Overcoming Fear Vs Learning Game (Daygame)

[Gamenoob92]

Hey guys!

I had some thoughts I just wanted to hash out here. The first time I discovered Game was when I saw a video of a guy on Youtube approaching a girl and complimenting her and her blushing and smiling and ending up giving out her number. It blew my mind and I decided right then that I wanted to learn this.

However, after getting on this journey I have gone from being unable to be social even among friends to becoming a a guy everyone perceives as very social. As far as cold approach goes, I have reduced my Approach Anxiety greatly and can easily open women in daygame. But what I am still not comfortable with is the "Direct/Compliment Opener. It just does not sit well with me. I have no trouble complimenting a woman after I get into a conversation with her but struggle to start with a compliment. I have been trying to overcome this fear as my mental model has always been that direct approaching is the best way to daygaming. My mindset has been so parochial that I now get a feeling of success only when I do a direct opener. I decided to conquer this fear by doing a lot of direct openers.

But when I decide to do direct approaches it is a big mental struggle and I put so much energy into getting myself to open that I end up opening fewer girls and when I do open, I have precious little mental energy left to be witty, charming etc to actually run Game after the open.

Yesterday, I went out without this objective in mind and actually ended up having two solid conversations with girls I opened with indirect/situational openers in just a 30 minute session. But funny thing is I came back with a feeling that I had not "Faced my Fear". I am a bit confused do I need to continue to try and overcome my fear of the direct opener or do I just concentrate on opening casually and then expressing my interest later? Would love to hear anyone else who has faced this dilemma! I fee l have identified myself too much with this direct approach mentality.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Gamenoob92 dude! So direct compliment openers aren't necessary and for most guys find situational openers better. They're usually more warmer and girls feel less "approached" because of it. It just happened. If I came up to you randomly and said dude like I think you look really cool I love your style. You might be flattered but you may also be like wow he's a little weird. If I came up to you and said cool shirt dude, have you seen that band play live? it feels more natural.

The issue with situational openers is that they don't always present themselves and this can leave you high and dry if you have nothing.

The complimentary approach is very direct and you will screen them straight away for buying temperature by doing it but it might reduce the amount of "warm" conversations you have. There's also an area of approach game where you don't want to compliment the girls because it gives away power and gives away the mystery. Sometimes fuck it, who cares. She knows you're interested anyway!

If its an approach mentality thing that your anxious about complimenting them you can use A) genuine compliment - "You have an amazing smile, I couldn't help but notice" "You look amazing" "I really like your hair" or a million other things. Or B) go the canned line method - this gives you the routine that your saying and you can get used to saying it all the time - "Hey I really think you're cute" "You look great" "Wow, you're stunning" or again a million other lines. You can use a genuine compliment that you would give someone as a routine line if it helps.

Personally I prefer situational openers and try to avoid validating them from the get go, you already put them on a pedestal which is somewhat chasing. It is however very confident and dominant which elevates your value. Give it a go dude!

 

[Gamenoob92]

@Gamenoob92 dude! So direct compliment openers aren't necessary and for most guys find situational openers better. They're usually more warmer and girls feel less "approached" because of it. It just happened. If I came up to you randomly and said dude like I think you look really cool I love your style. You might be flattered but you may also be like wow he's a little weird. If I came up to you and said cool shirt dude, have you seen that band play live? it feels more natural.

The issue with situational openers is that they don't always present themselves and this can leave you high and dry if you have nothing.

The complimentary approach is very direct and you will screen them straight away for buying temperature by doing it but it might reduce the amount of "warm" conversations you have. There's also an area of approach game where you don't want to compliment the girls because it gives away power and gives away the mystery. Sometimes fuck it, who cares. She knows you're interested anyway!

If its an approach mentality thing that your anxious about complimenting them you can use A) genuine compliment - "You have an amazing smile, I couldn't help but notice" "You look amazing" "I really like your hair" or a million other things. Or B) go the canned line method - this gives you the routine that your saying and you can get used to saying it all the time - "Hey I really think you're cute" "You look great" "Wow, you're stunning" or again a million other lines. You can use a genuine compliment that you would give someone as a routine line if it helps.

Personally I prefer situational openers and try to avoid validating them from the get go, you already put them on a pedestal which is somewhat chasing. It is however very confident and dominant which elevates your value. Give it a go dude!

Well, the whole problem is that I develop a lot of anxiety opening with a compliment. What you suggested are really strong compliments. I get anxious over even telling a girl that her boots, hair, jacket etc looks cool or just that she looks nice. When situational openers are not an option I am trying "Hi. Do you speak English? I just saw you and wanted to say Hi. Where are you from?"

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Gamenoob92 so start with simpler compliments. Don't make it your main focus, go out to approach but set a goal of you will tell 1 girl you like her shoes. If it makes it easier do drive by approaches, walk by don't stop them just simply throw them the compliment "nice shoes!" and keep walking. If its anxiety based you can get over it the same way you got over approaching in the first place. Small goals, little steps, build confidence and become comfortable with it. Theres lots of tips on getting over anxiety, the fact that you can already approach puts you ahead at doing this.

I know its a different approach, its more direct but you know you have the confidence to talk to girls so use that to your advantage. Do a warm up approach. Basically tell yourself its going to suck because its a warm up, you're in practice mode and the result doesn't matter. It'll take the pressure of. Even approach someone a little less intimidating or someone you're super intimidated by. If you think you have no chance anyway you haven't lost anything!

Stick to shoes and jacket to begin with or a T shirt if they are boldly wearing one (most girls don't). Ya can do it dude!

 

[Grand Pooba]

I am a bit confused do I need to continue to try and overcome my fear of the direct opener or do I just concentrate on opening casually and then expressing my interest later?

Both ways to approach are viable and valid.

Approaching indirect first requires you to demonstrate more interest later to clarify your intent to be her lover; on the flip side going direct does this for you right off the bat.

If you're really interested in perfecting this, I'd advise to learn how to do both - and most importantly, discern WHEN to use either approach style.

 

[Gamenoob92]

@Gamenoob92 so start with simpler compliments. Don't make it your main focus, go out to approach but set a goal of you will tell 1 girl you like her shoes. If it makes it easier do drive by approaches, walk by don't stop them just simply throw them the compliment "nice shoes!" and keep walking. If its anxiety based you can get over it the same way you got over approaching in the first place. Small goals, little steps, build confidence and become comfortable with it. Theres lots of tips on getting over anxiety, the fact that you can already approach puts you ahead at doing this.

I know its a different approach, its more direct but you know you have the confidence to talk to girls so use that to your advantage. Do a warm up approach. Basically tell yourself its going to suck because its a warm up, you're in practice mode and the result doesn't matter. It'll take the pressure of. Even approach someone a little less intimidating or someone you're super intimidated by. If you think you have no chance anyway you haven't lost anything!

Stick to shoes and jacket to begin with or a T shirt if they are boldly wearing one (most girls don't). Ya can do it dude!

Hey I just saw your message and went out as I had to get groceries and I approached 3 girls. First two were indirect/ situational and the last one I saw a girl wearing these cool pants and she was ahead of me on an escalator and as soon as we got off I pointed to her pants and was about to deliver the compliment, she looked at me and before I said anything she walked off! It stung like hell for a minute and now I am back home and I feel what the heck, that was funny

I will do the same tomorrow too. Go out to approach and make sure I at least do 1 direct approach or throw in 1 compliment.

 

[Gamenoob92]

Both ways to approach are viable and valid.

Approaching indirect first requires you to demonstrate more interest later to clarify your intent to be her lover; on the flip side going direct does this for you right off the bat.

If you're really interested in perfecting this, I'd advise to learn how to do both - and most importantly, discern WHEN to use either approach style.

I try to go situational when I can come up with something that does not put me completely in the asking for help paradigm because I have trouble getting out of that. Or if the girl is stationary and there are people around us and when a compliment may be putting a little too much pressure.

But sometimes I just see a girl and there is no other option open to me and the only way I can approach is by telling her why I approached her.

 

[theodous]

I hate daygame iN tBILSI

SORRY