Physical Distance and Direct Openers

[LovelyDesires]

After I use a direct opener, a significant percentage of the time, some of the girls would smile and after a few seconds take a step or two back, which was really annoying as though they were trying to be hard to get or something. Some would edge away just after the self introduction after direct opener. In short, there was a physically growing distance between the girl and I.

Then i would feel stuck and yes i was stuck.

- I tried walking forward, which was chasing and mostly ineffective as they backed away even more.
- I tried continuing the conversation, which just felt really impersonal thanks to the increased distance between me and her.
- I tried teasing her about it, but she just stood there, or worst left the conversation. (Still feel this method is bad because it just brings her to attention that she must dislike me at the very least. Why else would she be backing off from me?)
- I tried talking softly to force her to move forward to listen and ended up being ignored altogether. (Still works sometime, but mostly because of politeness rather than real attraction)
- I tried saying "Why are u standing so far, come here, i wont eat u", which seriously statistically speaking works 0% of the time. (She stood still or exited the conversation)
- Finally I tried backing off with her as was suggested by RSD I think, but it was really ineffective, merely increasing the distance to really impersonal levels. (She is not going to move forward, after all she initiated the backing off)

This problem is worsen when i try to get closer (1 man's width or less) before opening as more of the girls would back off.
=How close should we be when opening?
=How to deal with the growing physical distances if she backs off?

p.s. My honest reply in my head right now is walk away immediately, waste of time otherwise

 

[Howell]

Sounds like a hang-up, if you ask me.

It seems to me that your physical proximity isn't the problem, but instead it's your failure to assume attraction. I find that when a guy is worried about proximity or things of a similar nature they are usually experiencing an approach as a sort of out-going, instead of a in-coming; a "bringing-in". When you meet a girl, you shouldn't feel like you are trying to jump into her world, but instead, that you are inviting her to join yours.

Worrying about the distance between you is a symptom, not the cause. I advise you to not worry so much about the distance and instead treat picking up girls as more a way to invite girls into your own uniquely interesting life instead of a way to find something outside of yourself that will somehow improve your life. You might start to perceive your life as something that, on one (important) level, you do not and can not share with anyone else.

-Howell

 

[Smith]

Smile more, but not in a supplicating way. Open up your body language, and lean back.
Your first impression is either too intimidating, too nervous or too serious.
If a girl backs off, it just means you need to chill out and relax to make her more comfortable. Check your non-verbals and fundamentals. They have a huge impact on your state.

 

[LovelyDesires]

Open up your body language, and lean back.
Your first impression is either too intimidating, too nervous or too serious.
If a girl backs off, it just means you need to chill out and relax to make her more comfortable.

Yeah at times i feel that i cant relax, especially during opening. Girls are generally shorter than me. I bend my head down towards them at close proximity and i think that slumped my shoulder, affecting my posture.

What do u mean by lean back?
-Standing straight with head tilted and eyes tilted towards her
-Standing straight with head facing the air above her, while eyes tilting towards her

p.s. So much to learn ...

 

[Smith]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAg6Gidt49Y

Check out this video.