On making your voice heard and another thing

[thedude]

I just want to ask you guys a question on voicing one's opinion and just speaking out in general.

While in my writing class, we had group presentations and throughout one of the presentations I wholly disagreed with them. They blasted the author of the article for the most part and from what they said just failed to read some parts thoroughly.

I began to formulate my rebuttal in my head but then it dawned on me, is it worth it? The time that would be used to say it and in the end it would not even matter. Furthermore what I might of said may not have been the kindest thing and also another example is during my Fraternity meetings, we tend to have a problem with people repeating what other people say. One person will say something then another will say the same thing just with different words thus dragging out the meeting.

Onto the second part of this post now.... Last night for a Fraternity rush event we had a little pregame with beer and then went down to the strip club. This was my first time and I enjoyed not because of the eye candy but I found the antics that the strippers employed to get the dollar bills to be hilarious and the faces of the rushes and my brothers alike to be funny(and maybe the eye candy as well).

Now here comes the part which I just... Ben Shi a friend of one of my brothers comes up to me and says that we should both get lap dances. Connor who brought Ben Shi and most of my friends had been telling me to get one anyway but I had refused(did not want to spend the money plus no interest at all). But I change my mind especially since Ben Shi was willing to do it, I thought he was really drunk but that turned out to be false to my surprise.

So we go over, I go first because Ben Shi does not want to and we go to the back room. She starts doing her thing and I manage to blurt out one question"where are you from". I wanted to talk more, truly I was curious about her and stuff but from my LR how I talked too much during sex I thought this was similar so I kept my inquisitive mouth shut. This is where I have my remorse, she starts apologizing for there not being many girls here tonight and stuff. I then say... instead of "thats alright" or "no problem" I then say.... "your good enough"................ I was irked even after I said it I did not even think about it. I said it with a smile and nice tone of voice but still. She says Thank you and my mind wanders from that thought for a while.....

The lap dance ends and Ben Shi and I swap places. I go and sit down and the realization of what I said begins to fester in me and I begin to feel god awful. Another thing to mention is that Ben Shi is in there for a long time because he actually talked and learned about her and stuff. So not only did I not get to learn about the person and stuff I was a fucking bastard of a human being. On the way back in Connor's car with Ben Shi, Zack(another friend and brother) and his girlfriend I am wallowing in deep remorse or beginning to. Zack notices and begins probing and I eventually mutter out what I did. Zack laughing says "That's terrible!" This just makes me feels worse and realizing this Zack then tries to make me feel better. So does Connor by saying" there not people" "all you do is give them money and they show you your tits" " it does not matter" ad infinitum. Ben Shi says lightly "but there people" a couple of times and Connor continues to disagree. We get back, I get my yogurt from Zack's fridge immediately leave to go to my room, eat the yogurt and then go to sleep feeling like a bastard.

So that is all, a more appropriate title for this thread might be" On making your voice heard and two goodies get a lap dance and one acts like a cunt" I like to think it was a poor choice of words.... but....

 

[Nuncle]

I suffer from all the same things:

Not speaking up then regretting it. Speaking up and not being listened to (literally).

Saying daft, hurtful things.

Hatred of meetings that just ramble on to no purpose and that just will not end.


With regard to speaking up you just have to make a commitment to get better at it and practice it, as with picking up girls. Just force yourself to keep doing it and you will come to understand the tone of voice needed, the type of words to use, volume, how to be forceful but calm and so on. The first few times may well be an embarassing failure but keep doing it. And don't compare yourself unfavourably to other people. You have qualities they don't have in turn.

But if you feel speaking up will hurt someone don't do it - you will regret it later as it sounds like your a sensitive guy. Or practice doing it tactfully so instead of saying "Well actually no..." say "Yeah I know what you mean there, although you could also say......"

With regard to saying daft things don't worry everyone does it, a lot of people without realising or caring so your already better than them. Maybe work on your self-esteem and sense of self. For example your friend said all that stuff about "ah they're only strippers" which is a lot worse than what you said in a lot of ways, yet you're still friends with him and probably characterise such character failings in your friends as loveable roguishness while demanding perfection from yourself.