Only wanting Girls You Can't Have

[Doctor]

Good morning gentlemen.

Have any of you experienced this before?

To clarify, there is a cute girl who is making it easy for me. She has left some items in my flat and I know she is just waiting for me to invite her to come get them and will make it easy for me to bed her when she does. I haven't invited her over for 3 weeks. I also have, no joke, about 10 girls in my life making things this easy for me right now.

None of them hold any interest for me.

Then there is this other girl. She flaked on some dates and then has been very dismissive of me since.

I am becoming almost obsessed with her.

This has happened a few times before; I almost exclusively only want girls who I can't have. I don't think this is oneitis as it doesn't matter who the girl is; they generally aren't any hotter than the ones I can have. The only difference is I go after the girls who reject me but can't be bothered with the ones who make it easy.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am missing out on sex with some hot girls right now who want to make it easy for me. Please help if you can!

 

[Eternity]

This just means her "game" is better than yours. If you were doing the same she would be feeling what you are feeling now. Of course there is always the chance that she is just not interested, dont't know need more info. Preselection and fucking other girls are probably the only thing you have at your disposal other nexting her. Need more info on how your interactions w/her are.

 

[Doctor]

Hmm, I never thought of it that way. It could very well be that these are just the girls I am meeting who have the strongest game and they are using that game to great effect on me.

It tends to be that these girls show great signs of interest and comply with my demands except when that demand results in us being alone together. Then they are suddenly "busy" or something. It's almost like they allow themselves to come right to the edge then suddenly get worried about something and go back if that makes sense.

Not sure if that sounds like complete disinterest on their part or are they just gaming me and forcing me to chase?

 

[Doctor]

To be honest it sounds like these girls might just be leading me on and then trying to slot me into orbiter territory. What's the advice if this is the case?

 

[Eternity]

Ask her to come home/ be alone with you three times, if it's a no-go, next her. This can apply to physical escalation also. These type of girls are called attention whores because they need validation from men to feel worthy. Focus on the easy girls for the time being, sex is sex bro.

 

[Doctor]

Yep, sounds about right, thanks for the advice!

One last thing though, is there any consensus on how to effectively next a girl who is in your social circle? Or one you work with? I have had this happen a few times that these girls will constantly be flirting and loving the attention but never allowing me to move the interaction forward, knowing full well they can just repeat it every day as I have to see them, I have no choice.

Is there any advice on how to cut this behaviour out? Is it a case of just ignoring her in person? That seems kind of rude. Currently it is winding me up because these girls love the flirting, the attention, they get what they want, but I never do.

 

[Eternity]

Being aloof and neutral when she's around. You have to hold frame though or else she knows you are trying to hide your neediness/frustration and she will keep baiting you or friendzone you. You have to be polite but indifferent to her presence and flirty behavior. After a couple times of unresponsiveness from your part she will know your not the type to play games and either A) Move on but respect you more or B) Start kinoing and chasing you which means you have to game her like a regular girl and move fast before the escalation window closes. Remember the more she invests the more she will fall for you. Though, gaming at work is something i would not recommend since it might get messy, lots of other sluts to game out in the streets brah.

 

[Drck]

There is nothing wrong, you are a hunter. You have a wild blood in you, when you see resistance from woman you want to naturally overcome it. Unless you are a wimp, overcoming resistance is exciting and challenging, you want to do everything in your power to get her. It used to be easier in the past when humans lived in caves for millions of years; unfortunatelly we evolved quite quickly, and as a hunter today you don't have that many choices. Thus you have to change strategy and become someone more passive. You get more laid but it is not as exciting as if you had to chase.

All that PUA crap is so boring and unnatrual, but it is working, you get laid. If you hunt, chase, do what you feel is natural for you because it is exciting, you won't get very far today. New strategy is needed.

That is why it is quite simple today, you don't "get" women, you just wait and let them get you. If you try to "get" them they will run away. The more effort you exert the further she runs. If you don't care, if you just wait she will come around (assuming she is interested). Otherwise she's gone. It shouldn't be difficult to let her go since you have a bunch of other women to focus on...

 

[Marty]

That is why it is quite simple today, you don't "get" women, you just wait and let them get you. If you try to "get" them they will run away. The more effort you exert the further she runs. If you don't care, if you just wait she will come around (assuming she is interested). Otherwise she's gone.

There's a fascinating passage in a book I've just read by Jo Nesbø, The Redbreast (highly recommend it by the way):

My heart beats wildly when she appears in the doorway, but Daniel says you have to stay calm, well, almost cold, if you want to win a woman's heart. It is like catching flies: you have to sit quite still, preferably looking in another direction. And then, when the fly has begun to trust you—when it lands on the table in front of you, goes closer and finally almost begs you to try and catch it—then you strike as quick as lightning, firm and sure in your convictions. The latter is the most important. It is not speed but conviction that catches flies. You have but one chance—and you must be ready for it, Daniel says.

Sprezzatura, elite eye contact, moving fast, and escalation windows... all in mainstream Norwegian crime literature. Well I never!

It reminds me also of this terrific stickied post by MonsieurLabrie: Understanding Hot Girls, The Stalker Factor. One of my favorites.