particularly significant happen to him in the same amount of time).

Because you're dynamic and growing and changing, you'll often be a different person always growing and bettering yourself and many of your friends will be fixed/not growing. Your friends will tend to come and go, and as you change you won't relate to them the same or enjoy them the same as you once did. It can be sort of disheartening the first few times you see it but then you grow used to it.

I have a friend who I've been friends with for the past 10 years (I'm 19). I hang out with him only occasionally; I hung out with him the other day and came to realize holy crap! he complains a lot, and is just talking about his problems (and I should be keeping friends who are positive and talking about their goals). I kept talking to him and realized we really value different things too: my friend had been working a minimum wage job for the last 3 years and doesn't have a single cent because he poured everything into his car. I asked him, "why do you spend it on your car, is it worth it"? He answered, "dude, my car's my life!".

What the conversation showed me is that we valued different things (and that's not bad, we can still be cool and hang out occasionally maybe, but our friendship can only go so far if we have different values).

Some really sage advice I've heard about what to do here: treat your friends like a garden; the new friendships and good established friendships with high-value like-minded friends are like new plants and you water them a lot and want them to grow healthy and strong. If a friend is a dick to you or something extreme and you shouldn't be friends with him, you stop watering that plant and it dies. And the friendships that are maybe fading (and you find yourselves having less and less in common) you don't have to cut off completely: instead water them less, and over time what happens to them will happen to them (sometimes your friends end up growing and bettering themselves like you, often from your example; and then you can water them a little more and it's good all of a sudden that you didn't sever things with them completely to begin with).

One last thing that I want to leave you with is that you will tend to attract new friends into your life as you grow and change and you'll find that these friends are great and that you care about the same things and can learn and get so much value from each other.

It’s not wrong that you have this with them and don’t with friends you’ve known for much longer.

It’s exactly like deep diving: when you and a person know each other on a deeper lever and can understand and see each other’s deeper principles and motivations, it will be like you’ve known each other forever because you understand each other so deeply. Exactly like the girl who meets you and in a few minutes deep-diving with her, feels a deeper connection with you and feels she knows you better and longer than her boyfriend that she’s had for 5 years.

-Gem

 

[Smith]

Some really sage advice I've heard about what to do here: treat your friends like a garden; the new friendships and good established friendships with high-value like-minded friends are like new plants and you water them a lot and want them to grow healthy and strong. If a friend is a dick to you or something extreme and you shouldn't be friends with him, you stop watering that plant and it dies. And the friendships that are maybe fading (and you find yourselves having less and less in common) you don't have to cut off completely: instead water them less, and over time what happens to them will happen to them (sometimes your friends end up growing and bettering themselves like you, often from your example; and then you can water them a little more and it's good all of a sudden that you didn't sever things with them completely to begin with).

Good analogy! gem.

I grew apart from my best friend ever since I embarked on this journey. When I showed him this website, he mocked and disbelieved everything on here. This was fine by me. If he doesn't want to help himself, there's not much I can do. Sometimes, I would hear him talking about the same girl he's been chasing for months, and I just listened because I know no matter what I say, he would be too scared to try anything different. He would make up excuses about how his reputation would be ruined or how he's not into 'dirty' type of girls or how 'his girl' is not like that. I tried to change his mindset, but you know, he just got more defensive. So for a few months, we didn't hangout and talked much besides the polite greeting when we bumped into each other, because I knew I need to do this by myself without his negativity and false mindset around me. Until this day, we still talk and stuff but we just can't talk about girls lol and I found out from other people that the girl he's been chasing for months just got a bf...Sigh if only he was willing to accept the ideas on GC, things might have been different.

Anyway, this is just my experience. People change and people grow apart. I'm just starting to get use to this.

Smith

 

[Rage]

Good analogy! gem.

I grew apart from my best friend ever since I embarked on this journey. When I showed him this website, he mocked and disbelieved everything on here. This was fine by me. If he doesn't want to help himself, there's not much I can do. Sometimes, I would hear him talking about the same girl he's been chasing for months, and I just listened because I know no matter what I say, he would be too scared to try anything different. He would make up excuses about how his reputation would be ruined or how he's not into 'dirty' type of girls or how 'his girl' is not like that. I tried to change his mindset, but you know, he just got more defensive. So for a few months, we didn't hangout and talked much besides the polite greeting when we bumped into each other, because I knew I need to do this by myself without his negativity and false mindset around me. Until this day, we still talk and stuff but we just can't talk about girls lol and I found out from other people that the girl he's been chasing for months just got a bf...Sigh if only he was willing to accept the ideas on GC, things might have been different.

Anyway, this is just my experience. People change and people grow apart. I'm just starting to get use to this.

I’ve been exactly there man; I’m willing to bet most guys that have read up on or actively practiced seduction have been there as well (if you could suddenly get lots of quality girls you’d wanna share that skill with someone: with the motive of sharing “look I’m getting babes!!” and/or with the motive of helping them out with doing better with women). The truth is that most guys can be told everything, every single step about how to pick up and sleep with beautiful women and an overarching majority of them won’t do anything about it.

That majority of guys either lack the motivation or are too proud and unwilling to alter some established beliefs of theirs (or both) in order to learn seduction.

A story very similar to the one you wrote about happened to me some time ago. It had been roughly a year that I’d been working on meeting girls and improving my game; things had been going pretty awesome; I’d made like those first few leaps forward and was excited at the progress I was making. I told my best friend (at the time) about it. We were kicking it together on a rooftop (like the hangover) looking over the city and I told him I could teach him some stuff and he was excited and he told me “dude this is awesome teach me everything you know!” and I was like “dude I will!” and it was awesome and I felt great that I could have my buddy’s back like this.

I taught him all the principles and showed him examples of fundamentals and how to walk and talk and kino and flirt and deep dive and various rudimentary things that he could use to better his skill with girls. My friend thought it was all interesting and listened to what I had to say but, for him, the motivation was just lacking and he didn’t make a single step of progress. I’d see him every now and then and ask him how his game was going and he’d say “oh I’m texting this girl and seeing her” and how he’d never really used any of the material that I taught him, though he thought it was good and cool in theory. He ended up really pining over this really ugly girl who he became infatuated with; they got in a relationship eventually and she was super controlling, clingy and annoying. It was a big mess for him from beginning to end and I felt for my friend but there was really nothing I could do for him.

We should never drown with our friend, that’s a foolish thing to do.

But for their case, that’s just how life is. Most people will stay stagnant, still, be like everyone else and have similar problems as everyone else’s affect them. It’s a harder life for the seducer but harder work for higher gains; definitely worth the struggle in my book