Proper Way to Respond to Challenge

[Desert Eagle]

Hi everybody,

Im checking in to make sure that Im handling this situation correctly.

Long story short, this girl I met a few days ago that's been showing some IOIs and been playful with me texted me asking how my sore ankle was doing.

Her: Hey, hows your ankle?

I didnt think much of it. I was aiming to build rapport, so I gave a warm reply,

Me: Good enough. Kind of you to ask

Then 8 hours later out of nowhere she says,

Her: Just checking. No funny business

Now, Im cool and calm. I know this is nothing more than a challenge. I rarely have to deal with these through text and I just wanted to make sure my response was calibrated.

Because its direct I wont go and ignore her. I decide to dismiss it and say,

Me: Being kind ain't funny business

I hate getting challenged over text. It feels like Im cornered in a weird type of way because it doesnt go along with a normal flow of conversation. Also feels like theres a lot of barriers in understanding what exactly each person is saying or feeling because there isnt any body language, so I dont 100% know what shes really appearing to feel. I hope this dismissal stops her from sending out these text challenges.

 

[Desert Eagle]

Well. It didn't turn out so hot.

After the previous text, she repeats herself,

Her: I'm telling you to not do somethind dumb
Me: Oh. I think you overthought what I meant. We cool.
Her: Are you high
Me: Nope

Can someone tell me just what went wrong? It's not like I was threatening her social status in any way. I feel like the only mistake I made was not communicating what I meant in a way that she'd understand (which I obviously can't always know what she will and won't understand). She doesn't understand, thus is belligerent. I'm going to have to set her straight next time I see her.

Lesson to learn from this is that I probably should not respond to challenges over text. Even if it means saying a simple, "Okay." in response to her ridiculous frame that I was about to make a move on her.

 

[Drck]

There is this cute girl and she meets a guy. She likes him, so she's thinking: I've already showed him some IOIs and I was playful with him, so why don't I send him a message, that way he can see that I am interested? I don't know much about him so I have nothing to lose, but lets find out if he's interested in having some fun. So there she goes: "Hey, hows your ankle?"


A: He is ASSUMING CHALLENGE:

* She: "Hey, hows your ankle?"
* He is thinking: Why is this girl sending me a text? It must be a challenge. I have to remain cool and calm so I don't fail her challenge. I need to calibrate my response so everything is the right way. But it is too direct, should I just ignore her? Maybe if I ignore her I will pass her challenge
* He then texts: "Good enough. Kind of you to ask "
* She is thinking: That is it? No fun? Why not, doesn't he like me? I don't know, but this guy doesn't seem not much fun, maybe I shouldn't expect too much fun with him... Just confusing...
* So she texts 8 h later: "Just checking. No funny business".
* He texts: "Being kind ain't funny business"
* And he is thinking: I hate these challenges. She cornered me into some weird response. There is just no normal flow of conversation. There is a lot of barriers in understanding what exactly each person is saying. I hope that she will stop sending me those kind of messages, but at least I didn't fail the challenge...
* She is thinking: Did he just tell me that he doesn't want to have fun, that he is just being kind?. That he doesn't like me? It is just so confusing...
* So she texts: "I'm telling you not to do something dumb" and she is thinking: Just sit home then and don't do something dumb - like asking a girl out...
* He: "Oh, I think you over-thought what I meant. We cool"
* She is thinking: What is he talking about? I only sent him a message to find out if he wants to have some fun! Why would I over-think it? I just have no clue what is this guy talking about!
* So she texts: "Are you high?"


Guy B: He is ASSUMING ATTRACTION:

* She texts: "Hey, hows your ankle?"
* He is thinking: Damn! This girl must really like me! She already showed me some IOIs and she was playful with me, and now she is even texting me. How exciting! I don't really want to keep texting too long because I can't see her and can't read her body language, so lets remove those barriers right now. Lets challenge this girl, see if she is up to having some fun! Wait, I should really type some calibrated and smart text. Eh, the hell with it. If she likes me she will do what I want anyway, and I want to meet her. Screw being cool and calm, lets show her some excitement!
* So he texts: "Its good enough, though a good massage would make me feel much better. Hey, why don't we grab a coffee tomorrow?"
* She is thinking: Whoa! Hold your horses guy, I only asked how is your ankle! Don't read anything into it! I'm not giving you any massages! Yet. But I must admit, massage really feels good. Massage is physical, a lot of touching is involved. Touching feels good, all that relaxation feels great. Maybe I should get a massage too. I like this guy, he is moving things forward, instead of weird texting back and forward he is asking me out right away. There could be some actions with this guy, how exciting! I am very attracted to guys who show some actions! Why wouldn't I want to get a coffee? I would!
* So she text: "Sorry, I can't tomorrow, but next day might be fine"
* He texts: "Excellent! I'll meet you at XYZ at X o'clock!" and he is thinking: Lets see if she's up to my challenge, if she is really interested she will show up!
* She is thinking: This guy is something! He already set up a place and time, he's really moving things forward. He doesn't hesitate at all. I like his challenge. If I go out with him I'll meet his challenge, if not I fail the challenge. I don't like failing, I don't want to just sit home and do nothing!

 

[Desert Eagle]

I assumed attraction after the first text. I wanted to build rapport and comfort, not ask her out on a date. I was never intent on asking this girl out. I only wanted to keep her as a friend.

She assumed I was attracted based off me saying it was kind that she asked. She was just checking in on my ankle because I hurt it, and didn't want me to take that as a sign of interest which is why she said "no funny business" and "don't do anything dumb" after my warm response back.

For anyone else reading, how should I respond to a girl telling me not to make any moves on her even though I was intent on keeping her as a friend in the first place?

 

[NarrowJ]

DE,

I see the sub-communication here a bit differently than Drck did. I don't think you felt challenged by the initial text message. It was only when she sent you the ambiguous "No funny business" message that you felt challenged by. That text could have meant two things:

1) Don't be going around doing anything silly to re-injure your ankle, or;
2) Hey guy, just texting you to see how your ankle is... don't be thinking I want to suck your dick or something.

Then, after you assumed it was #2 she clearly states it was #1 instead. Ouch.

Anyway, all that said I wouldn't be worried about this at all if you just like her as a friend. Seriously, who cares! I don't even have platonic girlfriends that I give two shits about to be texting them about my ankle injury anyway. Platonic girl doesn't even get my phone number. Waste of time, unless she's going to wing me at the club or something.

I wouldn't have responded to "No funny business" with anything meaningful whatsoever. So to answer your question, here's how I would've responded to her: I probably would've shot back a quick "Lol ok" which would've effectively ended the conversation, and then used my time to text and think about girls that I'm actually trying to bang

J.J.

 

[Desert Eagle]

1) Don't be going around doing anything silly to re-injure your ankle, or;
2) Hey guy, just texting you to see how your ankle is... don't be thinking I want to suck your dick or something.

Then, after you assumed it was #2 she clearly states it was #1 instead. Ouch.

Well I feel like a retard now. Thanks for clearing things up NarrowJ. I'll probably make an off-hand comment like, "XYZ told me not to do something dumb and hurt my ankle again." next time we're in social circle together to try and clarify that in the end we figured out what she meant.

Platonic girl doesn't even get my phone number.

Another girl gave it to her haha. I think me saying she was just a friend came from thinking that she was dissing me over text, but now she might have a chance.

Thanks for all your help, I'll keep those texting tips in mind