- Joined
- Oct 28, 2013
- Messages
- 290
Hello,
I was at a Christmas Party today and I noticed a problem that has been really annoying me but I can't quite get any results. My brother has this "tough" guy attitude where he speaks and acts blatantly, both at home and in public. By blatant I mean saying things without taking into regard the effects that his actions and words have on other people. I understand that this tough guy persona is to cover up insecurities, but I want to make it clear to him that his behavior is unacceptable.
For example, my aunt took the time to get presents for this little game that would make things "Exciting" for the children. Some of you may know it as Yankee Swap, others White elephant gift exchange. If you don't know the games, you can google them. Anyways, I understand that kids will be mad or pouty about losing the gift they want or not getting something nice, but my brother is 20... and he was just complaining about how crappy his gift is and I could see the effect it had on my aunt, on some of the other adults and it certainly affected me. This behavior was occurring during Christmas mass where the woman sitting in front of us could hear him blatantly speaking bad things about people, and at the meal after the mass, the way he conversates is the type where you complain about people. It got so bad that he triggered something in me that brought about one of those depressive bouts of apathy, which freaked me out because I did not want to go to "That place" again.
How do I deal with someone like this? I have spoken to him about it, and we always end up getting in a verbal argument where I win and he walks away because he doesn't want to cry in front of me or my family. But it's the truth! He'll ignore me or shape up for some time, but the behavior always returns!!! It's sickening... I can't stand negative people and they are either willing to change after you tell them or they strengthen their frame with reasoning like, "i don't give a fuck" or "who cares" or "I don't care what they think", "I don't have to listen to this", etc. I don't want the target to run away from their problems, but to be aware of them, identify others and efficiently and courageously tackle them head on and change them into something positive not only for themselves, but for others as well.
Have any of you guys dealt or experienced people like this? You can't make them go away cos they either live with you, work with you, in your social group, at work.
I'm pretty damn good at winning arguments and pointing out "mistakes" in people, but I want to do it in a socially graceful way that spares the need to make someone cry or lock themselves away and mentally abuse themselves. My brother is a good guy, he is a lot bigger than me and knows he can beat the hell outta me, but he doesn't. If he can control himself in that regard no matter how many buttons I push, I'm sure he can change and control negative behavior into something that is positive and effective. I am debating on whether or not I should tell him about this site... he will probably laugh at me and tell me it's stupid as he does most of my suggestions. But... I'll try. In that case, I'll have to message Franco to delete this post haha!
As usual, any and all advice is possible.
- The Wise Fool
I was at a Christmas Party today and I noticed a problem that has been really annoying me but I can't quite get any results. My brother has this "tough" guy attitude where he speaks and acts blatantly, both at home and in public. By blatant I mean saying things without taking into regard the effects that his actions and words have on other people. I understand that this tough guy persona is to cover up insecurities, but I want to make it clear to him that his behavior is unacceptable.
For example, my aunt took the time to get presents for this little game that would make things "Exciting" for the children. Some of you may know it as Yankee Swap, others White elephant gift exchange. If you don't know the games, you can google them. Anyways, I understand that kids will be mad or pouty about losing the gift they want or not getting something nice, but my brother is 20... and he was just complaining about how crappy his gift is and I could see the effect it had on my aunt, on some of the other adults and it certainly affected me. This behavior was occurring during Christmas mass where the woman sitting in front of us could hear him blatantly speaking bad things about people, and at the meal after the mass, the way he conversates is the type where you complain about people. It got so bad that he triggered something in me that brought about one of those depressive bouts of apathy, which freaked me out because I did not want to go to "That place" again.
How do I deal with someone like this? I have spoken to him about it, and we always end up getting in a verbal argument where I win and he walks away because he doesn't want to cry in front of me or my family. But it's the truth! He'll ignore me or shape up for some time, but the behavior always returns!!! It's sickening... I can't stand negative people and they are either willing to change after you tell them or they strengthen their frame with reasoning like, "i don't give a fuck" or "who cares" or "I don't care what they think", "I don't have to listen to this", etc. I don't want the target to run away from their problems, but to be aware of them, identify others and efficiently and courageously tackle them head on and change them into something positive not only for themselves, but for others as well.
Have any of you guys dealt or experienced people like this? You can't make them go away cos they either live with you, work with you, in your social group, at work.
I'm pretty damn good at winning arguments and pointing out "mistakes" in people, but I want to do it in a socially graceful way that spares the need to make someone cry or lock themselves away and mentally abuse themselves. My brother is a good guy, he is a lot bigger than me and knows he can beat the hell outta me, but he doesn't. If he can control himself in that regard no matter how many buttons I push, I'm sure he can change and control negative behavior into something that is positive and effective. I am debating on whether or not I should tell him about this site... he will probably laugh at me and tell me it's stupid as he does most of my suggestions. But... I'll try. In that case, I'll have to message Franco to delete this post haha!
As usual, any and all advice is possible.
- The Wise Fool
