"Only LTRs, not flings, to avoid hurt feelings" Thoughts?

[BornToRun77]

Happy new year guys

At a party last night, talking to a group of guys about dating one of them says that he "only gets involved in LT relationships and avoids sexual flings because of the potential for feelings to get hurt" (his and the girls).

I've always been hung up on this notion of hurting a girl's feelings with casual sex. And typically the more casual I am about it, the more they chase, which makes me feel like I'm setting them up for a big fall.

What do you guys think of the statement regarding relationships vs flings? How do you guys deal with the feelings/emotional aspect of casually sleeping with different women?

 

[trashKENNUT]

BTR,

All men are BULLSHIT, enough of them. Even me.

We all want what we want. That's a denial of death, legacy and roles. We no different from ISIS. Just one blows people up to get what they want. The other is just passive aggression, making people do shit. Not saying everyone is extreme but mentally, you have to understand some part of that.



That's the truth. Talk about how JEsus is lord and everything else. Common man, suddenly i feel like i am Floyd Mayweather, saying that people like to talk about belts and legacy.

Fuck u people. of course, i smile when i see or say this. I see thru everything. *elbow drops from the top rope!*

Zac

 

[Bboy100]

Your friend's line of thought assumes that all or most women are not looking for short flings. This is far from true. In fact, in certain environments (e.g. online, bars/clubs, parties, college campuses etc.), more women are looking for or at least open to short term or one night stand type deals than there are girls looking exclusively for LTRs.

And even if you do happen to end up with a girl who wants an LTR, its really simple to avoid hurting her feelings. You just let her know early on that you're not interested in anything too serious. And don't see her more than once, maybe twice a week.If she's dead set on an LTR and she has any measure of self-confidence, she will end the relationship soon after you say that (and that's fine! That just means you need to find a girl who's looking for what you're looking for). Conversely, if she continues to pursue you for a relationship after you've both agreed that this is going to stay casual...that's not your fault anymore. You made yourself very clear. And she decided to stay on those terms.

Also, your friend's solution makes no sense anyways. LTRs become very intimate. Both people will eventually open up and become extremely vulnerable to one another. Therefore, LTR's yield a much greater capacity for hurt feelings than a fling or a casual relationship.

 

[readjusting]

I've always been hung up on this notion of hurting a girl's feelings with casual sex. And typically the more casual I am about it, the more they chase, which makes me feel like I'm setting them up for a big fall.

Depends on the girl. Some girls only want a casual fling with you.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Born to run,

It's actually the other way around.

If you have carefully managed the girl's expectation from the beginning and done things right, it is much less likely to hurt her with a casual fling - including a recurring casual arrangement like FWB - than with an LTR arrangement.

LTRs usually tend to end hardly for one of both parties at least - because there is a higher emotional involvement and higher expectations around it.

With casual flings, it is all clear what it is, there is no bullshit and false expectations - if done right.

And make no mistake, many girls are ok with it. They stay around for a while (as long as the arrangement fits them) then try their chance at LTR with another guy... and usually come back to the fling thing as soon as they realise the LTR is not working as expected.

Cheers,
Seppuku