Online Dating

[Estate]

Hey guys,
I know this has been discussed already, (i.e. do not date online) but I just made a conclusion for myself.

Despite meeting more women in real life I always still kept an active profile. I know a lot of guys complain how bad it is but after doing it for a long time I guess I had my system. I think I have a much higher than average success rate.
I can meet probably 1 in 4 girls that I will message and of those, it's quite easy to turn those into a lay or more.

I was keeping it as a "backup". If I am a little dry on options, I can always boot up the dating site and have a date lined up in a couple of days. It was a safety net I suppose.

I'm finally just taking it down though. For a few reasons.
- It's such a drain of good time and effort to go on those sites.

- I don't want/net that safety net anymore. It's not healthy, it gives me excuses.

- More importantly though, it really skew how you view yourself. The hardest girls to get are obviously the seriously hot ones, they get a million lame messages a day, yet when I meet similar girls in person now, I can often get their attention. It's not the same dynamic. Online makes you think "Oh, I could never get that girl", when in real life, you're not one of a million anonymous message in her inbox, you're a real live quality guy standing right in front of her, she won't be so quick to turn you away.

- Also, the quality of girls... it's rare to find anything above maybe a 7. When you do there is often a reason for it, as I have found. Let's be honest, hot women don't have a lack of guys wanting to get with them in real life or online, if she is turning to online I have found very quickly that the reasons for her doing so begin to shine through in her personality fairly quickly. A girl who is the "best of the lot" online wouldn't even get a second look in real life often. I actualy realized this on the last few dates I agreed to. I actually felt bad. I got the girls details online and asked her out because she seemed nice and cute... then took those girls to a bar for a drink and well... my eye kept being drawn to ACTUALLY hot women around us. I actually felt bad doing it. I didn't want to be a dick by staring at other girls while on a date with another but a 10 online is maybe a 6/7 in real life. Why am I wasting my time on this anymore?

- Occasionally you find a nice, hot, sweet and "new in town" type of girl, maybe a career girl, she genuinely is not out meeting guys in bars every weekend, these... you can date... but they are rare... oh so rare.

- They often have baggage/issues. And they hide them well. They are the girls who write in their profiles about how horrible men are and how bad the bar scene is... why do they attract these jerks so much? Or maybe no guys at all!?! You soon find out. I mean it's not all bad, I've found a lot of girls who are players on there. They project that they want to meet a real guy for a relationship but pretty much just want an easy hookup then disappear... I had one girl see me a few times for sex only to find out she had a fiance, she just wanted a fling... sure, it kinda felt sneakily good but really I don't need that drama or problems in my life.

- There's the serial daters. The ones who only want to accept a date if you are really going all out and opening the wallet up wide. Yet they'll give you NOTHING on a date... very prevalent online. I think it's easier when the other person just feels like some guy from a computer screen than a real guy you met at the bar or the mall or whatever. Some of these girls are online all day, every day for the last few years I've had a profile. If they were an awesome catch wouldn't they have found a guy in that time... they must have received zillions of messages.

I know that's really negative, sounds like I'm slagging off all of these girls... there's some nice girls on there. But they don't last long.

But my point is, I don't know why I kept my hand in it. I'm done. Not because I'm annoyed with lack of success, actually because I AM successful on it but even the best of the best are just paling in quality over girls I'm beginning to meet in real life. It's a crutch and I don't need it anymore.

Sorry for the rant but maybe it'll kick a few others into gear too

 

[ocantu1987]

Hey estate, I just yesterday started back again on online dating (zoosk) and I never had any luck at all (no dates), but I think I gave up too early. I am basically doing it because my town sucks there are no girls in my gym or community college and as backup. Until I found my niche.

I see where your coming from, but it depends I guess what your looking for. In my case backup and maybe a chance to get laid lol

 

[Clout]

Hey Estate, glad to hear its going well for you.

I don't want/net that safety net anymore.

This was the biggest thing for me. I still have my profile up I like to use it as the backup but as you say about it being a safety net it really screwed me at first. When I was working on my street aproach anxiety (which I still have, getting better everyday) it got the the point where I had a rotation built on online girls. So I stopped in the middle of the street and thought...when am I actually going to have time to date these girls when next week is booked...

Like you say in face to face you get better quality women, it's not so extreme and its more fun getting that rush of the approach. So I guess what I am trying to say is congratulations on taking that step!

 

[NarrowJ]

I did online dating for a while, and I had a kick ass profile too. Had worked on it quite a lot, which is time that I wish I had back now. I even got some email from OKC one time saying something like "Congratulations! Your profile is one of the highest rated on our site in your geographical area! Blah blah blah"

Anyway, even though I had this profile that was bring rated 4/5 and 5/5 stars, I was getting NOWHERE. They make you fill out all this shit that is going to disqualify you instantly with 90% of quality women.

Oh... He's 8 years older than me.
Oh... He's a smoker.
Oh... He's only 5'10"
Oh... We don't like the same type of music
Oh... He is divorced

All things that, if you're in her presence in person, and you're warm and sexy and smooth, she's not going to give a rats ass about ANY of that. Hell, she wouldn't even know any of those things on a first impression.

I had some good, well thought out initial messages and banter too. I could get plenty of responses, but the 6s act like 8s and the 7s think they are 9s. And the 8s and 9s? Good luck! Sure, I've landed dates and taken women to bed that I've met online, but it's an uphill battle all the way. When you do get them to meet, it does level the playing field a bit though.

My bottom line here is dont mess with it. Huge waste of time, in my opinion. I also have a theory that it hurts you in overcoming approach anxiety. You're getting rejected over and over, but you don't get to feel the real feeling. So you never really learn how to deal with it, and thwart the sting.

Don't do it!!
-NarrowJ