Post First Date Communication (if you didn't take her home)

Grand Pooba

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Hey guys,

Want to get everyone's input on this.

When you have a first date with a girl that does not end up with the two of you as lovers, what do you do next?

If the date was good, do you send a next day text?
If the date was bad, do you send a next day text?
What do you put in these?
What is your strategy with next day messages?
How do you aim to set up the next date?
What do you notice works with different types of women?

As this is an area with a lot of moving pieces, seems to be a sticking point for me.

Seems logically if you're following a fairly good date it's usually nice to send her a nice text the next day that keeps her warm and smiling. Sometimes people also aim for date compression - propose a new date on the spot.

If it's bad, give her a few days to get the bad taste you left in her mouth before you follow up. Hopefully by that time she's in a better mood and is open, thinking it may have just been a one-time fluke and she should give you another shot.
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Grand Pooba,

Grand Pooba said:
If the date was good, do you send a next day text?
If i can't progress but it is relatively potential, i grind it very hard that we should meet again in a few days while sending her home. I like literally grind it in her head by talking about it. I don't have enough results for this. Sometimes, you miss the train because you both can't meet.

Grand Pooba said:
If the date was bad, do you send a next day text?
If the date was bad, it depends. If her attitude, if you will... seems like she's interested, you can try. Talking about this, i actually drop a lot of balls with girls whom seem to make your life difficult but you just need to be straight up with them.

Sending a text, does not make a difference, at least for what i know for now.

Grand Pooba said:
What is your strategy with next day messages? How do you aim to set up the next date?
Usually quick and fast. There's just no way around it. Strategy is to just go after it. haha! She will know. :) Trust me, she will know whatsup. When they are more relatively horny, but not super horny, they can be patient.

Grand Pooba said:
What do you notice works with different types of women?
Experienced women tend to be more play hard to get but reply your text. Usually they are more like "i'm not meeting you this week but i will meet you next week" and they go and really meet you next week, no questions asked.

With inexperienced women, err i can't really say much but rather more "convincing". More time spend texting about her day here and there. Basically whatever Chase said on this website, is pretty much already out here for most people. Date Compression.

Okay, gtg. Ciao :)

Zac
 

Franco

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Os,

Seems logically if you're following a fairly good date it's usually nice to send her a nice text the next day that keeps her warm and smiling. Sometimes people also aim for date compression - propose a new date on the spot.
I actually don't do either of these!

Whether a date goes well or goes poorly, I don't text her again until I'm ready to schedule the next date (which is usually at least 3 days from the end of the first date).

When a date goes really well (which most of mine seem to as it is a strength for me), the girl will usually text me sometime after the first date before she goes to sleep to say that "she had a nice time with me <insert smiley emoticon here>." The great thing about this text is that it is a huge indicator that she wants to see you again, so it makes it easy to eventually transition that into a second meet. (NOTE: I don't attempt to schedule the second meet after she texts me either, though; I'll respond warmly to that text and let her I know I had a good time with her too, then I'll usually still wait a few days to build some mental investment from her before shooting her another message to suggest the second meet)

- Franco
 

Grand Pooba

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Franco said:
Os,

Seems logically if you're following a fairly good date it's usually nice to send her a nice text the next day that keeps her warm and smiling. Sometimes people also aim for date compression - propose a new date on the spot.
I actually don't do either of these!

Whether a date goes well or goes poorly, I don't text her again until I'm ready to schedule the next date (which is usually at least 3 days from the end of the first date).

When a date goes really well (which most of mine seem to as it is a strength for me), the girl will usually text me sometime after the first date before she goes to sleep to say that "she had a nice time with me <insert smiley emoticon here>." The great thing about this text is that it is a huge indicator that she wants to see you again, so it makes it easy to eventually transition that into a second meet. (NOTE: I don't attempt to schedule the second meet after she texts me either, though; I'll respond warmly to that text and let her I know I had a good time with her too, then I'll usually still wait a few days to build some mental investment from her before shooting her another message to suggest the second meet)

- Franco
Franco,

That's interesting, I almost never have girls do that to me - text me first. Usually they just don't send anything. I have been sending a next day text the day after and girls almost always reply to that, but it doesn't result in any second date most of the time.

I will adopt your strategy instead - say nothing for 2-3 days until I'm ready for the second set up.
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Grand Pooba,

Grand Pooba said:
That's interesting, I almost never have girls do that to me - text me first. Usually they just don't send anything. I have been sending a next day text the day after and girls almost always reply to that, but it doesn't result in any second date most of the time.
Yea, it looks friendly when you send it first.

Franco said:
When a date goes really well (which most of mine seem to as it is a strength for me), the girl will usually text me sometime after the first date before she goes to sleep to say that "she had a nice time with me <insert smiley emoticon here>." The great thing about this text is that it is a huge indicator that she wants to see you again, so it makes it easy to eventually transition that into a second meet.
the results might vary, She will try to create it platonic, boyfriend stuff.

Zac
 

Kaelos

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Franco said:
Whether a date goes well or goes poorly, I don't text her again until I'm ready to schedule the next date (which is usually at least 3 days from the end of the first date).
Franco, what if you had sex with her on the first date?

- Do you still wait at least 3 days to text her to set up the next date (which would be at your/her place)?

- Is your first text to her after the date different than if you didn't have sex with her?

- Do you keep the 'text her at least 3 days after the date' routine going for all future sexual hookups with her?
 

ProblemSolving

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Grand Pooba said:
If the date was good, do you send a next day text?
Yes, timing doesn't matter (within reason).

Grand Pooba said:
If the date was bad, do you send a next day text?
Sure, why not? The odds of her wanting to see you again will be low, but at least you know where you stand as soon as possible, so you can move onto the next one without dwelling on a girl whom you'll never see again.

Understand that the girl has already decided if she wants to see you again once the first date has ended. She's either going to be thinking, "I had a really good time, and I hope to see him again" or "Meh, I wasn't really feeling this guy." In either case, her opinion isn't going to change because you texted her sooner rather than later. In fact, the longer you wait, the higher the odds of other distractions in her life taking priority over you. For example, say the girl had a great first date with you and really wanted to see you again, but you waited 4 days to arrange another meet up and in the time an old friend from out of town came to visit for the week. This means she will be not thinking about you for a over a week and the likelihood of seeing her again plummets. Strike while the iron is hot. If she wanted to see you again after the first date, you won't be penalized for setting up another one soon after.

Grand Pooba said:
What is your strategy with next day messages?
If the date went well, I'll text her THE SAME DAY something along the lines of, "It was nice to meet you today Karli :)" or "I had a good time tonight Morgan." After this text, you will KNOW where you stand immediately. She'll either say that she had a good time too, in which case GAME ON, or not say anything, in which case, forget about her. If she replies positively, I set up the next meet the next day. The day after the first date, I'll ping her with something that we talked about during the date. After she responds, I'll invite her out for date 2.

If the first date didn't go well, then it really doesn't matter what you text. The day after the date I'll ping her about something we talked about during the date. If she responds, I'll try to set something up. Odds are very low, since she's already decided she doesn't want to see you again.
 

Seppuku

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Hey Grand Pooba,

Interesting question, it got me looking at the various follow up texts I got in the last year.

I usually don't have the problem, because 95pct of the time the girl will be the first to text me, usually within thirty minutes after first date ended, like "thanks for a wonderful evening". To which I usually respond along the lines of "same here". Depending on the ensuing texting dynamics the next day, I can tell if it was out of politeness or genuine interest to see me again (in the latter case, she will likely initiate again the next day).

If she doesn't text me at all by the next morning, I usually infer that she doesn't want to see me again. What I do, then, is that I text her "incidentally" within two or three days, just to test the mood. If I don't get a good texting dynamic (like it seems that it's me doing all the investment in text), I drop it and focus on another candidate.

Again, it's very rare I don't get the first text from her, even if the date went bad. It could be a cultural thing, most of the girls I date are Asians (real Asians, not first generation westernized Asians).

Franco's strategy "silence until I'm ready" seems very sensible. I like PS's pinging strategy too.

Cheers,
Seppuku
 

Big Daddy

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ProblemSolving said:
Sure, why not? The odds of her wanting to see you again will be low, but at least you know where you stand as soon as possible, so you can move onto the next one without dwelling on a girl whom you'll never see again.

Understand that the girl has already decided if she wants to see you again once the first date has ended. She's either going to be thinking, "I had a really good time, and I hope to see him again" or "Meh, I wasn't really feeling this guy." In either case, her opinion isn't going to change because you texted her sooner rather than later. In fact, the longer you wait, the higher the odds of other distractions in her life taking priority over you. For example, say the girl had a great first date with you and really wanted to see you again, but you waited 4 days to arrange another meet up and in the time an old friend from out of town came to visit for the week. This means she will be not thinking about you for a over a week and the likelihood of seeing her again plummets. Strike while the iron is hot. If she wanted to see you again after the first date, you won't be penalized for setting up another one soon after.
I'm a strong devotee of this mental model.

The advice to ignore her and move on gets thrown around way too easily, in my opinion. Perhaps that happens because most users here are beginners, and that lead people to do it more often...

I'd rather exhaust all my chances with a girl, getting feedback and then moving on than make assumptions without proving them right or wrong.

That said, what/how do you text them if you're unsure if they'll want to see you again?
 

ProblemSolving

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Big Daddy said:
That said, what/how do you text them if you're unsure if they'll want to see you again?
Just ping them with something that you talked about on your first date - it can be anything. Maybe she's a figure skater that talked about jacking up her knee while on your date. I'd hit her with a text the next day, "Hey Karlee, how's the knee today?" If she's wants to see you again, she'll respond positively. When she does, just schedule another date.
 

Rain

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Grand Pooba said:
Franco said:
Os,

Seems logically if you're following a fairly good date it's usually nice to send her a nice text the next day that keeps her warm and smiling. Sometimes people also aim for date compression - propose a new date on the spot.
I actually don't do either of these!

Whether a date goes well or goes poorly, I don't text her again until I'm ready to schedule the next date (which is usually at least 3 days from the end of the first date).

When a date goes really well (which most of mine seem to as it is a strength for me), the girl will usually text me sometime after the first date before she goes to sleep to say that "she had a nice time with me <insert smiley emoticon here>." The great thing about this text is that it is a huge indicator that she wants to see you again, so it makes it easy to eventually transition that into a second meet. (NOTE: I don't attempt to schedule the second meet after she texts me either, though; I'll respond warmly to that text and let her I know I had a good time with her too, then I'll usually still wait a few days to build some mental investment from her before shooting her another message to suggest the second meet)

- Franco
Franco,

That's interesting, I almost never have girls do that to me - text me first. Usually they just don't send anything. I have been sending a next day text the day after and girls almost always reply to that, but it doesn't result in any second date most of the time.

I will adopt your strategy instead - say nothing for 2-3 days until I'm ready for the second set up.
Did your results change when you tried waiting 2-3 days before sending any text after the first date[where you didn't take them home]?
 

Grand Pooba

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Did your results change when you tried waiting 2-3 days before sending any text after the first date[where you didn't take them home]?
Still testing this; it seems like it's best when a girl texts first, but often times the girls have been just as warm in responding after 2-3 days. I usually just text them now on the second day.

But usually, if a girl is attracted to you and you did a good job, she always texts first.
 
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