- Joined
- Sep 17, 2024
- Messages
- 4
Hi @Chase,
I am somewhat beginner/new and there is a girl at work where we have mutual attraction. All the signs are there body language (leaning in, attention is always on me in group settings, compliant, willing to isolate with me, etc..) suddenly she seemed to have somewhat pulled back. As a result, I ended going through 100s of posts and articles on your website trying to figure out what happened. Learned a lot during problem diagnosis research and after weeks I finally nailed where I believe things derailed. It is is in this article where I found my answer https://www.girlschase.com/content/can-you-flirt-work-under-radar-why-yes-you-can . (what a relief to pinpoint the derailment point). Specifically in this section of the article:
Everything was going well, and I invited her for coffee and then moved her to a private project room at work where we can get more 1:1 time and could potentially sexualize the conversation without anyone around to really cement her view of my as a sexual man. In her mind, she was hoping I would physically escalate (as she was already sold on me) but I decided against it because of the risks of getting physical while at work. While we were talking in this private room and I was making intense eye contact and I she was gazing at my body and hands as if wanting and waiting for me to do something e.g. push her against the wall and kiss and ravish her. She was soo ready and you can feel the sexual emotion and tension in the air. But after 20 mins, or chatting I said we should get back to work and walked back down to our respective offices. I really didn't want to risk my career if I had wrongly interpreted things.
After this things changed, and I could tell she was disappointed as you clearly indicated in the flirt at work article. You would think she probably realized that the reason I didn't make the move was because of the work related risks. But knowing woman, I doubt she took that into consideration. At this point, I refuse to invite her out for coffee at work or anything else and only want to meet when the logistics are better like drinks at a bar during work hours where there is less risk. I invited her for drinks but she is gave excuses and left my last work ping unread. So she probably believes am not the man that can make it happen. So I've kept contact to minimum as an attempt to reset things so I can figure out how I can restart the process again re build the attraction, start the compliance ladder, sexualize through body language, eye contact, and jump through esclation window when it comes and ultimately setup the right logistics etc.. There is still attraction and a few times I've ran into her, she stares, focuses on me in group settings, and still seems to care about how I am doing. I've kept things casual, polite as if nothing happened, but just waiting for the right opportunity to invite her to a setting with the right logistics and then get into sexual man dripping from my pours state as that seems to really intrigue her and get her excited.
From your expert perspective, what should the best plan be at this point given the above?
I am somewhat beginner/new and there is a girl at work where we have mutual attraction. All the signs are there body language (leaning in, attention is always on me in group settings, compliant, willing to isolate with me, etc..) suddenly she seemed to have somewhat pulled back. As a result, I ended going through 100s of posts and articles on your website trying to figure out what happened. Learned a lot during problem diagnosis research and after weeks I finally nailed where I believe things derailed. It is is in this article where I found my answer https://www.girlschase.com/content/can-you-flirt-work-under-radar-why-yes-you-can . (what a relief to pinpoint the derailment point). Specifically in this section of the article:
- Don't go too deep in the office. Slow down, Casanova... it's not a date. It's work. And unless you've got a private corner office you can sweep her off into without anybody noticing, and neither of you have any commitments for the rest of the day, you don't want to go getting a colleague to the point where she's ready for something to happen right now. Because that leads to a LOT of disappointment and loss of interest in you if it doesn't... when you bring someone close but don't take them over, it causes resentment and spite. And you can't take them over at work. The only exception: the two of you are working totally alone after hours, or some other one-on-one, interruption-free scenario. In that case, go as deep as you please - but do make sure to please. Otherwise, it won't be any different from the usual "wrong place, wrong time" scenario.
- Don't do anything else to bring a colleague close to "peaking" too soon. Right along with going too deep in conversation comes anything else that can get your coworker to the point she's ready to jump your bones right now in the office... if only all these people would just go home. Just like going too deep, making her peak too soon - with too much sexual innuendo, too much chase framing, and the like - then fail to deliver, and you'll end up with a very disappointed (and mildly disgusted) officemate on your hands.
Everything was going well, and I invited her for coffee and then moved her to a private project room at work where we can get more 1:1 time and could potentially sexualize the conversation without anyone around to really cement her view of my as a sexual man. In her mind, she was hoping I would physically escalate (as she was already sold on me) but I decided against it because of the risks of getting physical while at work. While we were talking in this private room and I was making intense eye contact and I she was gazing at my body and hands as if wanting and waiting for me to do something e.g. push her against the wall and kiss and ravish her. She was soo ready and you can feel the sexual emotion and tension in the air. But after 20 mins, or chatting I said we should get back to work and walked back down to our respective offices. I really didn't want to risk my career if I had wrongly interpreted things.
After this things changed, and I could tell she was disappointed as you clearly indicated in the flirt at work article. You would think she probably realized that the reason I didn't make the move was because of the work related risks. But knowing woman, I doubt she took that into consideration. At this point, I refuse to invite her out for coffee at work or anything else and only want to meet when the logistics are better like drinks at a bar during work hours where there is less risk. I invited her for drinks but she is gave excuses and left my last work ping unread. So she probably believes am not the man that can make it happen. So I've kept contact to minimum as an attempt to reset things so I can figure out how I can restart the process again re build the attraction, start the compliance ladder, sexualize through body language, eye contact, and jump through esclation window when it comes and ultimately setup the right logistics etc.. There is still attraction and a few times I've ran into her, she stares, focuses on me in group settings, and still seems to care about how I am doing. I've kept things casual, polite as if nothing happened, but just waiting for the right opportunity to invite her to a setting with the right logistics and then get into sexual man dripping from my pours state as that seems to really intrigue her and get her excited.
From your expert perspective, what should the best plan be at this point given the above?
