People
Me: 5'10" Asian male
Her: 5'6" Half British, Half Persian female, works in consulting
Background
I've been trying to get some momentum recently. Although ideally it would be through cold approach, the summer heat has made it a bit harder (honestly I'm just being soft). Regardless, I've been staying busy with online dating while Cold Approach isn't giving me the results I want.
The Meet
Matched a girl on a dating app. After I greeted her, she asked 'rock climbing ropes?' in response to a subtle implication on my profile that I'm into BDSM ropes. We chit chatted a bit before agreeing to a coffee meetup.
First Date
At the coffee spot in the late morning, she came dressed about average, better than expected for a casual coffee spot. Conversation was pretty good. I talked about my explorations with BDSM, why I like it, why it suits my personality, etc. She was eating this up, because she's into various kinks, and BDSM was something she's been very curious about, but hasn't had a chance to find a male partner for (it's kind of hard to go up to random guys asking if they would tie her up, and trusting them to do so). So she was licking her lips at the fact that I could be that guy.
She had an early day at work the next day, so she couldn't stay long, and we just hugged goodbye. She has a pretty busy schedule with some big work projects coming up soon, so I put the odds at 50:50 that we'd ever see each other again, but stayed casual about it, you never know. I floated the idea that we meet up next week, and she said she'd check her schedule.
Second Date
We ended up nailing a time and meeting the next Sunday, early evening for a dessert. She made it clear that we wouldn't be doing any BDSM tonight, because she has an early work day the next day. I said sure, and agreed to meetup anyway, casually floating/seeding the idea that 'maybe you can stop by my place on the way home, get a feel for the environment, and build comfort for BDSM some other day, which she was receptive to.
Anyway, the second date was good. She showed up in a tight-fitting flowy outfit with heels, much more dressed up than the first date. We talked more about our sexual experiences in the past. I experimented with a vibe of "I've had some interesting experiences in the past, but I'm not overly narcisistic about them. I'm mostly looking to be my authentic self with other like-minded folks--full of respect and love for women." Basically, a "genuine man" vibe. Conversation was as good as the previous date.
Bounce/Pull
At the end of dessert, I suggested we bounce and checkout my place as agreed upon. I could make her some tea or a drink before she headed back home. She said sure, and we walked 5 minutes to my place.
Escalation
I showed her around my apartment, made her a drink, put on some classy music, and we just chilled. At some point I asked if she wanted to see my ropes, and she said sure with a twinkle in her eyes. I showed her my ropes, and started explaining what type of fiber they're made of, how I store them, why they're good/not good, etc. She was clearly interested, and eventually asked "maybe we could do a bit of ropes before I leave?". I said sure.
So I made sure she was comfortable, and began tying her up. This was a first for me, tying a girl up before having once had sex with her. I usually make it a very sexual+sensual experience, but I had to be a bit more circumspect in this situation. I went for a vibe of "I'm going to politely tie you up, and be very respectful, and constantly asking for consent, while providing as much of a sexual experience as you allow it to be". So I started off by checking in on her constantly with questions like "is this too tight?", but in a father-daughter way, rather than a supplicating nice-guy way.
As I continued creating "the scene", eventually I got to a point where she was fully tied up, but I wanted to add this visual element of ropes coming out from the bottom of her dress, so I would need to tie ropes to her legs very close to her crotch. So I said "pardon my reach, but this will look very cool", and looked to her for a response. She gave a really soft "okay". So I tied ropes to her knees, and slowly and sensually worked them up her legs, all the way just before her crotch. She seemed to react as I got really close. I asked her "are you okay?". She responded "I'm kind of loving this sensation, having ropes climb up my legs". At this point I knew it was a sealed deal.
I asked if I could caress her, and so I moved my hands slowly and sensually over her entire body. And slowly worked towards rubbing her clit and fingering her. Then I asked if I should get a condom, and she said sure.
Sex was great, she was very in tune with her sexuality, and came easily.
After Sex
She had to run home to let her dog out, but she thanked me for "a unique and wonderful experience".
Keys to the Lay
Me: 5'10" Asian male
Her: 5'6" Half British, Half Persian female, works in consulting
Background
I've been trying to get some momentum recently. Although ideally it would be through cold approach, the summer heat has made it a bit harder (honestly I'm just being soft). Regardless, I've been staying busy with online dating while Cold Approach isn't giving me the results I want.
The Meet
Matched a girl on a dating app. After I greeted her, she asked 'rock climbing ropes?' in response to a subtle implication on my profile that I'm into BDSM ropes. We chit chatted a bit before agreeing to a coffee meetup.
First Date
At the coffee spot in the late morning, she came dressed about average, better than expected for a casual coffee spot. Conversation was pretty good. I talked about my explorations with BDSM, why I like it, why it suits my personality, etc. She was eating this up, because she's into various kinks, and BDSM was something she's been very curious about, but hasn't had a chance to find a male partner for (it's kind of hard to go up to random guys asking if they would tie her up, and trusting them to do so). So she was licking her lips at the fact that I could be that guy.
She had an early day at work the next day, so she couldn't stay long, and we just hugged goodbye. She has a pretty busy schedule with some big work projects coming up soon, so I put the odds at 50:50 that we'd ever see each other again, but stayed casual about it, you never know. I floated the idea that we meet up next week, and she said she'd check her schedule.
Second Date
We ended up nailing a time and meeting the next Sunday, early evening for a dessert. She made it clear that we wouldn't be doing any BDSM tonight, because she has an early work day the next day. I said sure, and agreed to meetup anyway, casually floating/seeding the idea that 'maybe you can stop by my place on the way home, get a feel for the environment, and build comfort for BDSM some other day, which she was receptive to.
Anyway, the second date was good. She showed up in a tight-fitting flowy outfit with heels, much more dressed up than the first date. We talked more about our sexual experiences in the past. I experimented with a vibe of "I've had some interesting experiences in the past, but I'm not overly narcisistic about them. I'm mostly looking to be my authentic self with other like-minded folks--full of respect and love for women." Basically, a "genuine man" vibe. Conversation was as good as the previous date.
Bounce/Pull
At the end of dessert, I suggested we bounce and checkout my place as agreed upon. I could make her some tea or a drink before she headed back home. She said sure, and we walked 5 minutes to my place.
Escalation
I showed her around my apartment, made her a drink, put on some classy music, and we just chilled. At some point I asked if she wanted to see my ropes, and she said sure with a twinkle in her eyes. I showed her my ropes, and started explaining what type of fiber they're made of, how I store them, why they're good/not good, etc. She was clearly interested, and eventually asked "maybe we could do a bit of ropes before I leave?". I said sure.
So I made sure she was comfortable, and began tying her up. This was a first for me, tying a girl up before having once had sex with her. I usually make it a very sexual+sensual experience, but I had to be a bit more circumspect in this situation. I went for a vibe of "I'm going to politely tie you up, and be very respectful, and constantly asking for consent, while providing as much of a sexual experience as you allow it to be". So I started off by checking in on her constantly with questions like "is this too tight?", but in a father-daughter way, rather than a supplicating nice-guy way.
As I continued creating "the scene", eventually I got to a point where she was fully tied up, but I wanted to add this visual element of ropes coming out from the bottom of her dress, so I would need to tie ropes to her legs very close to her crotch. So I said "pardon my reach, but this will look very cool", and looked to her for a response. She gave a really soft "okay". So I tied ropes to her knees, and slowly and sensually worked them up her legs, all the way just before her crotch. She seemed to react as I got really close. I asked her "are you okay?". She responded "I'm kind of loving this sensation, having ropes climb up my legs". At this point I knew it was a sealed deal.
I asked if I could caress her, and so I moved my hands slowly and sensually over her entire body. And slowly worked towards rubbing her clit and fingering her. Then I asked if I should get a condom, and she said sure.
Sex was great, she was very in tune with her sexuality, and came easily.
After Sex
She had to run home to let her dog out, but she thanked me for "a unique and wonderful experience".
Keys to the Lay
- Being experienced with BDSM ropes. Unless you have some kind of sex-adjacent hobby like this, you'll never get a girl to agree to a date with you, with the pre-agreed expectation that she'll check out your apartment afterwards. Highly recommended, and it's super fun too!
- The "genuine man" vibe is something new I'm experimenting with. I use to be a nice guy. Then I went full-blown narcissistic fuckboy, which only works with some girls. Then I tried to tone it down and be more attainable, but ended up being too nice-guy again. Now I think I've figured out a balance that works for me. The key is to pre-display elements of high value and sexual prowess (in this case an expertise in BDSM), and only afterwards display hints of empathy and compassion (for example, telling a true story about how I once hopped out of my car to tell a girl she dropped her keys). I noticed that she and other girls I've been trying this with, trust and want to move forward with me infinitely more than when I was going for the "high value playboy" vibe. Definitely something worth refining further.
- Repeatedly asking for consent. Usually this is a bit of a mood killer. But in the case of a girl getting completely tied/restrained by a stranger, she needs to feel ironclad 100% safe. I made it a goal to make her feel this level of safety. Which is the only way this would have happened.
- Go with the flow - the first "vibe check" date didn't go anywhere, I was fine with that. We might never see each other again, but I casually pinged her anyway for a second date. During the second date, she made it clear nothing was going to happen, which I was fine with too. When guys are too rigid they scare girls off, it's ironically the guys who "could take it or leave it", who girls actually want to be with.
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