'Performing' and Mindsets

[Bete Noire]

Hey GirlsChase,

I've been reading the forums for a couple of months now and I love the stuff! I've genuinely felt so good about interactions with people and with a focus on fundamentals I believe I'm making good progress towards becoming increasingly socially savvy. I have two main concerns though, particularly the first which is my crux for moving things forward quickly:

I have a firm belief from reading posts on mindsets that it should be a great experience for both and I actively try to spice up the ladies lives that I chat to and I love delving into the 'Voldemort' topics which aren't usually talked about in conversations. However when it comes to making that big first move into kissing and getting intimate I feel the sheer ability to perform and I have little experience in doing so. I've made out once with a girl at a party but it was pretty fast and once the whole, 'OMG I've made-out with a girl' wore off I realised I want to get a lot better. I feel I'm pretty solid with 'sex talk' and I've chosen the route of fake it till you make it so the girl has the expectation of 'This guys pretty experienced' and they end up pretty horny and ready to be pulled. When it gets to that point though, I realise they are way more experienced and I don't want to break that spell. Any tips, posts or guidelines would be greatly appreciated!

My second concern is mindset, I understand I'm pretty young at 17 and easily influenced by the people I hang out with and external factors. As I hopefully improve I want to develop a strong mindset and not become, 'The douchebag that thinks he's great with girls'. I also recently got strongly invested in trying to find the perfect lines to throw back at this girl I used to know as she was surprisingly receptive to a direct opener and I'm not sure quite how 'Try hard I should be.' Again any insight, books ectera would be great.

I love this site but i'm attending an engineering boarding school that has blocked 'Dating sites' on their WIFI so books that i can take with me on mindsets would be great ^^

Thanks for reading this far and look forward to the comments, it's a fantastic community here on girlchase!

Rob

 

[Bboy100]

I feel I'm pretty solid with 'sex talk' and I've chosen the route of fake it till you make it so the girl has the expectation of 'This guys pretty experienced' and they end up pretty horny and ready to be pulled. When it gets to that point though, I realise they are way more experienced and I don't want to break that spell. Any tips, posts or guidelines would be greatly appreciated!

Imo, there is way too much of an emphasis on the physical part of sex in our society. You have to understand that women are a lot more aroused by their connection to you, the image of yourself you've created and so forth. The physical act of sex isn't going to be too much better or worse unless you do something substantially different (i.e. you choose to do something kinky instead of vanilla sex). Think of it this way: In her eyes, just by seducing her, you're "good in bed" and "experienced". The physical part of sex honestly isn't too different from person to person. The more effective the seduction itself, the "better in bed" you'll seem to her.

Also, keep in mind that she isn't really setting the bar for "experienced" too high. She's not out there fucking dudes who have had relationships, fuck buddies, etc. She's had sex with one or two other guys MAX. And they probably hadn't had more than a couple partners themselves. So really, even if you do ONE thing right, you'll probably come off as a lot more "experienced" than anyone she's been with.

Having said that, here are some tips for the physical side of sex:
Escalate SLOWLY. Like, kiss her and play with her body all over for 15-30 mins before even trying to take off her panties. No sooner.
Tease her. Just by doing this, you're probably leagues above the rest of any of the 16 year old boys she's been with.
Don't worry about her orgasm. When you do, it shows. And it makes HER feel bad for not orgasming. So you both end up having a shitty time. Instead, just focus on having fun and feeling connected to her. Note: This does NOT mean you get to be a selfish lover. Still aim to please her at least part of the time. Just don't worry about the orgasm itself.
Be passionate. Kiss her deeply, bite her, spank her, pull her hair.
Try to keep a rhythm. So, that means try to thrust at the same frequency. Depending on how I feel, I'll do either 1 or 2 thrusts per second. The important thing is to pick a pace and stick to it.

 

[Bete Noire]

Thanks for the tips Bboy! Yeah this advice really resonates, just got to enioy the experience and not worry about the lack of such experience! Ill keep in mind pace during sex, working on fundamentals at the moment but realise i should always try to capitalise!

 

[ray_zorse]

I will +1 Bboy and add that girls and boys have been "figuring it out" for millions of years, it is basically instinctual, when the time comes you will easily figure out how to put it in and what to do from there. Don't sweat it. Having said that though, it came as a bit of a shock to me at age 38 having had a lot of LTRs, been married etc, that my sex game was actually pretty bad. I guess your focus right now is just getting comfortable with escalating and sex. But there will come a time you want to do it really well. Read the article on adapted missionary on www.girlschase.com, it's all you need. GREAT article. However my sex game was so bad that the article really didn't work for me. It took me literally like 4 months of practice with my girlfriend to master it. You probably don't have the same bad habits as I did, so you'll be okay if you just read and apply the article. There were 3 keys I found: 1. Never break rhythm. 2. Keep up a steady pressure on her clit from your pelvis, i.e. really grind your cock into her pussy and don't withdraw, just push it as far inside her as it will go, relax slightly and repeat. 3. Other refinements such as maintaining eye contact (except when kissing her neck, nibbling her ear etc), or putting your hand under her lower back to guide her onto your cock and let you grind even harder (but don't let your arms get tired, the point of adapted missionary is you rest on your elbows so you do not get too fatigued and don't have to change rhythm). When I do these things my girlfriend cums every time. I was so damned happy the first time after months of trying.
Ray

 

[Bete Noire]

Thanks for the advice Ray! I didn't realise I received another reply! You mentioned reading the article on Adapted missionary which I swiftly read along with a couple of others on great sex and am exited to put them into practise. Ill make sure to keep in mind your three key principles: Rhythm, steady pressure on clit and deep penetration. Hopefully the ladies'll be lovin' it