Opening with a compliment: yes or no?

[lux7]

I know that there are no final answers for these kind of questions, but I'd like to hear some opinions.

What do you think about opening with a compliment (or saying it shortly after) like, for example, the PUA's dreaded but very honest "Hi, I think you look amazing" or "Hi, I like your eyes" or even "Hi, I love the way you dance".

I think it can be refreshingly honest at times, but do you think it's at high danger of putting you as the chaser and her as the prize?

What's your opinion/experience?

 

[Novacane]

If it's a sincere compliment go ahead, be clear with your intentions through out the interaction tho meaning sexual tension and some push and pull! I've had some great interactions by opening with a compliment, whether it be a girls voice, the color of her eyes, or sense of fashion if it catches my attention i'll usually use it as leverage for an opener that's just my 2 cents tho.

 

[Franco]

Hey lucifer,

If you haven't seen it already, I highly suggest you read the following article:

How to Compliment a Girl Like You've Known Her for Years.

- Franco

 

[Richard]

Honestly, I've had this question when I started picking women up myself, by offering a compliment doesn't it seem like you are the one chasing. At first, primarily (in my case anyway), because I knew I was attempting to pick her up, I would trap myself into believing that she knew I would be chasing, and wouldn't have to do as much as she would if instead, she were chasing. Such is not the case however, the mindset that she knows is completely false, and instead, offering a sincere compliment is (in my opinion) a way for you to come off on a good note, and is a great way to bring about a deep dive conversation. As long as the compliment is sincere, by all means, do it!

 

[lux7]

Thanks guys, thanks Franco, very good article, as usual.

I like it here because it goes beyond the classical "PUA community", that seems to shiver with disgust at the ideas of compliments (I guess the neg thing of the mystery's time is still casting a long shadow.. ).

LATIN LOVER COMPLIMENTING
Anyway, I think there might be an other shade of complimenting that could be listed, and that's what I might call the "Italian clichè compliment", where you basically are half-jokingly playing the part of the latin lover (or not joking at all, depending on situations).

Like for example you get introduced to a girl (or you approach a girl), you hold on to her hand, you twist it a bit to transform the hand shake into a hand holding and say, lowly and slowly "I like you eyes", with a slight slight smile at the end. If you've got a good frame chances are that she will be smitten, get shy, laugh nervously and basically expect you to lead from then on (and give her a dream romance).
I do understand why this can be hard to see as working because this is acting openly as the pursuer and if that weren't enough, it's also putting her on a pedestal. But at the same time you're also the one leading the interaction and driving things, that's why it's OK (the rule of the "get good enough and you can flaunt the rules).

It's a big like taking her hand and telling her "follow me in a fairytale of romance and passion".

Or even more on the romantic side, could be a bit like this, but without the silly swimming part of course :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdutulJVZSI (min. 7:44)

 

[Light]

"Its Not What You Say.... Its How You Say It." - Light

 

[Estate]

Yep, read the article Franco posted.
And like someone else said, it's how you say it.

I used to avoid compliments like the plague, I thought I'd just come off slimey but I do open with them often now. But it's all about how it's done.

I HATE a guy who rolls up and is doing the "Oh, baby baby, you so fiiiine, so sexy baby, you're soooo hot", all the while eying her up and down.
But there are good compliments, like the article suggests, compliment her like you would a friend....
"Wow, you look adorable tonight, Had to come say Hi, how's your night going?".... it's so simple... it's like the ANTI opinion opener but it works!

Try to avoid direct compliments of her body or calling her sexy, or baby or those things.
But make it a sweet compliment, use softer words like cute, adorable, sweet, unique, words that don't evoke the word player in her mind... then follow up and tell her WHY you like what you like, this almost justifies why you came to talk to her and makes the whole thing more comfortable.

That's what I've found lately at least. Opinion openers are old. OVERLY direct openers can come off badly, but just saying Hi and subtly direct compliments have worked great for me.

 

[FixYourselves]

You could try opening with a question, rather than a compliment, e.g. "Where are you from?", as it's a bit less direct, so she may be less likely to be defensive than if you tell her she has pretty eyes, for instance.

 

[Estate]

You could try opening with a question, rather than a compliment, e.g. "Where are you from?", as it's a bit less direct, so she may be less likely to be defensive than if you tell her she has pretty eyes, for instance.

You could but isn't it very weak? How can you distinguish yourself from other guys?

 

[FixYourselves]

You think? I'm not saying don't use compliments, I just meant purely in terms of an opening line, you might be less likely to scare her off, and that you can then use compliments more freely once she has warmed to you a bit. Just a thought, but I'm happy to be proved wrong.

 

[Estate]

Well... like my earlier post. I'm not against a compiment (read: direct) opener at all.
I've just adopted that type of opener personally a lot more lately... it stops you wasting time and cuts right to the chase... but as I said... there are good compliments and bad compliments, I'd describe mine as non-threatening sort of compliments.

Nothing wrong with indirect either, it's not like it can't work. I'm just going more direct lately.

 

[Little Jester]

I usually don't give a lot of compliments, but with approach for me it is part of 'saying something about her', which is the easiest focus to start a conversation with her, about her. It doesn't always have to be a compliment though, but see no reason why it would work against you.

One funny story was a time I really liked a girl so much, that I was on complimenting auto pilot or something. I started with a compliment and then really overloaded her with compliments quite early in the interaction. This turned out great somehow. I kept throwing up stuff I liked about her to the point it became a joke in itself, where she didn't know if I was serious about it any longer. So every time our talk became heavy, I only needed to make a compliment in order to get instant humor in, get her to laugh and break into something more fun. The beauty of it was, that she was still guessing if I really liked her or not, while I could say whatever I wanted about her, without spilling my true intentions