Online & Apps Online dating what to say after pause in conversation

[Randy_91]

Usually on online dating, if I get a match and they are messaging back and forth positively I get their number pretty fast then move the interaction onto What's app. From there I'll message back and forth a bit more to get to know them and hopefully there will be some text banter and shit tests that I can pass to get them really interested. From this point, I'll start to try and make plans with them and get them out on a date asap.

But what seems to be happening more and more these days especially with the hotter girls is that the initial interaction goes ok and they give me their number but next day after I have them on what's app they respond semi-positively but don't really give me much to work with. There's not much banter or they keep asking boring platonic questions and I have difficultly steering the conversation in the direction I want. When this happens the conversation seems to run out of steam and it's hard for me to reinitiate the conversation a day or so later without it coming off as try-hard or needy. I need them to show more interest, ask challenging questions and shit test me so I can really get them interested. It's obvious a lot of the time that they are clearly talking to other guys as well as me and it's probably that which is causing them to lose interest. A few women that I have been successful with from online have told me that they were talking to other guys but my chat completely blew the other guys out the water. So I know my text game is good but it's impossible to pull this off if the woman is not engaging with you.

So do you guys have any advice on how to turn around stale conversations or how to reinitiate a conversation after its went dead without coming off as desperate?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Randy_91 dude! I've never done online game so I don't have direct experience with this so feel free to ignore it but it's the same ideas behind reengaging. You may not have the full range available to girls you've been out with in person like I seen this and thought of you blah blah blah but it's still possible to use it, you find out she's an equestrian and you see someone riding a horse and boom you thought of her. It's not desperate it's a genuine event that made you think of her.

Another good idea is treat it like you would if a girl doesn't respond. A day of silence, 3 days silence, a week's silence maybe more depending. Ultimately though when you message her you're not bothered, you're not bitter, you're unaffected, cool and fun and even take responsibility yourself! Hey chloe sorry I've been busy lately works been hectic. No rest for the wicked! :') hope you had a great weekend. It's nonchalant and shows you're considerate.

The best way to get replies early on is to ask questions so after hoping she had a good weekend ask a question, how was that movie you were watching? Did you go on that hike? Switch it up _ hope works not been to busy, what did you do this weekend/ got any plans? This isn't desperate and a socially savvy way to talk to her dude.

Alternatively (and I don't use this enough) send a meme. You know she has a pet dog so you send a funny dog meme. Job done! It's very low effort.

Every girl is talking to other dudes, especially on dating apps. They're always window shopping and something better can come along at any second. It's a girls playing ground, she'll have more options than you because there's more dudes on the app to choose from. Your text game has to be on point and you can lose a girl from one mistake. She's talking to that many guys she can be that fussy....

So you need to show you're cool, confident, sexy, unaffected and persistent dude. The desperate vibe comes from little things that will give it away but if you're outcome independent and you don't give a fuck it'll come across like that and ultimately you won't appear desperate. Ya a cool dude messaging a girl.

 

[aliparpar]

Normally when interactions from online matches go stale, the girl is not much invested in the interaction or care enough about it. She has other things / matches going on. Until you get her on the phone or manage to move super fast to meet in person while she has feelings towards you.

With online dating, you're moving the interactions like a kanban board. The idea comes from marketing leads generation.

16 Ways Sales and Dating Overlap (and 11 Ways They Don’t)

Sales has a lot in common with dating. If you know one field, it helps you do well in the other. Where do the two fields overlap the most? 16 key places. In my article “The Beginning is the Hardest Part”, commenter Carver Montana requests an article on where sales and seduction overlap: “Hey...

www.girlschase.com

Pickup and Seduction Is Just Marketing and Sales

To get laid in a competitive dating market, you need an alluring pitch. You gotta know the customer and present yourself well to gain an edge and close the deal. You need to market well, but marketing is only attention. Once you get attention, you have to make the sale. I follow this process...

www.girlschase.com

The articles above are for cold approach. We can apply them to online dating as well.

Every match is a lead. Your job is to convert them to dates, then to lays, FWBs and girlfriends and so on. There are steps in between. You don't invest a lot or care about each lead until the lead is lower down the sales funnel.

Your dating funnel could look like this - Think of it as two funnels connected to each other.
Funnel 1 (app) -------> Funnel 2 (Whatsapp)
Match -> Repartee/Rapport -> Date/Number request -> Number Exchange -------> Repartee/Rapport on Whatsapp (text/video/phone call) --> Date Request -> Date Confirmation -> Date

The only difference between a dating funnel and a marketing funnel is that leads on each dating funnel (app or whatsapp) can move back and forth. Girls may not give you their numbers on app or confirm dates on whatsapp. So you have to go back one step to repartee/rapport. And, try again. On whatsapp, you may need to have a video/phone call to have the girl comfortable enough for a date. Girls can also flake in whatsapp funnel which can set you back to repartee-rapport stage of the whatsapp funnel.

So your dating funnels are a bit turbulent

While leads go back and forth, you remain unfazed. Since you also focus on adding more leads to the funnel. At some point the leads will go through all the steps until they reach end of funnel 2. Some weeks they all finish funnel 2 at the same time - then you have headaches what to do with all these dates. Hopefully you'll experience it : ))

Since girls have lots of options in online dating, they invest significantly less in each relationship - lots of interactions can burn them out too. You need to invest most of your energy on girls that are later down the dating funnel, who invest more and who you also care about more and stop caring about girls who are not investing as much. Time to time you have to give non-investing girls a nudge down the funnels using texts such as those @Fluxcapacitor mentioned to help you do that.

Just be outcome independent of how each lead turns out and you'll notice your conversion rates go higher. To be more outcome independent, focus on getting more matches (leads generation) - meaning get your profile maximised. High quality pictures, good bio prompts, use apps with lower male/female ratio and apps that provide fun/great convo prompts.

Lastly, housekeeping. Leads can go cold if they've been stagnant inside the funnels for too long. Once they go cold, they can expire. To keep myself sane and the funnel focused, I sometimes clean the funnels by deleting expired matches/contacts on a weekly basis to let me see which leads I need to focus on.

I know all of this sounds too clinical - but it works if you're patient. Online dating can be time-consuming. Lots of work to convert matches to dates.

Online dating can be less efficient than normal cold approach and higher quality girls are harder to meet. That's why GC coaches recommend cold approach and offline dating more. You don't need funnels like this then - can focus on simple repartee/rapport, date request and date logistics itself and meet in person.

Online dating can be used as a supplementary way of meeting women than the main source. A process like above can help you keep track of leads and automate much of the process without investing too much time/energy/emotions until you meet someone really special.

 

[ulrich]

Ideally you want to strike when the iron is hot.

The thing that bothers me from your post is the part where you say "the day after".
Ideally you want to get the date confirmation as soon as possible... that means raising her buying temperature, selling the date proposal and getting a confirmation through the dating app.
Only after you get her "yes", you go and ask for her phone number and handle mostly logistics through Whatsapp.

Of course, this is an ideal situation. If there is a valid reason to get her number and reengage later, you can do it (you are in a hurry, it's Friday night, your battery is dying, etc...).
But you want to avoid this two step funnel because you are intentionally taking one step back and it hurts the seduction.

NOTE: For some reason that I cannot understand, women think that men often feel victory just by getting a number.
Perhaps some Chads get their numbers and never call them. I have no idea.
So, if she gives you her number and you don't act on it fast, she thinks you don't care for her. That she is just one more of your "numbers".
Taking her number and chatting again is going a big step backwards so she may feel that you were only playing games.
Makes no sense, but it happens often.
Never let a hot number cool off.

 

[Randy_91]

Good posts from all you guys. One of my mistakes is perhaps not suggesting a date on the app. Usually, I'll just say something like "Let's chat on Whats-app" and they give me their number but the suggestion of a date hasn't happened yet. It's only when I have been building rapport a bit more over whats app that I suggest a date.

Here is an example of an issue I had with one girl. I got her on whats app and built a bit rapport with her. The next day she messaged me with a normal "hi hows your day been" type text. I take this as a good sign since she's messaging me its clearly a sign of interest. I then chat back and forth with her, add in a bit banter, get a shit test, pass it, build more rapport. The next day I get another "hi hows your day been" type text. I take this as solid proof of interest and chat a bit back and forth. I suggest the possibility of a date and she replies positively but informs me that she's away on a camping trip this weekend. I am like cool no worries send me some pics of your trip etc. This was like mid-week and her camping trip was over the coming weekend. I get another couple of "hi hows your day been" type texts over the next couple of days which tells me she's interested but just doesn't know what to say etc. Since I cant arrange anything to meet her soon I just try to keep it warm. Is that the correct thing to do?

Anyway, she follows through and sends me some pics of her camping trip etc but after this point, it starts to go downhill. I notice the "hi hows your day been" type texts starting to dwindle. After a couple of days of not hearing anything from her after she is back from her trip, I send her a "hi hows your day been" type text. She replies and chats back and forth with a lot of boring logical question type texts. I inject some banter and instigate a shit test from her which I pass and her buying temperature seems to go up a bit. I suggest a date for the coming weekend and she replies with an answer along the lines of "I have some stuff to do but maybe I could be free...". Which suggests to me she's setting up a flake excuse so I try to nip it in the bud and say "I'm free Saturday evening but let's not arrange anything unless you can make definite plans". She changes the subject and the conversation kinda goes dead. In the time all this has happened I notice that she had disappeared off my tinder then a couple of days later she re-appears on my tinder swiping list with different photos. WTF happened there? Anyway, she is also on whats app a lot chatting to other people as you can see when people are online.

While this is going on I am of course chatting to other women and trying to funnel them towards dates also but a lot of the time they are even less invested and how do you keep it going if its several days or a week before you can have a date with them. I get the idea of strike while the iron is hot but if you start chatting on a Sunday and aren't free for a date until the next Saturday at a minimum usually they will have been chatting to multiple other guys online in that time and have lost interest.

 

[aliparpar]

Good posts from all you guys. One of my mistakes is perhaps not suggesting a date on the app. Usually, I'll just say something like "Let's chat on Whats-app" and they give me their number but the suggestion of a date hasn't happened yet. It's only when I have been building rapport a bit more over whats app that I suggest a date.

Here is an example of an issue I had with one girl. I got her on whats app and built a bit rapport with her. The next day she messaged me with a normal "hi hows your day been" type text. I take this as a good sign since she's messaging me its clearly a sign of interest. I then chat back and forth with her, add in a bit banter, get a shit test, pass it, build more rapport. The next day I get another "hi hows your day been" type text. I take this as solid proof of interest and chat a bit back and forth. I suggest the possibility of a date and she replies positively but informs me that she's away on a camping trip this weekend. I am like cool no worries send me some pics of your trip etc. This was like mid-week and her camping trip was over the coming weekend. I get another couple of "hi hows your day been" type texts over the next couple of days which tells me she's interested but just doesn't know what to say etc. Since I cant arrange anything to meet her soon I just try to keep it warm. Is that the correct thing to do?

Girls sending you boring how are you texts? Normally when they send you texts like that they're bored but you're on their mind which is great. it's fine you did back and forth with them. Sending how are you texts are often the lowest energy way for girls when they chase. I'd normally reply with an objective that they want me to set a date. So it'd be something along the line of texts below.

14 Simple Ways to Text a Girl and Make Her Want You

Don't know how to text a girl you like? Copy these texts and send them to her to get her excited and ready to go out with you. Contents 1. Icebreaker Text 2. Same Day Date Text 3. Next Day Date Text 4. Standard Scheduler Text 5. Proposal Text 6. No Worries Text 7. Scheduler II Text 8. Scheduler...

www.girlschase.com

Texting and Attraction - Normally the more you text before meeting up the more the attraction gradually fades away so try to use texts only to build/refresh basic rapport/repartee and switch gears to setting up dates. Once set, just keep text for keeping buying temperature.

What to do when you cannot meet for a while? When there is going to be a lot time before you can meet as they're away unavailable, just arrange a call time to time. Do not text. That's the best way to connect with them and they'd love to go out with you after. Once that barrier is broken, girls normally want to arrange a call with you instead of just texting if they still cannot meet.

Tactics Tuesdays: Calling Her When Texts Don’t Pan Out

On the heels of Alek’s recent post on fractionation, I want to talk about a fun little technique that uses fractionating your medium of correspondence to get somewhere with girls who aren’t responding well. This technique is, simply, switching back and forth between texting and calling. Now, if...

www.girlschase.com

Should you ask for dates on app or whatsapp? Normally it's better if it's on the app first but you can do on whatsapp too. However, you will need to do it on whatsapp shortly after grabbing the number - seed the idea at least.

Leads going cold? Whenever leads are going cold, just try to arrange a call. Some girls are cool if you just call them, some often need some heads up so they can mentally be ready for the call. Otherwise, they just don't pick up. Also when you call, it sets you apart from rest of guys since most guys just try to text and they don't do a good job at it. When you become better with text then you can switch gears only to text but for now calls are way better to increasing buying temperature. These days I also use call as a part my vetting process so I don't spend time on girls I don't match with setting dates. It filters out flakes too.

How should you reply to how are you texts? One last thing - don't send how are you texts. Use the template check in texts here.

20 Ways to Text a Girl that Make Her Super Attracted

In the article on second dates, Todd comments on a girl he's met and some of the texting they've done between their first date and second, and finishes up with the questions below: “What's the next step? I don't want her to lose interest, but I'm gone for this entire week. We said we'd get...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Randy_91]

Thanks that was quite helpful. I think I tend to fall somewhere between Endless Conversations Guy and Really, Incredibly Witty and Interesting Guy depending on what the girl gives me to work with. The only thing that I am concerned about is the "Propose the date before you ask for the number" part because surely this is when you have met the girl in person first? When you meet online the entire thing is texting whether it's on the initial app or moved over to what's app there isn't really much of a difference. So your saying just treat it the same?

 

[aliparpar]

Thanks that was quite helpful. I think I tend to fall somewhere between Endless Conversations Guy and Really, Incredibly Witty and Interesting Guy depending on what the girl gives me to work with. The only thing that I am concerned about is the "Propose the date before you ask for the number" part because surely this is when you have met the girl in person first? When you meet online the entire thing is texting whether it's on the initial app or moved over to what's app there isn't really much of a difference. So your saying just treat it the same?

Glad it's been helpful mate. Yes - treat it the same way

... You know I was thinking, what are your plans next few days? We could grab a drink or bite if you fancy

 

[Derek da man]

Should you ask for dates on app or whatsapp? Normally it's better if it's on the app first but you can do on whatsapp too. However, you will need to do it on whatsapp shortly after grabbing the number - seed the idea at least.

I normally ask for a date on the app, if she's not interested in a date then I don't need her number. If she gives you her number before you've asked then I would see that as a green light that you should be asking as she will probably not be giving her number to every guy she chats to. She gave you her number for a reason - use it. Speak to her, or at the very least ask her out.

Sounds to me like you aren't escalating fast enough - ask for a date the same time you chat to her, don't let her go cold then try and start again the following day, by then you've lost her interest but I think you've already worked that out though

I think I tend to fall somewhere between Endless Conversations Guy and Really, Incredibly Witty and Interesting Guy

this response would seem to confirm you missed your escalation window

but next day after I have them on what's app they respond semi-positively

Also, if you re-engage the conversation the next morning/day after chatting the previous day can appear like you are desperate or have nothing better to do. So . . . ask for the date earlier . . . or leave it a few days and re-engage as others have previously suggested