FR Pagans

[Kvothe]

Met this girl while walking on a Sunday evening. I tell her she has really eye catching style. Talk, and she has a very spacey vibe, and I kind of keep making cold reads on her, and she doesn’t ever really acknowledge them. I find her very attractive, and she’s wearing a red dress. At some point, I decide to just hail mary, because she is being compliant, if non-investing. So I suggest trading numbers, and then decide to ask her what she’s doing. I realize she’s not actually doing anything so I sweep her into an instant date.

We walk to my usual venue, and I order us some wine. I go into some mild sex talk, and honestly, she hasn’t really asked me any questions, so it’s mostly a lot of prodding from me. She tells me she’s polyamorous, and was also “forced” into a poly relationship at one point (this girl is definitely crazy).

At the bar I go into some mild sex talk, open minded frames, and some discussion into poly relationships. Kind of weird I ended up in that conversation two days in a row, the first with someone completely opposed and the second with someone totally for it. But that’s life. We talk, and I keep it fun, but to be honest I’m also a little sleep deprived, so the conversation isn’t as good as it was the day before. Part of that is that she’s crazy, and is not as good at keeping an interesting conversation. I need more practice with younger girls clearly.

I also should have realized that because she was more sex positive, and very clearly a freak (she mentions how she’s super into worshipping an ancient Greek goddesss, to the point of having a shrine of the goddess), I should have done more explicit sex talk verbals for sexual prizing. Instead we end up on the relationship side of polyamorous relationships, and the lovey-dovey side. Which I don’t like, and is not a good frame.

I don’t think the time is right for a pull, so I suggest moving to another spot. She looks at the time, and I tell her it’s around the corner, and that I don’t want to drink, it’s just a chill spot. She agrees and off we go. Classic link arms leading to hand holding.

At the next spot we sit and talk. I fuck up here because I finally get her on the topic of guys she’s hooked up with, and I interrupt her. So she never finishes the story that would have opened the floodgates to better sex talk naturally. Stupid of me. While I can be smart and funny I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.

I had seeded a pull a while ago, and I try to pull, and she denies. So we go inside and sit on a couch. I talk some more, and on a high note try to go in for a kiss, which is also denied.

She says how we’re strangers and that it’s not even a first date. I try to be nonreactive, but my frame is not as solid as yesterday. Lack of sleep and meditation I expect. We talk some more, and keep the tone light and fun and pleasant, and then I suggest that we head out.

Anyway, I have her walk me to my apartment, she gives a hug, and we part ways.

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Main improvements to make:

• Don't interrupt when a girl starts investing into sex discussions lol
• Focusing too much on pacing, not enough on leading
• Not a very wide breadth in my vocabulary-keep it fresh, don't let individual words get inflated
• Leading needs to be better
• Sex talk is leading me to boyfriend territory, not lover territory-I would love to get some advice from others on this specifically. The way I seem to be discussing sex and dynamics with women seems to get me slotted into provider and slow sex, when I'm trying to move the girl to a fast sex vibe.
• Viewing girls as sexual objects is a difficult thing for me still. I need to get better and picturing the conquest and communicating sexually nonverbally

 

[foggy]

• Not a very wide breadth in my vocabulary-keep it fresh, don't let individual words get inflated

this is an improvement too for me to make, although i am wondering if its the same as you?

i find that girls respond amazing to a key word of their social and sexual frames at the right moment, when the right dynamic has been set. but bring up that key word too early, or overuse it and it loses that mega impact which is typically used to propel things forward

therefore i aim to consistently circle around the key word with synonyms and related words....filling things in with her...then drop the key word like a water bomb on the fully painted picture of her self

kaploosh!

is that what you mean?

 

[Kvothe]

@fog

Hmmm, for me, it's more that I'll try to go into an SOT, and I'll describe it using the word spontaneity 10 times within a single conversational topic. Using synonyms, or better yet, ending a thought and smoothly connecting different ideas into a spiderweb that enraptures her is what should be the goal. It entices her so subtly she doesn't realize she's fully engrossed until she's over the edge.

I don't want to feel like I'm saying the same thing over and over to try and make a point to her. If I keep making that same point it just loses the effect because the point has already been made. At some point trying to make the point just becomes boring and stale, and the entire point of the point is inflated to lose all the value.

I like how you describe it, and I think that is what I'm aiming for. But it's hard to have good verbals when rusty and tired. I'm not big on excuses though (and I know you aren't either) so that's just something I need to figure out and grow through.