Phoning experiment... Texting is driving me crazy ;-)

[Marty]

Hey fellas, so I'm reluctant to challenge the prevailing GC orthodoxy especially in light of Zac's excellent recent post on being a good student. But for the sake of experimentation, here's something I wanna try by myself.

I'm starting to wonder whether texting might not be the best technique for everybody. I guess the 18-20 Millennial crowd lives on their smart devices, but I'm in my late thirties and approaching professional women around the 22-34 age group, and I'm not yet convinced that my response rate is as good as it could be. Much of this will be due to errors in the initial interaction, sure, but I want to see whether some of it derives from texting as a message medium.

Following a strong, confident daytime cold approach, with a direct opener and powerful body language and eye contact, a date suggestion, and closed out with a readily-supplied cell phone number, I can't help feeling that receiving a text might be a little disappointing to a girl. Like, he's not the man she thought he was. Would a busy man really take time playing around with a fiddly onscreen keyboard? Wouldn't he just call?

Would Robert Mitchum send a girl a text? How about Harrison Ford, or for that matter, Val Kilmer? Wouldn't they just call, and to hell with it if she was busy? Anyway, busy? Isn't she silly and cute? I can't see Robert Mitchum squinting at an Iphone virtual keyboard, and not just because of the anachronism ;-)

So here's what I'm gonna try for the next 5 numbers I get. At my current number-collection success rate, that should take about 3 weeks or so, then I'll report back.

• I'll omit the icebreaker text for the sake of this experiment... the trouble is, if she doesn't respond and I'm planning to call, following the text the call looks needy. If I call out of the blue, it's a nice surprise (hopefully).

• I'll call the same day I get the number, after 4-6 hours. That's if I open in the morning or at lunchtime. If afternoon or early evening, I'll call first thing the next morning... which leads me to the next point:

• I'll call during business hours only, on a working day. That hopefully ensures any boyfriends, husbands, best friends, or assorted social or family hangers-on are out of the way. I'll just slam my office door and call. This also makes the next bit easier to justify, which is...

• Assuming she answers, I'll make the call short and to the point. "Hey, this is Marty. Doing fine thanks, how's your morning going so far? Great, well about that drink after work... How's your schedule looking for the rest of the week?" -and I'm done.

• If she doesn't answer, well, she doesn't know who the hell called anyway, so I call again the next day.

No long awkward conversations, no bullshit, the rapport-building will have been done up front. But, she gets the benefit of hearing a masculine voice, assertive and direct. A reminder of the approach, if you like. And if she picked up in the first place, she can hardly fail to answer... which is the downfall of text from my perspective.

Feel free to shoot me down, I've put my reasoning above but I do recognize that I have nowhere near the levels of experience of the majority of forum members. I wanna give it a try and if it fails, I'll have learned something.

 

[Nova]

Good question, to be honest I haven't really thought about it. I have always texted, just the norm for me. Thinking about it though, I don't see why it would be a problem to call and set up a date apart from the fact that maybe she wont have an easy way of looking back on the text if she forgets details etc. In someways I believe it would make things easier actually phoning the girl, its more three dimensional you know? It probably presents yourself better than a simple soulless text, reminds her who you are etc.

I doubt a MAJOR advantage is to be achieved either way anyway, its all about how you play it, so do what is comfortable to you.

For me texting is just one of those things you do. Regardless of your age. Its not an age specific, generation thing, everyone texts these days, just as everyone has an iphone and a laptop. I think the days of generation gaps are dwindling, as technology and information spread is becoming more mainstream and easy to access. So texting just seems normal?

 

[Marty]

Okay Nova, thank you for some useful insights. I think phoning is possibly more comfortable to me because I intuitively feel that this is what the girl is expecting. I've been told I come across as quite mysterious and dangerous; an innocuous text, I think, takes the edge off too much perhaps.

The other thing is that by texting, you give away some power... she has the option not to respond. I'm pretty sure I've lost 4 girls this way in the past 2 weeks... all of whom enthusiastically accepted my date proposal when it was made in person. No problem, it's good practice and my approach anxiety is almost at zero now, but still it made me think.

When you call straight off, she has no idea who is phoning until she picks up. Unless she hangs up on you immediately, the "no answer" trick doesn't work. If she doesn't pick up, I phone again each day until she does. And if you move the phone conversation forward smartly and to-the-point in the way I described, she has to accept or decline. If she declines, I'll cross her off and move on to the next number. Let's see what happens!

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Following a strong, confident daytime cold approach, with a direct opener and powerful body language and eye contact, a date suggestion, and closed out with a readily-supplied cell phone number, I can't help feeling that receiving a text might be a little disappointing to a girl. Like, he's not the man she thought he was. Would a busy man really take time playing around with a fiddly onscreen keyboard? Wouldn't he just call?

There's a big misconception that most new people miss here (and probably don't even really consider) as to why texting has become the medium over calling. To put it simply: texting puts less pressure on her to accept your advances.

When you call a girl these days, you are putting all the following pressures on her:

• To talk to you right at that moment
• To engage in conversation with you without knowing exactly what it is that you want, first
• To risk being unprepared for your call and not coming across the way she wants to
• To not have a chance to think about what you want from her and how best to respond to that
• ...and a slew of other things of a related nature.

All of these things can be just enough pressure on her to just not respond to you at all.

Would Robert Mitchum send a girl a text? How about Harrison Ford, or for that matter, Val Kilmer? Wouldn't they just call, and to hell with it if she was busy? Anyway, busy? Isn't she silly and cute? I can't see Robert Mitchum squinting at an Iphone virtual keyboard, and not just because of the anachronism ;-)

At this point, your "Harrison Ford" and "Val Kilmer" impressions should have already been made on her in person! The texting is just a simple means of meeting up, and phone calls are generally seen as a bit more "personal" and "pervasive" these days unless it is business or there is already some form of stronger relationship established.

With all that being said, however...

I guess the 18-20 Millennial crowd lives on their smart devices, but I'm in my late thirties and approaching professional women around the 22-34 age group, and I'm not yet convinced that my response rate is as good as it could be.

...your best shot is going to be with women of age 27 or higher. And the higher you go, the higher your success rate will be. The lower you go, the lower your success rate will be. If you try to call a girl in her late teens or early twenties these days, believe or not, she's going to think it's a bit weird unless it's some form of emergency (like she left her credit card or purse with you or something). That's just the way things are these days!

If you're still skeptical, feel free to experiment. But just make sure to consider the list I mentioned above as it is usually the factors that most guys don't think about when it comes to the texting era that we live in these days.

- Franco

 

[NarrowJ]

http://youtu.be/WFR4PPxp2z8

Feels appropriate for this thread =)

 

[Marty]

Franco,

Thanks for your direction, which truly places texting in the proper perspective; I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I want to "play back" what you wrote, if I may, through the frame of how I plan to move things forward, so that I can ensure I have it right:

When you call a girl these days, you are putting all the following pressures on her:

To talk to you right at that moment
To engage in conversation with you without knowing exactly what it is that you want, first
To risk being unprepared for your call and not coming across the way she wants to
To not have a chance to think about what you want from her and how best to respond to that
...and a slew of other things of a related nature.

Am I correct in thinking that I can address all of the above? ...so long as I:

• Open her Direct, so she unmistakably knows I'm into her

• Ask for a date during the approach interaction, so she knows exactly what I want: to see her again in person

• Keep the call short and to the point, so there is no question of "engaging in conversation" as I am going straight for what I want, and in fact just nailing down what I asked for when we met in person in the first place; she doesn't even have to talk to me much "right at that moment" if she doesn't feel like it, I can just remind her of the date proposal and ask if she has her calendar in front of her

Regarding the following:

...your best shot is going to be with women of age 27 or higher. And the higher you go, the higher your success rate will be. The lower you go, the lower your success rate will be. If you try to call a girl in her late teens or early twenties these days, believe or not, she's going to think it's a bit weird unless it's some form of emergency (like she left her credit card or purse with you or something). That's just the way things are these days!

If you're still skeptical, feel free to experiment. But just make sure to consider the list I mentioned above as it is usually the factors that most guys don't think about when it comes to the texting era that we live in these days.

...I'm not skeptical. I trust your judgment, just as you would presumably trust mine in my chosen profession. 27+ is fine by me, often these ladies are more fun to talk with anyway... so thanks for the advice, that's where I'll start!

-Marty

 

[Franco]

Marty,

Am I correct in thinking that I can address all of the above? ...so long as I:

• Open her Direct, so she unmistakably knows I'm into her

This certainly helps, yes.

• Ask for a date during the approach interaction, so she knows exactly what I want: to see her again in person

So you've already scheduled the date. What need is there to put the pressure on her to have a phone conversation as well? A simple, "so how does meeting at [meeting location] sound for tonight, Jenna? " should be an easy enough text to send the day of for her to respond with, "Sounds good! " Easy peezy!

• Keep the call short and to the point, so there is no question of "engaging in conversation" as I am going straight for what I want, and in fact just nailing down what I asked for when we met in person in the first place; she doesn't even have to talk to me much "right at that moment" if she doesn't feel like it, I can just remind her of the date proposal and ask if she has her calendar in front of her

This doesn't really do much for you in terms of getting her to answer the phone when she sees that you're calling; that is your biggest challenge. If she actually answers, then yes, you should be direct about what it is that you want. Only exception might be if she's someone that you met online and you're looking to build rapport with over the phone.

As you can see, doing things over the phone just adds more work for both you and her. The more work it is for the girl, the more likely she is to flake. That's usually how it goes, anyway!

- Franco

 

[Marty]

Okay Franco, that's useful because reading between the lines a bit here, I can see where I'm going wrong.

At the moment my approaches look like this:

(Direct opener and introduction)
(Brief rapport)
(Deep dive on chosen topic)
(High point) Marty: "I'm glad I met you! How about we grab a bite to eat after work this week?"
Girl: "sure, that'd be nice"
Marty: "Cool, why don't you give me your cell phone number?"

whereas you're implying it should be:

(High point) Marty: "I'm glad I met you! How about we grab a bite to eat after work this week?"
Girl: "sure, that'd be nice"
Marty: "What's your calendar look like for the rest of the week?"
Girl: "let's see... Thursday might be good"
Marty: "Cool, say 5 PM at Cafe Vienna? Give me your cell phone number real quick so we don't miss each other"

...and then there's no reson to play around with phone calls, right?

 

[Franco]

Marty: "What's your calendar look like for the rest of the week?"
Girl: "let's see... Thursday might be good"
Marty: "Cool, say 5 PM at Cafe Vienna? Give me your cell phone number real quick so we don't miss each other"

One thing I've been experimenting with recently (to a relatively solid level of success) is only agreeing upon the time instead of the time and location. That way, your follow-up text on the day of the actual date can flow naturally. One thing I never liked saying was, "so are we still on for tonight?" It shows skepticism on your part, which is going to make her skeptical as well -- remember, women mirror your emotions and reactions.

So this might be better:

Marty: "What's your calendar look like for the rest of the week?"
Girl: "let's see... Thursday might be good"
Marty: "Cool, say 5 PM? Let me grab your cell number real quick and we'll make it happen"

* Day of Date *

(Text Msg) Marty: "So how does Cafe Vienna sound for tonight, Jenna?"
Her: "Sounds good!"
Marty: "See you at 5. "

Easy!

...and then there's no reson to play around with phone calls, right?

Correct.

- Franco