PAYING women to go on dates (not just dinner)

[Richard]

I had been following this post for some time, and I'm glad Chase brought up the point he did about paying for sex vs. paying for the date.

So, I'm going to both agree and disagree with you Chase, and Isis.

Ordinarily, I'd agree with Chase about the whole paying for the sex vs. paying for the date thing, where it leads to misogynistic tendencies and completely irrational beliefs of women. But in this case, being that he does have Aspergers, I think that it is the date and not the sex he wants.

The majority of the time, people with Aspergers struggled with social interaction, and other aspects of communication. With this being true, I'm going to assume that Lucidity is paying for the communication and the social interaction, and not the sex. The feelings of just communication are probably more pleasurable than the sex he could be paying for.

However, most of the time with Aspergers, the person can still socialize, just, the fundamentals of conversation and socializing are skewed. They may talk endlessly about their favorite subject without realizing that the other person doesn't care, may unconsciously forget eye contact, facial expressions, and other fundamentals, but they are still capable of consciously over riding these setbacks. This is another reason I say that Lucidity may take more pleasure in the date because, the woman is paid to attentively listen, and relate to him, which makes him feel better.

Now, on to you Isis, and your point about his inability to use PUA tactics. Currently, this is true, but the problem will only persist as long as he lets it. Sure, it is harder for a person with Aspergers to learn to pick up women, but by no means is it impossible. My cousin, in fact, is now 19 and has Aspergers but when he has his mind set on going out and talking to women, he consciously over rides the social tendencies he lacks when talking to family or other people. He focuses heavily on his fundamentals, and prepares for it, but, he has gotten past the setbacks that come with Aspergers. Thus, Lucidity will have a harder time learning, but is still able to learn nonetheless.

-Richard

 

[Isis]

oh yes, very true- good points. But, I did not say he couldn't ever use PUA, or learn..just it might be harder for him to use, in the traditional sense(or, certain things like body positions or verbal tactics, regarding picking up women). That having Asbergers is a hurdle, but not impossible at all. I am basing my assumptions on what I read in all the original poster's concerns and my experience dating someone with Aspergers(I have also taught high school and college, so a little experience with having former students with this). I think, he did mention wanting to have sex, in his first post, though..and that is why he decided to finally lose his virginity to an escort, as he was tired of waiting for the perfect girlfriend(who he would prefer to have). Although, with his 'whatsyourprice' dating- you are right... I dont think he wanted 'just sex'...but, maybe, he was hoping it would happen too? It's probably like any date with a man, lol..I think most want it, or do not mind it if it does happen. I think the OP just wants a girlfriend..a beautiful artist, like he mentioned.

 

[Richard]

Your last point, waiting for the perfect woman, I currently empathize with that but I'm not waiting, I'm acting, and acting as I've learned from this site is the most crucial aspect.

There is no waiting for the perfect girl.

The plus side is, he's been on dates, and been with women, granted he had to pay, but that should serve as an excellent catalyst to approach women himself in person. He has some experience, so, it should be easier for him now to learn.

 

[Isis]

Yes, I totally agree And nothing/ no one is perfect, anyway..I just meant that instead of waiting to have sex with his ideal woman or girlfriend(which, I think he was wanting to do, understandably) he went ahead and got an escort to have sexual experience. But you are right..carpe diem

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

Hahahaha in regards to the type-a-thon comment. Yep you caught us, we are trying to compete with the length of Chase and team's articles on the main page with these forum posts In reality I think Isis and I were mostly writing long posts for our own enjoyment while not really thinking about who else is reading them. Anyways from this point on I will attempt to practice a little sprezzatura.

Isis:

Thanks again for taking the time to provide another in-depth analysis on topics expressed in my previous post. In addition thank you for the "how-to" tips on whatsyourprice dating you provided. It turns out I was not doing any of that! I can see how it will be better for screening my dates prior to meeting them (better to lose a couple of credits for opening up communications with the attractive member and deciding to back out versus spending money on the offer and date only to find out she was a waste of time) and clearing the air of any uncertainty of what our motives are. I will definitely try that the next time I setup a date using that site. I do want to expand my options though and not just depend on whatsyourprice to setup dates. As mentioned previously those with Asperger's tend to get obsessed with one specific thing/outlet/interest, so I have been putting all my focus on whatsyourprice as the only avenue to meet women. What I need to do is diversify as I evolve to becoming a PUA (if that ever happens) and applying the principles learned from this site. A lot of what Chase writes about does not only apply to being a PUA and many topics touch on career development, keeping the upper-hand in social situations in general, developing time management/productivity skills, and learning how to master new skills. So even if I never become a PUA or only reach a hybrid beginner/intermediate level at least I can apply many of the lesson onto other areas of my life outside of romance. I am thinking I should diversify by shifting my focus on whatsyourprice as a means for meeting women from 100% to 33%. The other 33% can go towards traditional online dating sites and the other 33% can be applied to day game, talking to women at work, etc. Day game is currently at 0% so this will be a definite challenge.

No I am no lawyer even though I did have an early job as a Legal File Clerk for a while. It is possible that we both fancied redheads due to their uniqueness and rare presence in the general population. Aspies tend to like things that are unique and have contempt for things that are too mainstream. For instance my least favorite type of woman is the bleached blonde, fake tanned, beach bunny that loves making duck faces and speaks like a Valley Girl. Seems like society shoves this type of woman down our throats and tells us "this is what is hot, this is what you should want and strive for." Julianne Moore is quite a stunner and I can't believe she is 52 year old! I like the fact that she did not try to hide the fact that she is a redhead (in contrast to ones like Lindsay Lohan who tan, conceal their freckles, and change their hair colour to pass off as something else). I believe my redhead fixation started with Shirley Manson from Garbage. I fell in love (haha) when I first saw her in the "I'm Only Happy When it Rains" music video and I liked that the music itself was on the dark side in comparison to other female fronted bands.

Interesting insight I gained from reading your paragraph about your experience dating the half Iranian man. Yeah the Persian girl I dated was definitely a Muslim and had only been in the US for a few years (maybe 3-4). She did not have that noticeable of an accent and I had no problem talking to her about complex ideas. I did think it was funny that she was a self-described libertarian that supported Ron Paul but she was mostly supportive of Iran at the same time. She dressed pretty sexy on our dates and I asked her "what would happen if you went back to visit Iran? Would you need to have the head scarf on before getting out of the plan upon arrival?" She was like "of course that would be like walking around NAKED!" I found that dichotomy humorous and also the fact that on a first date we were talking about Israel, the American Israeli lobby, and Ahmadinejad. That was probably breaking some sort of dating rule I'm sure, hehe.

Anyways thanks again. I will be back to respond to other posts later on. Have some errands and commitments for the day. Chat with you all later.

 

[The Byronic Man]

There's a lot to read here, but I see that Isis mentioned someone else here with Asperger's. That's me.

It's true that we have a hard time with social skills. Why people do the things they do don't make sense to us intuitively. But I'm proof that it's teachable. It's difficult, but doable. Many aspies never bother because they convince themselves it's not a valuable skill.* I say that's a harmful and deluded coping mechanism. I still have issues, but I can be charming at times. I did lose my virginity pretty late (around 30 years of age) to a girl with a BF and saw me as a lover (I didn't know it at the time, but now I understand what was happening), but it was because I started to work on my FUNDAMENTALS (inadvertently). Aspies who do try to learn social skills learn "what to do," but without understanding the fundamentals, it's purely rote memorization, and if you get into a new situation, you don't know what to do (been there, done that). Fundamentals teach you how to ADAPT to any situations. I'm big on philosophy too (Aristotle and Foundationalism), so fundamentals is something I've come to value highly. In fact, it's the MOST IMPORTANT thing with knowledge. From bad premises follow bad conclusions. GC is perfect for me because it appeals to the aspie's logical, structured way of thinking...and is actually consistent with reality (that's my philosophy side coming out). I'll be reading articles and the ethics and values system is CONSISTENT with Aristotle. So I know GC is the place to be. One thing I disagree on is on the issue of black-and-white, but that's another can of worms (essentially, I argue that things only appear gray because you don't understand the subject enough...the fault is on you, not reality).

Aspies come in wide variety of flavors, especially as we grow older and our different life experiences shape us differently. Compare me with Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, and we're totally different. Interestingly, a coworker recently jokingly compared me with Sheldon...I'm still not sure why, and I assume it's because of my obsessive tendencies...and it did sting a bit, but I know this is not really true because I get positive social feedback frequently. Maybe it was just a generic "AMOG" line (I know he gets jealous that all the pretty girls in the office like me, and he spends a LOT of energy trying to charm the less pretty girls). I guess I'm often charming, but my Asperger's always eventually comes out. I can't hide it forever (this is probably my biggest insecurity that I know is holding me back from unleashing my full potential, and IT DRIVES ME MAD). I'm working on how to integrate this...or completely eliminate it. One thing about most, if not all, aspies--we have the ability to focus INTENSELY. This can be obsessive. That is why many aspies are so good at computer programming--it requires intense focus. A study revealed that in the Silicon Valley, 40% of the programmers had AS. There's even a German company that actively seeks aspies to hire for computer programming! I denied this path because I want to continue to expose myself to difficult situations that will allow me to grow.

Anyway, don't let Asperger's be an excuse to suck. But be realistic--it does make learning difficult at times, but just because it's difficult doesn't mean you can't do it. You must also believe in free will. If you don't, what reason do you have to improve yourself? I've been thinking lately about how to construct an attractive story about how I've "overcome" AS when people ask me about it. I'm also thinking I could somehow use my condition to paint myself attractively in a Byronic way (hence my username). Also, there are pros and cons to having Asperger's. It's arguable whether it's a handicap or simply a different way of thinking. Social skills being difficult is a handicap...no way to sugarcoat that. But I love how I'm able to focus so intensely and how logical and intelligent I am. Did that just sound arrogant lol?

The most recent thing I've learned with dating is that I have a tendency to divulge too many details (this is a tendency of aspies). Thanks to GC, I now know to create intrigue, but most importantly, WHY it's important (this is the FUNDAMENTALS I'm talking about...without it, you're just a social robot).

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*Asperger's was only discovered in the 80s. Aspies my age usually were never diagnosed until adults. Aspies these days are often diagnosed as children, so have the opportunity to learn social skills early on. Psychologists actually do this training, and I sincerely hope they teach them the WHY (i.e. fundamentals).

 

[The Byronic Man]

No I am no lawyer even though I did have an early job as a Legal File Clerk for a while. It is possible that we both fancied redheads due to their uniqueness and rare presence in the general population. Aspies tend to like things that are unique and have contempt for things that are too mainstream. For instance my least favorite type of woman is the bleached blonde, fake tanned, beach bunny that loves making duck faces and speaks like a Valley Girl.

Wow, scary! As a fellow aspie, you've just described me PERFECTLY! My first real job was a legal file clerk...I love redheads for their novelty...and I hate most things that are mainstream, especially bleached, blonde, fake tanned, beach bunny.

Funny enough, I have a date tomorrow with a girl that I connected with online by saying she was real and not fake like those orange-colored girls. She went CRAZY for that line. Need to field-test this more.

Let me guess--you're into nerdy, quirky girls with a very soft and feminine energy and with natural beauty? Think Zooey Deschanel and Taylor Swift. I also love it when they're a little socially awkward...but probably because it makes me feel like she'll accept my imperfect social skills.

----------------------------------------------------

EDIT: LucidityComeBackToMe, you might find this site really helpful with general social skills. The guy is a socially successful aspie...teaching social skills from an aspie's perspective. Ignore his advice on dating though lol.

 

[Isis]

I never said things were black and white...I LOVE shades of grey...even all the 50 shades, hehe

I touched on a few points, in my terribly long posts, about some positives, in regards to dating someone with Aspergers. I happen to love unusual and quirky, so I ain't no hater And yes...I know there are different levels of those with Aspergers and high functioning autism. Of course, I hope I do not come off as a know-it-all...I am certainly not the sharpest knife in the drawer by any means. If I mentioned, or made a deal about him having Aspergers in my posts, it was either to remind other posters, or it was just because I thought a different sort of delivery might be a better alternative, in certain situations, and that the traditional(classic) PUA might be a bit of a hurdle for him- not that PUA was unattainable for him. Quite the opposite. I did not mean to offend anyone and hope I did not, Lucidity xx

 

[The Byronic Man]

Hey Isis!

Sorry if I offended you or anyone (something I'm working on...I tend to have a direct conversational style that can be easily misunderstood by others). I only briefly skimmed the thread (thanks to my AS, I've been able to spend the last few days reading non-stop the incredible articles on GC...my new mini-project for the weekend)...and did a Ctrl + F for "Asperger" lol. The black-and-white bit was towards the authors of the articles here. I didn't even know how you talked about aspies. But I think it's very cool that you actually dated aspies! Curious - how did you find out your date/BF had the condition? And how did the relationship go?

More interestingly, how did a female like you get drawn into participating on this website? I've dabbled with PUA on-and-off over the years. First started off with Mystery Method, which made me really creepy and awkward lol. I'm sure someone who already had a good grasp of social skills and calibration would have made MM (or any classic indirect game) less creepy. Then I got away from all PUA and focused entirely on bettering myself (career, general social skills, etc.). Found that simply improving my social skills made me better with women...then stumbled upon Juggler (Wayne Elise) and now this place. I think people who lack social skills need to learn that first BEFORE doing any PUA stuff. Well, at least for aspies. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that in my experience, women DESPISE PUAs (and understandably so) because most people think of PUAs as traditional indirect game with routines and whatnot. GC is natural, organic, and is all about giving what women want. The traditional indirect game I knew back in the days was about deceit. So it's interesting to see you (and other female commenters) that contribute here.

 

[Isis]

Naw, you did not offend at all! I thought maybe you were not liking the Sheldon reference(I only used that for example...he is an extreme case, and a character being played, obviously...and he is gay, anyway, in real life (I think?).

But anyway..the guy I dated with Aspergers was about a year ago. He was someone I met in my office building, where I used to work for a short time. He did not tell me he had Aspergers, at first. I thought he was just a really smart but quirky guy. He was a lawyer, but would tell me how he hated it, and wished he could quit and work with big cats(tigers and such) at an animal reserve or rescue of some sort. Now, wouldn't most lawyers who gave that tale to a woman be trying to scam a woman into thinking they are a sweet guy who doesn't care about money and wants to save the world? Well, yes....but actually, he really meant it. He was a very sweet and sincere guy. He did not 'do texting', which I thought was pretty cool as most men just want to take the easier route via text and not actually talk sometimes. He told me later that it was mainly due to Aspergers. I guess he felt more comfortable talking than trying to text? He would write really well, though, when he emailed. Anyway, I had no problem with his condition, and like I said, he was a really kind and genuine guy..but he was quite stubborn about something that was a deal breaker for me, so I ended things with him...and another thing too..this is kind of funny but he was worried I would try and use him for sex? Apparently, he was very well endowed and his last girlfriend(well, I think she was just a girl that used him for sex because he said they always would go out to dinner, then have sex on weekends, which he was not happy with all the time). He told me he wanted more of a connection with us and to 'talk more' and 'do things and have experiences together' versus just going out to dinner on weekends, then sex). I told him that a lot of relationships are like that...but, I like to eat and I like sex, so I did not relate to what he meant, in a way. It was actually a little sexually frustrating for me...which was a little different, in that situation(and yes, he did get turned on everytime..he would just want to make out forever, then stop right before sex..kind of like women do sometimes..). Anyway, I think he wanted more intimacy than what he was getting in his previous relationship, though. Apparently, this last girl would have sex with him, but not really want to go out of her apartment much, and do things with him.

I am not sure why I am on here..most men on here probably want me to leave, hehe. I came on the other day because I have been pretty sick for the past few days, and was looking up a site 'whatsyourprice' that I have used before. When I looked up site I saw something about a post with that title in it, so I clicked on it and it took me here. I cant say I have commented on a PUA blog, or any blog for that matter, much before(maybe, once or twice). I just read through some posts and I had some experience with 'whatsyourprice', so I commented.

Yes, I have heard about the older PUA stuff from years ago, when I was in my 20's and it was kind of big in the city I lived in(when I used to go out to places it was used at). I was aware of it..and yes, the manipulation type stuff just seemed cheesy to me. I always have had a lot of male friends, since high school, so I dunno..Ive seen all kinds of things with male behavior and do not get offended easily. From what I have read on here, it seems more straight forward and less about manipulation...maybe, just trying to be more confident and be comfortable with one's self. Of course, I am not going to read a post on someone getting a girl to go home with them and the details of it..(I havent read but a couple posts on here, really. Im just a boring old gal and don't have much to contribute on here, unless someone wants advice on certain things regarding females). Well that and sociology, relationship psychology as well as experiencing and reading about different cultures has always interested me...My friends tease me because I have dated a lot of men from various countries/ cultures. Ive even dated a Kazakh..that was interesting..they really hate, Borat..hehehe

Are there other women on this site? Maybe, they like picking up women too

 

[The Byronic Man]

I can't speak for the other men here (plus, I'm new here too), but I can say it's refreshing to have female participation here. More rare is to find women who are so logical and think very clearly (I'm not insulting women...I admire the way most women are so socially savvy and emotionally intelligent), and I hope you stick around. Don't know why you think others don't welcome you here though. If what this GC community says is true, there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of, and I would very surprised if they are. My experience here has been awesome so far. I'm drawn to the honesty and critical thinking around here. Huh, 2 values that aspies typically have lol. Most other PUA forums are toxic.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with your aspie BF. You have to admit though it's pretty funny how he was being used for sex. I literally LOLed (laughed out loud)! Reads like the screenplay of a romantic comedy!

I've seen quite a fair number of female commenters on the articles (not here on the forum). I'm just starting to realize how many options I can have. It's quite empowering...like turning a new page in life...that kind of emerging abundance mentality gives me a glimpse of how beautiful women might feel. Beautiful women have power because they have options. Most men do not, so easily get needy due to their scarcity mentality.

Isis, if you have the time, I think this article is a fascinating read. You'll find female commenters there too.

 

[The Byronic Man]

For those skimming this thread, I have Asperger's too, but have trained myself to be more "neurotypical." Not perfect, but close enough to get results. Of course, always improving myself.

He would tell me how people would constantly, 'run away from him', after getting to know him...

Yep, very common. Can be fixed though by learning social skills. A lot of the running away is due to being too blunt and divulging too many details and not knowing when your audience doesn't want to hear anymore.

Those with Asbergers have trouble lying and manipulating people, and prefer to be honest and direct

I was like this too. But then I went through a phase where I had no issue lying. I may have also manipulated my last GF. One of my lowest points in my life, and still am ashamed of it.

(but get really focused on one thing, which could play to his favour if he focuses on improving his looks and social skills).

This is pretty universal for all aspies. No cure for it. But it can be a strength. For example, as you said, direct the focus on stuff that's important...like social skills and looks.

Also, the man I dated with Aspergers could write very well and was extremely smart. I could be misinformed, but have heard this is a typical trait with this condition.

I'm not sure why so many aspies are intelligent. It might be our ability to focus so intensely. Or maybe it just comes with the package. But...if an aspie has the wrong fundamentals, whether socially and/or intellectually...well, from bad premises follow bad conclusions. You can have an aspie who's very good with conspiracy theories like UFOs, Bigfoot, etc., but what an unfortunate waste of potential. Yeah, I was that guy as a kid lol. When I started to focus on logic, I realized how silly it was to believe in stuff with no proof.

The OP should play on the intelligence aspect of this, if it applies to him, as many hot women do get wet for a highly intelligent man.

Yep. But my advice is to not make her feel stupid. Don't be argumentative. And resist the urge to prove how smart you are by debating. Unless it's really important/urgent or you're having an actual debate/serious discussion. I've struggled with this for a VERY LONG time (and still do).

 

[Isis]

okay, cool thanks! I will read that..I was just teasing a bit, but remember posting a question on some site called, 'askmen.com' years ago, and I got some mean responses(I had never posted anything or asked a question like that online before, but it seemed some of those people got off on being snarky(especially, the women on there). Yeah, so if anyone wants an experienced woman's opinion..lol, I am glad to help. I can get irrational too, of course(once a month) but the older you get, the more logical thinking..well, it just makes life easier. I used to let emotions dictate many decisions for me, but that never works as well.

Im glad things are turning around for you Yes, beautiful women have power..sometimes, not a much as you think. It can be in your head sometimes... looks do not always equal happiness and success. Trust me...And it depends on where you live too...Sure, in Alaska or certain cities with a scarcity of hot women, but what if you live in certain cities, in the US, or say..Ukraine or Czech Republic..Oh man, the Czech Republic and certain other places in Eastern Europe, I am telling you that the average girl is an 8...that place makes you feel ugly if you are a girl, hehe. It just depends on where you live a lot too.

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

That said, maybe 80% of looks (unless you're terribly, horribly deformed!) is within your control[/b] - fashion, hairstyle, facial hair, posture, facial expressions, eye contact, movement speed, gestures, body positioning. Women know this very well; most men do not. The difference between a "hot" woman and a "not hot" woman is nearly always hair, makeup, clothes, posture, and facial expressions, and likewise for "hot" and "not hot" men. More on this here: "How Much Do Looks Matter for Romantic Success?

Thank you Chase for taking the time to weigh in on this topic. It does now make sense why women go cold on men for moving too slow when they put in all the time and effort to look attractive (hair, makeup, clothes, etc.) and lure potential suitors in. Well that would be one of the MANY reasons they may go cold on a guy but it is one I would not have thought of in the past. Since I myself did not put much importance in those things, I made the mistake in believing other people would not care either or at least would not notice (haha).

In regards to fashion I am trying to determine what my style is. I historically have never spent money on my own clothes. I will just wear clothes my mother and sister have bought for me. They will usually buy me new threads out of necessity because they will notice that I will keep wearing the same shirt, pants, shorts over and over again until they are falling apart (literally lol). I went to private schools from grade school through high school and never had a problem with wearing uniforms (in fact I preferred them). I would never change to "free dress" when I got home like the other kids would. With that said I have always felt like sort of a fraud with my fashion. For the longest time my mother or sister would buy me clothes from surf/skate companies (popular in my region) and I would be out sporting "RVCA, Billabong, Quicksilver, etc. shirts even though I don't surf and have not skateboarded since junior high. Nowadays I am wearing plain t-shirts (multiple bold colors) with no logos and looking for fitted clothes. It still hard to get away from the name brand clothes that have tons of logos on them.

I read your article about facial hair styles and have incorporated the clean/trimmed beard look. I normally have always been clean shaven but I think it is not the best look to go for since I already get mistaken for being younger than I really am. I have noticed that when I start growing facial hair, I get positive responses from both males and females. People seem to light up when they suddenly notice one is growing a beard. Kind of a weird phenomenon.

On paying for dates - I've known a bunch of different men who paid for sex, and what I've seen is this: a man's level of bitterness and cynicism about women is directly tied to his proportion of using working girls vs. landing non-paid for women. That is to say, a man who's been with 100 women on the merits of his process, personality, and fundamentals alone and who then goes and sleeps with 40 prostitutes is still going to be okay and have healthy views about women. But a guy who's slept with 10 women on his own and paid for sex with 80 women will have very cynical, unhealthy views about women, and will make a lot of claims and have a lot of opinions about women along the lines of, "Women don't really want sex... they want stuff in EXCHANGE for sex," or, "All women are whores; the question is how you're paying for them." These views typically seep over into life in general, and lend these men's lives a stale, depressing air of fatalism and defeatism.

Those are some numbers I cannot relate to at all but I see what you mean. I think I would be completely broke if I paid for sex with 80 women hahaha. I am fully aware that women enjoy sex (without being paid) but not necessarily with me (at the moment). I was actually more bitter and cynical about women before I payed for sex and when I was still a virgin (25 years old). I remember I wanted to even start a "Male Studies" club/group that would be a counter to the feminist ones. I wanted to burn Cosmopolitan magazines at beach bonfire pits and protest all the "injustices" men face in today's society. I have mellowed out significantly since then but do find myself thinking negative misogynistic thoughts at times. I think I even hold more of an unhealthy view of myself than I do of woman. Over time I came to believe that a woman would have to be a little bit crazy to want me in the first place. It became obvious that there was a "reason" why women never showed any interest in me all my life and if one did, they must have something wrong with them. I would be thankful that there are women out there that will allow men to have access to them for a price. I saw them as better than the real world non-paid women who only hook up with men that meet their standards (chiseled features, height, race, social status, income level, etc). However in the end either mindset leads ultimately to fatalism and defeatism as you mentioned which is completely undesirable.

Lucidity, I'd ditch these dates, and focus on leveling yourself up until you're getting these girls on dates because they want to go on dates with you, instead of because they want the paper in your wallet plus a free meal.

Yes sir! I just do not know how it feels yet to be around a woman enjoying my company without cash involved. It hasn't happened, but I'm sure that when it does it will feel addicting and more gratifying.

 

[The Byronic Man]

Got through 75% of this thread. Lucidity, I think you should ditch the whatsyourprice gig and focus first on general social skills. Women, even the nerdy ones, want a strong man who can lead them, and you can't do that if you don't have enough social skills to navigate our very social world. Until then, picking up women could be detrimental to your self-esteem because you won't understand why she may act negatively towards you. For now, give yourself permission that it's okay to not have a relationship...that's what I did for a long time...if people ask why you don't have GF, just say you don't feel the need to have one. Then focus on social skills...focus on how to be relaxed. Study how people can be witty (but don't become an entertainer). Study the social stuff in the link I posted above. And the socialization articles here on GC. Once you consistently get good social feedback, and you "get it," then resume GC. As a fellow aspie, this is the path I would recommend. Let me know if you need any help. You know how to reach me.

 

[Isis]

if someone(that is not a friend) is being rude or just nosy and ever asks, 'whats wrong with you, why don't you have a girlfriend, or why aren't you married yet?'' Say, ''because I am lucky, I guess''. hhehe..

 

[The Byronic Man]

if someone(that is not a friend) is being rude or just nosy and ever asks, 'whats wrong with you, why don't you have a girlfriend, or why aren't you married yet?'' Say, ''because I am lucky, I guess''. hhehe..

Brilliant!

 

[Isis]

Yeah, that usually stops them from asking nosy questions ever again ; ) you must be a Brit, then if you say 'brilliant'. I miss it there...used to live there. Cheers xx

 

[The Byronic Man]

Lucidity, I am also 5'5"...I'm also Asian. But I'm always told I look much taller...and I date women of all races. Build up your confidence (don't do the "fake it till you make it" thing) so it's grounded on objectivity, not subjectivity. It takes time, but it's worth it. Ever since I have gotten into incredible shape (this is something I'd like to eventually contribute here), gotten a good sense of style (quality over quantity...and how your clothes fit is the most important, not brand...and go for style, not fashion/trends), and some confidence, women now call me handsome and sexy.

Happiness is not money or power. It's knowing what you want and knowing how to get it. The former requires that you know yourself (most people don't because they're not honest and logical so don't know how to introspect effectively)...and from there, you'll know what are good, logical goals. The latter requires that you know how to construct good plans to achieve your goals. This consists of short-term and long-term plans. So happiness gives you a sense of control of your life. How empowering and liberating is that? I'm here because this women thing is a new goal of mine, and GC is my plan to achieve it.

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Isis, I'm a Californian. But I love British-isms.

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

The majority of the time, people with Aspergers struggled with social interaction, and other aspects of communication. With this being true, I'm going to assume that Lucidity is paying for the communication and the social interaction, and not the sex. The feelings of just communication are probably more pleasurable than the sex he could be paying for.

However, most of the time with Aspergers, the person can still socialize, just, the fundamentals of conversation and socializing are skewed. They may talk endlessly about their favorite subject without realizing that the other person doesn't care, may unconsciously forget eye contact, facial expressions, and other fundamentals, but they are still capable of consciously over riding these setbacks. This is another reason I say that Lucidity may take more pleasure in the date because, the woman is paid to attentively listen, and relate to him, which makes him feel better.

Now, on to you Isis, and your point about his inability to use PUA tactics. Currently, this is true, but the problem will only persist as long as he lets it. Sure, it is harder for a person with Aspergers to learn to pick up women, but by no means is it impossible. My cousin, in fact, is now 19 and has Aspergers but when he has his mind set on going out and talking to women, he consciously over rides the social tendencies he lacks when talking to family or other people. He focuses heavily on his fundamentals, and prepares for it, but, he has gotten past the setbacks that come with Aspergers. Thus, Lucidity will have a harder time learning, but is still able to learn nonetheless.

Thanks for jumping in Richard.

You are correct in your analysis that my needs are probably different than the average guy (neurotypical). Isis mentioned that I probably at least hope the date interaction will lead to sex, but that is not my one and only motive driving me. Since I have had a difficult time maintaining friendships and attracting women into my life, I often just crave the little things people take for granted. Of course as a man I still crave sex and pleasure, but I also just would like to have a woman (besides my mom) who cares that I am even alive. Someone that I can hold hands with in public, someone I can cuddle with while watching TV and in bed, and just to have a muse in my life. I moved away from using escorts since I was not getting any of these things from them and I knew I needed to find a companion to receive them. So yes it is true that sex was not the only motivation behind paying for dates. I payed for dates so I could see how it was like to interact with beautiful women and was hoping to start an arrangement so I could just have a woman in my life (even if done in a non-traditional or socially frowned upon way).

I am betting your cousin probably selectively chooses who he wants to talk to in the family. I almost always hid upstairs or was selectively mute when family came to visit in the past. I would cynically predict that they were going to talk about the same old bullshit and never got any enjoyment in attending family get togethers. Nowadays since I live on my own I am not forced to these functions. There a certain cousins that I enjoy talking to though, but I can't relate to most of them now since many of them got married early and have children already. I am betting most of my extended family probably thinks I'm gay, hahaha. I mean I am 28 years old and they have never heard about me being in a relationship and having a girlfriend while I have younger cousins already married with kids.

I think the best thing is to continuously meet new people when you are an Aspie. I try my best to act as normal as possible during my dates but there are inevitably things I do wrong (e.g. poor eye contact, terrible posture [women almost always look down on me when sitting because of how bad I slouch], bringing up inappropriate topics, clumsiness [stumbling and hitting my body against chairs, tables, etc.], etc). However I am always forced to start off fresh learn from the interaction that transpired. When you spend too much time hanging around with the same people there is no room to improve behaviors. I can get away with awkward social tendencies with friends and close family and it is hard to change when you already developed bad habits around them. I noticed I do act very differently around new people and try to conceal my bad habits and appear as normal as possible.