So the girl in question is the little sister of my friends girlfriend. We met two months ago when she joined us as we were heading out to a night club. While there we talked a bit and later headed to the dancefloor. I could sense right away that she was at least a little bit into me so I moved close to her. After some moments of dancing and tension building up we finally kissed. (Strangely she actually kind of resisted a few times but I persisted.) Shortly after was closing time and as we were leaving the dancefloor I invited her home. She said she can't and asked me to go sit with her and talk about the reasons. So we sat down and she revealed she had a boyfriend and she has been in a relationship with him for about 6 years. But for the last 6 months she had been contemplating a breakup. She also said she felt bad for doing this to me. I said I understand. When we were waiting to get our jackets we kissed passionately some more and then she asked "Should I come over?". I said sure. Outside she started talking to her sister who was with us and to make a long story short she cockblocked me and managed to turn down the idea. So in the end she didn't come back to my place. I think it was probably for the best because now she wouldn't have to worry about feeling bad or guilty later for cheating. Although some might consider even kissing cheating.
I got her phone number and texted the same night something like "I understand your decision. But maybe we can meet again some day if/when your situation is better." She replied "Yeah it would be very nice to meet you again." A few weeks later I texted her again asking if she was planning to go to this event at our town or if she was willing to go with me but she wasn't. So then I just decided to stop wasting my time and I cut contact.
And here we are today 2 months later. We (my friend and his gf) decided to head to the night club again yesterday. Early in the evening as we were hanging out at my friends place, this girl came over too, to my surprise. My friend told me she had broken up with her boyfriend a while ago. But when she arrived she didn't even say "hi" to me and just kind of ignored me. So I thought maybe she just feels embarrassed or regrets kissing me. Or even worse, auto-rejection. And then I thought if that's the case, so be it. But a few alcoholic beverages later she started to open up a bit more and we started talking again at the night club. At one point we were alone, I did some deep diving conversation and then invited her to the dancefloor. There I did the same routine again of letting some tension build and went for the kiss because she was clearly into me again. But here it got a little tricky again. I'll try to remember the conversation:
Her: "I don't know if this is a good idea."
Me: "Why? What are you thinking?"
Her: "I don't want to do this to you again. But if we are gonna do this you must not think that this will lead into anything serious. And I don't want our next encounter to feel awkward if we go ahead with this."
Me: "Who said anything about getting serious? I'm totally cool with that."
Her: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes. Let's go."
Then we headed back to my place which is a 5-10 minute walk from the night club. She then immediately found my movie collection and suggested we put on a movie. I said alright and she picked a horror title. I was quite puzzled and started to run some scenarios in my head as to how this will all play out. I usually just escalate very quickly when bringing a girl to my place but this was a new situation for me. I started the movie and we went to lay on the sofa. After a while I started to realize that this was her case of plausible deniability or something like that and she probably waited for me to make a move and escalate. And I'm glad I did. Then again she reminded me:
Her: "Remember that this is nothing serious and we won't tell about this to anyone."
Whatever. We had 2 rounds of pretty wild sex that night. After that as we were lying on the bed she started to wonder if it was best for her to just leave and go to her sisters place. I persuaded her to stay by telling her I will keep this a secret because that's for the best anyway. We wouldn't have to worry about other peoples opinions. That seemed to be what she wanted to hear so she stayed. The next morning (today) I escorted her halfway back to her sisters apartment (I had to go to another direction). We hugged and agreed that this would stay between us. And:
Me: "Who knows, maybe we'll do this again some day."
Her: "Yeah, you never know."
Me: "Bye."
Her: "Bye."
An hour ago I texted her: (she had about a half hour drive back home)
Me: "Got home?
"
Her: "Yep."
So I just want to understand the situation and that's why I'm asking you, the more experienced ones. What's the deal here? All this talk about not expecting anything serious and keeping things secret. What should I make of all this? Potentially a good thing or just a red flag? What are my best options in keeping her as a casual hookup partner?
We will see each other again next weekend when my friend is hosting a housewarming party. Should I just keep my contact to a minimum? Should I try to escalate again next weekend at the party or just play it totally cool?
Thanks for your time!
I got her phone number and texted the same night something like "I understand your decision. But maybe we can meet again some day if/when your situation is better." She replied "Yeah it would be very nice to meet you again." A few weeks later I texted her again asking if she was planning to go to this event at our town or if she was willing to go with me but she wasn't. So then I just decided to stop wasting my time and I cut contact.
And here we are today 2 months later. We (my friend and his gf) decided to head to the night club again yesterday. Early in the evening as we were hanging out at my friends place, this girl came over too, to my surprise. My friend told me she had broken up with her boyfriend a while ago. But when she arrived she didn't even say "hi" to me and just kind of ignored me. So I thought maybe she just feels embarrassed or regrets kissing me. Or even worse, auto-rejection. And then I thought if that's the case, so be it. But a few alcoholic beverages later she started to open up a bit more and we started talking again at the night club. At one point we were alone, I did some deep diving conversation and then invited her to the dancefloor. There I did the same routine again of letting some tension build and went for the kiss because she was clearly into me again. But here it got a little tricky again. I'll try to remember the conversation:
Her: "I don't know if this is a good idea."
Me: "Why? What are you thinking?"
Her: "I don't want to do this to you again. But if we are gonna do this you must not think that this will lead into anything serious. And I don't want our next encounter to feel awkward if we go ahead with this."
Me: "Who said anything about getting serious? I'm totally cool with that."
Her: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes. Let's go."
Then we headed back to my place which is a 5-10 minute walk from the night club. She then immediately found my movie collection and suggested we put on a movie. I said alright and she picked a horror title. I was quite puzzled and started to run some scenarios in my head as to how this will all play out. I usually just escalate very quickly when bringing a girl to my place but this was a new situation for me. I started the movie and we went to lay on the sofa. After a while I started to realize that this was her case of plausible deniability or something like that and she probably waited for me to make a move and escalate. And I'm glad I did. Then again she reminded me:
Her: "Remember that this is nothing serious and we won't tell about this to anyone."
Whatever. We had 2 rounds of pretty wild sex that night. After that as we were lying on the bed she started to wonder if it was best for her to just leave and go to her sisters place. I persuaded her to stay by telling her I will keep this a secret because that's for the best anyway. We wouldn't have to worry about other peoples opinions. That seemed to be what she wanted to hear so she stayed. The next morning (today) I escorted her halfway back to her sisters apartment (I had to go to another direction). We hugged and agreed that this would stay between us. And:
Me: "Who knows, maybe we'll do this again some day."
Her: "Yeah, you never know."
Me: "Bye."
Her: "Bye."
An hour ago I texted her: (she had about a half hour drive back home)
Me: "Got home?
"Her: "Yep."
So I just want to understand the situation and that's why I'm asking you, the more experienced ones. What's the deal here? All this talk about not expecting anything serious and keeping things secret. What should I make of all this? Potentially a good thing or just a red flag? What are my best options in keeping her as a casual hookup partner?
We will see each other again next weekend when my friend is hosting a housewarming party. Should I just keep my contact to a minimum? Should I try to escalate again next weekend at the party or just play it totally cool?
Thanks for your time!
