Socializing Playing "Host" in a New Group


Staff member
Oct 9, 2012
This one isn't for everyone, and you need to find the right group of people for this. But frequently you'll find when you join a new network of people, most of the time most members of any given group - assuming it's a good group and they enjoy spending time with it - wish that there were more meetings of the members.

Occasionally you'll find a group with someone who's already clearly in charge of planning and holding events, but usually this isn't the case. When it isn't, you'll want to attend a few parties, events, or gatherings, talk to different members, get to know them, and gauge interest for more events. Basically, you'll just go around and ask people, "Hey, do you think we should have more events?" and collect intel: "What kind of events do you think we should have?"

This is especially useful with online-based groups, where you can access a member list of everyone who attends events on the Internet. When you can do things this way, it's fairly easy to attend a few events, build up some strong initial connections and get people expressing to you the kind of event they'd like to attend more of, the kind of venue, etc., and then plan it and invite people.

When you're hosting a party at a bar, club, or lounge, the best strategy for that is showing up at the place on an off-night, talking to the manager, and telling him you want to throw an event that should bring 20 to 50 people (or however many you think you can get out), especially on an off-night. It's usually better to hold events on Wednesdays, I find, since most people have plans on the weekend, but few people do on a Wednesday. When they don't know you well enough or trust your party quality enough that they're going to cancel their weekend plans to attend, you can still get them out on a weeknight when they don't have much else going on. So you tell the bar manager you'd like to invite 20 to 50 people on a Wednesday in 2 weeks, and ask him what kind of special he can give you. Can he give you 2-for-1 drinks? Can he extend the normal happy hour, for your members only?

Once you have this, you go and post your event (online), or start filtering news about the event out to the people you know in the group. Where it is (choose a good venue), when it is, and what the drink or other specials there are. Make sure you tell EVERYBODY; the goal is to maximize turnout, not be picky about who gets invited, at least early on - you want to make sure there are enough people there that the party takes on a life of its own, and you aren't having to do everything the whole night.

After that, just answer any questions you have off this, and sail. If you're in the right group, you'll find that a lot of women are instantly trying to get dates with you now; suddenly this mysterious attractive guy who's leading her group has appeared out of nowhere, and she wants to get to know who he is. Men will start offering to grab drinks or dinner with you, to see if they can make a new ally who's got some weight in one of their groups. And just like that, you've moved right into the middle of a new social circle.

At the event, hob-knob, get to know people, and do as many introductions as possible. Meet a guy who's an engineer? Perfect - you should introduce him to that other group of engineers over there. This works especially well with larger groups of people who don't know each other yet.

Throw a few events like these - not too often that people get tired of them, or that you get burnt out - and you very quickly build up some local social clout, and make a lot of new connections (and, often, rack up some new lovers). And then, if you're not the typical host-type of person, you can stop... but you'll still have all your new friends and lovers, and some residual social status from having played host to some great parties.

And all YOU had to do was talk to a few people, find out what they were interested in, visit a bar, ask about a special, make a post on the group's online site and message people to come or filter it out to members, and meet-and-greet the night- or day-of. Not all that hard - you're not even hosting the party yourself... simple stuff.



Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Nov 25, 2012
This is spot on. I've done this several times and it works, even at college. Now, because I lacked any game at the time, I wasn't able to pull, but in hindsight, I totally could have. Plus, like you said, it gets you plenty of other perks as well.

A Life Loquacious

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 7, 2012
South West England
Totally agree with this, I used to promote parties in London for about three years straight. They were off the hook, and often more than a little bit debauched. Again down to poor planning and weak game, I let a lot of great opportunities slip through the fingers, I found it hard to get out of host mode and slope off early with a girl, and by the time all the business end was all dealt with after the event, cash collected, equipment stored etc etc - most of them had already moved on elsewhere. On the plus side, I made a bit of money (sometimes), built my DJ profile higher than I ever could by playing strictly for others, got a lot of other friends together and hooked up and earned myself a lot of social capital that despite not having run parties in six years, to some extent I am still trading off.

The downsides are, however, that your party is only ever as good as the last one. Running a monthly event was a lot of fun but it took a lot of negotiating skills to be able to get heavy-hitting lineups month in month out without paying top-doller for name talent. It does start to seem a bit like a job after a while, although if you're as into the whole scene as I was at the time the ends more than justified the means.

Before I got into bar/club parties I used to get people over to my apartment post-club for afterparties, used to engineer it so we'd bring a few new people in every time but never more than 40% of the group would be 'new blood'. Only trouble is you need to have understanding room-mates/neighbours and you need to be confident enough to be able to manage the situation and make sure you don't end up with the wrong people back at your pad. Oh and your room needs to be off-limits at all times unless you wanna be cock-blocked by some randoms fucking in your bed, haha!