I meet her in front of a bus stop as the girl I wanted to talk to just entered a KFC: I barely wanted go for her. But I go for it.
I had other thoughts on how to spend the day by myself but she was just looking for a slight push when I proposed to go for a coffe, so I walked her to a gay bar near my area (I live in a famous gay neighborhood).
On the way I talk about the bar and the district a bit and she asks if I was "one of the stars there", which suggests me she might think I'm gay. I usually take it as a compliment, gay guys have good style and many girls dreaming of a gay friend, deep down would like to fuck those gay friends.
I always wanted to have sex with a girl whom thought I was gay, so I decide to leave my sexuality shrouded in mystery with slight hints at possibly being gay.
AT THE GAY BAR
As we sit and I get to know her well, she opens up a lot and I start liking her.
When she says she likes tall guys I'm fearing I'm going the friend way. The gay friend way, to be precise -while I like a lot asking women about their taste, her volunteering that with me being very short is not a terribly good sign-.
As we're talking about preferences I ask her what she thinks about me. I opened a post some time ago on how I was using this question to tease out from girls some compliments in place of chase frames.
The inherent weakness of course if she doesn't like you and doesn't have much positive to say. This is the first time it happens to me and it fully backfires.
Biiiig time backfiring.
She prefaces it by saying "is it ok if I'm honest". Oh shit... LOL, now it's too late so I say of course. She says I should eat more as I'm too thin. If she were my mother, she would be a bit worried.
Fuck.
My little bitch ego hurts a lot here.
I'd have never imagined thin would be something I could get offended at: being thin has always been a pride for me.
My "slim fit pride" has taken me too far probably.
A friend of mine said exactly the same, that "just when you'd thought you couldn't get thinner, you did", he said.
Already quite thin, I lost a further few KGs while traveling and I haven't gained any weight yet. And I'm actually avoiding fats and sugars in an effort to eat healthy, with stuff like completely cutting out the sweets I loved and making a smallish bowl of cereal with low-fat yoghurt mixed with porridge because just cereals it'd be too sugary otherwise.
Well, good wake up call I suppose.
MOVING AT HOME
I move her to my house anyway.
On the way she says she's a bit scared, which probably puts me in a mindset to delay my first move a bit too long. I don't think that was the main issue here, but while I sometimes go for it on the elevator, right inside or as soon as we sit on the couch, this time I wait a bit too long.
I kiss her on the neck and she slightly pushes back, though I'm still kissing her.
She says it's like being kissed by a cute puppet.
Damn.
I've heard that "cutsy" stuff before, but it was often from girls I either later fucked or I was fucking already, so it was ok and I often took it as a compliment actually.
But this time, from a girl spurning my advances who "likes tall guys", who would be worried if she was my mom and thinking I was possibly gay, well... This time it actually hurts my little bitch ego.
Talking about the gay issue... She says "you must be successful with.. Other girls or probably guys, because I connect well and.. " and some other non-really sexual BS which is like twisting the knife in the wound further, as it's like saying "other may like you... Not me though, and Probably those others are actually guys"
She opens up a bit more about her sexual history, and that hurts further: here it is a girl whom I would have liked to fuck, NOT interested in me sexually, telling me stories of other guys as if I were her gay friend.
After spurning a few more neck kisses and she was about to walk out I go for broke and tell her to stay a bit longer and lay on the bed as she's got nothing to fear: I'm gay.
We did move on the bed but I don't think that helped in any way: she was already not attracted, and "coming out" put me even further outside lover role, if that was even possible, that is.
AT THE BUS STOP
I would later walk her to the bus, and wanna hear the last bit, the final nail in this idiot's coffin?
As we sit waiting for her bus she utters "you will meet some nice guy".
LOL.
Fuck my life guys
.
I would later roam the streets and get a couple of numbers just to get me out of that funk -solid interactions actually, my mood was very much like "a bitch just left me thinking I was gay... Dare to think the same too, bitch?"
Part of me feels beaten down and emasculated, angry and furious. I wanted to kick things around and even "get back at her" (while knowing, of course, it was all my fault).
Another part of me is actually happy: a nice wake up call. And most of all, characters are forged and men are born in your worst moments.
LESSONS LEARNED
-Just when you think you're at some not so bad level there it comes the broadside hit. Good, I deserve it.
-Improve psychological resiliency and look more at the positives: in spite of the many blows in the end I still took home and kissed a girl whom didn't really like me and gave her, as per own admission, a great day
-I hate wasting time and do "dates" with girls who are not sexually interested: learn to sexualize and gauge her interest before even proposing a coffe.
-For the life of me, no more "I'm gay game" UNLESS I'm escalating heavily and/or she's clearly into me -I still wanna get that lay when she thought I was gay-. Otherwise it's the highway ticket to "gay friend"
-Read and reconsider what "eating healthy" means, at least for thin guys cutting fats maybe is not the way to go (eating a full bowl of cereal and nuts without porridge just as a write
I had other thoughts on how to spend the day by myself but she was just looking for a slight push when I proposed to go for a coffe, so I walked her to a gay bar near my area (I live in a famous gay neighborhood).
On the way I talk about the bar and the district a bit and she asks if I was "one of the stars there", which suggests me she might think I'm gay. I usually take it as a compliment, gay guys have good style and many girls dreaming of a gay friend, deep down would like to fuck those gay friends.
I always wanted to have sex with a girl whom thought I was gay, so I decide to leave my sexuality shrouded in mystery with slight hints at possibly being gay.
AT THE GAY BAR
As we sit and I get to know her well, she opens up a lot and I start liking her.
When she says she likes tall guys I'm fearing I'm going the friend way. The gay friend way, to be precise -while I like a lot asking women about their taste, her volunteering that with me being very short is not a terribly good sign-.
As we're talking about preferences I ask her what she thinks about me. I opened a post some time ago on how I was using this question to tease out from girls some compliments in place of chase frames.
The inherent weakness of course if she doesn't like you and doesn't have much positive to say. This is the first time it happens to me and it fully backfires.
Biiiig time backfiring.
She prefaces it by saying "is it ok if I'm honest". Oh shit... LOL, now it's too late so I say of course. She says I should eat more as I'm too thin. If she were my mother, she would be a bit worried.
Fuck.
My little bitch ego hurts a lot here.
I'd have never imagined thin would be something I could get offended at: being thin has always been a pride for me.
My "slim fit pride" has taken me too far probably.
A friend of mine said exactly the same, that "just when you'd thought you couldn't get thinner, you did", he said.
Already quite thin, I lost a further few KGs while traveling and I haven't gained any weight yet. And I'm actually avoiding fats and sugars in an effort to eat healthy, with stuff like completely cutting out the sweets I loved and making a smallish bowl of cereal with low-fat yoghurt mixed with porridge because just cereals it'd be too sugary otherwise.
Well, good wake up call I suppose.
MOVING AT HOME
I move her to my house anyway.
On the way she says she's a bit scared, which probably puts me in a mindset to delay my first move a bit too long. I don't think that was the main issue here, but while I sometimes go for it on the elevator, right inside or as soon as we sit on the couch, this time I wait a bit too long.
I kiss her on the neck and she slightly pushes back, though I'm still kissing her.
She says it's like being kissed by a cute puppet.
Damn.
I've heard that "cutsy" stuff before, but it was often from girls I either later fucked or I was fucking already, so it was ok and I often took it as a compliment actually.
But this time, from a girl spurning my advances who "likes tall guys", who would be worried if she was my mom and thinking I was possibly gay, well... This time it actually hurts my little bitch ego.
Talking about the gay issue... She says "you must be successful with.. Other girls or probably guys, because I connect well and.. " and some other non-really sexual BS which is like twisting the knife in the wound further, as it's like saying "other may like you... Not me though, and Probably those others are actually guys"
She opens up a bit more about her sexual history, and that hurts further: here it is a girl whom I would have liked to fuck, NOT interested in me sexually, telling me stories of other guys as if I were her gay friend.
After spurning a few more neck kisses and she was about to walk out I go for broke and tell her to stay a bit longer and lay on the bed as she's got nothing to fear: I'm gay.
We did move on the bed but I don't think that helped in any way: she was already not attracted, and "coming out" put me even further outside lover role, if that was even possible, that is.
AT THE BUS STOP
I would later walk her to the bus, and wanna hear the last bit, the final nail in this idiot's coffin?
As we sit waiting for her bus she utters "you will meet some nice guy".
LOL.
Fuck my life guys
.I would later roam the streets and get a couple of numbers just to get me out of that funk -solid interactions actually, my mood was very much like "a bitch just left me thinking I was gay... Dare to think the same too, bitch?"
Part of me feels beaten down and emasculated, angry and furious. I wanted to kick things around and even "get back at her" (while knowing, of course, it was all my fault).
Another part of me is actually happy: a nice wake up call. And most of all, characters are forged and men are born in your worst moments.
LESSONS LEARNED
-Just when you think you're at some not so bad level there it comes the broadside hit. Good, I deserve it.
-Improve psychological resiliency and look more at the positives: in spite of the many blows in the end I still took home and kissed a girl whom didn't really like me and gave her, as per own admission, a great day
-I hate wasting time and do "dates" with girls who are not sexually interested: learn to sexualize and gauge her interest before even proposing a coffe.
-For the life of me, no more "I'm gay game" UNLESS I'm escalating heavily and/or she's clearly into me -I still wanna get that lay when she thought I was gay-. Otherwise it's the highway ticket to "gay friend"
-Read and reconsider what "eating healthy" means, at least for thin guys cutting fats maybe is not the way to go (eating a full bowl of cereal and nuts without porridge just as a write
