Online Dating is Killing my Movtivation

[Big Daddy]

I get what you're saying, but it does get a helluvalot easier with enough exposure.

I was this shy little boy during classes and I'd never ask anything in front of the class (or any time at all). When I got to uni, I forced myself to ask at least one question per lecture.

By the third month I had such a great momentum that I'd just interrupt the professor right there if I didn't got something. Then I stopped for a entire semester because I wasn't even paying attention to lectures anymore, but when I got back to it I didn't feel nervous, I never sweat, never felt sick to my stomach and would never think "well, just forget it" to the same degree. It just felt a little bit awkward until I built some momentum again. But it did get back a lot easier due to the lots of exposure I had forced myself to have months before.

P.S. I should have made more clear that Tinder makes me progress much faster in other areas of seduction besides approaching, such as DD, leading, pulling to seduction place, etc. otherwise I'd have to wait months to try my first pull. I'm guessing that as you get more comfortable approaching, this shit gets boring and you'll end up leaving it. It's not like you're addicted to this shit.

 

[ray_zorse]

@Big Daddy, yeah, that's exactly what I was saying. There's sort of 2 kinds of exposure, there's the exposure that gives you experience and emboldens you to do something because you know how to do it... there's also the other kind of exposure that I could liken to a leaky boat -- you're always in good shape if you keep bailing (keep asking questions in class... keep approaching) but if you fall behind then you always start to sink again. As you experienced with taking a semester off asking questions... and as I experienced with getting a flu or a girlfriend and not pushing myself to approach for a week or three... AA comes back! What a shafting! Hahaha... anyway, I guess AA is a synonym for "in your head" when we discuss it in the sense of exposure / momentum... another way of looking at AA is as a chemical phenomenon, I experienced this yesterday when I found myself walking beside an attractive older Chinese lady, as I contemplated opening her I felt a rush of adrenaline to the brain, so of course I had to open "hi there... you are looking very smart today", she smiled happily and I held eye contact for a bit, although it didn't lead anywhere, she fell behind and I continued on with my son to take him to meet his mother at 11am, didn't really have time to stop. Problem is that the rush of adrenaline can be quite discomfiting, and we associate it with fearful situations, but with a bit of exposure to approaching you can reprogram it.
Ray
PS. I completely agree with stuffing your pipeline through Tinder, I certainly wasted many months of dating window through sticking stubbornly with cold approach.

 

[mb1]

How bout exposing Jr. to cold approach from an early age?

 

[Bboy100]

Yeah, but the flip side of the coin is that when you're starting out, momentum really helps, which is why it's good to go out with a goal of approaching 10. And you know, if you've been in your head all day then it's very hard to do that 1 approach of which you speak. Believe me I KNOW this. The only way to play it is to be constantly training your brain to approach. The minute you go backwards you're stuck in your head again.

Yeah, I guess you have a point. I've noticed social momentum in action before.

But at the same time, I remember as I was doing (or at least starting) the newbie assignment. I would finally come up with the nerve to do an approach. Then after I finish that one...I just feel drained. Like I just used up all my willpower and that's everything I have. So when I have 9 more ahead of me, I just get this feeling of discouragement and demoralization. Its almost like the feeling I get if I put off schoolwork for a really long time, then I work for four hours and I realize I've barely even started. It's like this feeling of "there's no fucking way I'm going to finish this"...its just feels like too much of a grind and like I don't have that kind of energy/focus.

And I'm not saying all this to make excuses/bitch. I really do want to learn. I'm just trying to lay everything that comes to mind out on the table. But with further introspection, I just keep figuring out new mentalities/issues which are in the way.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Whether Daygame or Tinder is more efficient for pickup depends greatly on your logistics. Ray lives downtown in a major metropolitan city which is absolutely ideal. He can step outside his door and have an abundance of hot chicks to meet face to face just going about his daily routine. If I were in Ray's situation, I wouldn't waste time texting chicks on Tinder either.

For myself, if I wanted that kind of abundance, I'd have to take a 45 minute train ride to get to my city's downtown core. That's just not feasible. Tinder allows you to sit at home and hit on hot chicks all over your city and, if you have a great pictures, you can absolutely clean up.

In other words, if your current lifestyle has you encountering lots of hot chicks that you want to approach on a daily basis, go nuts with daygame. If not, max out your Tinder game.

 

[Marty]

What I can say is that in terms of quality, the girls I meet organically at school (classes, parties clubs etc.), are no higher quality than the girls off Tinder. So I'm leaning towards thinking there's no difference.

That's the whole point.

What you call "organically" is social circle (colleagues, classmates, friends of friends). The pool is way smaller and therefore there are fewer outliers... outliers in this case meaning extremely attractive and high-value women (or the opposite, I grant you, but that's not what we're discussing).

As for Tinder it must be self-selecting to some extent: those who are naturally curious and open, those looking for fast sex, and, lastly but importantly, those who arouse little other interest. Therefore it cuts both ways.

Get out to some decent locations: downtown business district at lunchtime, food courts in corporate buildings, Whole Foods, Trader Joe, the park on a Saturday, and just look around. Use your imagination... you get self-selection in those locales too, but of a different sort. You don't have to talk to anyone the first few times if you don't want to. Just observe. You'd be amazed at what's out there if you just open your eyes in the right places.

Then when you make up your mind to start, go for the outliers (on the positive side). Even if you fail 200 times before succeeding, you'll enjoy the process and build up far more experience than sitting in front of a computer. It can be exhilarating. And when you do succeed, who you end up with is far more likely to be satisfying than anyone from Tinder.

 

[ProblemSolving]

As someone that has had a lot of success with daygame and Tinder, daygame is infinitely better for finding girlfriends, while Tinder is better for racking up lots of quick lays. It ultimately boils down to the level of abundance girls experience online. Believe it or not, there are a lot of girls (usually the hotter ones) that are looking for the perfect Unicorn Man that doesn't actually exist, but it doesn't stop them sorting through hundreds or thousands of men to try to find this non-existant man. That means he has to be tall, but not too tall. Have a nice body, but not too nice of a body. Make a lot of money. Also, he can't be a player that will try to bang her on the first date. Add a ton more contradictory items to the checklist.

Too much abundance is bad for women. Imagine a girl trying to decide on an ice cream flavor when there is thousands to choose from haha.

The hottest girls that you meet during the day that don't use Tinder will never experience that kind of abundance and that's what makes them the best girlfriends.