First off, it suggests that there’s an awful lot of subterfuge going on. Of course, adapting behavior to separate public and private spheres is common to both sexes, but this man seems to want us to believe that women are operating on a whole other level of dissimulation, without giving much in the way of explanation.
The problem he seems to be addressing is where guys screw up their relationships by treating women at face value and thinking all they want in the bedroom is cuddles and sugar coated kisses. Sure they want that, but a lot of times they want something much more dirty. I suggest you look up the statistics on women's fantasies, but to give you an idea, pretty much all women really truly love the following during sex:
- Have their hair pulled
- Get pounded really hard
- Have their ass smacked/squeezed
- Be called dirty things
and very often (probably a majority) love to get physically dominated, tied up, blindfolded, and the list goes on - once they know and trust a guy well enough (not for first date sex unless she's really freaky!).
The problem is that the average dude only knows what he's seen in the movies, where he sits outside her window for weeks holding a bunch of flowers, until one day she takes pity on him, they date for years without sex, and then one day they decide they might as well do the deed, and so they engage in socially approved missionary sex with a choir singing in the background, and live happily ever after.
This is not what a woman needs from a man. She wants to feel his primal energy inside her, she wants to 'tame the beast' so to speak, to bring out his strength and virility and capture it, to be the object of his intense attention, thereby having him for herself. And when she doesn't get that experience, and she really wants it, well, the relationship starts heading for the rocks.
What also trips up so many dudes is they think "I wouldn't like to have XYZ done to me" and assume women are the same, when the reality is that nature created polar opposites, so that a man would enjoy dominance and a woman would enjoy submission, and obviously this means they fit together perfectly.
Second, and more worryingly, taken at face value it would imply that I (and possibly others) having been missing out on some good times all these years.
This is the reality that we all either come to realize, or continue to blunder in blissful ignorance.
Long ago I remember reading a very thought-provoking article by Chase entitled
Your Mental Model Is Flawed. If this video’s message is even remotely true, my mental model must be very flawed indeed. I’d imagined that people were a lot more … sincere I guess?
It's not about being sincere or not. The thing is that there is a difference in the way that people judge others in public compared to how they judge either themselves or their intimate partners in private. So naturally women learn to behave one way in public and another way in private.
It's just the way that the social fabric works, and I believe it's perfectly natural for it to be this way.
