Pre-performance anxiety and guilt

[pickupq123]

This is tough to admit, but I'm a 23 year old virgin who has never done anything with a girl, except for a handful of makeouts, fueled by alcohol in my college years.

If any of you have read my other thread ("flakes are real"), I finally mustered up the courage to do the cold approach. While not a lot, I've racked up 12 approaches in total and got around 8 numbers from the approaches. Of the 8, I've gone on dates with 2. Thanks to college, my social circle, and from reading and watching 'pick-up', I feel like my cold approach game is above par. Granted I still have a ton to work on, but I'm starting to have some good fun with these approaches.

Here's my sticking point and the issue that's fucking me up. Due to my sexual inexperience, I can never muster up the courage to pull a girl home. I'm beyond nervous for what's next. What if I'm a bad kisser, bad at fingering. Or even one of my worse fears, what if I can't get hard. Can't perform. In a way, this isn't even performance anxiety. This is pre-performance anxiety. On top of this, I get an INCREDIBLE sense of guilt even thinking about trying to make a move. Almost as if my brain is saying "why are you doing this. you can be at the gym or doing homework, etc." In a way, it's almost like I lose interest in the girl because of my thoughts.

For example, I had a girl in my bed yesterday that clearly liked me, but I was frozen. I'm fine with touching/joking around/cuddling, but freeze up with going beyond that, for reasons explained in the last paragraph. I want to have the mindset "I'm about to rock this girl's night", but it's hard with the inexperience and thoughts that go through my head.

I know I just have to do something and see what happens, but it's so hard when I'm beyond nervous about the outcome. It's easy to tell myself just to not worry about what she thinks and just go for it, but every single time I return to this situation, I'm frozen. And yes, I have read Chase's article about performance with a new girl. I'll give it a re-read to see if it helps, but I want to know... Has anyone every struggled with this, or has previous experience/stories? If so, how did you over come it?

 

[Franky]

hope this helps: http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/h ... ce-anxiety

 

[Smith]

Hey there,

Here's my sticking point and the issue that's fucking me up. Due to my sexual inexperience, I can never muster up the courage to pull a girl home. I'm beyond nervous for what's next. What if I'm a bad kisser, bad at fingering. Or even one of my worse fears, what if I can't get hard. Can't perform. In a way, this isn't even performance anxiety. This is pre-performance anxiety.

I was in your shoes a few months ago, and I was told by a girl who was into me that I was a bad kisser lol. But u know what, she still slept with me afterwards even though I told her I was a virgin. I had no reference point, so I didn't know if our sex was good or not, but we slept together a few more times after that. The thing is you need experience to become good at something. You can't become a good lover in one day.

Have you ever seen a girl who autoreject you because u didn't make a move? well I have, and I always regretted it.
If you're really scared about the outcome then pick a girl you're not that serious with and just try push your comfort zone with her. Get comfortable with the process

On top of this, I get an INCREDIBLE sense of guilt even thinking about trying to make a move. Almost as if my brain is saying "why are you doing this. you can be at the gym or doing homework, etc." In a way, it's almost like I lose interest in the girl because of my thoughts.

Why? because it's fun! don't feel guilty about trying to make a move. You should feel guilty if you didn't!
Girls like to be touched/kissed by men they found attractive. It makes them feel sexy and desired.

Hope this helps.

- smith

 

[pickupq123]

hope this helps: http://www.goodlookingloser.com/entry/h ... ce-anxiety

Funny enough, I found that article a couple days ago. It did help a bit, but clearly wasn't too much help for me two days ago.


Smith, I'm guessing the guilt stems from teen and early adulthood years. If I mentioned the word girl around my family I would get sort of teased for it. Additionally, my friends group was never really the type to get girls/have longterm girlfriends.

Any other insight? I'm going to keep doing cold approaches and try to move on to the next step. I guess every little bit of advice helps for me, especially for this next part.

 

[good looking loser]

Here's my sticking point and the issue that's fucking me up. Due to my sexual inexperience, I can never muster up the courage to pull a girl home. I'm beyond nervous for what's next. What if I'm a bad kisser, bad at fingering. Or even one of my worse fears, what if I can't get hard. Can't perform. In a way, this isn't even performance anxiety. This is pre-performance anxiety. On top of this, I get an INCREDIBLE sense of guilt even thinking about trying to make a move. Almost as if my brain is saying "why are you doing this. you can be at the gym or doing homework, etc." In a way, it's almost like I lose interest in the girl because of my thoughts.

Hey PU123 ---

Listen to me here.

You need to forget about this "pulling" stuff and all this other "player" stuff.

You want to get laid?

Put up some decent photos online and go on some dates with some girls.
(forget this "no dates, I'm a player" stuff)

It might take you 5+ dates to be naked with a girl --- but who cares?
>> you can even tell them you are a virgin on your profile if you want --- if they meet up with you THEY ARE INTERESTED


You'll eventually get comfortable with her and you'll get the job done.

BTW - even though you are at 0 now. most guys your age are at 2 or 3. That's it.

They are nervous as hell with girls too.

You can reach 2-3 by the end of the year if you do as I suggest.

If Chase has an online guide - use that. If not, there's a bunch around the Internet.

 

[Korvager]

Pickupq123

I know I just have to do something and see what happens, but it's so hard when I'm beyond nervous about the outcome.

This has more to do within your mind than your game obviously. What might help you solve this problem is working on your outcome independence. In case you haven't read up on outcome independence, put simply it is working towards something you want/doing something, not getting it or things not going as planned, and being alright with that. Understand that you are going to pull girls home and many of those times you are going to fail. It's going to happen. But each time you've got to keep pushing forward and do what you have to do, regardless of what you're afraid of might happen. And if you do fail, learn from it. There are going to be girls who will think you were bad at something, whether it be kissing or fingering or even sex. Those skills can be improved. But like Smith said, you can't improve at something without doing it in the first place, even if done badly. No one is a master of these things in the beginning.

Just my two cents. Hope this helps.

Zederer

 

[pickupq123]

Dang. Didn't notice this post garnered more responses while I was away.

Thanks for the input guys. The last two girls I met up with I managed to finally ask home, and they both came home with me (granted I met them through Tinder, but even so, I'm getting practice in with dates and asking a girl home). Still haven't managed to lose the v-card, but I'm hoping to do so soon, after I finish work within a week.

My ULTIMATE goal is just to be able to cold approach without anti-anxiety meds. I want 100% social freedom. That is my reason for doing this. It kills me inside when I go out solo to pick up food, see 3-5 gorgeous girls, and feel my anxiety spike up at just the thought of sparking a conversion. I just want a year from now to be smiling, knowing that I can go out, talk to anyone, get rejected, get accepted, whatever. I'll keep trying... Thanks again everyone.