I think I was too overconfident in this one and f'd it up. Girl decides to travel 2 hrs to see me and I try to pull too soon! Wonder what the best thing to do would have been.
I wanted to setup a date with another girl I was talking to as well, so I wanted to be quick. I was confident she was fairly into me, and she seemed to be not a huge texter, so I called her the next evening, she didn't pick up. She called me back a few hours later and we had a great conversation as well. Turns out she's been swamped with work. We talk about meeting in the weekend and she just tells me to decide which day she could come and to text me the address. I still hadn't set up the date with the other girl and kept her hanging. Finally the next day, I set up the date with the other girl and text her the day to come. I thought its best to meet outside to build some rapport, so didn't text her my address and asked her to meet me at the station (not sure if this was the right move)
Its not very deep though, and superficial. I tried to take control of the conversation a bit more, getting to more personal topics. But she has a tendency to go one tangents and back to lighter topics. Anyway, we talk about family, a bit of childhood and growing up, etc. I could have gotten into deeper topics like her dreams and ambitions, but I was not liking the vibe that much and was getting a bit annoyed. OTOH, from some of the topics I could see that she's putting me into boyfriend territory. Either that or she's conservative and that's her default state.
Its already 2 hours in, and since she lives 2 hrs away, her last train home is in a few hours. I ask if she wants to walk and she complies. We leave the cafe and I start walking in the general direction of my place. She's talking a lot, and I'm bored, just saying enough to keep it up. We stop at a beautiful viewpoint close to my house. I've not toucher her much till now, except guiding her by the small of the back a few times. I show her how cold my hands are and hold hands for a bit. After sometime we keep on walking.
I ask her about how dating has been for her, and she starts talking but skirts the topic, going on a tangent again. I then calmly said "you're talking about everything except what I asked!".
Finally she talks. She's not dated much, being raised by conservative parents. Had a few relationships but didn't last long. She wants an intelligent man but hasn't found the one. She has on and off mentioned that I'm smart and she loves talking to me. I'm firmly in the long-term evaluation category.
I've been caressing her shoulders as we speak and holding her hand. Talk about my dating life a bit vaguely and say that after a last long relationship I've been dating around and happy with it. I will go for a long term thing maybe someday, if I really feel a connection.
Vibe is different now and she's asking me about my views and ideas about things. We have a lull in the conversation and I pull her in for a kiss. She acts demure and gives me her cheek, smiling and saying "noo, not on the first date!". I laugh: "really?"
We keep on talking and after a while I try to kiss her again, she lets me peck her lips and pulls away saying "noo". I can feel its a game, her acting demure. Very Asian. Reminds me of Indian girls.
This goes on for sometime, me being the pursuer and her acting coy. This is actually turning me on more. At some point I pull her onto my lap. She's all mock surprise "what are you doing?!" and I smirk and say "now we can see each other better!" and kiss her.
She doesn't let me go further than the peck. But the vibe is more sexual and intimate. I chill a bit and I'm like
I'm kinda thinking this might be a hard boundary for her (she's around my age, seems to know what she wants. She also mentioned that she had gone with the flow a few times but not anymore). She also mentioned at some other point that she needed to be made to feel special.
Anyway, the vibe is still good and we're talking about sex. I say that I like how playful she is. She admits she's down for anything as long as she is comfortable. Somehow we're back playfighting and kissing and I go on top of her, kissing her. She playfully resists, smiles and says "maybe its time for my train". I smile and immediately get up, saying "sure!"
She goes to the toilet and when she's back, hugs me from behind and then we're at it again lol. I suppose my non-neediness helped.
But I realize this is not going anywhere and her last train is actually gonna be soon. So I stop the charade saying that I need to make sure she's getting her train home.
I call her the next day while in a funky mood coz my phone was lost (using a friend's phone). We talk, all good vibes and she jokes around. After a while I ask her to meet me the next day. She says sure and asks what we would do. I was like "let's chill at my place, and this time I'll cook and we'll not go hungry for a change" (we didn't do dinner last time and had joked about it on text).
She says "can't we go do something exciting? Let's go to the capital. Doing fun things is also nice way to get to know each other". I could sense that she's hesitating coming to my place. She's putting on the brakes now and wants to slow things down. Already in a funky mood, I feel annoyed and say: "that'll take more time. I have some things to do in the afternoon, so unfortunately its not possible this weekend. It would be nice if you come and we chill". She was hemming and hawing and I said "ok, we could do something else another weekend then, so let's see each other then.".
She says "ok, let's see each other another time then, and we'll do what you think is best". We said byes in good terms.
The thing is I was pretty annoyed with her putting the brakes on like that. Having been a proper nice guy at some point and letting women set the pace, I get pissed if this happens now.
She texts me the next day saying she thought about us and she's not into hookups. It would be best if we don't see each other, and wishes me good luck. I reply saying "no worries" and wish her luck.
Approach
Was walking with a few buddies in the capital city and I see this girl walking fast on the other side of the street. Cute Asian with a cool coat. I cross the street behind her, walk up to her, pass her slightly and open across the shoulder, with high energy, slight smile, nonchalance (I get the best reactions when I get this combo right):Girl loves it, super happy and we talk. Don't remember exactly what, but it was an easy conversation, she's fairly extraverted and had a good vibe. Teased her here and there, cold read about what kind of places she would like to visit one day, and generally had a fun conversation. Also managed to get an us-and-them vibe going. I said I had to go back to my friends but we have to continue this another time. Seeded a date for the next weekend (didn't set the specific day) and exchanged numbers. Perfect!
Texting
I texted her, opening with a callback-humor tease, calling her a strict teacher (she is a teacher in a school for kids). She actually took 2 days to reply but replied with high investment and energy. I reply back and again its been a day.I wanted to setup a date with another girl I was talking to as well, so I wanted to be quick. I was confident she was fairly into me, and she seemed to be not a huge texter, so I called her the next evening, she didn't pick up. She called me back a few hours later and we had a great conversation as well. Turns out she's been swamped with work. We talk about meeting in the weekend and she just tells me to decide which day she could come and to text me the address. I still hadn't set up the date with the other girl and kept her hanging. Finally the next day, I set up the date with the other girl and text her the day to come. I thought its best to meet outside to build some rapport, so didn't text her my address and asked her to meet me at the station (not sure if this was the right move)
Date
She turns up looking even better. Good vibes from the start. We take a walk around the city, I'm showing her around, and then stop at a cafe. I wanted a quiet spot but it was good weather and it was hella busy. She orders a tea and I do the same (turns out she's health conscious, does yoga, rarely drinks). We talk about a lot of stuff, but she's really a talker!! In one way, it was chill for me, and I could just listen and only talk when needed.Its not very deep though, and superficial. I tried to take control of the conversation a bit more, getting to more personal topics. But she has a tendency to go one tangents and back to lighter topics. Anyway, we talk about family, a bit of childhood and growing up, etc. I could have gotten into deeper topics like her dreams and ambitions, but I was not liking the vibe that much and was getting a bit annoyed. OTOH, from some of the topics I could see that she's putting me into boyfriend territory. Either that or she's conservative and that's her default state.
Its already 2 hours in, and since she lives 2 hrs away, her last train home is in a few hours. I ask if she wants to walk and she complies. We leave the cafe and I start walking in the general direction of my place. She's talking a lot, and I'm bored, just saying enough to keep it up. We stop at a beautiful viewpoint close to my house. I've not toucher her much till now, except guiding her by the small of the back a few times. I show her how cold my hands are and hold hands for a bit. After sometime we keep on walking.
Pull
I really wanted to try pulling a girl without even mentioning it and decided to do it this time. We keep on talking and walking and I basically lead her to my house. She realizes after I open the door and go inside lol, and follows me in. Feel pretty happy at this point to have pulled this offShe seemed nervous for a second but regained her composure (she's around my age and fairly confident). I did a tour around the place to make her comfortable and put on some more tea.HB: This is your place?
DJ: Yes
HB: I didn't even realize haha
DJ: Hahaha yeah I guess you were too busy talking.
HB: Yes I'm like a horse sometimes, can't see what's happening around
Escalation
We're sitting on the couch and talking. She's going a mile-a-minute as usual. I'm trying to change the vibe, taking her hand and bringing her closer. She complies without hesitation. I now have my arm around her. Keep on talking.I ask her about how dating has been for her, and she starts talking but skirts the topic, going on a tangent again. I then calmly said "you're talking about everything except what I asked!".
Finally she talks. She's not dated much, being raised by conservative parents. Had a few relationships but didn't last long. She wants an intelligent man but hasn't found the one. She has on and off mentioned that I'm smart and she loves talking to me. I'm firmly in the long-term evaluation category.
I've been caressing her shoulders as we speak and holding her hand. Talk about my dating life a bit vaguely and say that after a last long relationship I've been dating around and happy with it. I will go for a long term thing maybe someday, if I really feel a connection.
Vibe is different now and she's asking me about my views and ideas about things. We have a lull in the conversation and I pull her in for a kiss. She acts demure and gives me her cheek, smiling and saying "noo, not on the first date!". I laugh: "really?"
We keep on talking and after a while I try to kiss her again, she lets me peck her lips and pulls away saying "noo". I can feel its a game, her acting demure. Very Asian. Reminds me of Indian girls.
This goes on for sometime, me being the pursuer and her acting coy. This is actually turning me on more. At some point I pull her onto my lap. She's all mock surprise "what are you doing?!" and I smirk and say "now we can see each other better!" and kiss her.
She doesn't let me go further than the peck. But the vibe is more sexual and intimate. I chill a bit and I'm like
She agrees and says she might have to eventually change her ideas someday.
I'm kinda thinking this might be a hard boundary for her (she's around my age, seems to know what she wants. She also mentioned that she had gone with the flow a few times but not anymore). She also mentioned at some other point that she needed to be made to feel special.
Anyway, the vibe is still good and we're talking about sex. I say that I like how playful she is. She admits she's down for anything as long as she is comfortable. Somehow we're back playfighting and kissing and I go on top of her, kissing her. She playfully resists, smiles and says "maybe its time for my train". I smile and immediately get up, saying "sure!"
She goes to the toilet and when she's back, hugs me from behind and then we're at it again lol. I suppose my non-neediness helped.
But I realize this is not going anywhere and her last train is actually gonna be soon. So I stop the charade saying that I need to make sure she's getting her train home.
Seeing her off
I walk her back. She's pretty happy and giddy at this point, taking my arm by herself. The vibe is pretty decent. No sign that this is ending. Before catching the train she says emphatically says "see you again soon". From the train she texts me as well.Asking her out again
A few days pass and my last text hasn't been replied to. No biggie, considering her previous behavior. I call her one day, doesn't pick up. She calls me the next day and I'm busy, don't pick up.I call her the next day while in a funky mood coz my phone was lost (using a friend's phone). We talk, all good vibes and she jokes around. After a while I ask her to meet me the next day. She says sure and asks what we would do. I was like "let's chill at my place, and this time I'll cook and we'll not go hungry for a change" (we didn't do dinner last time and had joked about it on text).
She says "can't we go do something exciting? Let's go to the capital. Doing fun things is also nice way to get to know each other". I could sense that she's hesitating coming to my place. She's putting on the brakes now and wants to slow things down. Already in a funky mood, I feel annoyed and say: "that'll take more time. I have some things to do in the afternoon, so unfortunately its not possible this weekend. It would be nice if you come and we chill". She was hemming and hawing and I said "ok, we could do something else another weekend then, so let's see each other then.".
She says "ok, let's see each other another time then, and we'll do what you think is best". We said byes in good terms.
The thing is I was pretty annoyed with her putting the brakes on like that. Having been a proper nice guy at some point and letting women set the pace, I get pissed if this happens now.
She texts me the next day saying she thought about us and she's not into hookups. It would be best if we don't see each other, and wishes me good luck. I reply saying "no worries" and wish her luck.
Takeaways
- Don't call a girl when you're in a funky mood!
- I know I went a bit too hard and screwed my attainability. She didn't feel special. The thing is I felt sexually attracted to her but didn't feel much romance, maybe due to the vibe of the conversation most of the time. Whenever that happens, it shows. She's a cool and smart girl though. Vibes didn't match somehow
- Maybe I should have just let it be a chill day 1 and ask her home on the second day? Would have been natural, would be fine by her rules, but still would have been on my terms.
- Thing is she initially wanted to know my address directly and was enthusiastic coming all the way to see me, which made me think she was down. Could I have pulled it off with escalating earlier in the date?
- We also had a time crunch. Maybe I could have made it happen if we had more time
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