Quasi Long Distance Relationship

Atlas

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 9, 2013
Messages
119
Hey studs, I have an area that I am concerned about that I am not well versed with and I'm hoping someone can give me some direction. I'm starting a kinda long distance relationship with a girl and I don't really know how to work this. So I started seeing this beautiful girl about 4 months ago. We went on a few dates and had sex within the first 3 weeks, but then I had to go away for a month and a half in which I didn't have the ability to communicate with her often. I came back and we went on more dates and it was amazing but we weren't anything "official". I just had to leave again for a multitude of months, but have the ability to see her every 3ish weeks or so. I can tell she definitely cares for me but I feel like being so far away has negatively impacted our "relationship". How do I tell her that I would like to be able to see her as frequently as possible and that I want to continue what we have going on without seeming like a bitch? I was thinking of shooting her a call and saying something to the effect of:

"Hey I need you to do me a favor... I need you to be transparent with me. I really care about you and what we have, and I know that me being away isn't easy, but I want to be able continue this even though I'm so far away." and then give her a sort of plan about when I would be able to see her so that she could take off of work. Just a side note, I am a little concerned that I'm more invested in this relationship than she is, but only slightly so. Any advice is appreciated, thanks boys.

-Atlas
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 24, 2019
Messages
326
Before I chime in here, do you want this relationship to be exclusive?
 

JacobPalmer

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jun 24, 2019
Messages
326
I would personally have this conversation in person then, if you're going to have it at all. It seems like she likes you, but if you're feeling that you're more invested in it than she is....well then you probably are.

So my advice is to first find out what she wants out of this relationship between the two of you. Say something like:

"Hey, so I want to ask you, what are you wanting from all this and with us? The reason I'm asking is because sometimes, with people who I've previously been with, I haven't always been the best communicator with this sort of thing."

If she says she wants a relationship then you're fine, just thank her for being so understanding with you being away and that you really appreciate that, and you do care for her, and that you being away for so long won't be forever.

If she says she doesn't know....then you'll have to drop that convo unfortunately (as that is an answer in itself). Or tell her that if she doesn't know then the two of you should take a break and explore other options, because she's obviously unsure about you.

If she says she's just going with the flow/something casual, just try to keep it like that for now, you don't want to pressure her into a relationship. but still say you appreciate her being understanding while you're away.

AND ABOVE ALL - you have to come at this in a super confident relaxed way, like you're bringing it up off the cuff. Not like you've been thinking about this for a while.
 

Atlas

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 9, 2013
Messages
119
Hey Jacob, your rank betrays you; you give great advice for someone with a grey avatar ;). Anyways, I would much rather have this conversation in person, but it isn't really an option in my case. If I were to have it, then it would be in a few weeks, and I'm trying to set a precedent. It really just comes to me being decisive and wanting to take charge of this situation, for the sake of both of our sanities (mine and the girls' that is). You do lay out some realistic and thoughtful options that I fit well with the situations. If she says she isn't 100% interested in a relationship, then there's no way I'm going to try to cajole or beg her into one. Not only would that be weak, it would also be ineffective. Unfortunately I did just shoot her a text saying that I wanted to talk to her about something tomorrow if she had some free time. I felt like not only was that a bad move because you advised against it, but almost because it's making too much of a big deal about it. I think I'll try to play it off like I just thought of it today, but since I knew she was busy I decided to shoot her a call tomorrow. Definitely going to be relaxed about it though. Thanks again, talking this over with someone else really helped.
 
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