Now that I'm cold-approaching more-or-less consistently, getting numbers, dates and occasional lays, I would have assumed my scarcity mentality would be less. But once in a while, girls of a certain type really throw me into oneitis. And unfortunately, those are the exact ones I really like. Classic case of the passion trap? Its super frustrating.
Met this girl a year back on a trip. We hit it off instantly, she was attracted from the start. I was fully in a prize frame. The seduction was mostly connection-based and physical touch, not much of teasing or banter. Led the whole thing smoothly and ended up back at my place. Had mindblowing sex, best I've had in a while. It was lots of new experiences for her and the fastest she's had sex with a guy. She's a proper submissive in bed, smart, cute, kindhearted and into a lot of the same stuff as me. By the time she left, I was smitten, not gonna lie. We were both pretty vulnerable about what we liked about each other, and it didn't feel off-balance. I still had the frame, also considering the amazing sex.
I fumbled a bit the next day, by pushing for a meet a bit too soon since I was leaving soon. Figured the strong previous frame and the sex would hold their own. We did meet up another evening, and again had an amazing time. She also put in effort, taking me to her favorite spots in town and making it memorable for us. In the morning, she was pretty calm though and while parting I distinctly felt she wants it to be unemotional and fast. I was already feeling needy, and this made me feel even more that I was the one wanting this more than her. One-down. Could be my neediness speaking and she just wanted to tamp down her emotions: she had mentioned sometime before that she "will have to force herself to not think about me".
We kept in touch over social media on-and-off after I went back home. Initially I tried to keep the sexual tension high with banter but it got tiring after a while to keep it up, and we were just normally texting, getting to know each other and also joking around. We have done a few calls, but all initiated by me, and so I stopped. Also in the calls it felt like whenever I tried to make it romantic or sexual, she would try to tamp it down. Eventually, tapered down the texting. Got busy gaming and meeting other girls, but she was still in my mind, just less intensely.
Fast forward to recent times, I had to visit another city in her country. Casually texted her about it. She was visiting her friends in the same city that weekend, and was happy to hear I'm coming. Agreed to come 2 days earlier to meet me. She actually gave the option of meeting 1 or 2 days and I picked 2, again feeling I'm the one showing more interest. Its like she'll do it if I want something. OTOH, I had to plan my trip around that, keeping those days free, feeling less in control. I know I could have said one day to show less interest, but really wanted to see her more.
We met, it was good conversation and we went back to my place for great sex. Rinse and repeat day 2. I heard more of her life story, she's been out of a super-long LTR and hinted she's not into relationships or long-distance. Not that I had asked about that specifically, but I think I've given bf-vibes quite a bit. Also being vulnerable about how I like some things about her. We parted more or less similarly to last time. The only possible difference is that this time she felt even more in control. Nice, friendly, sweet but in control. I kinda expected it this time and kinda behaved the same.
We've texted and flirted a bit here and there after.
Thing is on paper this seems great. No drama. But I realize I like her a lot, and her seeming more in control drives me nuts. "How can the connection be so intense and she's so chill about it?" I even wonder if I would like her as much if she reciprocated equally, or from another angle, is she being cool because she can see my high-interest? She seems to go for things when I suggest but wouldn't initiate herself? She just likes to be led?
Its not like I won't be able to get her off my mind. I can back off and chill like I've done before. But its a repeating pattern: the girls who show me consistent interest mostly bore me after a while. I don't feel romantic towards them. I'm more interested if I have to "work for it". Aka being more invested.
So the question is, what's the end game here? For people who have gone through this, is there a way to get a balance?
Or is this just a case of neediness that I can fix if I meet more of these types of girls? Great in bed, have qualities I really admire and also who admire me for my qualities. The sex is also better because of the emotional connection.
Also, curious to hear about what you think about this girl specifically.
Sorry for the long post. Needed to get it out of my chest.
Met this girl a year back on a trip. We hit it off instantly, she was attracted from the start. I was fully in a prize frame. The seduction was mostly connection-based and physical touch, not much of teasing or banter. Led the whole thing smoothly and ended up back at my place. Had mindblowing sex, best I've had in a while. It was lots of new experiences for her and the fastest she's had sex with a guy. She's a proper submissive in bed, smart, cute, kindhearted and into a lot of the same stuff as me. By the time she left, I was smitten, not gonna lie. We were both pretty vulnerable about what we liked about each other, and it didn't feel off-balance. I still had the frame, also considering the amazing sex.
I fumbled a bit the next day, by pushing for a meet a bit too soon since I was leaving soon. Figured the strong previous frame and the sex would hold their own. We did meet up another evening, and again had an amazing time. She also put in effort, taking me to her favorite spots in town and making it memorable for us. In the morning, she was pretty calm though and while parting I distinctly felt she wants it to be unemotional and fast. I was already feeling needy, and this made me feel even more that I was the one wanting this more than her. One-down. Could be my neediness speaking and she just wanted to tamp down her emotions: she had mentioned sometime before that she "will have to force herself to not think about me".
We kept in touch over social media on-and-off after I went back home. Initially I tried to keep the sexual tension high with banter but it got tiring after a while to keep it up, and we were just normally texting, getting to know each other and also joking around. We have done a few calls, but all initiated by me, and so I stopped. Also in the calls it felt like whenever I tried to make it romantic or sexual, she would try to tamp it down. Eventually, tapered down the texting. Got busy gaming and meeting other girls, but she was still in my mind, just less intensely.
Fast forward to recent times, I had to visit another city in her country. Casually texted her about it. She was visiting her friends in the same city that weekend, and was happy to hear I'm coming. Agreed to come 2 days earlier to meet me. She actually gave the option of meeting 1 or 2 days and I picked 2, again feeling I'm the one showing more interest. Its like she'll do it if I want something. OTOH, I had to plan my trip around that, keeping those days free, feeling less in control. I know I could have said one day to show less interest, but really wanted to see her more.
We met, it was good conversation and we went back to my place for great sex. Rinse and repeat day 2. I heard more of her life story, she's been out of a super-long LTR and hinted she's not into relationships or long-distance. Not that I had asked about that specifically, but I think I've given bf-vibes quite a bit. Also being vulnerable about how I like some things about her. We parted more or less similarly to last time. The only possible difference is that this time she felt even more in control. Nice, friendly, sweet but in control. I kinda expected it this time and kinda behaved the same.
We've texted and flirted a bit here and there after.
Thing is on paper this seems great. No drama. But I realize I like her a lot, and her seeming more in control drives me nuts. "How can the connection be so intense and she's so chill about it?" I even wonder if I would like her as much if she reciprocated equally, or from another angle, is she being cool because she can see my high-interest? She seems to go for things when I suggest but wouldn't initiate herself? She just likes to be led?
Its not like I won't be able to get her off my mind. I can back off and chill like I've done before. But its a repeating pattern: the girls who show me consistent interest mostly bore me after a while. I don't feel romantic towards them. I'm more interested if I have to "work for it". Aka being more invested.
So the question is, what's the end game here? For people who have gone through this, is there a way to get a balance?
Or is this just a case of neediness that I can fix if I meet more of these types of girls? Great in bed, have qualities I really admire and also who admire me for my qualities. The sex is also better because of the emotional connection.
Also, curious to hear about what you think about this girl specifically.
Sorry for the long post. Needed to get it out of my chest.
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