Oops, accidentally got a girl interested...

[Lowes]

Let me clarify what the title means.

I'm new to the PUA and I'm working on my fundamentals and conversation skills before I actually try to have sex with girls. I'm on my way there, and I'm getting close, but I'm not yet fully ready. However, I had the opportunity to talk to a girl recently, which I thought would be a great opportunity to further practice. I was merely trying to work on my skills, and I had no intent of moving anything forward or trying to get sex. We had a great first conversation. However, (like an idiot) I didn't realize that practicing sexy techniques would lead to her being attracted to me... which I realized she was after our first interaction. Funny how that works.

I've known her for roughly a month and she's very religious, which means I've completely been slotted into her "boyfriend" category because of her beliefs and the fact that I didn't act fast with her. Basically, I'm trying to find the nicest way possible to hint that I'm not interested, since even if I were ready for sex now, this thing would be too tough to turn around given my beginner level. I've tried to give hints (I keep my texts nice but short ever since she recently asked for my cell number, I say how busy I am, and I stay after class talking to the teacher so she will get bored of waiting for me), but I feel like these may be doing more harm than good because it makes her chase more, and thus, want me more. It's my own fault for getting myself into this situation, so I feel it's my duty to be as nice as possible while letting her know that I'm not interested. I don't want to come across as manipulative to her and I've acted as platonic as possible.

Any suggestions or help would be great. And from now on, I won't chat a girl up like this unless I have plans to take her to bed.

However, despite all this, my first interaction is a good learning experience for my future interactions. I'd appreciate any help for how I could have handled it better or what I could have said.

So, I've had this one class for some time now, and it's a large class so I'm always meeting new people. A few weeks back, I was paired up with this girl for a assignment. I was feeling super energetic that day, so I made some good jokes in class and volunteered to answer some questions. Then the professor paired us up into two-person groups, so she and I were put together. I made sure to use strong body language, voice tone, etc.

Me: Hey, I'm Lowes. What's your name?
Her: (Joking) Wow Lowes you don't know my name? (She also volunteered a lot so her name was called often)
Me: Haha, this is coming from a guy who can't even pronounce simple words. (I delivered this line like one smooth motherfucker -- earlier in class, while reading a passage, I messed up on reading a simple word and the prof corrected me in front of everyone haha)
Her: Alright fine haha. It's Mary. (I'm using a fake name for her, obviously)
Me: What's your last name, Mary?
Her: Ann. (another fake name)
Me: Well, Mary Ann, it's nice to meet you. (Then I make a pun with her name and she laughs, Idk what my goal was with that but it seems to have worked, even though I know results don't equal reactions)

The convo was going pretty straight-forward so far, but I just decided to try some more random shit at this point to see what happened. We were tasked with interviewing each other to practice for a news assignment.

Me: Alright, should I interview you or you interview me? (My first fuck up -- I should have led the convo but I was unsure which option would be better to show off my confidence so I let her decide)
Her: I'll interview you! (Looking back, it's now clear she wants the D here from her eagerness to lead the Q & A and find out more about me)
Me: Alright, let's hear it.
Her: I'm not sure what to ask...
Me: Ask me what I did this weekend. (Taking charge again)
Her: Alright, what did you do?
Me: (Make up some exotic, adventurous thing that was obviously fake, I guess to show off my creativity/hunor? Idk with this)
Her: Alright haha, anything else?
Me: Yeah, I did some cool things and I got a lot of sleep. ( I trying to be vague but I shouldn't have mentioned the sleep, makes it seem like I was just sitting around doing nothing)
Her: What's your major?
Me: I'm undeclared but I'm very interested in psych. (Revealing too much?)
Her: Me too! I'm gonna major in it!
Me: Nice, what do you like about it? (We discuss it but I can't remember the specifics of what was said)

Then class ends and we walk out together. At this point, I have a general idea of where I'll take the convo.

Me: Where are you headed?
Her: I'm going to my next class.
Me: C'mon, walk me to my car instead.
Her: (Starts walking, no resistance) Wow haha, isn't a girl supposed to ask the guy that?
Me: Not in this case.
Her: (Joking) Wow okay. I didn't know you drove here.
Me: We've talked enough about me, let's hear about you. (I realized I was revealing too much as she asked her questions, so I flipped the script and immediately did some deep diving)
Her: Alright.
Me: You were excited when I mentioned psychology, but you didn't full explain why. What is it about it that fascinates you? Why do you want it to be the focus of you life? (Operation Deep Dive is a go)
Her: Well... (She reveals a private story that explains why she's interested in it. Nothing too intense but it's not something she'd just tell anyone, so she clearly feels a connection with me)
Me: (Try to keep my voice empathetic but not high-pitched) Wow, I'm sorry to hear that.
Her: Yeah, that's the reason why.
Me: (Deep dive some more and find about that she is very religious)
Me: Thank you for sharing that with me.
Her: How about you? What do you like about psych? Have any career plans? (I answered this out of fairness to her response but tried to keep it vague)
Me: To be honest, I don't know yet. I have a ton of interests (didn't specify) but I don't know how I want to pursue them. I feel that psych is the best way to get me where I need to be. (Basically tried to be Byronic here, which was rather clunky, but I honestly don't think she noticed since my delivery was good)
Her: Wow.

Then I stopped in the middle of the parking lot to show that I was dictating the walking pace. We then said our goodbyes. If this was a girl I was planning to get into bed, I would have gotten her number right here.

That was my interaction. Any suggestions for my above issues or future strategies for meeting girls?

 

[ray_zorse]

Mate, this is silly!

Are you genuinely not interested in her, or is it more that you feel underconfident (not ready for sex, you say) and/or that banging her would be unfair (give her the wrong idea given her conservative views)?

What Chase recommends, is that if you're not super into her, then you use this as an opportunity to practice your skills by pushing as hard and as far as possible. Go slightly beyond what you are comfortable with, and if it genuinely turns her off, job done, otherwise you learned something, about how to be more bold with women and have it go well.

As to your feeling that you are practicing the early stages of seduction and not the later stages... again I quote Chase "Men who take this approach, progress the slowest of any man using any approach to seduction"... he goes on to explain that it can actually take years just to master opening, so if you get hung up on this you'll never be getting practice in the next steps (conversation, asking her out, etc).

So what we recommend here is to take a more holistic approach. Due to your lack of skills you'll probably fall over at some point: Be it asking her for a date in a too-timid, hesitant way... or failing to get her to hook in conversation... whatever, but the important thing is to push your interactions and take them as far as possible. This woman is clearly thirsty, and it is your job to give her the dick she needs.

I also feel that you are pedestalizing this woman, you say she is conservative and so you feel you have to offer her a relationship. In other words you're putting what you perceive as her needs, ahead of yours. Wrong! Maybe she just wants a quick fuck. She gives off this conservative, matronly vibe but only to guys she feels will judge her if she reveals her true self. Your job is to smash through that.

As an example I was talking to a cute Chinese girl about an hour ago, she served me (well actually her colleague served me, and she just came over beside her colleague and started eyeing me hungrily, this was a clear IOI so I engaged her in conversation from behind the counter and later sat down with her to chat her up properly while she took a lunch break)... well Chinese girls are pretty conservative. She said she would like to teach me more Chinese. So I said jokingly "you will teach me all the dirty words"... she said "oh no I don't know many dirty words" and I said "you will discover hidden talents"... she said... "hidden talents, what does that mean"... so I replied "I like dirty talk!" ... she looked a bit thrown "...?" and I continued, "you will find you have skills you do not know about"... well you know, she did actually refuse to qualify herself on this, and ended up saying she would have to get back to work, and in conclusion, I probably came on too strong (also telling her initially that it was lucky I had a nice big meal otherwise I would probably eat her as well)... but the point is that I tried to smash through her conservative side and get the sexual side to come out... obviously you won't always succeed and sometimes you'll go too far or not far enough, but I hope this illustrates how to handle conservative girls correctly to get them to bed (or screen them out as being just too conservative for you to make anything of).

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with conservative religious girls. My current regular gf is Catholic and deeply religious (she usually comes over to my place after Church to hang out and be fucked), she also eschews things like oral sex and she will not masturbate because she thinks it is a sin, also she recently told me she has to ask God for forgiveness each time we have sex because we are not married and that is a sin too (obviously we're also using birth control but fortunately she hasn't mentioned this). She finds it hard to look at my cock when I'm naked and goes "ewwww" about sperm and so on... anyway, we are gradually expanding her boundaries. She wants relationship, but I have told her I see other girls, and that's that... she went quiet for a bit but I continued to treat her exactly as before, and she came around.

Hope this helps you to see things in a more GC light.

Ray

 

[Lowes]

Mate, this is silly!

Haha I didn't think about that when I posted it, but yeah, from all the things you've told me so far, I'm realizing how much I overthink things. I consider myself a perfectionist and I have been my whole life, so I'm damn well trying to break myself out of my mind and simply act. It's tough, and it's gonna take awhile, but I can do it.

Are you genuinely not interested in her, or is it more that you feel underconfident (not ready for sex, you say) and/or that banging her would be unfair (give her the wrong idea given her conservative views)?

I'm “eh” about her, which is likely because of my high standards as a beginner. That's another thing to work on. But the main issue is my lack of confidence/preparedness for sex. Despite my current inhibitions, the Lowes of a few months from now would have immediately fucked this girl. But right now, I'm doing some extensive STD/condom/safe sex/etc. research. As a virgin who's been sheltered sex-wise, I need to know what to be prepared for. I don't want to go in guns-blazing and pick up an STD or get her pregnant. This may seem like a pretty simple thing for a more experienced guy like yourself (“Just slip on a condom, use some carrageenan, you'll be fine”) but this is all very daunting and new to me, so I need to have my full sex game plan figured out first. That's the main thing holding me back. Not trying to give excuses, because this is something I am actively working on, but given my perfectionist qualities, it will take some time. Once I'm ready for sex, I will finally have a set, specific goal in mind with women and thus won't feel this self-inflected pressure. Basically, once I'm ready for sex, I'll never again have this problem.

What Chase recommends, is that if you're not super into her, then you use this as an opportunity to practice your skills by pushing as hard and as far as possible. Go slightly beyond what you are comfortable with, and if it genuinely turns her off, job done, otherwise you learned something, about how to be more bold with women and have it go well.

As to your feeling that you are practicing the early stages of seduction and not the later stages... again I quote Chase "Men who take this approach, progress the slowest of any man using any approach to seduction"... he goes on to explain that it can actually take years just to master opening, so if you get hung up on this you'll never be getting practice in the next steps (conversation, asking her out, etc).

So what we recommend here is to take a more holistic approach. Due to your lack of skills you'll probably fall over at some point: Be it asking her for a date in a too-timid, hesitant way... or failing to get her to hook in conversation... whatever, but the important thing is to push your interactions and take them as far as possible. This woman is clearly thirsty, and it is your job to give her the dick she needs.

This is good to know. I need to avoid focusing on just one thing (opening) and look at the whole picture instead. The reason I'm hesitant to push my interactions is that there is basically no place to push them, I feel. I've already pushed in the platonic way, but that didn't work, and since I've used up all my subtlety, the only way to push further in that direction is be a dick about it, which she doesn't deserve. Not trying to place the girl on a pedestal here; I just don't think it would be fair to be a dick about it considering I got us into this situation with my attempts to flirt without actually planning to give her sex.

Pushing in the other direction (showing interest) would only intensify the thirst and would only create a weirder situation, since, well, shit, I'm still not ready for sex.

I also feel that you are pedestalizing this woman, you say she is conservative and so you feel you have to offer her a relationship. In other words you're putting what you perceive as her needs, ahead of yours. Wrong! Maybe she just wants a quick fuck. She gives off this conservative, matronly vibe but only to guys she feels will judge her if she reveals her true self. Your job is to smash through that.

I tried to smash through her conservative side and get the sexual side to come out... obviously you won't always succeed and sometimes you'll go too far or not far enough, but I hope this illustrates how to handle conservative girls correctly to get them to bed (or screen them out as being just too conservative for you to make anything of).

I understand that girls hide their sexuality, but based on my conversations with this girl it seems like she hasn't be sexually awakened yet. And any chance to pull a fast lay seems gone because of how slow I've moved. That's why I feel that I've basically painted myself into the corner of being a boyfriend candidate, since lovers move fast. (Unless this girl is actually thirsty enough to want straight-up sex after knowing me for weeks now, damn.)

Hm, now that you mention it, I may be putting her on a pedestal. I don't consider her needs above my own, but as I've mentioned, she wants that dick that I can't yet provide, so I at least feel somewhat responsible. Would that be considered putting her on a pedestal?

Just writing all my responses above makes me further realize that I just need to get down my sex game plan. I'm now committed to doing this ASAP so I don't have to worry about this shit anymore. As I said, I have completely confidence that once I get that down, these issues will instead turn into lays.

Oh, and just to be a little more specific, my sex game plan involves location logistics, STD knowledge, knowing how the pill works, using condoms/carrageenan properly, and so on. I want to be fully prepared safety-wise so nothing catches me off-guard. But this naturally takes some time since there are multiple elements and I need to try on condoms and all that shit.

Regardless, dude, I really appreciate all the help. Sometimes change comes from someone else simply telling you to snap out of it.

Now it's time to get working on this game plan of mine.

 

[ray_zorse]

I see. Well I will try to share some sex tips in that case. Although you can't go wrong by reading the articles on this site, especially the article on adapted missionary, do make sure you check that out.

The most important thing is your condom fit. Width varies from about 48mm up to about 56mm and you absolutely need a well fitting condom. Maybe measure your hard cock, and then order a range of different condom styles and try them on while hard, so that you know you'll have a suitable condom when it comes to sex. See this: http://www.condom-sizes.org/condom-sizes/suggested-condom-width-in-relation-to-penis-circumference

Too small: You will not be able to get it on, it will hurt, you will lose your erection while wrestling with it and trying to get it on.

Too large: It will come off during sex, this will not impress her one bit. Also, note that "staying around" while extremely pleasurable, is a bad idea with a condom on. Withdraw soon after ejaculating, so you do not leave the condom behind when you do so. Also, pull the condom out by placing the tips of your index and middle finger on the rubber base of the condom, to press it onto your cock as you withdraw.

The next most important thing is probably your lube. I use this one: http://www.pjurlubricants.com.au/pjur-original-bodyglide-personal-lubricant/ which also doubles as a massage oil, just bear in mind a few things, firstly it's not water based and does not wash off easily (but this is a good thing because water based lubes tend to get sticky and lose their lubrication after a while, I'm told newer ones are better), and secondly it cannot be used with toys, because it may damage the toy. Apparently it is safe to use with latex condoms though, I am not too sure why it is different with toys, but anyway, you can research this, or better still, just go into the sex shop and discuss it with them, they will know everything.

I don't normally put lube on the actual condom itself (although I might if she is having trouble getting horny), but what I do is to put a little bit of lube on my fingers before I start playing with her pussy. This really helps a lot.

Another tip is to look at the condom carefully before you put it on. It looks like this from the side:
O_____O
and you put your penis up into it from underneath, so that the "O" parts will smoothly unroll the condom onto your cock. If you put it upside down it will be really difficult to unroll, although I did do that once this year and still successfully fucked her, haha.

Yet another tip, is to have the condom in a convenient place, such as on your bedside table (maybe put a magazine on top of it), with the packet already torn open, so that you can easily reach for it and throw it on without losing your erection, then quickly put it inside her. As you get better, you start to have an idea when sex might be on the cards and you can quickly pull a condom from your wallet and tear it open while she's not looking. I keep 2 condoms in my wallet at all times, I also keep a box inside the couch (it's a storage chaise), and a box under my bed, and a ziploc bag of emergency gear in my backpack too.

Apart from that I really wouldn't overthink things. I mean a condom is a barrier contraceptive... what's important is your semen doesn't get in her pussy. The condom prevents this, with a little care. Endy story.

(Oh, yeah, if you wanna be super thorough about things, go get the "morning after pill" and have it with you, that helps to guard against disaster if the condom breaks, but I've never had this happen... I typically don't engage in super rough sex with a condom on though, and although I use a "skyn" condom which is supposed to be super thin, they seem as strong as fuck to me, I can't imagine it breaking).

Ray

 

[Troy]

Yet another tip, is to have the condom in a convenient place, such as on your bedside table (maybe put a magazine on top of it), with the packet already torn open, so that you can easily reach for it and throw it on without losing your erection, then quickly put it inside her.

Lol this reminded me of my recent lay when I put one pack of condom in my pocket, one pack under the living room coach, and one under my pillow. While I went to get water for my girl she took a peak under the table then under the coach seat and saw the condom then quickly dropped it back down.

I pretended not to see of course and I gave her the water. Then I took her into my room and we sat on my bed and she lifted up my pillow and bam there is another condom and once more she drops my pillow and pretends not to have seen it and I play cool, gave her a smile then kissed her.

Funny how some girls are inquisitive and will come to your house and stare at every corner and attempt to lift up everything they see. Including the magazine, some girls love to look at, you know all the nice stuff girls want to read and there she moves the magazine and sees the condom.... Nope don't want that to happen right? What I did afterwards was put the condom inside my pillow case or under the mattress (and ensuring it doesn't damage). Do that to be on the safe side youth. Or if you want a laugh just leave the condom in the open on the bed... Lol just joking.

Anyway +1 Ray, you giving lengthy and proper advice to Lowes. To add to what you advised him, Lowes check out these two articles

How to Avoid STD's Even If You Have Lots of Sex

And

You Really Should Be Having Sex

Troy

 

[Lowes]

Sweet, these are some killer tips. I appreciate you helping speed up the process. A few questions, though:

I see. Well I will try to share some sex tips in that case. Although you can't go wrong by reading the articles on this site, especially the article on adapted missionary, do make sure you check that out.

I typically don't engage in super rough sex with a condom on though, and although I use a "skyn" condom which is supposed to be super thin, they seem as strong as fuck to me, I can't imagine it breaking).

Interestingly enough, I recently finished reading that article. Something I don't understand, though -- that position basically gives the dick direct entry, so it seems like hard thrusts would be the best way to go. But you say you aren't super rough... so any recommendations on the proper thrusting strength? (And timing?)

The next most important thing is probably your lube. I use this one: http://www.pjurlubricants.com.au/pjur-original-bodyglide-personal-lubricant/ which also doubles as a massage oil, just bear in mind a few things, firstly it's not water based and does not wash off easily (but this is a good thing because water based lubes tend to get sticky and lose their lubrication after a while, I'm told newer ones are better), and secondly it cannot be used with toys, because it may damage the toy. Apparently it is safe to use with latex condoms though, I am not too sure why it is different with toys, but anyway, you can research this, or better still, just go into the sex shop and discuss it with them, they will know everything.

I don't normally put lube on the actual condom itself (although I might if she is having trouble getting horny), but what I do is to put a little bit of lube on my fingers before I start playing with her pussy. This really helps a lot.

What's the proper order of putting things on, in this case? To me, it looks like carrageenan, then condom, then lube? And I'm assuming that carrageenan and lube only need to go on the shaft, not the balls? Or does carrageenan need to be there to prevent herpes transmission?

One final thing, how do you deal with precum? Is there any way to clean this off before putting on the condom, or should you just ignore it and put the condom over it anyway? I'm worried that I might get some cum on my finger while putting it on, then if I finger her... well, you see what happens.

Including the magazine, some girls love to look at, you know all the nice stuff girls want to read and there she moves the magazine and sees the condom.... Nope don't want that to happen right? What I did afterwards was put the condom inside my pillow case or under the mattress (and ensuring it doesn't damage). Do that to be on the safe side youth. Or if you want a laugh just leave the condom in the open on the bed... Lol just joking.

Haha man, maybe I'll hide it next to the lamp. That way, when I dim the lights -- viola, it's suddenly in my hands. Hahaha

And thanks for the articles, I'll definitely check those out as well.

 

[ray_zorse]

Haha, Troy, had this happen late last year, she said it was "insulting". Haha had her in my bed and failed to get laid but she was extremely annoying in many respects so NEXTed.

Lowes I had to look up carrageenan, figured you meant personal lubricant, well I would go silicone based but it does mot really matter. I would say do not put any lube under the condom, it is pre lubricated to prevent breakage and increase comfort, but any further lube will just increase the risk of it coming off. Apply lube sparingly to the outside if you need to, but its a bit of a double edged sword since it willbe easier to enter her, but with less friction the sex may not be as good. Case by case, some girls don't warm up easily (or aren't in the mood for sex but happy to let you go ahead), in those cases a bit of lube isn't a bad idea.

As to the precum just throw that condom squarely on top of your cock and roll it on, anything that was on your cock will thus end up safely inside the condom where it will do no harm. Anyway, the chances of anything from your finger or indeed your cock, reaching her cervix, are miniscule, about on par with the condom breaking. As you insert your fingers or cock her lips will tend to wipe anything off, don't worry.

Ray

 

[Lowes]

Lowes I had to look up carrageenan, figured you meant personal lubricant, well I would go silicone based but it does mot really matter. I would say do not put any lube under the condom, it is pre lubricated to prevent breakage and increase comfort, but any further lube will just increase the risk of it coming off. Apply lube sparingly to the outside if you need to, but its a bit of a double edged sword since it willbe easier to enter her, but with less friction the sex may not be as good. Case by case, some girls don't warm up easily (or aren't in the mood for sex but happy to let you go ahead), in those cases a bit of lube isn't a bad idea.

I first heard about carrageenan from this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-avoid-stds-even-if-you-have-lots-sex

It seems that it's a sort of half-lubricant, half-protective cream?

Oh, I just noticed the part in the article when it says to apply it after putting on the condom, which is also what you said. Makes sense now.

As to the precum just throw that condom squarely on top of your cock and roll it on, anything that was on your cock will thus end up safely inside the condom where it will do no harm. Anyway, the chances of anything from your finger or indeed your cock, reaching her cervix, are miniscule, about on par with the condom breaking. As you insert your fingers or cock her lips will tend to wipe anything off, don't worry.

Wonderful, thanks for the tip. Pun intended